Weigh in

The morning got off to a shaky start. I couldn't find any clean socks for the gym, I broke a nail, TB's trousers split (although that was highly amusing), we were late leaving the flat and the scales and I had an almighty fall out (the reason for being late).

Last week I was 12stone 8.25. I got on this morning and was faced with 12. 9.75.  Not happy. In fact, raging. I usually step on and off around 10 times, recording each weight as they can vary by a pound or so, so I always go with the most common number. The readings (just the pounds) then went like this; 10.25; 9; 10; 11; 13 STONE! What? So annoyed I can't actually put it into words. 

The entire thing was a total farce. I have no idea what I weigh and I do not get what the hell was going on. Suffice to say that what I do know is that I have put weight on. For the sake of having a number to give me an idea of where I am I've gone with 12stone 9.75lbs - a gain of 1.5lbs. It doesn't really matter though - as the whole thing was a total joke.

I'm confused as to how I've put weight on. I know what kind of week I've had and a weight gain is not justified. I may be heavier but there is no way I am bigger. The scales can have their little hissy fit; I know that the numbers are not a reality that I am going to worry about (once I have finished ranting). I've been here before and it's bigger picture time. I'll keep on keeping on. And maybe this is an opportunity to look at where I could make improvements. That handful of crisps each day- that needs to stop. The portion sizes, are they too big? A choc ice three times a week isn't really on.  So it's heads down and let's see what next week brings.

Even though weigh in has been and gone for this week here is my weekly workout chat. It's very gym heavy as I missed boxercise and I was late to my spin class thanks to heavy traffic so just did 30 mins on my own.

• Wednesday: Gym workout. 65 minutes
• Thursday: Gym workout 60 minutes
• Friday: Gym workout 70 minutes
• Saturday: nothing
• Sunday: nothing
• Monday: Gym workout 65 minutes (increased t-mill speed)
• Tuesday: 30 mins spinning

Thanks for the work comments on my last post. I'd love to do part time freelancing and part time secure employment but my industry isn't quite like that. It's kinda all or nothing. I think I'm going to put my CV into a  recruitment agency that deals only with my sector and see what that brings. No firm decisions but I'm just testing the water.

Starting Weight: 183 pounds
Current Weight: 177.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 1.25lbs
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 5.5lbs

Working 9 - 5

How many people wish they were their own boss? How many wish they could work from home? How many want to chose who their clients are and who they work for?

Tick, tick and tick. All those things apply to me. I've got it pretty good, right?  I'm very lucky. I'm a sort of freelancer who works from home - offering a service to various different clients (no, I'm not  a prostitute). I've worked for various different agencies but about two and half years ago I decided I had enough working for a total dick head and decided to go it alone. I was gonna cut out the middle man and take all the spoils for myself! I'd be working from home so there would be very few overheads and I'd be living the flexible lifestyle that so many desire. It was the perfect plan.

And it has been so good - mostly. I really like my job and I'm pretty good at it. I love the fact that my decision is final. I have total autonomy and I don't have to pander to someone senior that I don't agree with. If I'm approached to do work for a company that I don't like/understand/agree with - I don't take on the work. Simple as that.

I work when I want to work. Okay - the work has to get done but if I want to take three hours for lunch, and I've got the time - then I do it. If I want a cheeky afternoon off? Why the hell not!

I think the flexibility has to be one of the best things about working for myself. It's meant I've been able to see more of friends that are on maternity leave, see more of my family as I can meet my mum and gran for lunch if we are all free. It's also been a huge plus point for TB and I. Living two and a half hours apart for the first year of our relationship was tough at the best of times but the fact I could head to his on a Thursday night, work from his flat on a Friday and then head home on a Monday morning - was fantastic.

And being master of my own schedule has undoubtedly played significant role in my weight loss success. It's given me the time that I've needed to make it a priority. Yeah, I work out five times a week - for at least an hour at a time - but that's because I've got the time to do it. I don't have a commute, I don't have pointless internal meetings, I don't have to be at my desk 9-5. I have extra time - and I am so thankful that I did.

