Weigh in

Let’s go straight in with the bad news. 1lb on. Bam. There it is.

I’m now 12stone 12.5lbs – and after the sugar shuffle (that’s me shuffling it down my throat), I totally deserve it.

I could get annoyed with myself when I think about the fact I’ve only lost a paltry 2.5lbs this year but... I’m not going to.

I’m going to use this post to look at the positives.

• ·         I’m back in control of my portion sizes
• ·         I’m working out 4 days a week – hard
• ·         I’m feeling quite organised with meals which suit both TB and me
• ·         I’ve been back to spinning
• ·         I’ve lost weight in 2012
• ·         I can see and feel more muscle definition in my calves and arms
• ·         I’m only 5lbs away from my lightest ever weight
• ·         I feel fitter than I did this time a 2 months ago – when I was a few pounds lighter

That is a pretty good list. Things are going in the right direction. However, they could be moving in that direction a hell of a lot faster if I made just a few changes. The first being to stop picking at sugar in between my meals. I put in a huge effort with my exercise plans but I’m sabotaging it with some truly destructive habits.

It’s time to make a change. My next weigh in is on February 1^st. I do not want to enter February this close to 13stone.

Starting Weight: 183 pounds
Current Weight: 180.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 1lbs
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 2.5bs

Hello stranger

Cooooeeeeee!
Well hey there! How the HELL are ya? What the devil has been going down?  Me? Oh, you know - all the usual shenanigans. I was at a wedding at the weekend at which I was a bridesmaid. So much fun. I felt really lovely in my dress and the pics are pretty flattering too - which was a relief considering I've not exactly been sticking to the diet.

Ummm, what else?... Oh yeah, In general I've been eating like a total mentalist that is trying to put on as much weight in as short a time period as possible. Disappointing behaviour that has left me feeling pretty sick fed up with myself - and literally sick, at times.

BUT.... the fog is lifting. I've got a clear run of a whole week with no plans for drinking or crazy nights out - and lots of time for exercise. I've pretty much done what I know always works for me - and that is to make a plan. I know exactly what exercise I am doing every day until Monday. I know exactly what meals I am eating until Saturday lunchtime. I follow the plan; I tick the boxes.

I didn't take part in the weekly weigh in today as I'd put my mortgage on the fact I would have seen 13stone something. No thanks. I do not want to see 13 stone ever again. I'm going to get back into the groove for a week and then I'll see what is going on.

For the moment - it is one day at time.

Ying & Yang

Last night, on a Saturday night, I went to the gym and a great workout.

I've just eaten four crumpets with chorizo and melted cheese. 

This is the ying and yang of my life right now.

Today I was sitting next to a girl I know who used to be around a size 24. I've not seen her for a couple of years. She must be about a size 10 now.  I almost asked her how she did it. "What is your secret" almost passed my lips. I know the secret - there is no secret, just dedication, organisation and hard work. I just can't seem to keep it together for more than a few days and I am getting annoyed with myself now.

E = Mc Fatty

The title of this post should be 'Weigh in'. Should. It's not. It's not because I couldn't face the scales this morning. For the first time since March, I've dodged a weigh in. 

After my mini meltdown on Friday I proceeded to stuff my face for most of the weekend, culminating in a toffee frenzy on Sunday night. Hmmmm. Not good. Monday morning rolled around and I started the day well. Fruit for breakfast, scrambled eggs (no toast) for lunch and cold meat for dinner. Yeah, that's not much for dinner but I was driving and that was the easiest thing to eat  - alongside the best part of a massive back of mint humbugs. Whoops. I was buzzing on sugar, let me tell you. Distracted, edgy, tired but not relaxed.

I was visiting my friend 50 miles away who has just had a baby. I was heading home and I saw the turnoff on the motorway for my parent's house. I took it. I needed some mummy loving and so I headed to the family nest.

After blethering with my mum and dad for a while, mum and I soon got down to the serious nitty gritty. I didn't quite give her the full version of what I posted her on Friday but I did allude to the fact that I was worried about being left behind. She didn't give me much of chance to dwell on that and cut me off with a "Don't worry about that" - and moved onto what positive action I was going to take. Okay then - no time for self doubt or pity then.

But it's the positive action that I'm struggling with. I've definitely put on quite a few pounds. I can feel it when I'm running; I can feel it in my clothes. I'm not sure of the extent of the damage but it has been done, I can promise you that.

