Thursday, 27 February 2014

Weigh in

Finally, it's happened to me... right in front of my face - the scales showed a loss!

3.75lbs of a loss. THANK GOD! We have movement in the right direction and it's a
bloody good loss. So not only does that mean I am 12 stone 2.5lbs but
it also means FRESH FAT!

Sorry for all the shouting, well no, I'm not sorry for all the shouting; I'm excited! But to tell you the
truth the over-riding feeling is one of justice. The hard work, thekick ass workouts, the meal planning, the meal planning and the single mindedness has paid off. BOOOOOOM!

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 2.5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 3.75lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 6.75lbs

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Good times roll

I am still feeling all kinds of poop but SO much better than yesterday. Regardless, it does not matter what germs may be lurking; I've got so many fun things happening as of 5.30pm tonight that I simply will not let myself succumb to the lurgy.

It's book club tonight. We've been reading Stoner and my friend who is hosting is making lasagna and rainbow cookies. Amazing! She also might have mentioned something in a text earlier about seven layer dip. Holy shit. And yes, I am very excited about this but it's all pomp. I've got a weigh in tomorrow morning to be thinking about. I'm not going to be dipping the dip or crunching the cookies. 

Tomorrow (after weigh in and my PT session) I'll jump in the car for a couple of hours back to the homeland to see my mum for lunch, my granny for coffee and to my dad's office to print our wedding invitations! Wheee! They are going out on Friday! How many kinds of exciting is that?! ALL THE KINDS.

I'm driving back up the same day and then on Friday I hop on board the train to London town where I am shoe horning in around five different friends over the weekend, which I am most excited about! I'm also excited about being alone on the train with tea, music and books!

I'm trepidatious about tomorrow's weigh. It's not like they've been going my way recently so that alone is enough to make me nervous, and rightly so, but throw in to the mix missed workouts (thank you stinking cold), I feel I have even more cause for concern. BUT - I am going to focus on a positive. I bought a pair of size 16 skinny jeans from New Look without even trying them on. I know! It's madness. Tried them on at home. They sort of fit, it's just that the waist is... too big! Bwah hahaaaaa. 

During this 20 mins walk to the shops (and back again, that's the extent of exercise over the past 4 days)  I may have also posted my passport application which I had to sign in my new name, which isn't yet mine. That was weird.

Monday, 24 February 2014

Cough & splutter

A weekend of clean living without a drop of alcohol is clearly not  what my body wanted as today I woke up with a stinking cold.

I could feel it coming on all weekend and today I feel like poop. I should have just got wellied and picked any germs lurking in my system. Feeling unwell is annoying in itself but when it means I can't exercise that's doubly annoying. This was meant to be the week where I did everything I could to try and get the scales moving. A streaming nose,  constant sneezing and ringing ears have put a stop to today's running sesh and the thought of going anywhere near the swimming pool tomorrow... no thanks.

What you gonna do though? I've just got to keep my diet as clean as possible (fruit sherbets I'm looking at you) and hope that what I've done so far is enough. I really have been so good and I'm feeling postive about the impending weigh in, based on my performance since Thursday.

In other news, I'm just about to send off my passport form to get a new one  in the name of Mrs TB! Wheeeeee!

  • View from the train station on my way to the office at 8am
  • Two kitties cuddling 

Friday, 21 February 2014

Workout whammy

My limbs, my poor aching limbs. And my ribs, my ribs! How is it possible they are sore? HOW?

Yesterday's PT session was a good workout but at no point was it unbearable, which pleased me. We did trx resistance work - holding on to straps hanging off some goal posts - such as squats, chest presses and one leg squats, interspersed with sprints. The sprints were tough. I'm not fast. I can run, but I'm a plodder.

I felt pretty good after it though - and it was only 9am! So what the hell... I went to spinning at lunchtime. I should have known something was afoot when I saw the bikes were facing a different way from usual. An instructor I have never seen before was on the bike at the front. "We'll just hang on a minute more until we start, for any stray lambs... that are late to the slaughter", she said. Those were her exact words! Lambs! Slaughter!

The class was busy and I had to take a bike right at the front. SHE and I were eye to eye. There was no escape from what turned out to be the hardest spin class I have been to in a long time. A very long time. As it neared the end I was so relieved. I had kept up with the instructor the whole time, despite my early morning workout. "Just eight more minutes", she said. I'm sorry. WHAT?

