- I have a spot on my lip
- I lost a document I spent half of yesterday working on. Almost had a wee cry in the toilet
- I've eaten a small biscuit
- One of my clients makes me want to punch my own face off
- I've just had a huge project brought forward by 3 months
- I can't see how I'll have lost any weight tomorrow
- My back is very sore
- We need to push on with designing our wedding invitations. Soul destroying
I'm on a lifelong mission to ditch the lard. Stones away from my heaviest, I'm closing in on my pre-pregnancy weight. Next up, my wedding weight! Onwards!
Wednesday, 29 January 2014
Pig of a day
I am not having a great day.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
The ego has landed
Hey you guys! So, um... how bloody lovely were about the pics of me in my dresses? SO bloody lovely!
I did indeed end up wearing the purple dress and I felt great it in. TB was so complimentary all night to me - as were quite a lot of other people who asked if I had lost weight and said how great I was looking. Such a great feeling. So thanks for being so kind. I really appreciated it.
Something I have notices is that I can wear heels for longer and my feet aren't as sore. I suppose there's a stone and a half less weight on them which has got to help! My feet were killing me by the end of the night but previously I wouldn't have lasted longer than 10 minutes. My bunions (yes, I know - really attractive chat) didn't hurt at all. Wearing heels, that is unheard of!
In addition to working the heels and feeling good, the weekend was great fun all round and oh my god, how useful was it to go to someone's wedding and properly notice all the things that need to be done? Very useful. It was also a very boozy weekend and the foodie challenges were all too prevalent. I think I did okay...
Friday at the dinner dance I ignored the bread and only picked at the pudding. I did drink a LOT of wine though. Saturday breakfast, I had scrambled eggs and a slice of toast and lunch was soup. At the wedding things did begin to slip. I had quite a few canapes and again, more...wine! Game terrine, salmon and banoffee pie for the meal. Not too bad but a couple of oatcakes with butter snuck in there and I should have just said no to pudding.
Sunday I was pretty good apart from quite a bit of chocolate made its way into my face and then a toasted roll, butter and jam about half an hour before bed. That was a huge error on my part. Damn you, hangover! Yesterday I also munched on Haribo in the evening. I don't even like Haribo that much!
However, where I can report excellence is on the exercise front. Kicked arse at bodypump yesterday and on Friday, get this..... 9.3km in 1 hour and 1 minute! That's 700 meters away from a 10k! Can you believe it?! I am so chuffed. And I wasn't really pushing the pace too much, I felt. This means there are now two goals in my sights. Complete a 10k, and complete a 10k in an hour. That is bonkers to think I could do it that fast... but of course I could!
Contrasty to all that though, I am taking the night off exercise, tonight. I've got the whole getting to the sports centre dilemma (to wet to cycle) and I have bulled a muscle in my back which is pretty much total agony. So I'm having a guilt free cosy night in.
I did indeed end up wearing the purple dress and I felt great it in. TB was so complimentary all night to me - as were quite a lot of other people who asked if I had lost weight and said how great I was looking. Such a great feeling. So thanks for being so kind. I really appreciated it.
Something I have notices is that I can wear heels for longer and my feet aren't as sore. I suppose there's a stone and a half less weight on them which has got to help! My feet were killing me by the end of the night but previously I wouldn't have lasted longer than 10 minutes. My bunions (yes, I know - really attractive chat) didn't hurt at all. Wearing heels, that is unheard of!
In addition to working the heels and feeling good, the weekend was great fun all round and oh my god, how useful was it to go to someone's wedding and properly notice all the things that need to be done? Very useful. It was also a very boozy weekend and the foodie challenges were all too prevalent. I think I did okay...
Friday at the dinner dance I ignored the bread and only picked at the pudding. I did drink a LOT of wine though. Saturday breakfast, I had scrambled eggs and a slice of toast and lunch was soup. At the wedding things did begin to slip. I had quite a few canapes and again, more...wine! Game terrine, salmon and banoffee pie for the meal. Not too bad but a couple of oatcakes with butter snuck in there and I should have just said no to pudding.
