More back fat

My first weigh in of the Great Diet of 2005 took place on my first day back to work following New Year. I was 15 stone 6lbs. That morning I put on the flat shoes I had bought for the sole purpose of wearing to walk to work and off I set on the 30 minute walk. I counted calories, aiming for around 1250 for the day and then I walked home again. 

Repeat for every weekday.

Every single day, no matter what the weather, I walked to work. I had this black parka thing with a big hood which was a struggle to do up around my backside but it was warm and kept me dry on the many cold, wet and frosty mornings. This was the days pre ipod and I used to get The Highlander to put a CD in my Discman (ha – makes me feel so old writing that) the night before work so I’d get a surprise CD to listen to on my way to work.  I also went to the gym twice a week. No matter what. This was my routine and I stuck to it. At the weekends I ate a bit more than during the week but it was all dutifully logged in my notebook. I lost weight steadily; 1 pound some weeks, 2 pounds other weeks and after six months I had lost 2 stone, which averages out pretty much a pound a week. Hmmm- notice a pattern here? A pound a week sounds paltry but bloody hell, keep at it and boy does it add up - and it felt pretty damn good.

So that was just the first six months of 2005, what about the latter six? Who the hell knows what happened. I tried to lose weight for all of those six months – counting calories and exercising but after losing and gaining the same few pounds month after month, the grand total of my efforts at the end of the year was about five pounds. The reality of the situation is that I wasn’t as consistent as I had been for the first six months. I was doing a lot though and I was frustrated. However – how can you be that annoyed when a year after starting to diet and exercise I had lost almost two and half stone – go me!

2006 rolled around and the first weigh in of the year saw 13 stone 4lbs on the scales. I was determined to move on down into uncharted weight waters. Fast forward six months time and I was 12 stone 12lbs. Okay, so I had lost just a few pounds but it was the same few pounds over and over again. The only consolation was that I was working out loads and so I was at least getting fitter.

Over the next few months I managed to lose... 3lbs. The lowest I ever managed to get down to was 12 stone 9lbs. This was my darkest dieting time. I was killing myself exercise wise while eating around 1250 calories a day but my weight was barely moving. I remember one morning I weighed myself and had put on a pound after a week of being totally on plan – after weeks of staying the same. My mum called me and I have a vivid memory of sitting crying my heart out down the phone to her.  The gain of a pound is no big deal but I all I did was live dieting for week after week with an obsessive like focus and to see the scales going in the wrong direction just about tipped me over the edge and ultimately it was getting me nowhere. By the end of the year I was sitting at around 13 stone, with another new year looming and the thought of getting ready for another stab at the diet.

PS) Just replying to the comments on my last post.... Amy - so lovely to hear from you! Peridot, the old blog is no more - not updated it since I moved here. 

Back Fat

Some people reading this blog will have followed me over from my old one which I had been writing since 2005 but I’ve realised that newer readers won’t realised that I’ve been blogging for about six years. When I started my blog the sole purpose was to help me lose weight.

In October 2004 I reached the point where I knew that something had to be done about not only the size of my arse but my whole body. It was getting out of control. I was a 24 year old girl wasting her youth under a layer of fat and being suffocated by insecurities and so after three months of thinking about what I was going to do; how I was going to tackle this lifelong issue I weighed in on January 10th 2005 at 15 stone 6lbs.

Before I explain the last six years of weight loss I should give a bit of background about the first 24 years of my life and how did I ended up tipping the scales and 15 and a half stone.

School Years
I was ‘normal’ child- no way was I skinny but I certainly wasn’t overweight but as I neared puberty my hips emerged and the next thing I knew I’m a 10 year old girl that boys are calling fat.  I look back and that angers me so much. There is no way I was fat but I was more developed that my friends and the only way other kids could process that was to label me as fat.

As I got into my teenage years a few pounds crept on here and there and I knew I was bigger than my friends.  I had quite a lot of puppy fat and I used to stress about PE and having to change into my hockey skirt and then having to walk past the boys. When I was about 15/16 the puppy fat melted away and I was looking and feeling good. All of a sudden boys were interested.

I knew I was still a bit heavy and this is when my first diet in earnest started. My mum and I joined a slimming club- one which was part of Slimming Magazine. I must have only been around 11 stone (my god, what I wouldn’t give for that now!) and I managed to lose 11lbs by following the calorie controlled diet. I remember wearing a red catsuit/jumpsuit to my Christmas Dance at school that year and I felt amazing.

After that Christmas, I don’t know what happened. I just let it slide – something which has become a recurring theme in my dieting life.
  
Uni Days
In the September I left home and went to uni. That’s when the real trouble started.  I lived on pasta, cheese, bread, booze and takeaways. My weight started to climb. At some point during my first year I realised something had to be done and for the second time Mum and I started a diet challenge. I remember being in the 12 stone range and in total I lost 17lbs and so I think I got into the 11s.

Now get ready – here’s the pattern... I felt great. I let it slide. I gained it all back – and more.  In fact I kept gaining until I was in 3rd year at uni (with a few 10lbs losses here and there which promptly went back on). I met The Highlander (my ex) in 2000 when I was 19 and I was around 13 stone 10lbs. A few months later I have a distinct memory of being 14 stone 4lbs.

A (fat) working woman
In October 2001 I joined weight watchers, still around 14 stone 4lbs. I lost 10lbs. I got bored. I let it slide. I so desperately wanted to be thinner but I wasn’t willing to make the lifestyle change that came with it. The notion of ‘working out’ and going to the gym is really a very new one. People didn't used to go to the gym. At that time none of my friend’s went and having just graduated there was no way we could afford it even if we wanted to. We were still living like students, drinking alcopops, eating fast food, hanging out as a group. I wasn’t going to sacrifice fun times with my friends to prepare a healthy meal and go to the gym. I wasn’t ready.

In 2002 The Highlander and I moved in together into our own place. I hated my weight and how I looked but I had buried my head in the sand. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror anymore; I just glanced at the reflection of my face to put my makeup on in the morning. I didn’t go shopping for clothes. I didn’t think about fashion or style. I wore a uniform of black trousers and frumpy shirts. I was a 22 year old girl dressing like someone three times my age – and with the energy of someone even older. I began to feel isolated as I removed myself from social situations. All my friends looked amazing and next to them  felt even worse. I really was that fat person. I had let this happen. 

I knew I had to do something. It was all I thought about. But could I? Could I actually do it? The effort it would take would be gargantuan. I knew how to eat healthily but I didn’t know how to live a healthy life. I tried countless times but I wasn’t ready. Finally at the end of 2004 I knew that it was time. I had to make the change and I had to commit. Life was passing me by. I spent weeks planning what I was going to do. This was it. 2005 was going to be my year.