Weigh in

I was hoping and possibly expecting  a loss this morning but it wasn't to be. 0.25lbs on.

I'm pretty okay with it though. In fact, I'm very okay with it. I don't know what damage was done when I went a bit mental at the wedding and so on, and my period is late but 'weighting' in the wings. Ha! Get it! Oooh - too much hilarity. On top of all that, I feel good. I feel really good. I feel like I've lost weight and I just feel confident and relaxed.

I went out for a run this morning and I wanted to try and do around 6k - the longest run I'll have done in probably around a year.  I set off unsteadily as my hip flexors were a bit stiff from kettlebell lunges yesterday. I soon got lost in a daydream and managed to crack out 5.85km in 39.20 mins. Flippin well delighted. Saying I got lost in a daydream makes it sound like I just floated along. Not the case at all! Sweat in my eyes, tight chest, burning legs, practically racing a boy on a bike who was getting cycling proficiency lessons - and two monty hills!

I've also had a cracking result for one of my clients which I am chuffed to bits with. It's given me a real boost workwise and I feel like I could take on anything right now!

And now here's a montage (everyone loves a montage!) of what's been going down of late. 

Scottish countryside, cute cats, healthy shopping and cooking, heart shaped polka dots, running and bike love.

Starting Weight: 185 pounds
Current Weight: 181.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.25 gain 
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 3.25 pounds

Back - and bigger

Well Howdy Doody!

How are you my sweets? I am just dandy and have been very busy of late - so much to tell!

I'm not going to lump everything into one post so here's a quick topliner...

My holiday in Italy was just lovely. The pissing rain, thunder and lightning - not so much. I think there were two days that it didn't rain at all but I still had to wear my hat (I bought on the first day) the whole time. Pretty damn chilly. It was still a great holiday. We saw lots, we slept lots and we ate lots. Well, I certainly did. Pizza, ice cream and featured heavily. I think I may have cried with sheer unadulterated pleasure when I devoured Kinder ice cream. It was filled with huge chunks of kinder chocolate. Insane.

It was also really nice to hang out just the two of us, TB and I. Lots of hand holding and kissing in public (apparently that's the done thing in Italy!) and just getting along brilliantly. 

The Plan, you remember - the one where I was going to go hell for leather with the healthy eating and exercise until the morning I went on holiday - well, it wasn't so much of a plan and more like a notion I maybe had for 17 seconds. I'm afraid it did not happen. In fact, if anything, the reverse did. I started eating with gay abandon several days before we went on holiday and that pretty much continued until last night (despite going to the gym yesterday morning). But, today is Wednesday and this morning the scales and I were reunited. It's been 19 days since my last weigh in and I've put on..... 7lbs! Yup - half a stone has lumped on. Oops.

I was in denial a little bit, thinking I had got away with still being in the 12stones but when 13stone 2.5lbs flashed up there was no escape. And then to add insult to injury - I saw this picture of me taken at the weekend. You can practically tell what make of pants I am wearing!

So what am I going to do about it? Well, how about this crazy idea; I'm going to STOP FAFFING ABOUT. It's time get get serious. I know what to do. Not only is that eating the right foods and working out but it also involves cutting out sneaky mouthfuls and tastes of things that have no place in my gob. It's back to tracking and logging. Dull - but necessary.

I'm heavier than I was at my first 2012 weigh in - not cool. I want to get the hell outta the 13s asap and down down down into the 12s. There are so many things coming up (no holidays!) so it's time to bust some moves.

Weigh in

It's been a good week. Lots of activity and my diet has been excellent too. I got on the scales this morning and was rewarded with a 0.75lbs loss, taking me to 12 stone 9.5lbs.

It's not a huge loss and I feel like I deserved to hit the pound mark, but it's not to be. I did drink rather a lot of wine on Friday and Saturday... The less said about that the better - I was pretty damn pissed.

Exercise for the week was...

Friday: 3 mile brisk walk
Saturday: Dance class (part of a hen do)
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: Gym. 22 minutes of sprints, resistance work, 5 mins rower, kettlebells, 10 mins spinning
Wednesday: Gym. 20 mins treadmill (10 running, 10 sprints), lunges and biceps, 10 mins spinning
Thursday: 40 mins boxercise, 10 mins treadmill (10.3kmph)

That feels like a lot for just 3/4 of a pound. But it's a loss and it's all heading in the right direction. I feel really good - toned and not so wobbly and my fitness is good. I'm now running at 10.3kmph as my base speed. For me, that's amazing. So I'm concentrating on the positives and trying not to let that negative voice get too loud that is telling me, "but you're just the same weight you were 7 months ago. What have you been doing? You've tried to lose weight all this time but you've even struggled to maintain."

My counter argument to that is that I've lost almost half a stone this year. My body fat is lower (by a ball hair - but it's lower!) and I'm still in the 12stones. That is still amazing to me. The fact I've lost two stone and I've kept it off feels great. This is what I look like now. This is how I feel now. I'm never going back.

So how does this affect The Plan? Well, to get into FF I need to lose 2.25lbs IN ONE WEEK. Now, while this is possible, it is also highly unlikely. So what am I going to do? I'm going to go for it, of course! Chances are I'm not going to do it - but I'm sure as hell gonna try my best.

Realistically if I could see 12 stone 7.75lbs I would be happy. In fact, I would be happy with a loss at all. But, I've decided I am going to batten down the hatches like they have never been battened (?).