Sunday I was pretty good apart from quite a bit of chocolate made its way into my face and then a toasted roll, butter and jam about half an hour before bed. That was a huge error on my part. Damn you, hangover! Yesterday I also munched on Haribo in the evening. I don't even like Haribo that much!
However, where I can report excellence is on the exercise front. Kicked arse at bodypump yesterday and on Friday, get this..... 9.3km in 1 hour and 1 minute! That's 700 meters away from a 10k! Can you believe it?! I am so chuffed. And I wasn't really pushing the pace too much, I felt. This means there are now two goals in my sights. Complete a 10k, and complete a 10k in an hour. That is bonkers to think I could do it that fast... but of course I could!
Contrasty to all that though, I am taking the night off exercise, tonight. I've got the whole getting to the sports centre dilemma (to wet to cycle) and I have bulled a muscle in my back which is pretty much total agony. So I'm having a guilt free cosy night in.
Friday, 24 January 2014
Those cows are very close
I was really trying not to let yesterday's weigh in get to me. On the face of it, I was winning but my sneaky, subconscious was being a little shit.
I can't quite explain it but I knew I wasn't 100% motivated to stick it to the next seven days. This is a tiny TINY thing but it kinda shows my mindset. Thursdays I have melon and yogurt for breakfast and nothing else but coffee before my lunchtime spinning class. I had no melon so I had porridge instead, which is totally fine, but later in the morning I had a cracker and cold meat. Yeah, I know, BIG WOW. It's nothing but I know if I had lost something yesterday there is no way I would have done that.
I got home from spinning and instead of just getting on with making my scrambled eggs, I had some more cold meat, this time with avocado - while waiting the 4 mins my eggs took. Again not a big deal on the face of it but it's the fact I did it, that says a lot.
So I was feeling a little on the back foot, until later that evening. The dress I was going to wear to this wedding on Saturday is a no go. I tried it on the other night and I'm not happy with it. I've got a couple of other options and while they still fit me, they just sorta hang there now and are pretty drab looking as a result. So yesterday I did what any respectable woman would do, I panic bought three dresses.
The first is flattering and very nice but it's all brown and blacks and quite frankly, boring. At £32 it is going back (have I ever mentioned how I don't like to spend money?). The second is a deep purple and is lace. It is also tight. Straight up and down kinda tight. I have to really pull it on to get in to it, tight. I really like it but can I get away with it? It was £20 from New Look. I have NEVER worn a dress like this. There is no hiding in it. The size of my arse is the size of my arse.
The pink one is from Tesco and was also £20. It's lovely. I really like the colour but it's just a bit safe and it probably more the kind of thing I would wear to work. Is it more flattering though. I couldn't decide and so TB got a fashion show and my best friend too - via pics. And in fact, have a wee lookie yourself. Here I am - please excuse the messy room (and hair).
TB had no hesitation, the the tight lace one. ''Very Special K', he said. Best friend also plumped for purple. So I'm going for it! Bottom on show and all!
When I was trying them on, both of them, I actually felt really lovely. Well, I felt more than that actually. The purple dress is a medium, the pink a 12. A 12 for crying out loud! Take that scales and subconscious! When I look at these pics I can't quite believe that's what I look like. That's not how I see myself.
Yesterday morning I allowed myself to feel negatively. 12 hours later and I couldn't have felt more positive. Perspective is hard to get a handle on.
I can't quite explain it but I knew I wasn't 100% motivated to stick it to the next seven days. This is a tiny TINY thing but it kinda shows my mindset. Thursdays I have melon and yogurt for breakfast and nothing else but coffee before my lunchtime spinning class. I had no melon so I had porridge instead, which is totally fine, but later in the morning I had a cracker and cold meat. Yeah, I know, BIG WOW. It's nothing but I know if I had lost something yesterday there is no way I would have done that.
I got home from spinning and instead of just getting on with making my scrambled eggs, I had some more cold meat, this time with avocado - while waiting the 4 mins my eggs took. Again not a big deal on the face of it but it's the fact I did it, that says a lot.
So I was feeling a little on the back foot, until later that evening. The dress I was going to wear to this wedding on Saturday is a no go. I tried it on the other night and I'm not happy with it. I've got a couple of other options and while they still fit me, they just sorta hang there now and are pretty drab looking as a result. So yesterday I did what any respectable woman would do, I panic bought three dresses.
