Thursday, 22 December 2011

Worst Blogger EVAH

Where have I been? Busy moving house, being loved up and working me wee socks off- that's where.

Such a naughty LoveCat for the lack up chit chat though. This is just a stop gap post to say that I plan to get all my work done today and then tomorrow morning I am going to blog the crap out of the past three weeks.

Love you! x

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Weigh in

I almost didn't bother posting today but I was catching up on my blog reading and Starfish, from Losing a little bit, of me mentioned that lots of the blogs she subscribes to have fallen into the wilderness and don't update anymore. I've been super slack of late but I am still here!

The great move of 2011 rumbles on. The weekend was full on. I finally got to see the flat we've taken! We had to move quick to get it and this meant I had to go on the pics in the ad and TB's opinion as I didn't have time to travel the 2.5 hours to my new city to view it. I was excited and a bit nervous but once I got there... I love it! It's perfect for us. Yeah, there are a few issues but in the main it's brilliant. More on that another day. Over the weekend I have no idea how many times I packed and unpacked something into and out of the transit van we hired (we had to help get all the furniture which was being looked after by the landlord's mates around the city). The flat we're moving into is first floor and so there was a lot of stair climbing.

I'm back in my own flat this week and every night has had something on including PAT testing, painting walls and more packing. Tuesday was perhaps the most difficult night as I drove my fluffy boy an hour away to stay with my brother until TB and I are settled in good and proper in the new place. I was so proud of him though. He behaved so well and it sounds like he's settling in like a wee peach. It's so odd bring in my flat without him though. Cannot wait to have him back.

Tonight is my last night in my own flat. The walls are bare and the cupboards empty. I've got some final cleaning to do and then I'll be done. I'm over the emotional stage and now I'm just excited to begin the next chapter. Wheeee!

But before new beginnings... What went on at my last weigh in. My eating has been pretty good. Yeah, some chocolate and a curry snuck in there but overall- a sterling effort. I've been really busy running around packing and so on but once again, not a sniff of a proper gym workout - or even any cycling! However, the moving house diet is to be recommended- I lost a pound this week! Unreal. Just 1.25lbs more and I'll be back to my lowest ever. It's only taken me 3 months!

Starting Weight: 204.25
Current Weight: 176.75
Weight loss this week: 1
Total Weight Loss: 27.5

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, 25 November 2011

Tired and Emotional

Moving home is emotional.
The past three nights have seen tears. It doesn't help that I'm totally knackered - working all day and then working late as I try to catch up since I've spent my day changing my address, getting insurance quotes, arranging a van hire, sorting leases and so on. I get home, eat something and then it's all systems go as I sand walls, pack boxes and sort all my stuff that has accumulated over the past 9 years.

I moved into my flat in 2002 when I was just 22. It was a bit of a hole and over the years I've spent a lot of time and quite a bit of money making it into the quirky home that it is today. I only expected to be there for a few years but the next thing I knew it was 9 years later and I was totally in love with it. With every cupboard that I unpack I find something that fills me with emotion. First of all there was my handmade 18th birthday card from my best friend, the one that has just had the baby. Then, there was the letter from my Granny M. She died two years ago and I've been thinking about her a lot recently. I even had a dream about her the other week. This wouldn't really be noteworthy but at the weekend my parents gave me some money- from her. My brother got some money when he got married and so this money was saved up for me for when I got married. Well, my wee granny passed away before I could get married and so she never got the chance to give it to me herself.

This is the same woman who bought the cheapest food and would never take a taxi anywhere, yet she saved up to make sure she could give her family whatever she could. That was an emotional moment at the weekend but when I found her letter which also had one of her own recipes... it just about sent me over the edge.

And I'm also arranging for my beloved pussy cat to stay with my brother and his wife for a month until we are ready to take him in our new place. This is upsetting me as I will miss him and I hope he's not too distressed and being carted around the country for hours at a time. Poor boy.

Moving has also taken over everything! Where have been my updates on diet and exercise? And what else is going on? Lots - and I've not had a moment to tell  you about it. It doesn't help that my laptop is away getting fixed and so I'm limited to using my phone in the evenings.  I have been reading your blogs but my commenting has been woeful. Sorry.