So what hurdles lie ahead. Tonight, we are staying at TB's folks and will be having dinner with them. Chances are there will be a pudding - and we'll probably get given an Easter Egg each. On Sunday my mum is having an Easter Party. It'll be a buffet style meal but I already know my mum is making individual creme brulees and some other profiterole type creations. Yes,  I am my mother's daughter - we love our puddings! My only saving grace is that under her watchful gaze I won't be tempted to snaffle something  into my chubby cheeks.

Starting Weight: 183 pounds
Current Weight: 177.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.75
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 5.5lbs

Sping in my step

The weekend has been just lovely with some great highs, and a couple of self inflicted lows.

Friday night was the first meeting of my new book group. I know a couple of the girls but most of us were meeting for the first time. They seem like a really great bunch and I think I'd like to be proper friends with a couple of them! That makes me feel like a proper try hard. But when you're in a new city and trying to make new friends it's not that often you meet someone that you get on with but also someone that you feel like you kinda 'get' each others sense of humour etc. And so I've just fired off a couple of friend request on Facebook. Okay, now I sound like stalker.

It was a good night but the food my friend, who was hosting, made was not good at all. Her prawn risotto was totally tasteless and ugh, it was so stodgy - and not hot enough! Oh dear. We all ate it (I was starving) but I felt quite bad for her. She pulled it out the bag though with an amazing pudding. Some strawberry mille feuille creation. If I was being totally focused, I shouldn't have had any - but... I did. When you're at someone's home I find it really hard to say no. And on this occasion I wanted something tasty after the disaster that was the risotto. I also drank the best part of half a bottle of rum.

I had a long lie on Saturday and woke up to a very foggy, dull day. That's right Britain, while the rest of you were basking in the sunshine I didn't have it so good, which kinda pissed all over my plan to go for a long bike ride. After tidying round a bit and generally faffing, I eventually talked myself in going to the supermarket on my bike, a round trip of just over 4 miles. While at the shops I got a couple of very excellent holiday outfits which I shall post pics of later. I came home, made a fish pie, blogged -and then sat on my backside for the rest of the night. This is where it went a bit wrong. I was a bit bored and as I have come to realise this is quite the danger time for me. I had eaten all the right thing during the day but the next thing I knew I had helped myself to a bowl of vanilla ice cream smothered in my own banana jam/sauce. What a combination. It was insane. I bloody loved it. I then proceeded to demolish half a big bag of assorted mints. Suffice to say after all that sugar, I felt totally horrendous. I went to bed annoyed with myself. What happened to The Plan? I promised myself that if it was sunny I would go for a run in the morning.

I woke up to a gorgeous Sunday morning. The sun was shining; I got my trainers on. I headed off to a big park near me that I just discovered the other day - and this meant running up a rather large hill. Off I went. I got up the hill. I felt good! I kept on going. I felt even better. I realised the route I was taking meant there was only one way home - up a very long and very big hill. Oh well, nothing else for it. I kept going. I felt good. I got to the hill. I started running up it. I kept on going. I got to the top and I ran all the way home. I felt fricking amazing. 37 minutes and 5.7km of running without stopping! I was so excited. I can't stop thinking about it.

It was the perfect way to bring my thoughts together. Running in the springtime sun, through a park, along a riverside; it was beautiful. And it was the ideal way for me to realise how my fitness has improved. I think that's the longest run I've done in about a year and the fact that I managed to trot up two big hills without any problems has made me realise all the gym work is paying off. In the past few weeks I've done a lot of 1 min sprint/1 min walk on the treadmill for 20 mins at a time and my base running time is 10.2kmph. I remember when it used to be 8.4kmph. Now THAT feels good.

I got home, showered, had some brekkie, drove to Tesco, realised I had forgotten my purse, drove home, got my purse, went to Asda (closer), shopped, came home, wrestled with the washing line, shoved some mackerel down my face, went to meet my friend at a beer garden where I had a couple of rums but mostly stuck to diet coke.

TB joined us later but it was really nice to invited out by one of my new pals and to head off and meet her on my own, in my new city, doing ma thing... The evening wore on and we ended up heading out for food. There was talk of heading to the chippy but I'm glad to say I managed to steer it away from that and we went for Thai in the end. I had a pretty spicy jungle curry which was really nice - and not a bad choice at all.

This morning I had another excellent workout. 12 mins of running at 10.2 and then 8 minutes of sprint/walking and other cardio resulting in 40 mins in total - and some good resistance too. Fish pie tonight and  The Plan is in full flow.

The plan

Or more correctly... THE PLAN (also known as Stop Fannying Around). The block capitals represent a refreshed me. A me with some motivation! I know... where the chuff did this come from?

My post on Friday was all about mindful eating for the rest of the weekend. That mindful eating didn't go as well as I might have hoped. Friday and Saturday were.... okay. Just okay. Sunday? Oh dear. Not good at all. Not one bit. Not only did I eat a lot of unhealthy foods, but I ate a lots of them. My portions were massive.

I woke up on Monday morning and was still wiped out from camp with no idea of what damage had been done. Thoughts of dragging myself to the gym swiftly got binned. Instead, I stayed in bed and came up with.... the plan. The plan is the introduction of a new (temporary) weigh day. I go on holiday three weeks on Friday. I'm giving it my all from now until Friday and then we shall see what the scales have to say.  I then have three weeks to get into Fresh Fat.