The first is flattering and very nice but it's all brown and blacks and quite frankly, boring. At £32 it is going back (have I ever mentioned how I don't like to spend money?). The second is a deep purple and is lace. It is also tight. Straight up and down kinda tight. I have to really pull it on to get in to it, tight. I really like it but can I get away with it? It was £20 from New Look. I have NEVER worn a dress like this. There is no hiding in it. The size of my arse is the size of my arse.
The pink one is from Tesco and was also £20. It's lovely. I really like the colour but it's just a bit safe and it probably more the kind of thing I would wear to work. Is it more flattering though. I couldn't decide and so TB got a fashion show and my best friend too - via pics. And in fact, have a wee lookie yourself. Here I am - please excuse the messy room (and hair).
TB had no hesitation, the the tight lace one. ''Very Special K', he said. Best friend also plumped for purple. So I'm going for it! Bottom on show and all!
When I was trying them on, both of them, I actually felt really lovely. Well, I felt more than that actually. The purple dress is a medium, the pink a 12. A 12 for crying out loud! Take that scales and subconscious! When I look at these pics I can't quite believe that's what I look like. That's not how I see myself.
Yesterday morning I allowed myself to feel negatively. 12 hours later and I couldn't have felt more positive. Perspective is hard to get a handle on.
Thursday, 23 January 2014
Weigh in
Well that's annoying. A quarter of a pound on.
What's a quarter of a pound? It's nothing - so it's not a setback or anything. I'm just a bit puzzled. Looking back over the past week I know that there should have been a loss.
I've said it before though, and I'll say it again... weight loss can be a bitch. Okay, I've not actually said that.
The sentiment is the same though, some weeks your body just doesn't play ball. I just need to learn from this week (cut out the odd mouthful of this and that creeping in) and get my head down for another week.
This weekend will be challenging - we've got a dinner dance tomorrow night and a wedding on Saturday. So pretty boozy and we're staying a hotel both nights. I love a challenge though - let me show you who's the boss here.
2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: plus 0.25lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 4lbs
What's a quarter of a pound? It's nothing - so it's not a setback or anything. I'm just a bit puzzled. Looking back over the past week I know that there should have been a loss.
I've said it before though, and I'll say it again... weight loss can be a bitch. Okay, I've not actually said that.
The sentiment is the same though, some weeks your body just doesn't play ball. I just need to learn from this week (cut out the odd mouthful of this and that creeping in) and get my head down for another week.
This weekend will be challenging - we've got a dinner dance tomorrow night and a wedding on Saturday. So pretty boozy and we're staying a hotel both nights. I love a challenge though - let me show you who's the boss here.
2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: plus 0.25lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 4lbs
Wednesday, 22 January 2014
Wet weather plan
Tuesday night is swimming night.
TB is busy on Tuesday nights and so once he's wolfed down his tea and fled out the door, I potter around at home until the pool opens at 7.30 (thanks to various classes and clubs) then I jump in the car, off to the pool I got for a quick half hour of pool time. I then scoot back home and treat myself to some crap telly and faffing about on the internet.
Now that we only have one car and it's currently raining ALL THE TIME, the mile and a half to the pool from our house, my ways of getting there are somewhat limited. TB can drop me off on his way to where he's headed - but it's 45 minutes before the pool opens. Umm, no thanks. As I considered my options, I notices there was a spinning class at 7pm. What the hell, I thought. I'll go. And I did.
I could describe how tough it was and so on, but it's spinning. You pedal hard on a bike and at certain points you feel like being sick. That's really all there is to it. I do actually quite like spinning but I already go every Thursday and I feel swimming is at least giving me some upper body work.
If it would stop being so bloody wet (the weather, not the pool) I would cycle to the leisure centre (that phrase makes me laugh. Leisure Centre. It's so 1996) but it's January, in Scotland. Y'know?
It's weigh day tomorrow and I have no idea how I feel about it. The exercise front has been pretty flipping incredible.