So what's the problem? Well, there are two big problems. Firstly, working alone. I love it but as soon as I am back in an office environment I realise how much I miss it. I love being part of a team. And I like being around people. Being on your own all day long, most days, is not good for you. You think you're okay. You convince yourself that you like it. And while it's okay some of the time, it's not good all of the time.

The second problem? Money. Of course. Most months I earn quite good money but all it takes is a couple of months hard going and it ruins me for the rest of the year. I'm just about to come to my financial year end and I earned less than last year. I'm going backwards. This is not good. I have a credit card bill that doesn't seem to be getting any smaller. I am constantly watching the pennies and hardly spending any money on myself. I am almost 32 years old, this is no way to live my life.

I think I'm going to have to get a job.

Some chitty chat

I ain't got no time to do a proper update, innit. And so here is a quick blast.

• It's TB's and my 1 year anniversary tomorrow! He's coming to mine tonight and I am going to cook us a lovely meal. I am excited!
• I am loving being in an office with people. There is lots of great chat and I am getting loads done. Admittedly, loads is actually lots of hen do organising and emailing friends, but it's getting done!
• The ankle is not good. I've been pretty active and I can feel it hurting later that day/night and it's still very swollen. I've really cut back on the exercise i.e. Wednesday's seven mile cycle and circuits class were replaced yesterday with nothing at all and yesterday I only did a 40 minute spin class. I think I need to get back on the icing. Gonna do some weights on the machines at the gym later today interspersed with some cross trainer action. I know Furious G was looking for some chat on weights. Will get round to this next week, I promise.
• I am hemorrhaging money right now. Dentist fitted a crown yesterday - £280. Bang! Car engine packed in. £800. Bang! Wedding presents - £100. Bang!
• Work is picking up! Got a new gym client, a proper bodybuilding  gym! How exciting is that?! It's feck all money but it's money.
• Eating has been going pretty god damn well but not exercising does not help. Example: Wednesday I did nothing and I ended up eating two meringue nests with creme fraiche (low fat). Not a big deal at all. I mean, we're talking about 150 cals but I would normally have worked out and not eaten that, so it's a double whammy of negativity. Must watch that from now on.

I've also got something very very exciting and also quite scary that I shall be revealing next week. No, I am not up the duff.

Have a wonderous weekend my lovelies. x

Enough crap thank you very much

I'm not expecting great things from tomorrow's weigh in. In fact, I'm not really expecting anything at all apart from a big fat stay the same.

I've missed out on two workouts thanks to my stupid ankle which is still really swollen. It's fine to walk on and to cycle but it does twinge a bit and stairs are a bit more tricky. I went to the gym last night and did 30 mins cardio (bike and cross trainer) and some squats and chest presses but that's about it thanks to the gym shutting early because of some sort of bank holiday rubbish.

I also had too many treats at the weekend. Picked at some chocolate, ate an ice cream float, choc ice, crisps.... I'm going to spinning tonight which will no doubt be another killer as my fitness is down the pan.

It's unreal how quickly you lose it. I've lost my ipod (raging) and so I was sans tunes last night and I could hear myself wheezing away on the cross trainer. I also could only find a 5kg medicine ball for my squat things. Just as well the 6kg was no where to be found. It was so hard!

My boobs also feel bigger and I've had a couple of spots this week, odd considering this is typical PMT behaviour but mine ain't due.

This past week has actually been a royal pain in the arse. Not only did I fuck my ankle, struggle with the diet at the weekend and realise that I lost my ipod shuffle on holiday but my car has packed in too. It's currently getting fixed to the tune of around £700. This is not good. Funds are running very low and I simply don't have this amount of cash spare. Who does? It's going on a credit card and that's where it will have to stay for the foreseeable. This has to be the most expensive month in the history of mankind. Hotels for hen do's and weddings to pay for, wedding presents, travel to weddings, travel to hen do's, baby presents.... people, stop doing life things that mean I have to spend money on you!

There is some good news though. Push aside all the negativity I've just thrown at you (if you can) cause here is the good news...the next six months or so are going to be interesting as I'm working from a desk in the office of a company I used to work for. My old boss is going on mat leave and they are letting me use the space for free. I think it'll do me good to be around more people and I'll hopefully pick up some more work this way.  Although it has meant a whole load of food planning on my part as I can't just wander from my desk into my kitchen at 3pm and have a think about what I might want to prepare for that night's dinner. It's not that much of a major change as I was already pretty organised it just means there is no room for error from now on.