I'm expecting the scales to be no higher than 12stone 12lbs on Friday but I'm hoping for less than that. Even if they are 12stone 12lbs, that gives me three weeks to lose 5lbs. This is all totally do-able. I just need to stop fannying around. I want to feel great on holiday and I could feel fricking amazing by simply dropping less than half a stone.

It's day three today and I'm feeling good. I'm on plan. I'm organised. I am determined.  Bring it!

Weigh in

2.5lbs on. That's quite a lot. I wasn't expecting quite that much of a gain. I don't 'feel' like I've gained that amount; clothes feel the same as they did a week ago. I only had a few slip ups (and the baking fiasco) but whatever I think, that's the number I am faced with. So hello, 12stone 11.5lbs. We meet AGAIN.

After jumping on and off the scales 27 times (just to make sure) I got back in the groove. Cold meat and a couple of crackers for brekkie. An apple as a snack. At lunchtime I jumped on my bike and cycled just over 4 miles to my boxercise class. There was  an odd number of people in the class and I got teamed up with the instructor - which meant I did twice the work! I cycled home again and as the endorphins kicked in I was feeling pretty positive. Eggs for lunch and a couple of boiled sweets with my afternoon coffee. 

TB came home from work and we trotted off to the shops to get some new jeans for him. By the time we were done and dusted we were both starving. He suggested getting a Chinese on the way home. I said: "We really should get something healthier, but okay."

Okay. With that one word I made a really stupid choice. And then after the Chinese was eaten, I had a choc ice, three crunch creams and a three after dinner mints. Oh lady, what IS going on? Utter sillyness, that's what.


This morning I went to the gym and ran 20 mins of sprint intervals, did three sets of lunges and squats (all with weights) and was on the spinning bike for 12 mins (no upper body as I am aching after boxercise!). When I was there I thought about what I'm doing and I commended myself on the positives; I've done three excellent workouts three days in a row; every day is a new day and I've got right back on the wagon. Ultimately I am still trying. I'm only 3 and a half pounds away from fresh fat (yes, I'm rolling out that old statistic - again!).

So how am I going to approach this? What are my next steps? Mentally, I'm not sure. I'm finding it hard to get revved up. My mum was trying to give me some fighting talk yesterday - but it's just not cutting the moutard. However, she was totally right when she pointed out that 4 weeks today TB and I are off to Italy (the Amalphi Coast!) for a week (which I am super excited about). I'd love to be in fresh fat (FF) for that and since I will no doubt gain some weight on holiday, I need to create a buffer. I do not want to see 13 stone or above ever again.

I've got five days until weigh in. I could do a lot in that time. I just need to take it one step at a time. I'm talking hour by hour. TB and I are away for the weekend which is all catered for. I realise when I talk about being away for the weekend (which we are quite a lot) it's very cryptic. I'll just come out and explain what the hell I am on about - we are both Scout leaders. In fact, that's how we met. Anyway- we're at a camp this weekend which will be catered for. I just need to make sensible decisions. No fried breakfast. No pudding. No crisps. Lots of walking around. 

The camp is close to his parent's house and so we are there for dinner tonight and Sunday night. So basically, meals are outwith my control all of the weekend. It's not the meals that are the problem though (mostly), it's everything that surrounds them.  Hmmm, I bet there is pudding on Sunday night at his parent's. Not sure how to dodge that one.

I just need to stop and think.  Just a few days ago my mind and eyes were wandering and thinking about what I could eat, what extras I could find/get away with/sneak. I definitely feel calmer. 75% of what I am doing is bang on. I need to carry that good behaviour right through so it's more like 95%.

Mindful is going to be my watchword for the weekend. Chocs away! No really - put the damn chocs away!

Starting Weight: 183 pounds
Current Weight: 179.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 2.5lbs
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 3.5lbs

PS)  Thanks for your comments on my last post, ladies. They were just lovely and made me smile a big cheeser. I also may have drooled about the thought of your toffee, Lesley. In fact, I'm doing it again right now!

Thoughts to fingers to keys to blog

I'm just shit at blogging these days. I can't seem to summon the mental dexterity to fashion together even just a few words that aren't as boring as.... see! I can't even come up with a vaguely witty analogy.

Rather than totally fall off the radar I thought I'd at least crack out some words which might pass as a blog if you drank 17 rum and cokes and screwed your eyes up a bit. I might pap some pics up too. Better than nowt, eh. Well, I'm actually going to go list style. When in doubt paragraph it out, baby.

Last year my jam making was such a ruddy success that I got THREE jam making books at Christmas. Suffice to say I had to make marmalade this weekend just past. First attempt and it is the shit. Next up, three fruit marmalade.

My feline special boy continues to delight and frustrate in equal measures. We share a communal hallway/stairs with two other flats (top, middle and bottom). We are middle. Top is a lovely lady, her 9 year old daughter and their female cat. My boy is not getting on with their cat. Constant shouting at each other and a few swipes too. My cat keeps sneaking up to their front door and shouting dog's abuse (HA!) through their cat flap at their poor cat! I also know she's gone to the toilet inside her flat as she's unsettled! I wish my cat would stop being such an aggressive little shit. Although I have caught her chasing him inside from the garden too. It's like a full time job.

