Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Rolling into one

Too busy! I had a week there where I felt like I was getting back on top of it all but here we go again - it's all kicking off once more.

I go away camping as a volunteer youth leader on Thursday, straight from work, until Monday. Work is FULL ON. It's good, I'm enjoying it but gads - too much! Then it's my birthday (have no idea what I'm doing for that apart from enjoying saying tirty tree a lot), then I'm away to London for a long weekend with my best pals who now live there and then we have to move out our flat and live with TB's parents for a few weeks.

Sure, there's a lot of fun things in there but man - it's busy! Even though we're not moving out our flat for another 4 weeks, we still have to pack and clean and all the other nonsense that goes along with it. And just like this weekend, it's great being away but when you come home you have to play catch up. Washing, going to the supermarket, general household crap.

And top of all this I need to try and find time to exercise and to thing about keeping myself gee-ed up diet wise. Which, ain't really happening. CrossFit tonight but since Sunday, kinda eaten what I wanted. Including some traybake thing I made up on Sunday night - biscuit base, coconut layer and then toffee topping. Yeah, it's mindblowingly good.

I wore my jeans last night. Not good. Uncomfortable doesn't begin to cover it. I''ll be wearing them while camping most of this weekend. Dreading it already.

Friday, 26 April 2013

Le photos

Me, my boy, my view.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone. It's magic!

Thursday, 25 April 2013

You have to be joking

Q: What's the fastest cake in the bakery?
A: Scoooooone!

You have to say scone kinda like 'it's gone' - and make the sound of a car.  Not just because of my love of baked goods but because it's so much fun to tell - this is one of my favourite jokes. Feel free to share with the special people in your life. A small treat from me to you. I'm nice like that.

And do you know what else is a massive joke? Sacking off my run last night,  making some apple and cinnamon scones and then eating five (okay six!) of them slathered in butter. Fricking hilarious.

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Weigh in

Sometimes you just have to wonder. 1.25lbs on. ON! What is going on, people?!

I eat and drink what I like, I lose weight. I cut the crap, I put on weight.  I'm not exactly happy about it but I'm trying to be philosophical and reframe things. So my new line of thinking is...

Two weeks of eating what I liked has finally shown up but lucky for me I've been working hard and it's not as bad as it could of been. On top of that I feel pretty good. My waist is feeling trim and my legs less wobbly.  I've been out for a run. That one run has motivated me to do more. More I will do and next week there will be a loss on those scales.

So it's normal service.... A boiled egg for breakfast, Moroccan chicken with butternut squash for lunch, an apple mid afternoon and healthy fish pie for tea. A 5km run tonight. Pow!

Starting Weight: 190.75 pounds
Current Weight: 186.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: + 1.25 pounds
Total 2013 Weight Loss: 4.25 pounds

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

How I made a run a reality

Two things happened last week that stuck in my mind. Two things that motivated me to get my backside moving and out for a run - the first one in many many months. In fact, maybe this year....

Firstly, the Biggest Loser season 14. As per usual I watched BL avidly but I've only  just got around to watching the finale. I knew Danni was the winner (good one, social media!) and so I was ready to see her looking super trim and buff when she walked on stage. What I was not ready for was how totally different she looked. I've only seen a few minutes of it but I cannot believe my eyes.

She looks like a different person. the pic below on the left was her at makeover week. She looks hot, right? I though to myself, "She looks great. She can't have that much more to lose." But look at her - she seem to have lost about a stone from her face alone!

It just got me thinking.... It's easy to reason away anything you like. While I look and feel okay just now, I know I could do so much better. I can make excuses and continue to flounder about the same few pounds or I can actually face the truth that I need to try harder.

The other thing that happened was CrossFit. The only exercise I've been doing since Feb is CrossFit. That, and cycling  - as a means of transport. I've not run for ages. Until last week. Part of the WOD was a 1km run and oh boy, I was really dreading it. Somehow I managed to plod the entire way without stopping and spurred on by this, the though of going out for a run over the weekend stayed with me.

And I did it. On Saturday lunchtime I set off on a route I've done many a time. A route that is almost 5km. A route that I managed to complete without stopping, in 32 minutes. I cannot tell you how good I felt afterwards. I was so fricking chuffed with myself. I also FELT good. I mean, my legs felt firmer. One run is not going to change my shape and I know it's all in the mind but I just felt a bit more body confident. And still do!

CrossFit twice a week is all good and well but I need to do more. A half hour run once a week is that more. I am totally able. It's not going to disrupt my life. It will make me feel better. It will make me look better. Sometimes it's so bloody obvious, I could kick myself.

ETA:  I also promised the bloody wonderful Shauna on twitter I'd go. Can't say no to that wee honey.

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Pink, to make the boys wink

This is a very flattering pic and I am standing at the camera perfect angle... but I was feeling pretty good in this outfit.

