I won't lie, I've been excited and searching for the bump since the day we found out I was pregnant. I've been searching hard. And although my shape changed and I filled out a bit, there really wasn't much to see. Maybe because I'm not a skinny wee thing, or maybe because I have child bearing hips, or maybe it's because I'm 5ft 7 - but really until about ten days ago, if you didn't know there was a baby in there, you wouldn't know. You know? In fact, I started this post yesterday and since then, actually overnight - there has been some serious growth. No wonder I was flipping knackered yesterday!
I work alongside a girl who is also preggers and is just two weeks behind me. She is very tall and is maybe a size 22/24. Because our pregnancies are pretty much at exactly the same time, there is nothing that happens to me that hasn't happened to her. And I have to confess, the way she is constantly rubbing her 'bump' confuses me. There really is no bump to speak of - just her tummy that was there before. For some reason I find it really disconcerting. It takes very little to annoy me at the best of times but all this exaggerated rubbing of what is essentially - just tummy - is about to send me over the edge.
And then there is the touching. I had no idea I'd feel like this but I am totally freaked out by anyone trying to touch the bump. The first time it happened was before Christmas when there still really wasn't much of a bump to speak of, or cop a feel of. I was just leaving the office when a colleague I really don't know that well, came towards me with hand outstretched asking if she could touch 'bumpy'. She was coming at me to feel what was was very little than my normal jiggle. Emm, how about no? I actually stopped her and said: "I'm not really into touching". I'm sorry but her hand was going to be just a few inches above my pants. I think not. I'm not okay with that. On Tuesday the receptionist at work who normally sees me with my coat on, saw me without my outer layers on. She is such a sweet person and before I knew it she had a little rub. Everyone is just excited and happy for me, which is lovely but the touching is just too much.
You would never touch someone on their tummy that wasn't pregnant. It's just not okay. Similarly, it seems to socially acceptable for people to say things like: "Let's have a look at you" and blatantly look at your tummy. The other day at work someone commented they thought it looked like the bump was getting bigger. The next thing someone from the back of the room said: "Let's see!" and the whole room turned to scrutinise my shape. It's like your are suddenly fair game for people to comment on, as if you're not an actual person. And the bump that they all saw got waved away with: "That's nothing, that's not a bump." Right, okay, thanks for that. I'll just go back to feeling like a total frump then.
And breathe - I just had to get that out my system. I'm being over sensitive, that combined with my usual tolerance level of zero is making me extremely short tempered.
Despite all that I am feeling really positive and excited. Our kitchen renovations have romped on apace this week - the worktop is in and half the tiling is done! Tomorrow the hob and the sink get plumbed in - I will no longer have to cook and wash up in the spare bedroom! Whooo Hoooo!