TB is busy on Tuesday nights and so once he's wolfed down his tea and fled out the door, I potter around at home until the pool opens at 7.30 (thanks to various classes and clubs) then I jump in the car, off to the pool I got for a quick half hour of pool time. I then scoot back home and treat myself to some crap telly and faffing about on the internet.
Now that we only have one car and it's currently raining ALL THE TIME, the mile and a half to the pool from our house, my ways of getting there are somewhat limited. TB can drop me off on his way to where he's headed - but it's 45 minutes before the pool opens. Umm, no thanks. As I considered my options, I notices there was a spinning class at 7pm. What the hell, I thought. I'll go. And I did.
I could describe how tough it was and so on, but it's spinning. You pedal hard on a bike and at certain points you feel like being sick. That's really all there is to it. I do actually quite like spinning but I already go every Thursday and I feel swimming is at least giving me some upper body work.
If it would stop being so bloody wet (the weather, not the pool) I would cycle to the leisure centre (that phrase makes me laugh. Leisure Centre. It's so 1996) but it's January, in Scotland. Y'know?
It's weigh day tomorrow and I have no idea how I feel about it. The exercise front has been pretty flipping incredible.
- Spinning
- 5 mile run
- 5.4 mile run
- Spinning
Monday, 20 January 2014
Lady marmalade
Get ready for some pretty bleedin' exciting news. Ready? Today I ran 5.4 miles without stopping. That's almost 9km - and I did it in 57 minutes. Whooo hooo!
I am so pleased with myself. It was just the perfect run. My legs felt relaxed and when I hit the halfway point I seemed to just get into a lovely rhythm and my thoughts were wandering away on their own accord, distracting me from the pounding of the pavement. As I got towards my end point I knew I had it in me to keep going so I snuck in an extra wee bit, just in case I hadn't quite broken the 5 mile barrier. Wheeee! I am very happy with that. Next stop -a 10k!
So it's been an excellent Monday following a weekend of marmalade making (41 jars of the stuff! I do feel it's my signature preserve though so I need to have plenty to give away throughout the year), tinkering with my car as we prepare to sell it and wedding planning. The visit on Friday to the venue went really well and I'm beginning to see how it's all going to take shape.
TB has surprised me actually - he's well up for including touches throughout the day that will make it more than just a marquee in the grounds of an old house. His best man is a farmer so we're hoping to get hay bales for seats. We're also planning to supply a lot of booze at the drinks reception so we're now on the hunt for something like an old bath or metal drum to fill with ice and bottles. I though he might think that was a bit naff - but no!
Healthy eating over the weekend was okay. I stupidly opened a box of After 8's on Saturday night which I did a great job of scoffing most of. I also wolfed down some crackers and brie. Oops. Apart from that though, pretty sensible. It's been quite a quiet weekend all in all though but that's probably quite good - the one coming up is pretty boozy and busy.
I'm just about to make this week's soup - red lentil, chickpea and chilli and I've also planned four nights meals. I'm not usually this organised!
I am so pleased with myself. It was just the perfect run. My legs felt relaxed and when I hit the halfway point I seemed to just get into a lovely rhythm and my thoughts were wandering away on their own accord, distracting me from the pounding of the pavement. As I got towards my end point I knew I had it in me to keep going so I snuck in an extra wee bit, just in case I hadn't quite broken the 5 mile barrier. Wheeee! I am very happy with that. Next stop -a 10k!
So it's been an excellent Monday following a weekend of marmalade making (41 jars of the stuff! I do feel it's my signature preserve though so I need to have plenty to give away throughout the year), tinkering with my car as we prepare to sell it and wedding planning. The visit on Friday to the venue went really well and I'm beginning to see how it's all going to take shape.
TB has surprised me actually - he's well up for including touches throughout the day that will make it more than just a marquee in the grounds of an old house. His best man is a farmer so we're hoping to get hay bales for seats. We're also planning to supply a lot of booze at the drinks reception so we're now on the hunt for something like an old bath or metal drum to fill with ice and bottles. I though he might think that was a bit naff - but no!
