Trundling along & tripping up

It feels like a l.o.n.g time since I last posted. A long time since I was mighty grumpy about putting on a pound.

Truth be told I am still pretty grumpy about it. It's not so much the fact that I put on a pound I'm grumpy about - it's the fact I'm heavier than I was almost two months ago. I've pretty much had two months of non movement, despite what I feel, is a shit load of effort.

I'll come back to the whole weight thing in a mo but first let me tell you about my flipping lovely weekend - starting on Friday. I was, unusually for me, working out the office I am in on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, on Friday for a couple of hours. I headed in after I put my new gym workout to the test (more on that later) and what was waiting for me on my desk - a dozen red roses! TB, you wee monkey! They were beautiful and although I think Valentine's Day is a pile of poop, I was actually really chuffed and yes, a little smug! Hee hee.

I should have known there was more to come though as earlier in they day I got a text from TB asking what we were doing that night. Not much, I replied. The last time I got a text like that from him, he proposed! There ain't no way he can ever top that but god, that boy is good. He had booked us into a hotel in the place we met. I was so surprised! Even he said, he wasn't sure what got into him! So off we went on a sneaky night away just the two of us, and it was so lovely. Drinks in front of an open fire, three course meal, prosecco, king size bed.

Saturday we had a scenic drive home and spent the rest of the day pottering around tidying and cooking for friends coming over that night. We went for a sort of American theme: enchiladas, slow cooked pulled pork, key lime pie. Oooh mamma!

Sunday was a lie in, food shopping, some wedding planning, and a bike ride. It might have been cold but it was so sunny. Sunnies and ear muffs on and off we went for a 40 minute tootle about - including a couple of killer hills. It was such a great weekend. Very happy.

Right - let's get down the nitty gritty. How has my eating been? Where is my mind at? What the chuff is going on?

Firstly something I've been thinking about a lot of Seren's suggestion that I'm not eating enough. This is a VERY good question and honestly, it's not something that has ever crossed my mind. I went back and totted up the the cals I ate from my WIAW post - and it comes to around 1250. That's possibly on the lower end - especially if I am exercising a lot but I'd say that was my leanest day for that week. And the weekend? Well, the weekend prior to that I drank the best part of a bottle of wine on the Friday and at least 8 rums on the Saturday - so that definitely bumps it all up a little. There definitely days I eat more and at the weekend, I am certainly more free and easy with what I am eating.

This is when I start to go a bit bonkers about the whole thing. Too much? Not enough? Too much exercise? Not enough protein? More dairy? How does anyone actually know? Why does something stop working that was working before? It's like black magic!

Since weigh in, my eating hasn't been that good. Thursday was great. Friday was great until we went out for dinner. I actually chose really wisely and it was a pretty healthy meal but I drank a large glass of wine, over a half bottle of prosecco and then about 4 rums.

Saturday breakfast was poached eggs (good) black pudding and potato scone (very bad) and then a slice of toast and marmalade (bad). Lunch was homemade soup. Dinner was the American themed meal as above - so very bad! Add to the mix a bottle of wine and a couple of rums.

Sunday was really good  - until 8pm when I had a slice of the leftover key lime pie (of which there is still some in the fridge).

Today has been good so far, but I have cut a sliver off the key lime pie and eaten it. Not the end of the dieting world but not a good move for me psychologically.

As for exercise, that's going well - I think. I did my new gym programme on Friday and while some of the exercises are really hard, they only last for minutes. Most of the moves are 10 reps x 3. You can do anything ten times, three times over. Once I was finished it, I thought "Is that it?" It really doesn't feel like much because it's lots of different things so you're always moving on to the next time,.  I'm so old school, unless I'm sweating hardcore for an hour, I really don't think I've worked hard enough. However, a mere 40 mins later I had to run over the bridge at the station to catch my train (why must I always cut it so fine?) and my legs just would not move - they were like lead! Let's not even talk about the 15 min walks to the office at the other end. So something is happening, right?

Sunday's bike ride, the first of 2014, was most enjoyable but holy crap - it was hard. We went up two mahooosive hils and I swear, I was on the verge of hyperventilation. The air was so cold that when I tried to gulp down very quick lungfuls of the stuff, my throat felt like it was closing up.

Today, would have been a 5 mile run. Instead, I did the gym workout. I'm still not convinced. Once I was finished I felt all pumped up and I wanted to go for a run. I suppose I could have gone for a small one - but who has time for a double workout? Not me, and not on a Monday morning. That being said, TB and I are playing badminton tonight. That will be a nice wee workout, but it's fun - and is in the evening.

Okay, full disclosure...my head clearly isn't in the game. While writing this post I've eaten a massive 'share' bag of skinny popcorn. All 400 cals of it. Smart move, eh? It would seem I am a bit all over the place.

So what's next? I suppose I'm just going to keep on going. I'm going to do the gym programme as prescribed. I'm going to stop the rot, food wise. Now. It stops now. I'm going to weigh myself on Thursday as normal. I've lost faith in my ability to lose weight, numbers wise so whatever that is, it's lost all meaning, or motivation. I'm going to explain all this to my PT when I see him on Thursday to see if he's got any words of wisdom.

I just want to finish on the fact, that although the whole weight loss thing is really getting to me, that's just one part of my life - but the main part of this blog. Overall, I feel great. Yes, I feel great about myself as I am in a brilliant place weight wise, but I'm in a brilliant place life wise. The best place I have ever been.