So in anticipation of staying the same here is my weekly workout list.

Wednesday: 35 mins of circuits class
Thurs/Fri/Sat/Sun: nothing
Monday: Gym workout, mostly cardio, 1.4 miles on the bike
Tuesday: 5 miles on the bike, spinning

Oh hi... reality

I'm feeling totally out of sorts. Forget the diet and the crap that goes along with it, I'd kinda forgotten about life and everything else that goes on outside self absorption, and now it's jumped up and bitten me in the arse.

I've mentioned before that I'm self employed. It's a fantastic lifestyle if you can get it right. You call the shots. You have to work hard to deliver? No problem, you are the one making the money at the end of it all - and the one that has made the decisions that have got you here. Over the past year I've been getting it right. I had a really busy time over Christmas and into the early part of this year. I was fine about that though - I knew May and June were going to be a bit quieter and I'd get a chance to faff about a bit. May and June have been and are almost gone. And faff I did. Boy did I faff. I've fannied about and not done much at all. I've visited TB loads but I never really want to be too far away from my computer, as I am working throughout the day - just not at a very intensive rate.

The truth is that while it's been great to have some time I've not been as nearly as productive as I could have been. Yes, it's given me a chance to really focus my thoughts on keeping the diet going (although let's not talk about the weekend that just was) I'm annoyed with myself for not achieving more. It's the stupid things that I can't seem to motivate myself to do. I've been promising myself for weeks that I'd clean the floors yet they remain littered with the debris of weekends gone by. Untidy, never mind cleaned.

Sorry, I'm digressing here a bit. What I'm about to reveal is that two very large projects which were about to kick off in July and August and take me right through until 2012 are now no longer. They no longer exist. A massive chunk (around 50%) of my income has disappeared. In less than a week I have gone from possibly too much work to not nearly enough and my hand is hovering dangerously over the panic button.

I need to get work in and I need to get work in fast. So not only do I need to identify possible new clients I also need to make contact and convince them they want to part with their cash for me. I am not exactly brimming with enthusiasm about this.

The thought of working for someone else fills me with dread. I know so many people do it day in, day out and they cope. I've been there done that and I told them to shove their t-shirt up their arse. Now that I know what it's like to be the boss, my boss, I couldn't go back. And not to mention the impact that would have on TB and I. The flexibility in my job has allowed our relationship to become what it is. If I worked for someone else I'd be getting the train to see him at 6pm on a Friday and leaving at 8pm on a Sunday - and paying a sodding fortune for the pleasure. Okay, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. I need to calm down. I am panicking.

I think the lack of productivity over the past month or so is most definitely not helping. A couple of days of dedicated work, no messing about on the net, no writing blogs, no watching the biggest loser, no procrastinating is what's needed. I've been here before, I'll get myself out of it again.

Speedtrain coming through

Shitting hell. Who the fark decided life was going to go radio rental (mental - do try and keep up). I've got all these posts (okay, two) carefully composed in my head and there ain't no time to write them.

I've had three new business enquiries come through all today and two of them are definite go-ers. The other I have to write a proposal for so it's all systems go, and yer granny's systems too. I actually don't know how I am going to do all this work and I am panicking a bit. Yes, that's why spending time blogging. I know, I know!

Apart from taking my car to the garage for an MOT and service first thing tomorrow I've got a whole day at my desk and so I'm going to have to beast on as much as I can before trotting off to spinning at 5.30pm. See, that's part of the problem. Going to the gym takes up valuable time. I was out this evening at a voluntry thing I do and so I HAD to go to the gym at lunchtime today. I'm off up to TB's on Thursday afternoon and so I'm trying to cram as much exercise in as possible while I'm at home. I also cycled to my thing tonight which was 25 minutes each way.

Once I've wrapped this baby up, I need to call my mother and then I'm going to do work for an hour and then it'll be time to do the dishes and then hang the washing up and then go to bed. Oh, and speak to TB as well. So that'll be another 11.30pm bedtime. And then tomorrow morning I get to weigh myself! Lucky me!