Healthy eating over the weekend was okay. I stupidly opened a box of After 8's on Saturday night which I did a great job of scoffing most of. I also wolfed down some crackers and brie. Oops. Apart from that though, pretty sensible. It's been quite a quiet weekend all in all though but that's probably quite good - the one coming up is pretty boozy and busy.
I'm just about to make this week's soup - red lentil, chickpea and chilli and I've also planned four nights meals. I'm not usually this organised!
- Monday. WW homemade curry & rice
- Tuesday. Fish Pie
- Wednesday: Chicken salad
- Thursday: Thai green noodle bowl (TBC)
- Friday: Dinner dance
Friday, 17 January 2014
Front of mind
Pow pow!
- 5 miles run is kinda drizzly weather. Done!
- Last night's dinner was fricking delicious. TB was raving about it too. I may have added chicken to keep him happy.
- Off to the wedding venue this afternoon armed with tape measure and notepad!
- Prawn pad thai for dinner. Yum!
- Trying to work out what package to use to design our wedding invitations. I fear this may break me.
- New car was sold to someone else. The search continues.
- Had a different instructor at spinning yesterday. She's a bit cliched but overall, excellent. She's just about to become a certified personal trainer. Can you see where this is going...
Thursday, 16 January 2014
Weigh in
I wasn't feeling too confident about today's weigh in. I've been good, but not great. Definite room for improvement - wine and crisps, I'm looking at you.
I feel this was fairly reflected on the scales - 3/4 of a pound off. It's a loss, not a great one, but it's a loss. And indeed a loss that takes me back down to my Christmas Day (and all time low) weigh in of 12 stone 4.75lbs. So I'm pretty happy with that.
The more I think about it, I'm very happy with that. Halfway through January, four months (and one day!) away from the wedding and I'm at my lowest weight ever... fan-bloody-tastic!
I'm just about to head off to my lunchtime spinning class, where I'm also going to ask my instructor if he can recommend any personal trainers. Tonight I'm giving Laura's recipe from Keeping Healthy Getting Stylish a bash - Thai green chickpea, squash and roasted cauliflower curry a bash. Can't wait!
2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 4.75lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.75lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 4.5lbs
I feel this was fairly reflected on the scales - 3/4 of a pound off. It's a loss, not a great one, but it's a loss. And indeed a loss that takes me back down to my Christmas Day (and all time low) weigh in of 12 stone 4.75lbs. So I'm pretty happy with that.
The more I think about it, I'm very happy with that. Halfway through January, four months (and one day!) away from the wedding and I'm at my lowest weight ever... fan-bloody-tastic!
I'm just about to head off to my lunchtime spinning class, where I'm also going to ask my instructor if he can recommend any personal trainers. Tonight I'm giving Laura's recipe from Keeping Healthy Getting Stylish a bash - Thai green chickpea, squash and roasted cauliflower curry a bash. Can't wait!
2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 4.75lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.75lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 4.5lbs
Wednesday, 15 January 2014
Let's get personal
I was lying in bed last night, various thoughts running through my mind, and of course, soon I was thinking about losing weight - and what I'm going to look like in my wedding dress (I'm going to be wearing a wedding dress sooooon! Waaaaahaaaa!).
I'm doing quite a lot of exercise at the moment but apart from the once fortnightly bodypump class, it's all pretty much cardio. Cardio is working for me. It's definitely helping me lose weight but what about resistance training?
Weights are good for you. Weights help build muscle. Weights help you tone (which doesn't actually exists - it just means more muscle is being built which it turn is more visible.) I need to do more resistance training. I could go along to my gym and do it, but it just doesn't appeal. Been there, done that - can't be arsed doing it again.
I like being outside and as I lay there in bed, a vision of myself working out in the garden, on the beach, in the park with a personal trainer, came into my mind's eye. If there was ever a time I wanted to look and feel my absolute best, it's my wedding day.
The wedding is almost exactly four months away. Why don't I treat myself to a personal trainer a couple of times a month (maybe more) from now until the wedding? Why not? Why the hell not?!
I'm doing quite a lot of exercise at the moment but apart from the once fortnightly bodypump class, it's all pretty much cardio. Cardio is working for me. It's definitely helping me lose weight but what about resistance training?