Sugar. Things are a lot better. A lot. For the past few days I've had about 3 celebrations a day and maybe a couple of boiled sweets. Feeling a lot better about that. I'm still totally aware of the fact I could go nuts and just inhale silly amounts but I am managing to be a lot more controlled.

The Biggest Loser (USA) I am obsessed. I fricking loved Season 11 (although nothing will ever beat Tara and Season 7) and have just gorged my way through season 12. I'm now one episode behind on Season 13 - which means I'll soon be caught up totally and I can actually read the blogs and tweets in line with the rest of the world without spoiling who gets chucked off each week.

Totally channelling the Biggest Loser workouts when I've been at the gym. I've been working really hard and yesterday, all of a sudden, I could feel a massive difference when doing dynamic lunges. I have an 8kg weight in each hand and using my right leg I step forward, lung and step back 12 times. Then the left leg. Then the same again but I step backwards and dip into a lung. And then the same with the other leg... 3 sets if you please. Ouch! I use to do these bad boys all the time.  I really do hate them but I know they work and so I just got on with it. Since the ankle incident (yes, I'm still bleating on about that) I've done them but never a full complement of 3 sets.... until yesterday baby! Very happy about that. I just felt much stronger than I have in months. While I feel the same size and generally a bit podgy about the body, my arms and legs feel much more solid and I can feel more muscle.

Had a pretty quiet weekend but was out on Friday night and both nights the weekend before. I even managed to go to an 80's club. They actually played Jason Donovan and Two Many Broken Hearts. Amazing! I'm staying off the booze this coming weekend as I'm at a night out in a village miles from anywhere and am just going to drive home to stay at my folk's afterwards. Quite hoping that'll help the scales move in the right direction.

I finally bought another pair of gym trousers/leggings. I have two sports bras (3 if you count the one that lots of the stitching has come out on), two pairs of trainer, countless t-shirts- but just one pair of trousers. They are constantly being washed and hung on the radiator to dry. It's never ending and it BORES ME TO DEATH. No more though! I'm not at your mercy any longer, sweaty breeks! And on that note... here are some pics.

Chowing down

Two posts in two days! I know! I think it's safe to say that's a sure sign I am feeling much more focused.

I mean, let's not get carried away I've managed to eat well and exercise for two days. It's not going to melt away half a stone like magic but two days become three and three become four.... and then a few pounds are lost - and then half a stone is melted away.

I'm on super budget lockdown as well and I had a most productive evening last night. A lovely healthy fish pie for tea, a sweaty gym workout, a flat tidy round and then I whipped up some super healthy spicy parsnip and butternut squash soup which I made from from a load of reduced veg I picked up at the supermarket.

The lovely and very witty Peridot asked me for a some examples of the kinds of things I eat on a day to to day basis and so here is today's eats. I've also included the times so you get an idea of what I need to keep me going. It's also an unusual day because I've got meeting at lunchtime which is breaking lunch so it's in two parts.

9am: Hot water and lemon
10am: pineapple, melon, plum and grapes with low fat yogurt
10.30am: coffee
11.30: Satsuma
12. Cycle 4.5 miles to meeting
12.50pm: Slimming world quiche made with cottage cheese and loadsa veg. Small portion.
2pm: Apple
2pm: Cycle 4.5 miles back from meeting
3pm: Homemade spicy parsnip and butternut squash soup
4pm: Coffee
5pm: Raw carrot and a satsuma
7pm: Fish pie (Jamie Oliver recipe made healthier by removing oil) and broccoli
8.30pm: Refresher ice lolly
10pm: Frozen grapes.

I also drink a lot of sugar free diluting juice throughout the day. I might have more coffee than that too.

Right - time to get to my meeting on my wheels of steel. Adios!

Hello stranger

Cooooeeeeee!
Well hey there! How the HELL are ya? What the devil has been going down?  Me? Oh, you know - all the usual shenanigans. I was at a wedding at the weekend at which I was a bridesmaid. So much fun. I felt really lovely in my dress and the pics are pretty flattering too - which was a relief considering I've not exactly been sticking to the diet.

Ummm, what else?... Oh yeah, In general I've been eating like a total mentalist that is trying to put on as much weight in as short a time period as possible. Disappointing behaviour that has left me feeling pretty sick fed up with myself - and literally sick, at times.

BUT.... the fog is lifting. I've got a clear run of a whole week with no plans for drinking or crazy nights out - and lots of time for exercise. I've pretty much done what I know always works for me - and that is to make a plan. I know exactly what exercise I am doing every day until Monday. I know exactly what meals I am eating until Saturday lunchtime. I follow the plan; I tick the boxes.

I didn't take part in the weekly weigh in today as I'd put my mortgage on the fact I would have seen 13stone something. No thanks. I do not want to see 13 stone ever again. I'm going to get back into the groove for a week and then I'll see what is going on.

For the moment - it is one day at time.

The good will out

I tried on my bridesmaid dress tonight.

It would seem the extra four pounds or so that I've been carrying around since my holiday (which was two months ago!) have settled around my tummy and hips. It's nothing to worry about and while I can see that my dress isn't sitting as perfectly as it was, isn't anything a pair of pull-you-in tights can't sort out.

However, I want to be able to breath out on the day of the wedding without worrying that I've got a pot belly going on (there ain't nowhere to hide in a size 14 Coast dress) and so until Saturday it's all systems go.