Okay - here is a quick weight update. Last time I checked in I had lost 2lbs and was 11.5 stone. That weekend I was helping TB's folks to move house (everyone is doing it, don'tcha know?) and it was takeaway city. Terrible terrible. I couldn't get it together after that and ended up gaining the following week. 1.25lbs on taking me to 12stone 12.75. Ugh.

The past week has actually been great food wise but I've not had time to go to the gym. Just too busy. I got on the scales on Wednesday and somehow it seems I've lost weight... and incredibly 3lbs. 12 stone 9.75 flashed up. Well, actually it was less that that at first but I soon got it to creep up a bit. WTF?

I don't really think I've lost 3lbs - and if I have then some of it must be muscle. I've got another mad mental week and so I'm going to keep eating healthily and we'll see what the scales say next week. Even if they stay the same then I'll be happy.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 177.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 3 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 26.5 pounds

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Home is where the heart is

Christ on a bike... my move to TB's city, and indeed to move in with him, has fairly romped on apace.

The original plan was to move in March. I got a bit bored with that. It seemed a sensible decision at the time as I needed a chance to get my flat ready to rent and we needed to find a place to move into. There was also the fact TB's flatmate decided to move in with his girlfriend too and within days of looking for jobs she had one and moved into their flat two weeks ago. I won't lie to you... My nose was a little bit put out of joint and I felt like my thunder had been stolen- just a bit.

So, TB and I decided to bring the move forward to January. After Christmas and the start of a new year.

Then, a friend of a friend was very interested in renting my place- as of the end of December. Sooner than planned but it was only 3 weeks earlier or so. I started to look at flats to rent in his city and found a flat that seemed perfect. 2 bedrooms, a spacious living room, a shared garden and it looks onto a park. The best thing though is that they would let me bring my fluffy boy- the cat could come... And there is a cat flap leading into the stairwell from the main door. Amazing! The catch? The flat was up for grabs now. The landlord wanted someone in immediately. Oh.

It seemed too good to pass up. It would mean we had to get our backsides in gear toot suite. I chased up the girl who wanted my flat- queue a big fat spanner in the works. She decided she was going to rent somewhere else. Balls.

That afternoon I banged an ad up on gumtree for my flat. 24 hours later I had 5 viewings lined up. They all took place on Saturday. After choosing the best candidate, the lease was signed on Tuesday. He moves in in a week. And I move out, and in with TB.

So the past week has been a flurry of sanding, painting, clearing out stuff, packing, cleaning, changing addresses, buying new stuff for my tenant, registering as a landlord and all the snash that comes with that, cancelling direct debits and a million other things.

On Saturday I'm filling a transit van with all my stuff and driving the 100+ miles to my new home before coming back on Monday for my last 4 nights in the flat that has been my home, my haven for the last 9 years.

I am excited. So excited. But, tonight has been tough. The pictures are all off the walls and it's soon not going to be my home, but just a flat. But as TB said, it's not the end, it's the beginning.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Weigh in

In your FACE! Who's face? The scales face!

2 pounds off! Wham bam, thank you mam. Well, actually - it's thank you to me. Just a bit of self love coming up...  I may have had a few slip ups along the way but overall I must have been doing something right as I am slowly edging my way back down the 12 stone bracket and I'm now 12 stone 11.5lbs.

What really has made me feel good is the 5km run that I did last week. To know that I'm running better than I have ever before reminds me that I've come a long way and while I've been toiling with half a stone - I'm still fit and I'm not miles away from where I was at my lightest and fittest ever. In fact, I'm only 4lbs away from my lightest ever and 3.25lbs away from the two stone mark.

To celebrate all this I'm going back to circuits tonight - first night back since 'the great ankle sprain of 2011'.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 179.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 2 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 24.75 pounds

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Hopeful but unconvinced

Dinner last night was relatively healthy. Well - it was healthy; a nice veggie curry and brown rice. What wasn't so great was the half a cupcake and fair few matchmakers I scarfed. I did do my 2.5mile walk as planned though and so all was not lost.
Today has been a sterling day and all that remains (apart from a power of work) is spinning and grilled pork chop and veg for tea.