Weights are good for you. Weights help build muscle. Weights help you tone (which doesn't actually exists - it just means more muscle is being built which it turn is more visible.) I need to do more resistance training. I could go along to my gym and do it, but it just doesn't appeal. Been there, done that - can't be arsed doing it again.
I like being outside and as I lay there in bed, a vision of myself working out in the garden, on the beach, in the park with a personal trainer, came into my mind's eye. If there was ever a time I wanted to look and feel my absolute best, it's my wedding day.
The wedding is almost exactly four months away. Why don't I treat myself to a personal trainer a couple of times a month (maybe more) from now until the wedding? Why not? Why the hell not?!
Tuesday, 14 January 2014
Blether
Holla! I feel a bit wired today and so here's is a snapshot of the things running through my tiny mind...
- The furthest distance I've run in recent history as been 5 miles.Yesterday I ran 4.4miles. I'm quite confident I could have managed 5 but I had to get home as I'd arranged to meet TB. I'm still pretty bloody chuffed with that. 4.4miles without stopping, in 45 mins. Well done me! I've just checked the weather forecast for Friday, when I plan to do my next run. It's looking like a nice day. 5.5miles (or more!), you will be mine!
- My lower legs are feeling quite toned but that's about it. Must stop scrutinising wobbly body parts and my ever shrinking boobs.
- Swimming tonight. Quite looking forward to it.
- For some reason i-tunes and most of the songs I've got from torrents over the years, are not speaking to each other so I've lost A LOT of songs. It's really pissing me off.
- New spinning (RPM) track in my class this Thursday. Very interested to see what it's like. Cannot be worse than the 2 minute long sprint that we just had. Actually made me want to puke.
- Last night I bought 690meters of ribbon for the wedding. This excites me greatly.
- Looks like TB and I might be buying a new car this weekend. I know! Wedding and car in the same year. Oh, and did I mention we're also getting a new kitchen at the end of summer?! A new (2nd hand) car will be lovely but it also means we will just have one car between us. Ugh. The independent me hates that. I love having my own car and paying for it all myself. It also means we will need to be more organised as some days I need it to get to the gym and shops (when working from home) and TB uses it to get to work. This is only a winter problem though as in better weather we are close enough to cycle everywhere. Just realised how much of a spoiled brat this whole car chat makes me sound.
- Meal planning for this week includes, middle eastern style beef (didn't like it much), chicken salad, chilli and spicy turkey burger things I have yet to devise.
- This month I'm reading 'slaughterhouse five' for my book club. Did I ever mention I was in a book club? Has anyone read it? The book, not the book club. OBVS.
Monday, 13 January 2014
Souper
Salut mes amies!
What a lovely weekend I had. TB and headed off to my parents' on Saturday morning for a birthday tea (Papa is 61 today) with them and my brother, sister in law and nephew. It was just such a nice relaxed night with good food, drink and some games thrown in for good measure. Has anyone played Rummikub? For someone who's not a numbers person it's really good!
It was also so nice to see my chubby wee nephew. He is so lovely and just at that weight where he is solid and so cuddleable.
We also had some really good wedding chat. About how we're going to decorate the marquee and some plans for making the ceremony area a little more pretty. At the moment it's just a rectangular bit of lawn. My mum is making our wedding cake and she was also practising making sugared fruits for it. Of course, they were a resounding success! I am getting excited!
Food wise, the weekend featured far too many sweeties and crisps. I had quite a steady hand to mouth action going after a few rum and diet cokes on Saturday night. Oops. And then TB and I popped into a sweet shop on our way home on Sunday. That was a mistake. I just shouldn't go in at all. I spent the rest of the day munching on wee bits of fudge and puff candy - and then I actively chose to eat a couple of biscuits For god sake, woman! My meals have all been really good so I'm hoping I've not done too much damage. Well, we'll see.
Today is soup day. At the tail end of 2013 I got in the habit of making soup on a Monday which I froze in individual portions which built up so I had a bank of delicious and healthy soups to chose from for my lunches. Some of my favourite were butternut squash with chilli, thai style chicken with spinach, and spicy sweet potato.