In prepartation for possible bad times on the scales tomorrow I've made a note of some  non scale victories to keep me in good spirits (not the kind I'd like).

• Sleeves on a dress I was wearing the other day felt looser around the tops of my arms
• Tummy definitely looks and feels flatter
• Mum said my cheekbones are more prominient and my face doesn't look as round
• Belt is doing up a notch tighter
• Feeling fitter and stronger when exercising

Onwards and downwards!

Trundling Along

So I seem to have lost my blogging mojo somewhat. The fact of the matter is that when I lose the plot with the diet, I'm reluctant to update. It's a bit like sticking my head in the sand, but the sand is replaced with chocolate. So... image me with my head in a bucket of chocolate and you get the idea.

I'm also rubbish at keeping up with other people's blogs when this happens. While I'm in calorie induced fug I don't really enjoy reading about other's attempts to shift the lard. Sorry - totally selfish but that's just the way it is.

While I don't feel too great at the moment size and fat wise, I don't feel too bad either. I know that I've got a couple of weeks of indulgence coming up (and to be honest a lot of those days are booze filled, rather than food filled) and then it'll be New Year and time to get right back on it - again. Yup, again.

The plan of attack come Jan 11 is that even though my Slimming World group has folded (kiss of death from yours truly!) I've still got the info and I'm going to stick with it. And running. I really want to get back into running. I can crack out a 5k without too much bother but it would be good to get up to a 10k or so.

In other life news, work is going really well - although I don't think I'll ever get the hang of working from home and being at my desk at 9am. I'm planning to take off most of Christmas and New Year so looking forward to catching up with my family, friends and of course Toy Boy.

Yes, Toy Boy. What a sweetheart. It's a pain that we only get to see each other at the weekends but so far it's working out pretty well. We actually didn't end up seeing each other last weekend and so it's been almost two weeks since we clapped eyes on each other. We were champing at the bit for yesterday to arrive (when I came to see him) and have been counting down the days. But typically - I arrive and after just a few hours together we end up almost falling out! It was over nothing at all - I felt he was poopoo-ing a suggestion of mine and just generally being a twat (while in the supermarket). I flounced off to the bread aisle. But APART from that.... double thumbs up.

Here is an example of how lovely he is...  We were talking about books (pah- check us and our, like, totes intellectual conversation) and  I mentioned I had never read The Great Gatsby. The next time he came to mine he brings out a stack of six books from his bag, one of which is The Great Gatsby. He's brought me a selection of his own books that he thinks I should read and that I'd enjoy. And they're in a specific order, lighthearted followed by more serious etc. Revolutionary Road done, now onto Glue. How thoughtful.

His family party is tomorrow night and I'm actually really looking forward to it. Note to self - do not get too drunk and tell his family members things they  do not need to know.

Finally, I'm on the verge of saying it. You know - that word. The one that makes this all a bit more serious. Hmm. Don't want to do it first though.

My new mummy and daddy!

Just cracking off a quickie as I'm super busy with work. I've been working for myself for just over a year now and I am so pleased I made the decision to go it alone. It's pretty daunting at times and I'm forever checking my spreadsheet to keep an eye on the cash flow situation but it all seems to be working out! Who'd have thunk it? Shame I have to still deal with clients!

So - it's t minus 5 hours until I meet Toyboy's parentals. I'm feeling fine about it to be honest, I just want them to like me! Out of all my ex boyfriend's parents they seem to be the most similar to mine- which is really reassuring and so I am looking forward to meeting them. I'll have to watch though - I keep calling them by a nickname when chatting to Toyboy. Must not let that slip out tonight!

I've picked out my outfit too. Dark blue jeans and a kinds dressy jumper thing with a big gold bow on the front. Big gold earrings and a big gold cuff. Well, I need to give it the Love Cat touch! It's quite understated and flattering too. We're going out for bite to eat and then to a play. How civilised!

Diet is going well but the past two nights I've been out in the evening and ended up picking at crappy stuff for my tea. Last night I had about 10 truffles (they were AMAZING) - highly nutritious I'm sure you'll agree, and the night before I had a mini pie thing (just a bit of one) and an onion ring. Calorie wise it's no more than a meal but it's not the Slimming World way.

Have a great weekend lovers. x