While I've been munching on too many of the wrong things I am doing a lot of the right things. I had a great gym workout on Saturday and tonight. I've a 6 mile cycle under my belt and I'm spinning tomorrow as well. That's four solid workouts this week.

I've had a really sterling day food wise and I intend for tomorrow to be the same. I am out for a sushi lunch and so I just need to avoid the soy sauce to there is no salty water retention issues during Wednesday's weigh in.

Regardless of what the scales say on Wednesday morning. I need to keep on going. Get back into the groove of planing my food and building my plans around my workouts. I'm off to TB's on Wednesday lunchtime and so I'd love to get up early and get a quick run under my belt. In fact - I just have to decide that's what I'm doing. That's the plan. End of discussion.

Choo choo

I think I'm back on track.

My eating is pretty damn shit hot (apart from a bit too much sugar - as per usual) and I've had three really good workouts three days running. Some of the bloat from the weekend's face filling episode has gone down and I feel more in control. Oh control how I love thee.

I'm planning meals and trying to be as organised as possible. So far, so good. I've got 5 hours on a train tomorrow as I head off for a hen weekend but I know what's for brekkie and lunch. Dinner will be eaten out but it's about making the sensible choice. One choice at a time.

I'm a bridesmaid in three weeks time. I don't want to let myself down on the day by wishing I could have done more.

Weigh in

I've been scraping losses the past few weeks by the skin of my teeth. No more. Today's weigh in revealed a harsh reality... 2.5lbs on. That's me back to 12stone 11.25 lbs.

Eeek. That is bad. Even including holidays that's the worst gain I've had (pro rata) since getting my act together in March. I've just not been feeling it. Y'know. I'm going through the motions 75% of the time. As for the other 25%, don't ask.

I've been really lucky that I've had the time over the summer to really devote myself to losing weight. I've been able to prioritise it and fit the rest of my life around it. Now that I'm working from an office and there have been quite a few things going on - mainly social - working out and eating nothing but fish and veg, has had to take a back seat. Real like is back and I'm not integrating very well. And of course, being injured hasn't helped.

I need to refocus and get back into the groove. I did not like seeing the double digits of 11 pounds on the scales this morning. Not one bit! If I'm not careful 13 stone will be beckoning me in no time. Come back to the bigger bum club, the scales will whisper to me. Yeah, okay - this bum will always be bigger... You know what I mean though. I don't want to go back there. I want the lower 12s to be my danger zone. The weight range that I know I need to screw the nut and get back to keeping my eye on things. I'm not yet there though! I can be - and I want to be, and so I must make it so.

There's not been enough planning of food going on. Well, just a lack of general planning to be honest. So, umm... no time like the present... I've had porridge and banana for me brekkie today and lunch was my mum's ratatouille- so all good. However, I've got an after work event which means no dinner till.... well, who knows, and I have no idea what I'm having. Okay - plan. Banana and 1 tsp of honey late avo and scrambled eggs, no toast for dinner.

No exercise today  - apart from 10 mins of push ups and leg raises this morning - just too much on but tomorrow lunchtime is spinning and Friday morning will be a killer sesh too. I can do this. Don't let it go now Love Cat - 2011 is the year.


Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 2.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 27.5 pounds

Weigh in. Wolf!

It was that time again this morning... scale time. It's pretty obvious I wasn't looking forward to it after all my bleating and wailing in yesterday's post.

I did that thing where I was dreaming about weighing myself, a sure sign I am worked up about it. In my dream I had somehow managed to find a setting on the scales that meant I got my reading in stones, pounds and ounces. Anyhoo.... I feel like the chubby girl that cried 'the cake is finished' or some such food and fat related metaphor;  I lost 3/4 of a pound.

Sorry, I feel like a fraud. There I was banging on about how I had lost my way and get I still managed to lose something. I was convinced I was going to gain but what do you know, I'm still edging down. And of course, now I am wondering how much I could have lost if I had stayed on track. But enough of those what if thoughts. I'm just so glad that things are moving in the right direction. Yes, they might be moving very slowly but the fact that they are moving at all is a bloody marvelous thing.

I'm not quite back in the positive mind set 100% but I am definitely getting there. Of course, the loss this morning was a farking huge help but last night's workout really got me going. Off I popped to spinning - which was SO hard. I'm still struggling with my fitness a bit and I also felt a bit emotional in the class during some of the longer stand up sprints (I have since realised that my period is due so that might have something do with the OTT emotionals). After the class I thought, 'I know my ankle is still swollen but it feels pretty much okay most of the time, I'm going to test it out on the treadmill'. And so on I popped.

I kept the incline at 0% and tried out 8.6kmph for a minute. It felt okay. I kept going. 30 seconds later I upped my speed to 10kmph for a quick blast. My ankle still felt okay. I took the speed down and walked for a minute. Everything was okay. Could it be that I can actually run? To make sure I tried again and this time I kept going until I hit the 10 minute mark! Can you believe it?! I am so so pleased.

I won't lie to you, my ankle does feel a bit twingy today but nothing too bad at all. My normal routine would be circuits tonight and a 7 mile cycle but I've covered almost 10 miles today on my trusty wheels as I nipped about over town on various errands. And so I'm going to call it a day at that. There is still quite a lot of swelling and so I do need to be careful how much I push on.