The problem has been having a firm plan of action, for food and exercise,  and actually sticking to it. Real life has gotten in the way, work is really busy and my social life too. I've got things happening in the evenings, more time is spent in front of my computer and I've just not had the time to dedicate to the weight loss journey. Dedication is what is takes for me to lose weight and it's that all or nothing attitude that has worked for me. A formula works because of the exact ingredients. If one ingredient changes then it's game over. That's what it's felt like for me. My magical blend has been tampered with.

Well, get yer lab coat and pop on those safety specs on because I'm cooking up a new formula.

So I'm struggling to exercise five times a week at pull pelt? I now do 4 and really really push myself for every minute of those. Plan, plan, plan. Get cooking, prepare meals, take a bag of carrots and some cold meat to the office to snack on during the day. Limit the treats - especially during the week. I know what to eat, I know what not to eat. I just need to think and act accordingly.

The next weigh in will be on Wednesday 5th October. I've got a hen weekend to negotiate between then and now but I can do it. I will do it. 

Onwards.

Weigh in

I've been scraping losses the past few weeks by the skin of my teeth. No more. Today's weigh in revealed a harsh reality... 2.5lbs on. That's me back to 12stone 11.25 lbs.

Eeek. That is bad. Even including holidays that's the worst gain I've had (pro rata) since getting my act together in March. I've just not been feeling it. Y'know. I'm going through the motions 75% of the time. As for the other 25%, don't ask.

I've been really lucky that I've had the time over the summer to really devote myself to losing weight. I've been able to prioritise it and fit the rest of my life around it. Now that I'm working from an office and there have been quite a few things going on - mainly social - working out and eating nothing but fish and veg, has had to take a back seat. Real like is back and I'm not integrating very well. And of course, being injured hasn't helped.

I need to refocus and get back into the groove. I did not like seeing the double digits of 11 pounds on the scales this morning. Not one bit! If I'm not careful 13 stone will be beckoning me in no time. Come back to the bigger bum club, the scales will whisper to me. Yeah, okay - this bum will always be bigger... You know what I mean though. I don't want to go back there. I want the lower 12s to be my danger zone. The weight range that I know I need to screw the nut and get back to keeping my eye on things. I'm not yet there though! I can be - and I want to be, and so I must make it so.

There's not been enough planning of food going on. Well, just a lack of general planning to be honest. So, umm... no time like the present... I've had porridge and banana for me brekkie today and lunch was my mum's ratatouille- so all good. However, I've got an after work event which means no dinner till.... well, who knows, and I have no idea what I'm having. Okay - plan. Banana and 1 tsp of honey late avo and scrambled eggs, no toast for dinner.

No exercise today  - apart from 10 mins of push ups and leg raises this morning - just too much on but tomorrow lunchtime is spinning and Friday morning will be a killer sesh too. I can do this. Don't let it go now Love Cat - 2011 is the year.


Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 2.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 27.5 pounds

Toiling

I knew this day would come. It’s always been in the post, I just didn’t know how swift the postman would be.

I’ve lost my dieting mojo. Big sigh. I actually just did a massive, shoulder dropping sigh.

I’ve not totally lost the plot. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not inhaling everything that’s not nailed down. I’m not making trips to the supermarket to buy a pile of junk to eat. I’m not secret eating.  But things are not what they used to be – or need to be.

I predominantly blame this stupid, swollen ankle of mine. It would seem that I’m going to have to take it easy for more than just a week or so. It’s still as swollen as ever and rotating it round to a certain degree is impossible. This means running and lunging are still out. I do a lot of lunging as part of my general gym workouts and I know they make a difference. It also means no bodypump, no circuits, no general running. That’s a lot of no’s.

There is still a lot I can do, cycling, cross trainer, spinning, squats, ab work, upper body weights, lower leg static weights - all at a slightly less intensive level than I would like to be doing it. But I’ve not really being doing them.

I just feel so.... unmotivated. I picked at food over the weekend and somehow found myself merrily chomping on chocolate biscuits without a second thought. There were lots of other minor misdemeanours (fudge, meringues, fairy cakes) – the worst of which was eating a kebab at 11pm on Sunday night for my dinner – oh and a bit of chicken and veggie pakora.