Last week I made broth with my left over roast turkey stock and I'm now about to get on with this week's endeavour, spinach and pea. I just sort of make them up as a I go along. I'm think I'll sweat off some chopped up onion, celery and carrot and then I'll add stock. Maybe about 30 mins later I'll fire in the spinach and a bag of frozen peas - finally blitzing it with the hand blender once it's all cooked through. I do love a spicy smokey soup but I think I'll keep this one quite plain.
Okay, this is all pretty dullzzzzzz - so schlater!
What a lovely weekend I had. TB and headed off to my parents' on Saturday morning for a birthday tea (Papa is 61 today) with them and my brother, sister in law and nephew. It was just such a nice relaxed night with good food, drink and some games thrown in for good measure. Has anyone played Rummikub? For someone who's not a numbers person it's really good!
It was also so nice to see my chubby wee nephew. He is so lovely and just at that weight where he is solid and so cuddleable.
We also had some really good wedding chat. About how we're going to decorate the marquee and some plans for making the ceremony area a little more pretty. At the moment it's just a rectangular bit of lawn. My mum is making our wedding cake and she was also practising making sugared fruits for it. Of course, they were a resounding success! I am getting excited!
Food wise, the weekend featured far too many sweeties and crisps. I had quite a steady hand to mouth action going after a few rum and diet cokes on Saturday night. Oops. And then TB and I popped into a sweet shop on our way home on Sunday. That was a mistake. I just shouldn't go in at all. I spent the rest of the day munching on wee bits of fudge and puff candy - and then I actively chose to eat a couple of biscuits For god sake, woman! My meals have all been really good so I'm hoping I've not done too much damage. Well, we'll see.
Today is soup day. At the tail end of 2013 I got in the habit of making soup on a Monday which I froze in individual portions which built up so I had a bank of delicious and healthy soups to chose from for my lunches. Some of my favourite were butternut squash with chilli, thai style chicken with spinach, and spicy sweet potato.
Last week I made broth with my left over roast turkey stock and I'm now about to get on with this week's endeavour, spinach and pea. I just sort of make them up as a I go along. I'm think I'll sweat off some chopped up onion, celery and carrot and then I'll add stock. Maybe about 30 mins later I'll fire in the spinach and a bag of frozen peas - finally blitzing it with the hand blender once it's all cooked through. I do love a spicy smokey soup but I think I'll keep this one quite plain.
Okay, this is all pretty dullzzzzzz - so schlater!
Friday, 10 January 2014
You dancing?
For some reason two very vivid memories have suddenly popped into my head over the past week or so. Childhood memories. Memories that make me really sad.
The first must have been from when I was around 10 years old. It was 1990 and shell suits were the new thing. I didn't want one but my Granny got a black one for my brother and a bright pink one for me. You can only imagine how horrific these things were. I had no intention of wearing the thing. I hated it. Not because of the colour. Not because it wasn't jeans. It was because I felt fat in it.
I wasn't a hugely overweight child, just a bit chubby and certainly not skinny like most of my friends. The shell suit was not forgiving. It was too tight around my bum and when I sat down my thighs looked like two sausages trying to escape their skins. I hated it. I was forced to wear it one day when we were away for a long weekend in the caravan. There's a picture of me and my brother, sitting on a picnic table - posing for this picture. I'm forcing a smile. At ten years old I'm worried about my weight and being fat. That makes me so sad.
The other memory is of being aged 12 and upwards and not really ever wanting to go ten pin bowling because when it was my turn to bowl, people would see me bending over and be faced with the size of my arse. Dear lord, that is just insane to think, but it's truly how I felt.
I'd kinda forgotten about those feelings. I'm much more confident now and of course, a large part of that is feeling like I am a 'normal' size but it's also down to perspective and realising that people don't really care if your backside isn't the size of pea. I also didn't quite realise how young I was when I so worried about what people thought of how I looked which of course, was pretty normal at the time.
At hogmanay a few of us were reminiscing about shell suits and I drunkenly began telling the above shell suit story - about how I was too self conscious to wear it - to a friend. It's not the kind of thing I would every share. In real life I hardly ever talk about weight and how I feel about it all. I never admit to anyone that I think I'm overweight. The words just seemed to come tumbling out.