Bought on a whim when I had to return something and had to spend some credit, I picked up this pink number, complete with bird pattern. I popped on some dark purple tights and Bob's yer aunty's husband.

I must also apologise for the mess surrounding my mirror.  Since we have to move in five weeks, I'm sorta past the point of caring about dusting and such dullness.

Off to CrossFit again tonight even though my hip flexors are pretty ouchey after Tuesday's burpee box jumps. Oh yeah, do a burpee and the jump on a fricking box - about 45 times.

Aww, crap... it's just started raining. When you have to cycle two miles to the gym and it's also blowing a hooley, it's not a good combo. A hellish one. It's actually quite dangerous. Hmmm... time to get changed and suck it and see.

pink dress

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Weigh in

It's been two weeks since I last weighed in.

During that time I have eaten mostly, pretty horrifically and done very little exercise. I've been feeling pretty crappy about it but I've done a good job at blocked those feelings out. I've been so busy it's been pretty easy to do that.

I look at myself in the mirror and am really unhappy with what I see. I decide to get a grip but then disappoint myself when the motivation peters out before even a day has passed. I then get distracted with everything else screaming for my attention at the moment and the fact that overall I'm really happy at the moment and those feelings of dejection about my weight and size get pushed down, yet again. 

I also feel like a bit of a failure. When I want to, when I am determined... I can do it. I can lose weight, exercise and feel great about myself. Why can't I do it again? If it bothers me that much, if being a stone lighter would make that much difference to me why can I not just get on with it? Is it really that hard? Well, yes, it is that hard or I wouldn't be writing this post. I've cracked it before though... I should be able to do it again. It's pathetic that I can't do it.

But these thoughts haven't been allowed to come to the fore. I've been ignoring them. However, the mind is a bloody sneaky thing at times and the other night, lying in bed and I started thinking. Dangerous, I know. All of a sudden a thought popped into my head. "If you're not careful when you get around to thinking about your weight, you're going to be pushing 14stone", I said to myself.

"It's your birthday in 3 weeks. Do you really want to feel like this when you should be feeling good about yourself? What are you playing at? You are going to end up losing the plot altogether and clawing back from that is going to be a long hard road. Do yourself a favour and stop dicking about."

So on Monday, I had a really healthy day. On Tuesday, again a healthy day, went to the gym and cycled around 6 miles (just getting around town). This morning, I weighed myself. In the past 14 days I've lost half a pound. Erm.... what? I do not get it. I was convinced I'd put on at least 3 or 4 pounds. I have no idea how this is happening.

The only constant throughout this time has been a single hard boiled egg for breakfast and using coconut oil for all my cooking. That can't be it, surely?  Well, it doesn't really matter too much; this is where I am and I know where I could be and where I want to be if I took my own advice and stopped the bullshit.

I need to pay attention to what's going on and I need to take my head out of my not so minuscule backside. I owe it to myself to stop making excuses.

Starting Weight: 190.75 pounds
Current Weight: 185.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total 2013 Weight Loss: 5.5 pounds

Thursday, 11 April 2013

Only an excuse

I am cream crackered.

I've had a major project on for a client which has been FULL ON this past two weeks. Work in all areas is choc-a-block to be honest but this one project has been a biggie. It's almost done though so I can finally get around to catching up with everything else.

The house hunting thing has also been pretty exhausting. Regardless if this house we have seen turns out to be a go-er, we are going to have to find a stop gap between the flat we are currently renting and the next place, thank to the landlord deciding he wants the place back at the end of May. So we're facing two rounds of packing/moving. And it's not just us - it's the cat too! God know what we're going to do with him. I'm not thinking about it just now. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Both sets of parents came to see the house last night. They like it too. It's a big undertaking - a lot needs done to it - new kitchen, bathroom, dry rot, every room needs decorating... and don't forget, we've got very little furniture to take with us. But it's us. We don't want a new build house that's ready to walk in to. We like different and we want something we can make our own.

I'm going to stop going on about it as it might not happen and I will have well and truly jinxed it. 

In other news (and when I say other news, I mean the size of my arse news)... things are just not going well. There are 100 reasons why I can't seem to find the focus but if I was truly feeling it then none of them would matter. As it stands, life is mental just now and I only need a sniff of an excuse before I fall face first into some chocolate (or pizza as it was last night). However,  I'm not going to give myself a hard time about regularly falling off the waggon. Shit happens.

You've gotta keep trying though. It's almost 5pm and today has been a good day. Boiled egg for brekkie, tomato soup and some mackerel for lunch, skinny latte this afternoon. I'm planning an aubergine and chicken curry thing for tea. I might even attempt a run this weekend. 

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

I'll huff and I'll puff...

I feel like an absolute shitload has happened since I last blogged. In reality it's just one big thing. One big thing with walls, a roof, a garden and a garage.