I've had a really great day foodwise and I feel motivated to stick to it and push on for another week. The mojo (oh yeah, I ate some of them at the weekend too) is coming back. And thanks for your comments. It really does feel great to you've got people rooting for you.

I've got friend coming over for take out sushi tonight which won't break the diet bank and I'll just say no thanks to wine. One choice at a time. I chose to be in control.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 177.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.75 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 27 pounds

Weigh in

I was truly dreading getting on the scales this morning.

I just didn't feel like I got into the groove last week. It was mostly due to my arsed up ankle. To keep my head in the game, and to stop my picking at food I need to feel like I am working hard when it comes to exercise - and I feel like that's not happened.  Luckily for me I managed to scrape a loss of half a pound. It's not going to set the world on fire but it's a loss and on the back of a wonky week and just being home from holidays I'll gladly take it.

I read a post the other day someone wrote about the putting on their gym clothes (sorry, can't remember who it was) and how simply doing this totally changed their mind set about exercising. It was as if they felt like someone who exercised when they changed into something sporty and going to the gym wasn't something they had to talk themselves into. I can totally empathise with that.

Last night I got home after work with a couple of hours to spare before spinning. I really didn't want to go and I was thinking "What's the point? I feel frumpy and there is no way I'll have lost anything this week." I know, totally dramatic. I knew I was going to go (it's Tuesday night spinning, c'mon) but I've just not been feeling it. I pottered around for a bit feeling lethargic and then finally changed into my gym kit. What's this, an athletic Love Cat? I instantly felt more... sporty. I am the person that goes to the gym. I am fit and I am in control.

Off I hobbled to spinning (yes, the ankle is still sore!) and sweated my backside off in the class. Luckily it didn't aggravate my ankle too much and so I went for it. I definitely feel an improvement from last week. A week off the fags has certainly made a difference.

So I'm feeling A LOT more positive today. My weight is going back down (albeit very slowly) and my fitness is creeping back up. I'm going to have to modify my exercise for a while to accommodate this stupid ankle of mine (no circuits tonight) but if I remain focused I see no reason why I can't deal with this challenge and keep things moving downwards. I can do this.

Rock Awn!

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 26.25 pounds

Weigh in

As long as you're still in the 12s. C'mon the 12s.

That's what I've been telling myself. That was my mantra as I got on the scales this morning. I didn't feel like I'd put that much weight on; my jeans feel pretty much the same, my boobs and tummy feel marginally bigger but as far as I could see that was the extent of it. Or was this wishful thinking.

With all my scale hopping in London I reckoned I was 12 stone 7.5lbs the day I went on holiday. A weight I've not seen for a long, long time and I really want to see it again soon. Is 12 days of carefree and careless eating going to make 12 and a half stone a dim and distant memory?

I looked down at the numbers, ready to get a true reflection of my beer guzzling and pizza devouring.12 stone 10.5lbs. I do believe that's a gain of 3lbs. Only 3lbs! Amazing amazing amazing! Something has changed. I'm not sure what but the days of going on holiday and gaining half a stone in a week are gone!

The more I think about it the more I think it's down to the 'one more day' attitude. Do yourself a favour and keep holiday eating to holiday. I had a really frugal eating day yesterday and went to spinning last night, meaning I had one great day of healthy living under my belt before weighing in. If I weighed in yesterday I fully expect I would have been at least a pound heavier. 3 lbs is somehow much much easier to process re-losing than 4lbs. If I had eaten before holiday for a few days and again at the end for a few days, I'm sure that 4lbs would be 7lbs.

This is it. I am truly going to do it this time. 2011 is my year. The next six months are pretty mental, there is so much going on that I have to tell you about that means I really need to push on as much as I can. I'll tell you all about it very soon.

Finally, spinning last night just about killed me. I found it so hard. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I was almost sick at the end of the class. It wasn't my muscles but my breathing that was fecked. Fitness, I love you - come back to me!

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 3 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 25.75 pounds

Me at the lights at the sea organ in Zadar

Croatian Comedown

TB snorkels while I enjoy the moment.

 
What a holiday. What a holiday! Crotia is absolutely beautiful. The weather was scorching hot, around 30 degrees everyday, the water was the clearest I have ever seen and the scenery was breathtaking.

Two of my best mates (Aunty and Glamour Puss), another friend, and TB and I, arrived on Thursday 11th into Split and 3 hours later after a mammoth bus journey (we thought it was only going to be an hour and a half) we ended up in Zadar, just a few kilometres from the small village which was hosting the music festival we were there for. The first thing that hit me, along with the heat, was the realisation that it was so hot that shorts were my only option.

I kinda knew that was going to be the deal and so I'd mentally prepared myself for it. While my legs are a sturdy pair of pins and some people might be horrified if theirs were anything like them, they are mine and they are the best they have ever looked so I was actually feeling quite good about getting them out. And out they came, for almost all of the holiday! So much so that I even wore shorts when we went out at night sometimes. I know! Unreal and unheard of.

One night when perched on a wall near the dancefloor, TB was standing next to me, his hand resting on my thigh. "It's lovely being able to touch your bare leg" he said. It felt pretty good too, being there with him - the two of us together and me feeling relaxed, confident and happy.