So how am I feeling about tomorrow? Well... unsure to be honest. I'm expecting a loss of some description as I mainly stuck to my eating plan and worked out quite a bit. What might derail me is the ice cream situation of Thursday night (oops) and Saturday's few slip ups. 

Here is the week of exercise. Let's hope it was enough.

Wednesday: Gym workout. 4.6 mile cycle
Thursday: Spinning. 4.32 mile cycle
Friday: 7.26 mile cycle
Sat & Sun: Nothing
Monday: 2.16 mile cycle. 2.5 mile walk
Tuesday: 2.16 mile cycle. Spinning.

Monday, 7 November 2011


What a great weekend. TB and I tackled flat painting on Saturday with great success and the place is looking pretty damn good. I've still got a fair few bits to do myself but I feel like we've broken the back of it and the thought of getting going isn't quite the giant mental hurdle it was before.  I feel like I'll be ready to get it on the rental market mid December and then I will hopefully find someone to move in early January.
On Saturday night I went out with some of my friend's and got totally shit faced. I was completely steam boats. This was all before 12pm when we then went to a party where things proceeded to get even more messy. TB rocked up at about 4pm and we carried on with our boozy night until we left at 9.30am! It's been a while since I had such a massive bender - and boy it felt good!

I must confess bits of the night are a total blur but I do remember most of it and also have some vague memories of TB saying something to me about marriage! I'm pretty sure he said something along the lines of "I'm not actually asking you but what would you say if I asked you to marry me?" Ha! I love it! I can't actually remember what I said in reply but I know I didn't want it to be an all out YES! I mean, I don't want him to think it's that easy to snare me! So I think I mumbled something about the chances were pretty high. That is all I can recall, irritatingly.  I know he was completely smashed and so it was just drunken chat but even thinking that it's a tiny thought that has crossed his mind fleetingly, makes me feel all giddy and girly!  I'm not going to think any more about it though. Let's just try moving in together first.

And how did the weekend eating go? Up and down. So much for making a pudding that TB would like and I wouldn't.  I ate just as much as he did (minus the horrible sultanas) but I suppose it was relatively low fat.  Saturday was a poor result. Baguette with chips, pizza and cupcakes all featured. As well as a power of booze. I did stick to diet mixers though and Sunday did balance things out. The hangover and party fall out was rather sizeable and so the full days intake was a few mouthfuls of scrambled eggs, 3 small slices of cold pizza and a few onion rings. Oh, and some banana milk.

My appetite today has returned with a bang and my poor tummy is rumbling. However, keep it lean, keep it mean - is my mantra and I shall have two stupendous days before weigh in. There is no way I could face the gym tonight - the hangover still lingers. Instead I'm hotfooting it 2.5 miles over to my pal's for tea. 

I've got a lunchtime 30 minute power walk planned for lunchtime tomorrow and spinning in the evening. I WILL see a loss this week. Onwards and downwards!

Friday, 4 November 2011

I scream, You scream...

Oh dear. Oh  dear oh dear. After my smug post yesterday about how I was feeling super energised and back in the zone, I had  a massive slip up.
The day had gone so well... fruit for brekkie, spinning at lunchtime and then sushi followed by homemade chilli and a sweet potato for tea. But then, I made a huge mistake.

I had bought a tub of ice cream to accompany the apple samosa filo pastry things I'd was making for TB's pudding tonight.  I didn't want to buy a big tub as it's the kind of thing I'd rather not have in my freezer for weeks on end and so I ended up buying  a tub the size of a Ben and Jerry's or a Haagen Dazs.

After my tea I thought: "Oooh, I know. I'll just have a few spoonfuls of ice cream. Just for a little something sweet." I sat down with the tub and a teaspoon. I know! Alarm bells are ringing with you as you read this I'm sure. You can guess what happened next, right? I ate the whole sodding thing. The. Whole. Thing. I was so annoyed with myself. I totally undid all the good work from spinning - and then some! What was I thinking? Well,  that's just it. I wasn't thinking. I totally switched off and mindlessly ate the whole thing. What an idiot.

But wait.... it gets better. You are not going to believe this. I had to pop out to the shops to buy a replacement tub.  Yeah, you've guessed it... I did it again. I ate that entire tub too! What an absolute fanny. I can't quite believe it.  What a waste of all my good work. So so stupid. SO stupid. It's not like I was craving ice cream or something sweet and couldn't stop thinking about it. It's more that the thought popped into my head and that was it.... I turned into a calorie consuming zombie.