So really nothing too major. Really not major at all but compared to my positive and focused attitude, I feel a million miles away. If I ever slip up much I feel like I get right back on track with a sterling day of eating really healthily and keeping portions down – and a really hard and sweaty workout.  

So yesterday, I was feeling annoyed about the kebab action and the weekend of slackness. I stuck to fruit for breakfast and a chickpea and tomato veggie thing for lunch. I then went home, had a healthy tea and proceeded to sit on the couch and demolish the best part of a bag of sherbet strawberries for the rest of the night.  No gym action, just a shit load of sugar. Nice one. Nice one you bloody idiot.

I’m letting this ankle situation get to me. It’s thrown me off track, my routine has been knocked off course and I’m losing focus. When I was in London, barely in control of what I was eating and dealing with the unknown did I let that stop me? NO. Completely the opposite. I saw a challenge and I kicked arse.  Why am I letting this time be any different?

So, I’ve had a few days of dodgy eating and I’ve not exercised as much as I would have liked. That is not going to suddenly make me gain half a stone. Keeping in this frame of mind will make that happen though.

I need to get back into the groove, yes – a slightly different groove – and get the chuffing hell on with it.  I still look the same. I’ve maybe put on a few pounds but that is a mere blip – not a tidal wave.

It’s nearly the end of the working day and I’ve had a great day so far. I’m going to have some fish and veggies for dinner and then I am going to spinning. I do not want to weigh in tomorrow but I am going to do it and I am going to deal with it.

It’s not as much as I should have done but here is the exercise run down.

Wednesday: Upper body weights and side leg raises in the flat

Thursday: 4 miles on bike. 40 min spin class.

Friday: 3 miles on bike, 10 mins cross trainer, 25 mins of weight machines and squats

Sat & Sunday: Nothing

Monday: 5.5 miles on bike

Tuesday: Spinning

The bigger picture

I've had such a boring few days that I think I've bored myself into a near catatonic state.

At the end of the last week I could feel a cold coming on and I was pretty annoyed about it - mainly because it would impede my exercising  plans. I went to the gym on Thursday as I wasn't feeling too bad at this point. On Friday I felt like crap and sacked off the exercise and a night out with friends too, opting instead for some quality sofa surfing. The next day I still wasn't feeling much better but I was feeling a bit anxious about what it would mean taking another day off working out - and I'm on a six day week this week. I did a bit of googling to confirm what I already suspected - if I felt fine from the neck down then  there was no reason why I couldn't work out.

Going to the gym was the last thing I felt like doing but other than that I was actually just sitting on my arse so if all I felt sleeping and not much else afterwards, then fine. Off I trotted on both Saturday and Sunday and the Sunday workout even ended up being boypump! I went to circuits last night which wasn't that great. Apart from the fact there was lots of sprinting (hate it!) I strained a muscle during the warmup in my left thigh which meant I couldn't squat or lunge and running was  rather tricky too. It's still a wee bit sore today so I'll just have to watch I don't overdo it at spinning tonight.

So how do I feel about tomorrow's weigh in. Optimistic but quite frankly nothing surprises me when it comes to the scales. Based on how I feel, and my diet and exercise over the past then I'm expecting a loss. However, when I did my recap of some my dieting years I realised just how much of a slave to the scale I was. I can't let that happen again. There have been some brilliant non scale victories today which reminded me it's all about the bigger picture.  My mantra tomorrow morning will be 'bigger picture'.

And finally, a quick exercise recap:

Thursday: Gym workout
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: Gym workout
Sunday: Bodypump
Monday: Circuits & 7 mile cycle
Tuesday: Spinning and 2.5 mile cycle

Strop over

Sorry about my little strop the other day. Okay, sorry about my massive strop. I well and truly threw my toys out my pram! Zanna, your comment fairly made me laugh though.

I do know that my hard work will pay off and the scales will catch up at some point. My frustration stemmed from the fact there had been a lot of obstacles and challenges in my way leading up to this week's weigh in which I navigated with carefully planning and shit load of hard work.With the amount of mental and physical energy I devoted over the past eight days, I wanted a return. Simple as that.