She clearly didn't get the memo that this was a 45minute class, not an hour! Holy crap. I did it though. I got to the end - and I was actually really proud of my performance.

The instructor, she was very much a no nonsense type and she didn't dish out much praise but was very quick to point out negatives (i.e. get your shoulders down, stay on the beat, relax your arms) which irked me a little at first but it did give me a small smirk of pleasure when she corrected (several times) the form and pace of a husband and wife that come every week. He always dresses in cycling gear and for some reason it really pleased me that he was getting some stuff wrong. Ha! Why is that? What a horror.

Today I did my gym workout (with slightly increased weights) and then headed outside for some interval training. I ran a small loop  - sprinting for 20 seconds and then jogging while recovering for the rest of the minute. This was hellish. The wind today was so strong and it was icy cold. I live right on the coast. 15minutes from my front door and my feet are in the North Sea. The wind was whipping right in from the sea - into my face. After after my 7th sprint, I had to slow to a walk to recover. My legs felt like lead before I even started - there was no gas left in the tank!

19 minutes and 18 sprints later I made it back to the start. Since then I've parked my bum on the couch, laptop, juice (and a cup of coffee!) all within reaching distance.  I predict I'll be here till I am able to stand the pain of getting up the stairs to bed.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Weigh in

It is all going AWN, around here.

No surprises, 3/4 of a pound on. Based on what I ate over the last seven days, I'd say that was possibly to be expected. As I mentioned previously, I've found it hard to be as strict as it would appear to be in order to loose something. Anything.

However, I did do rather a lot of exercise...

  • Spinning
  • Gym workout
  • 40 min outdoor cycle
  • Gym workout
  • 1 hour 15 mins badminton singles
  • 1 hour racketball
Whatever.... that weeks is gone now. I need to look ahead. I spoke to my personal trainer about it today (at our first outdoors session, which I'll tell you ALL about later). I'm going to fill in a seven day food diary for him which will let him see where I could be making changes/better choices. I asked him, how is it that something that was working before has suddenly stopped working? How can this be? HOW?!!!!

He said the fact I've lost a stone and a half recently is great but the body adapts and sometimes it needs a kick start again. 'Well how come some people can lose 5 stone in one go - and they doing the same thing every day?" "Body type" he said. Well, that's really bloody helpful.

He asked me if I had exercised when I was younger and when I said no, he said - so we've got a battle on our hands. I suppose I am at a weight I've not been since I was about 17. That's half my life ago (gads- how is that so?!). My body is used to having this weight on it.

Something else he asked which I thougth was very interesting was how much water I was drinking. I am really bad at the moment. Some days it's a pint, others maybe two or three at a push. A very big push. When I revealed I drank about 4-6 cups of coffee a day... well, let's just say it didn't go down too well. He said: "Right there, that's something that's probably having an effect." Oh. I bloody love my coffee.  So it looks like it's goodbye to coffee bean loveliness and hello to aqua dullness.

Exercise wise he says that interval training is the way to go for weight loss. I told him that the gym workout was fine but after I'm finished I kind of feel like the blood is pumping and I'm ready for a run. He said, yes - absolutely go for a run but do 20 mins of interval training on the run. So, run fast for 20 seconds then recover for 30 (for example) and repeat.

So my plan for the next seven days is to go for gold. My diet is going to be plentiful, filled with healthy, nourishing foods. I am going to cut back on the coffee. I am going to up the water. I am going to significantly limit the booze. I am going to interval train - and generally do as much exercise as possible. I want there to be no shadow of a doubt that I have done everything within my power, and to my knowledge that will see me lose weight. I am 2lbs away from FF, FFS.

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 6.25lbs
Weight Loss This Week: +0.75lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 3lbs

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

It's a wedding shoe in!

I've never been a huge fan of high heels. I think they look amazing but my feet just don't like em. Sore sore sore. Growing up in the 90's was perfect for me as I could get away with rockin a pair of DMs or trainers - oh so very indie.

That was 13 years ago though, and on my wedding day, it's gotta be heels - but only a mid sized heel. I'm 5ft 7" and TB is 5ft 11". I don't wanna be towering next to him as I try manoeuvring my dress and veil around the place. I'm also not bothered about buying a pair of expensive shoes such as Jimmy Choos. With my trotters there is no way they would be wide enough - not to mention the budget is already bust!