The whole holiday followed in the same vein. Relaxed, great times. I stuck to my own holiday rules of not being too bossy or blunt and to be a good holiday companion and I think I pretty much rocked it. There were no fall outs and the most cross word between TB and I was when I abruptly woke him up from a nap and he was grumpy about not being gently roused from slumber! Pampered prima donna, that he is.

In the back of my mind I thought I might do some exercise on holiday (other than dancing, swimming and walking to and from the beach/festival site). I had my trainers and gym clothes with me as I took them London en route - so that was no excuse. Instead I found other excuses such as: it's too bloody hot, I'm hungover, I'd rather sit on my arse and sunbathe, I've been up all night and am only capable of snoozing on a sun lounger, I'm too busy drinking cocktails. You get the gist. So while I sweated like a piggy it was only because of the blistering heat and not because of an evangelical set up lunges. Oh lunges, I've not missed you at all.

And then there was the eating and drinking. Let me point out two key things that I pretty much had no choice over. 1. Diet drinks do not seem to exist in Croatia. Yes, you can buy a diet coke in a bar but there is no way you can buy a drop in any shops. So I could have stuck to rum and diet cokes when out and about but, and here is point 2. Beer is the cheapest thing to drink. Cheaper than water! What choice does a person have? None! So there you have it, I chugged back pints of beer and full fat fizzy drinks. I could have coupled this with salad eating to try and balance things out but no, I had pizza. A lot of it. I had pasta, risotto, fried cheese, ice cream, bread and full fat milky coffees. Oh and I smoked like a lum.

Oh wait, one day (at the beginning of the holiday) I ordered grilled chicken. Fried chicken arrived with a side of chips. Do you see what I was up against? Do you?! I decided there was no point worrying about it. I ate what I wanted. And I loved it. I got home last night and this morning, I'm right back into fruit for breakfast and an omlette for lunch. Back to the routine.

12 days off the diet is not going to totally ruin all my good work. It's not the holiday that's the problem. It's the before and after. The "Oh well, I'm going on holiday on Thursday, I might as well treat myself and start gorging four days beforehand" and the "I'm home from holiday but I'll just eat what I like for one more day." One more day. One more day. A month later and it's still one more day. One more day is tomorrow - and a stone later. Don't delay. Take control now and make the moment count.

Weigh in

In one of my recent posts I listed some of my top tips. One of them, and arguably the most important, was to keep on keeping on.

My biggest dieting and exercising hurdle has always been keeping going and not giving up when things don't go my way, such as last week's unexpected gain of 1.5lbs.  I knew it wasn't a real gain but it would have been so easy to thrown the towel in, and a jar of nutella down my neck.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've lost 7 pounds or so and then because I've struggled a little and the scales haven't played ball I've given up. And where did that get me? Almost two stone up from my lowest weight and only a stone from my heavyweight title of 2005 when I weighed in at a stonking 15 stone and 6lbs.

This week was just another week in many when I kept going. I put the work in and avoided just about all of the pitfalls - did I tell you about the three pavlovas and toffee and custard donuts at the barbeque which I looked a longingly but didn't even have a sniff of?

And the payoff? Drumroll please..... 3.75lbs off! Waaaaaaa! I do believe that means I am 12 stone 9.75lbs. Ahhhhh thank you very much! A few things about that number. In 2006 I got down to 12 stone 9 (my scales then only registered whole pounds). That was for about a nanosecond. I am the lightest I have been for around 10 years. 10 years people! I need to dig out my old diaries as I lost 17lbs in first year at uni and I can't quite remember what the numbers were then.

Only 1.25 more pounds and I'll have hit the 2 stone mark. However, there's a whole  lotta gallivanting around before then. A week on Friday I head to London for four days and after that I'm off to Croatia for 11 days. I'd love to hit the 2 stone mark before Croatia. Could be tricky - especially as I'll be staying with friends in London and won't have my scales with me. However, I have a cunning plan...

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 177.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 3.75 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 26.5 pounds

Weigh in & trying on

Precursor - I wrote this yesterday but blogger was being a twat and wouldn't let me upload pics.

I think I could have knocked out 10 miles everyday last week and eaten nothing but lettuce leaves and I would still only have lost half a pound.

Yup, it's my low loss week and I lost half a pound. I'm a bit miffed as I really did try and buck the trend this week and thought I had done enough. I'm not sweating it though (will save that for circuits later) as my body seems to be in a pattern and if I get a 2lbs loss next week then I'll be more than happy. I can't get complacent though as I still need to work hard for it.

Forgetting about the scale for a moment I did some trying on of clothes. It's TB's birthday on Friday (he'll be 24 - yes, he's getting older! He's definitely getting older!) and we're going out for a nice meal and so it's time to ditch the jeans and opt something a bit fancier. Wait. What's that noise? Oh yes, someone's hit the panic button. Panic people! I have nothing 'fancy' to wear.

I haven't worked in an office for two years and my formal clothes, which can often be dressed up to become a bit more 'going out worthy', are pretty much non existent. I live in jeans and casual dresses with leggings. These are not fancy enough. And so I delved into the wardrobe.

First up- black trousers. I bought these size 18 suit trousers from Next about a year ago. They are good quality and are typical of my fat uniform - black, wide legged trousers teamed with a tighter top. Yes, they are deadly boring but if I had to inject a bit of life into an outfit with them, I could. I'm not going to have to though as they are falling off me. Far too big! I look like I'm on day release from the mental hospital in them. I can't bear to give them to the charity shop though. I've only worn them around 10 times! I did chuck out a pair of grey trousers I bought about 4 years ago and have work once as they are are just a bad fit.