It's not quite happened but it looks like we might be heading down the road that leads to buying a house. A very big house. A house with four bedrooms, a garage and a big garden. Waaaaaaaaa!

We're off for a second viewing tonight and this time we are taking both sets of parents. Six fully grown adults traipsing about the place might be a bit much but this is a big decision and our parents' opinion is important to us. I also think it's pretty cool that my folks are coming as it's a two hour drive there and the same back again for them. Not exactly a quick jaunt on a week night but they just take it in their stride. Rock on mum and dad.

PS) Eating like a piggy. Ooops.

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Weigh in

It's a bit of a mystery - albeit a very lovely mystery.

I weighed myself this morning, after nine days of mostly being pretty good. It would appear I've lost 4lbs. I know, I didn't see that coming either.

Admittedly I've been pretty healthy most of the time but I also indulged in an afternoon tea, a very boozy wedding, half a chicken korma, a few slices of pizza, half a flake and a white magnum.

I think it just goes to show that big gain the previous week probably wasn't quite that big in reality. On top of that, check out these healthy bad boy eats... mackerel and sweet potato pancake, piel de sapo melon, low fat moussaka (man, that was good).

You can also feast your eyes on the afternoon tea I had on Friday. There was a whole savoury course before then too. It was really nice but the meringue let it down. Cheap. It tasted cheap. I still ate it though!

And of course there are my bruises. Oh crossfit, you make me look like a battered soul. Clean and jerk deadlifts are not good for my collarbone or my thighs it would seem. Attractive.

Starting Weight: 190.75 pounds
Current Weight: 185.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 4 pounds
Total 2013 Weight Loss: 5 pounds

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

THE chat

A girl can only take so much pussyfooting around.

Last night, totally unplanned we ended up having THE chat. You know, the one where I spell it out that I want us to be married and have a family, not just anytime, but soon. In fact, now.

TB and I have had a few chats since we've been together. The kind of chat where I gently mention that being married and having a family is really important to me. The kind of chat where I, in a very lighthearted way mention that I'm not getting any younger and that we need to keep in mind what timescales could affect us. We had this chat at New Year and also almost a year ago to the day.

If you read my posts about our conversations I might not sounds that gentle but the reality is that I agonised over every single word I said. I didn't want to say too much, to sound like a crazy lady, to sound like I had planned every moment of our future. Well last night, it all came out. Every last bit.

The pattern is this... I have a couple of months of being cool and totally relaxed about the fact there are no signs of things moving forward - as life is good. We are really happy together, have lots of friends, a busy social life. What is there to be worried about? I then begin to think about marriage and babies and the fact the years are whizzing past and I work myself up into an almighty frenzy - and what better to whip me up into a pink fizz than a wedding, just like the one I was at this past weekend.

So last night, it all came out. I'm done with softly softly... there ain't no monkey being caught here. On the back of a cheeky comment he made, I asked him what he was waiting for. I explained that there was no more waiting around to be done. He had to decide if he could see a future for us. Could he see us growing old together? Did he want us to be together forever. If the answer to that was no, then we needed to have another chat - a very different chat.

In between laughter and jokes (god, I love this man) he said yes, of course he wanted us to be together forever - but he just had visions of it being in a few years time. "This is a few years time. We have had conversations a few months ago and a year ago about this exact situation. This is the time, the time is now", I explained. "I don't have anymore time to give. I cannot wait any longer. I am asking you to do something earlier than you ideally wanted, but I have no choice. This is how it has to be. And while I'm being honest I may as well tell you this... I am going to be 33 in a month. Fertility for most people drops off the cliff when they are 35. I am taking the coil out when I am 34. That's is one year from now."

I know... I really let rip. I just felt like I had to. For someone as observant and intelligent as he is, he was burying his head in the sand and it's getting to me... watching time slip past while he holds all the cards. I could sit in silence and make gentle nudges all the while my changes of having a family are slowly fading away.

"I suppose we better get married then," he said.

STOP THE BUS.... that was not a proposal! But finally... the penny has dropped and I had to bite my lip so hard at that point to stop a massive grin spreading across my face. He joked that he better not get down to pick anything up or I'll be there with an outstretched finger. Haha. Very bloody funny!

I thought that I might has well go the whole hog and also tell him that along with a lot of our friends, we have a  two week holiday in July next year, so really if there was big event to plan - then it would be good to do it before then.

It might not be the most romantic way of doing it but quite frankly I don't care. Yes, it's not how I imagined talks of marriage happening. An out the blue proposal would be lovely but life doesn't always pan out the way you hoped. What I did hope is that I would meet someone just a fraction of the person TB is. Someone who totally gets me. Who is loving caring, funny, gorgeous, intelligent and can keep me on my toes.

So hopefully somewhere in the not too distant future there will be a proposal. And soon after that a wedding.  Jesus.... this actually might be happening!