So while I've not really been on a search proper, now and then I'll pop into a shoe shop or have a quick trawl of ebay - somewhere I can pick something up for around £40.

My dress is a kind of alabaster, sort of ivory colour and so I'd been keeping my peepers open for gold/cream/silver. But then, something hit me. Anything I saw in that colour was just... meh. Even when trawling wedding blogs, I didn't like any of the usual shoes most of the brides had. They were shoes that were boring, not me and I probably wouldn't wear them again.

I had a brainwave. PINK! I wanted pink shoes. My bridesmaid's dresses are pink, so why not go for something more fun, and... well, more me. This time, the search was AWN. I think I might have come across them on ebay - a pair of mid height, peep toe pink shoes, on sale from Debenhams. A couple of clicks later and these beauties which are pretty much exactly the colour of ma gurls dresses, were mine for £9!

There is only one problem, they are a size 6. I'm a 7. So, there's gonna be a lot of this going on over the next three months. THREE MONTHS, PEOPLE. Sound the panic klaxon!

Monday, 17 February 2014

Trundling along & tripping up

It feels like a l.o.n.g time since I last posted. A long time since I was mighty grumpy about putting on a pound.

Truth be told I am still pretty grumpy about it. It's not so much the fact that I put on a pound I'm grumpy about - it's the fact I'm heavier than I was almost two months ago. I've pretty much had two months of non movement, despite what I feel, is a shit load of effort.

I'll come back to the whole weight thing in a mo but first let me tell you about my flipping lovely weekend - starting on Friday. I was, unusually for me, working out the office I am in on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, on Friday for a couple of hours. I headed in after I put my new gym workout to the test (more on that later) and what was waiting for me on my desk - a dozen red roses! TB, you wee monkey! They were beautiful and although I think Valentine's Day is a pile of poop, I was actually really chuffed and yes, a little smug! Hee hee.

I should have known there was more to come though as earlier in they day I got a text from TB asking what we were doing that night. Not much, I replied. The last time I got a text like that from him, he proposed! There ain't no way he can ever top that but god, that boy is good. He had booked us into a hotel in the place we met. I was so surprised! Even he said, he wasn't sure what got into him! So off we went on a sneaky night away just the two of us, and it was so lovely. Drinks in front of an open fire, three course meal, prosecco, king size bed.

Saturday we had a scenic drive home and spent the rest of the day pottering around tidying and cooking for friends coming over that night. We went for a sort of American theme: enchiladas, slow cooked pulled pork, key lime pie. Oooh mamma!

Sunday was a lie in, food shopping, some wedding planning, and a bike ride. It might have been cold but it was so sunny. Sunnies and ear muffs on and off we went for a 40 minute tootle about - including a couple of killer hills. It was such a great weekend. Very happy.

Right - let's get down the nitty gritty. How has my eating been? Where is my mind at? What the chuff is going on?

Firstly something I've been thinking about a lot of Seren's suggestion that I'm not eating enough. This is a VERY good question and honestly, it's not something that has ever crossed my mind. I went back and totted up the the cals I ate from my WIAW post - and it comes to around 1250. That's possibly on the lower end - especially if I am exercising a lot but I'd say that was my leanest day for that week. And the weekend? Well, the weekend prior to that I drank the best part of a bottle of wine on the Friday and at least 8 rums on the Saturday - so that definitely bumps it all up a little. There definitely days I eat more and at the weekend, I am certainly more free and easy with what I am eating.

This is when I start to go a bit bonkers about the whole thing. Too much? Not enough? Too much exercise? Not enough protein? More dairy? How does anyone actually know? Why does something stop working that was working before? It's like black magic!

Since weigh in, my eating hasn't been that good. Thursday was great. Friday was great until we went out for dinner. I actually chose really wisely and it was a pretty healthy meal but I drank a large glass of wine, over a half bottle of prosecco and then about 4 rums.

Saturday breakfast was poached eggs (good) black pudding and potato scone (very bad) and then a slice of toast and marmalade (bad). Lunch was homemade soup. Dinner was the American themed meal as above - so very bad! Add to the mix a bottle of wine and a couple of rums.

Sunday was really good  - until 8pm when I had a slice of the leftover key lime pie (of which there is still some in the fridge).

Today has been good so far, but I have cut a sliver off the key lime pie and eaten it. Not the end of the dieting world but not a good move for me psychologically.