Okay- what other options do I have. Ah yes, the black dress which is pretty short but it's quite flattering as it's flarey out from the waist number (the pic doesn't do it justice). It's got a nice square pattern to it and I love the sweetheart neckline. I remember I last wore this when I was going out with Moonraker (the night he told me he loved me in fact). I must have been around 5lbs heavier or so than I am now. I felt really self conscious about how short it was but he thought I looked good in it and I am feeling quite upbeat about my pins at the moment - so it's a definite possibility.

Right what else is in here. Oh yes, black shirt dress from Oasis, we meet again. I bought this bad boy (that's in dire need of an iron) in a fit of new year 'I am going to lose weight' enthusiasm about 4 or 5 years ago, even though it was far too tight. It's got a sexy police woman feel about it and boy, does it hug in all the right places - and also the wrong ones if you are trying to wedge your size 20 arse into a size 16. To that end, I have never worn it. I've tried it on lots, but I've never worn it. I pulled it on this morning and... oh my, it's feeling and looking pretty good. Pretty good indeed. I'm always going to struggle with a straight up and down dress since my top half is two sizes smaller than the bottom but hey, that's what belts are for, right?

And so TB better prepare to blown away when I rock up on Friday in heels and a cheeky black number. I hope he thinks all his birthday's will have come at once.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 184.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 19.75 pounds

PS) Peridot, ha - you are correct I didn't rebuke the cooked breakfast. I meant to write rebuff! Although next time I will most definintely rebuke it too.

One handful or two, sir?

Last night we went to a real ale festival. Of course they also had spirits and diet mixers on offer too. Ha! Yeah, right. I wish. It was beer, ale, cider and perry. That was my lot. I reckon I drank about two pints of the stuff. Could have been worse. By the time we stopped off on the way home for something to eat it was well after 10pm. We ended up in a kebab type place which was actually pretty diet friendly. I had oven baked chicken with no sauce on a flatbread thingy.

TB (which I should also explain stands for The Bear as he is very hairy) came out with a corker on Thursday night. I had just arrived at his and we fell onto the bed together. Hands were everywhere. He said: "Oh! You bum is just one handful per cheek now. It used to be two."

I most definitely like being a one handful kinda girl.

Mother Hubbard

Last night was my second night at circuits. After my evening meal of homemade broccoli soup and a ryvita and cold meat (more on that in a moment) I was feeling rather sleepy and conked out for an hour before the class. I woke up just in time to get changed and jump on my bike. I was less than a minute away from home when the heavens opened. It was chucking it down. I thought to myself “it’ll pass in a moment, just keep pedalling on” and so I did – until I had to stop because I couldn’t see for the rain in my eyes. Not only was the rain in my eyes but it was running down my head into my eyes too. I actually could not see where I was going. By this time my hands were freezing and I was soaked to the skin. I turned back.

Don’t get me wrong, I was not happy about it. I need to get in my five days of workouts. I’m losing just over a pound a week on average and that is what it takes! 5 workouts that really push me and this was a workout and a seven mile bike ride I was missing. I got home and papped on Jillian M’s 30 day shred (by the way, what the hell is all this ‘are you going to phone it in business?) and did that followed by some vigorous house work.  Not nearly as much as the class and cycle but it’s better than nothing. I then sat on my arse and read my book. I then ate some stuff. 

Yeah, broccoli soup for dinner is all well and good but it’s not gonna fill you up, is it? I must have gone into the kitchen and opened the cupboard doors and the fridge and freezer 20 times. I am not exaggerating. I was hungry and I needed something. I ended up having another cracker and some cold meat, an ice pole, an apple, some grapes, 2 boiled sweets and an options hot chocolate. Thank god I didn’t have a box of cereal in the flat as I would have eaten it – fo shizzle. Ideally I wouldn't have had anything but I did and it could have been worse. A lot worse.

I was meeting a friend for lunch today then heading off to help put up a marquee (part of the voluntary stuff I do) and then rushing to catch the train to see TB so I had to get my workout in this morning. I’ve been doing a mixed up version of the same stuff for a while at the gym and today was the day that things moved up a level. The 4kg medicine ball is now a 5kg. The 8kg hand weights for chest presses and lunges are now 9kg. The cross trainer is now at level 7 but I’m going as fast as level 6 and the treadmill is up to 9.7kmph as my lowest speed. 

Oooh, I really felt the difference. The exercises felt really hard at the time and afterwards everything felt heavier and harder to do i.e. walking (not the best at that normally, mind you! Always bumping into things). It’s good though. I have to keep pushing on if I want to keep losing weight. I’m eating all the right things and very few of the wrong and so there’s not a lot of changes I can make there. I can however, keep pushing myself when working out. It’s easy to get into my comfort zone where it’s a tough, sweaty workout but am I really giving it everything? There is no point in spending all that time working out if I’m not going to make it count. 

Tomorrow is my last day of working out before two days off. Right now I cannot be arsed. I am knackered and will only arrive at TB’s at 1115 tonight. I will though. This is how it has to be. One hour of being uncomfortable (and probably in pain for some of it) and then I’m freeeeeeeeeeee (and smug).