My friend is a skinny thing and as I told her, I could see this look come across her face. She was totally aghast that someone she considers to be very confident and self assured had these thoughts and feelings and that from such a young age could be worried about being fat.
Looking back I am so sad for myself and I wonder how things could have been any different. I think a lot of my behaviours and thought patterns were learned from my mum. She's been a yoyo dieter all her life but is now much slimmer than she used to be. In fact - she's done incredibly well and looks amazing these days. The woman who used to be a size 24 is now a 14. Growing up though, her being unhappy with her weight was the norm. It was always something in our lives. If she thought her actions resulted in me worrying about how I looked, she would be devasted. It's not something I need to share with her, or ever will.
I suppose if I ever have children, it's a good lesson for me to learn. Other than that, I don't really have a point to make. I think it's just been on my mind as right now I feel attractive and normal. There's that word again; normal. Today, I could take on the world and I make no apologies for who I am. What if I hadn't lost weight. What if I hadn't taken control? Would I still feel apologetic for how I looked? Would it have held me back?
My mum said whenever she hears the song 'I hope you dance' she always thinks of me. I'm proud of myself that I do. Despite a shocking shellsuit experience and forever sporting a sizeable backside, I always want to dance.
The first must have been from when I was around 10 years old. It was 1990 and shell suits were the new thing. I didn't want one but my Granny got a black one for my brother and a bright pink one for me. You can only imagine how horrific these things were. I had no intention of wearing the thing. I hated it. Not because of the colour. Not because it wasn't jeans. It was because I felt fat in it.
I wasn't a hugely overweight child, just a bit chubby and certainly not skinny like most of my friends. The shell suit was not forgiving. It was too tight around my bum and when I sat down my thighs looked like two sausages trying to escape their skins. I hated it. I was forced to wear it one day when we were away for a long weekend in the caravan. There's a picture of me and my brother, sitting on a picnic table - posing for this picture. I'm forcing a smile. At ten years old I'm worried about my weight and being fat. That makes me so sad.
The other memory is of being aged 12 and upwards and not really ever wanting to go ten pin bowling because when it was my turn to bowl, people would see me bending over and be faced with the size of my arse. Dear lord, that is just insane to think, but it's truly how I felt.
I'd kinda forgotten about those feelings. I'm much more confident now and of course, a large part of that is feeling like I am a 'normal' size but it's also down to perspective and realising that people don't really care if your backside isn't the size of pea. I also didn't quite realise how young I was when I so worried about what people thought of how I looked which of course, was pretty normal at the time.
At hogmanay a few of us were reminiscing about shell suits and I drunkenly began telling the above shell suit story - about how I was too self conscious to wear it - to a friend. It's not the kind of thing I would every share. In real life I hardly ever talk about weight and how I feel about it all. I never admit to anyone that I think I'm overweight. The words just seemed to come tumbling out.
My friend is a skinny thing and as I told her, I could see this look come across her face. She was totally aghast that someone she considers to be very confident and self assured had these thoughts and feelings and that from such a young age could be worried about being fat.
Looking back I am so sad for myself and I wonder how things could have been any different. I think a lot of my behaviours and thought patterns were learned from my mum. She's been a yoyo dieter all her life but is now much slimmer than she used to be. In fact - she's done incredibly well and looks amazing these days. The woman who used to be a size 24 is now a 14. Growing up though, her being unhappy with her weight was the norm. It was always something in our lives. If she thought her actions resulted in me worrying about how I looked, she would be devasted. It's not something I need to share with her, or ever will.
I suppose if I ever have children, it's a good lesson for me to learn. Other than that, I don't really have a point to make. I think it's just been on my mind as right now I feel attractive and normal. There's that word again; normal. Today, I could take on the world and I make no apologies for who I am. What if I hadn't lost weight. What if I hadn't taken control? Would I still feel apologetic for how I looked? Would it have held me back?
My mum said whenever she hears the song 'I hope you dance' she always thinks of me. I'm proud of myself that I do. Despite a shocking shellsuit experience and forever sporting a sizeable backside, I always want to dance.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance.
I hope you dance.
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