As for exercise, that's going well - I think. I did my new gym programme on Friday and while some of the exercises are really hard, they only last for minutes. Most of the moves are 10 reps x 3. You can do anything ten times, three times over. Once I was finished it, I thought "Is that it?" It really doesn't feel like much because it's lots of different things so you're always moving on to the next time,.  I'm so old school, unless I'm sweating hardcore for an hour, I really don't think I've worked hard enough. However, a mere 40 mins later I had to run over the bridge at the station to catch my train (why must I always cut it so fine?) and my legs just would not move - they were like lead! Let's not even talk about the 15 min walks to the office at the other end. So something is happening, right?

Sunday's bike ride, the first of 2014, was most enjoyable but holy crap - it was hard. We went up two mahooosive hils and I swear, I was on the verge of hyperventilation. The air was so cold that when I tried to gulp down very quick lungfuls of the stuff, my throat felt like it was closing up.

Today, would have been a 5 mile run. Instead, I did the gym workout. I'm still not convinced. Once I was finished I felt all pumped up and I wanted to go for a run. I suppose I could have gone for a small one - but who has time for a double workout? Not me, and not on a Monday morning. That being said, TB and I are playing badminton tonight. That will be a nice wee workout, but it's fun - and is in the evening.

Okay, full head clearly isn't in the game. While writing this post I've eaten a massive 'share' bag of skinny popcorn. All 400 cals of it. Smart move, eh? It would seem I am a bit all over the place.

So what's next? I suppose I'm just going to keep on going. I'm going to do the gym programme as prescribed. I'm going to stop the rot, food wise. Now. It stops now. I'm going to weigh myself on Thursday as normal. I've lost faith in my ability to lose weight, numbers wise so whatever that is, it's lost all meaning, or motivation. I'm going to explain all this to my PT when I see him on Thursday to see if he's got any words of wisdom.

I just want to finish on the fact, that although the whole weight loss thing is really getting to me, that's just one part of my life - but the main part of this blog. Overall, I feel great. Yes, I feel great about myself as I am in a brilliant place weight wise, but I'm in a brilliant place life wise. The best place I have ever been.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Weigh in

  • Gym workout
  • Spinning
  • 5 mile run
  • 5 mile run
  • Short gym workout
  • 40 minute power walk
  • Swimming
The result... a pound on. A POUND ON!

I am pissed off and beyond frustrated. Regardless of this shitload of exercise, my eating has been so good. SO good. Yeah, I ate a few slices of bread on Saturday and a packet of crisps but big deal - everything else was stellar. What the hell has a girl to do stop seeing the same pound over and over again?!

I feel like I am putting in a lot of effort, and the whole diet and exercise escapade is always front of mind so to get a negative result... where is the justice, people!

If I was giving advice to someone in my position, what would I say? It would be keep the faith. I'm putting in the hard work and it WILL show up at some point. However, something isn't working. The winning formula isn't winning anymore. I need to try something different and I'm about to do so, thanks to my new programme from the personal trainer. I'm ready to shake things up a bit and I am going to do everything he tells me to do.

He said to me that he's not interested on the number on the scale - that's not how he judges results. Yeah, I get that but it does matter to me. I might be the thinnest I've been for many, many years but I'm still over 12 stone - there is plenty of weight still to lose. So while I will put my trust in him and I will build more muscle, I am surely going to be losing even more fat.

This has all got a bit rambly. I'm just thinking through things and it's coming out in a mish mash. Anyway, here we go for another week.

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 5.5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: +1lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 3.75lbs

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

What I ate Wednesday

I really like reading people's 'What I ate posts' and I always fancied doing one myself but I never remember to take pictures of what I'm eating. I'm too busy getting excited about fact I'm about to eat something!

However, last Thursday I finally got my backside in gear and just about managed to photograph everything I ate.

As soon as I got up I got struck in about a pint of no added sugar Robinson's. I'm always quite thirsty of a morning and so I supped on this till about 10.30am.

I work from home on Thursdays and as it was quite a nice day I hung the washing out! This has got absolutely nothing to do with what I ate but I felt like sharing as it made me very happy! Saddo.

About 9am it was time for brekkie - melon with weight watchers greek style coconut yogurt. I love anything coconut and recently swapped from the muller version of this to the ww one. Much nicer in my opinion.