Since then, I've calmed down and have refocused on the six days until the next weigh in... or have I.  Ummm... kind of. The thing is, I have caught an almighty head cold and I feel like utter poop (hence why I stayed in last night and tonight - that's a Friday and a Saturday night). I'm trying to keep the faith but the last thing I feel like doing is eating healthily and working out. In saying that, I have read that if you feel okay from the neck down then really you have no excuse to exercise and so while I rested up yesterday, I dragged my sorry backside to the gym on Thursday and today. I've eaten pretty much on plan and so fingers crossed that I feel better tomorrow and I can kick it up a gear before Thursday's weigh in. Yes, that's right, Thursday. Mark your calendars people, weigh ins are moving to Thursdays. More on that soon.

For now, I must thank Ruby over at Strictly Blooming for my stylish blogger award. Ruby and I are quite similar; we're both roughly the same age and weight and have lost the same amount of weight so I really enjoy getting a peek into her life.

And the rules of acceptance are:
Thank- the person who nominated your blog.
Share 7 things about yourself
Pass on to 15 friends (I'm not going to pass this onto anyone in particular but if you fancy doing it, horse on)



 So here are 7 things about myself.

1. This is not my first blog. I started blogging in 2005 and I was very open on the blog about who I was, including pictures etc. When The Highlander (my ex) and I split up I decided to make things bit more anon as I was talking about all sorts of topics and people and I wasn't too keen on revealing lots of juicy details when it was obvious who I was. I eventually shut down that blog when Moonraker (my ex- we split up almost exactly a year ago) discovered it.
2. I am loud. I love to be the centre of attention and I like to be the one making people laugh, telling stories and generally being know for being fun.
3. The thought of women earning less than men, or any general gender inequality makes my blood boil but I'm all for blue and pink jobs (you boy, take that bin out). I do tend to mother my boyfriends though and love to cook for them and generally take care of them.
4. I am an outrageous flirt. I wouldn't describe myself as classically pretty but I do think I'm quite attractive and I certainly play it up with members of the opposite sex whenever I can, wherever I can.
5. I am highly intolerant. Someone in front of me in the street walks too slowly? Hurry the fuck up. Someone gets my order wrong in a restaurant? Listen properly you idiot! Someone can't make a decision? Make up your bloody mind! This is getting worse as I get older.
6. I am very determined and once I put my mind to something I just about always accomplish it. The only area of my life that I have struggled with this is my weight.
7. I'd like to think I'm a good listener, marry that with a pragmatic nature and I used to (not so much now we're all older) often get friends coming to me for advice on anything from money and boys to relationships and work.

Too little too late?

The weekend ended up being a dodgy one in terms of food.  I was visiting TB (again - his turn is well overdue to come to me) and we were having a lazy weekend; watching telly, playing games, reading, going out for lunch and generally lounging about.

This all sounds lovely (which it was) but with a lack of structure or real activity to the weekend I found myself eating far too much. Breakfast and lunch were okay. Dinner was a problem as on both Saturday and Sunday night we just had a load of things to graze on (bread, meat, hummus, cheese, carrot sticks and peppers, tzatziki, quiche etc, etc. I then munched on a pile of sweeties (jelly tots, fun sized milky bar, half a bar of dairy milk, jelly tots and boiled sweets). Oh, and I managed to wolf down a load of crisps too. Not good. Not good at all.

I've had an excellent day today, really excellent. I also spent almost an hour an a half actually on the gym floor tonight. It was hard going. I really pushed myself and when I tell you my t-shirt was dripping sweat at the end of my workout, I do mean it was actually sodden.

Another day like this tomorrow but with a 7 mile bike ride (to a meeting and back) and spinning in the evening I'm hoping to scrape a loss.

For now I must go and watch Embarrassing Bodies about fat people on 4od. Nanight. x

Weigh in

These weigh ins just seem to come around far too quickly!

It's another hump day and I can reveal my humps are half a pound smaller. Yup, I scraped a 0.5lbs loss. And how do I feel about that? Ummm, okay. When I think back to the intensity of my work outs I am little disappointed. However, the weekend was booze filled and I had a Chinese as well as other eats that weren't the healthiest. So I'll take it. It's a loss and it's all going in the right direction- and takes me to a nice round loss of 17lbs.

I am struggling a bit these past few days with really craving some carby and creamy foods and also chocolate and keep having visions of stuffing my face with cakes and sweet things. I'm making broccoli soup for tea tonight which isn't going to cut the mustard so I think I might make some wholewheat pasta in a tomato sauce with broccoli so that I feel like I'm at least digging into a satisfying meal.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 187.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 17 pounds