Straight after breakfast it was coffee time. We recently switched over to 1% milk. I honestly cannot tell the different from semi skimmed. I also had a tiny drop of coconut milk in my coffee. I bloody love this. I must drink about 4 cups of coffee throughout the day. Sometimes more.


I was feeling really hungry this particular morning and so about 11am I had the white of a boiled egg. This isn't normally something I would eat but I'm trying to up my protein - and this is an easy way to do so.

Thursday is my spinning day. The class is 1-1.45 and by the time I've popped to the shops on my way home, it's 2.30 at the earliest before I eat my lunch and so to see me through the class I had some pastrami on a fat free cracker - and some more diluting juice.

Spinning was a killer as always (there is never a class where I don't have a potential spew moment) and when I got home I was more than ready for some leftover fish pie. This was a tiny portion (on a side plate) and while it was delicious (and being eyed up by Dave) I always planned on it being lunch part 1.

Lunch part two! This slimming world chicken, rice and bean soup is so good. I put chicken breasts in mine to cook them, shredded them, then popped them back in again. I also added chilli powder and some cayenne pepper to give it a bit of  kick. Again - this is a small bowl; a nice neat portion.

 A few cups of coffee later and tea time had rolled around. Ha! That sentences makes me laugh. Like I'm so casual about it. Yeah RIGHT. I am always thinking about food and what the next thing I eat is going to be. On the menu was a frittata. I pretty much fired everything I could find in the fridge into this: red onion, sweetcorn, grated carrot, peppers, broccoli, green beans, greens, couple of new potatoes. I also added a little grated cheese (cheddar and Parmesan) to give it a bit more flavour. There were 4 eggs in total and TB and I both ate a third of it for dinner.  I had the other third for my lunch when I was on the train the next day, on my way to a meeting. Oh yeah - I am that organised right now.

This might be where the pics end but it's not where the eating ends. TB also had some onion rings with his frittata. I hate half of one. I was going to scoff the whole thing but after the first bite I realised it tasted pretty crap and so I threw the rest back onto his plate.

I also had low fat chocolate pudding thing. I've totally forgotten what brand they are but they come in wee purple pots and are beside the yogurts in the supermarket. I also had a couple of boiled sweets (butter mintos) and I think I might have had a slice or two of cold meat. Straight out the packet. I am the epitome of classy.

So there you have it - a day of pretty good eating. It's weigh in tomorrow after an eight day run. I really hope, and expect a loss but well...  that means jack all, quite frankly.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

I am sailing

SO much to share... I must tell  you all about my wedding dress fitting which took place on Saturday. And my shoes.... I've bought my shoes! In fact there is a LOT of wedding snash I must tell you about.

I also want to tell you all about my totally bonkers reaction to TB's new healthy eating plan. But ain't nobody got time for that today! Instead here is a quick snap shot of the healthy eating and exercise shenanigans that have been going down.

The upshot is that it's going really well. Apart from a boozy Friday night and Saturday night - and too much bread on Saturday to counter said booze - I am pretty chuffed with the direction of this old battalion. Yes, I just referred to myself as a battalion.

On Friday I ran 5 miles without too much bother. And then again yesterday, I did it pretty easily. Yeah, my legs were tired and I was out of breath but that was about it. All this running is good for burning calories but as my PT (who I need a name for) has pointed out - I'm not really getting the fitness benefit. For example, the 10 mins on the bike the other day almost killed me, but 5 miles as a steady pace... meh.

Yesterday, after my 5 miles, I went to meet my PT and was taken through a gym based programme. It's all about weights, split squats, lat pull downs and the like. I'd just like to take a moment to boast about how impressed with my form he was! My posture and stance was excellent, so he said and I was told (excuse me while I polish my halo) I was the perfect client as I have a good level of base fitness and am happy to work on my own - once I've been given a programme! I was playing it cool when he told me this but I am such a little teacher's pet that I was totally loving it. Praise me more!

So it wasn't a full on session - and even if it was, I don't get that sinking feeling when I think about what's in store. I've been given that plan away with me and I've to do it once a week, twice if I can - as well as as much as possible of the exercise I already do - which PT will then tweak as we go along. I envisage my nice long run will become punctuated with sprints!  Sob. Next week I am seeing him on Thursday. We're meeting at 8am at a football pitch where there are goal posts he can use for TRX stuff. I sense that is where the fun shall begin.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Training for an early death

Yesterday I met my personal trainer.

We didn't have a workout but he took a series of measurements so he could see where I am at. It turns out, based on my blood pressure and resting heart rate, my cardio fitness is good. Above average actually, in fact. Whoo hoo! I was pretty chuffed with that.

My viseral fat (the fat around your organs) is really good too. However, this is where it all stars to go downhill. Apparently my overall bodyfat is 40%. What the chuff? FORTY PER CENT! That seems totally bonkers to me. According to my own scales it's more like 30%. I'm sure mine are less accurate - but a 10% difference is some discrepancy.

It doesn't really matter though - I just want the number to come down and I suppose something affecting the high fat % is that my lean muscle is quite low. I'm not  really that surprised to be honest. Over the past 4 months I've only really been doing cardio work and while I've lost a good chunk of weight I do feel a bit, for want of a better word, saggy. Attractive, right?

I know I need to build more muscle and feel more toned, and that's pretty much what my PT said. He's all for giving me a gym based programme where I build muscle. Good-o. I am happy with that. I mentioned that after our chat I was going to work out in my gym, something I don't normally do and he asked if he could give me a suggestion for my cardio sessions, of which I was planning 3, 10 minute stints.

Sure thing! Free advice - let's do it. He advised 10 mins of any cardio for the first lot. I did this problem, followed by some upper body weights.The next 10 on the bike I had to go as hard and fast as possible for 20 seconds, and then recover for the rest of the minute. So there was 10 of these in total. Holy crap - after the third time I didn't think I would make it to the end. I struggled on and actually thought I might puke when I got off. I had to sit down for a few minutes - no joke. I shakily managed a few lunges and then it was onto the cross trainer for 1 min normal pace, 1 min fast but maintainable - for 10 mins. That was definitely easier but I was still in shock from the bike cardio. Quite frankly, it was horrendous.

I'm seeing him on Monday for our first proper session. He's going to kill me. I don't think I'll be able to survive. And get this... we discussed what exercise I normally do and Monday is normally a 5mile run for me. He said to go out for my run as normal in the morning and then he would see me later in the afternoon for our session. WTF? Two workouts in one day?! Sweet lord, pray for me - and send help.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Weigh in

It's Wednesday. I weighed myself - a day early.

I know, I've deviated from routine. WTF? It wasn't my idea. My mum, in her infinite wisdom, suggested it. Her reasoning being, it would wipe the slate clean, I would stop second guessing myself and I could meet with my personal trainer today, resolute and in a positive frame of mind - ready to get stuck in.

So I did.  And I lost half a pound. I know - what was all that mumping and moaning about? All very dramatic and unnecessary. I was struggling to feel positive though and I did make some bad decisions (brownie, I'm looking at you) and over the past three weeks I've only lost a grand total of a quarter of a pound - so I suppose that's where the negativity came from.

But let's look forward. I'm now in FF! Horay! And I also have eight days till my next weigh in to get even further into FF.

I'd like to end this post with.... "You a bad mamma-jamma!!"

I think that's the best comment I have EVER had! Thank you Furious G, that made me actual lolz.

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 4.5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 4.75lbs

Tuesday, 4 February 2014


I lied.

I'm going to have a killer week, I said. That was a lie. It's not been that bad but killer, it ain't. And now I am in a serious funk.

The bad mood was hovering around the edges last night and then at about 6.45pm, after an hour of cooking and washing dishes - it landed like a lead balloon. The balloon has since remained firmly tethered. Two large slices of home-made chocolate brownie seemed to help anchor it.

I woke up this morning and I could not feel more fed up. What about, I don't actually know. No exercise since Thursday's spinning and a few terrible eating choices are definitely underpinning the grumpiness. In fact, that is probably is what it's all about and I'm letting other things that would normally roll off, cling on.

If I've not gained any weight on Thursday, I'll be the same weight as I was over a month ago. I've got my dress fitting on Saturday. In my current frame of mind these two statements make me panic, and then think about having a little cry.

I'm supposed to be going swimming tonight. My mum is staying with us for the night and I've asked her to bring her costume but to be honest, it's the last thing I feel like doing.

Tomorrow I've got my induction with my personal trainer. This isn't how I wanted to feel for it.

This is all very woe is me and dramatic, I know. I've lost all perspective in the last 36 hours.