So where do I go from here? Right back on it. That's where. I am so angry with myself and also bewlidered at my behaviour. I feel like I've let myself down but I need to let go of these thoughts and focus on moving forward. Negative thoughts are not going to get me anywhere. Everything else since weigh in has been amazing - the exercise especially.

I've got a healthy dinner planned tonight for TB and I (stuffed peppers and grilled pork chops - his will be topped with apple sauce and blue cheese) and the apple things for pudding which I won't like so no worries there. Tomorrow we are painting the flat and so it'll just be sarnies for lunch. Easy. No plans for dinner as yet but I'm going to be insisting on something that's not dripping in oil or cheese or cream.

Saturday night is going to be boozy but I'll do my usual and stick to rum and diet coke. No after boozing snacking. Sunday will be more of a trial as I fend off the hangover but I've done it before and I can do it again.

Have a great weekend peeps and enjoy a 99 for me. x

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Back to form

So the scales and  I might not be getting along so well just now but there is another piece of equipment that is my new best friend; the treadmill.
I was feeling pretty tired last night. 4.6 miles of cycling around town and a busy day at work had wiped me out and I could not be bothered with the gym. However, Never to be repeated November (thanks for that moniker. Mother. It's been named so as the plan is that we are going to be so amazing in November that to repeat our  actions could never happen again) is here and so there was no option.

At around 4pm I had necked a sugar free red bull and two nurofen. At 6pm I  got home and cranked up the Immaculate Collection full volume while getting changed into my gym kit. At 6.30pm I got on the treadmill. At 7pm I got off the treadmill having completed a 5k.

Let me spell this out... I ran 5km in 30 minutes and 30 seconds. I think that's a personal best!  I'm sure of it. I was only planning to do about 10 minutes of running but I got into a nice steady rhythm and as the minutes ticked by I just decided that I was going to keep going until I hit 5k. At about 3.5k I increased the speed and by the last km I was going for it. So so pleased.

Thanks to that performance I am right back in the zone and I'm even planning to go back to circuits next week. Delightful! I am determined to shift this pesky half stone that has snuck back on.

I'm actually feeling very organised and productive in all areas of my life at the moment. I've been getting the LoveCat Lair ready for renting out. This has involved sorting out all my drawers and chucking out a metric tonne of shite which has been cluttering up my cupboards for years doing sweet FA.  I'm just about there and this weekend TB and I will be getting busy with some paint brushes. I am quite excited!

When I was clearing out my cupboards I found a show box in which I had put lots of letters and other sentimental shenanigans. I had a quick rifle through and found a few items from The Highlander. There were a couple of Valentine cards which were quite nice to read. And then I found a Valentine card from me to him. I had written a message all about how I would always love him with all my heart. It felt really weird see my handwriting alongside his name and a gushing message.

I know I was mad about him when we were together. Of course I was or I wouldn't have hung in there for as many years as I did. But looking back it all seems such a dim and distant memory. I've forgotten so much of it and how into him I was. I think that's partly because I can now look back and see how his behaviour was totally unacceptable at the time. Something I just couldn't process back then.

The way I feel about TB feels so much.... I don't know. I suppose I feel the most in love with TB that I've been with anyone. I've loved a few people in my time, all in different ways, but with TB it's better than I could ever imagine. Not only do I love him because I fancy the pants off him and I feel like we're completely on the same level, but the things he does for me and and the way he puts me first is unlike anyone I've ever met.

I threw my Valentine card in the bin.

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Weigh in

There is good news and there is bad news.
Let's kick off on a positive note... I'm still in the 12s! Whooppeee! And the bad news is... I'm up to 12stone 13.5lbs. Yup, just half pound away from the 13s. That's not so great.

However, I'm not going to sweat it because where would that get me? I'm back on track. I'm exercising lots. I'm eating the right things. I'm going to climb back down towards the 12 and a half stone. One step at a time.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 181.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: + 0.25 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 22.75 pounds

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Day before drivel

Sooooo - how has the past week been? Pretty darn amaze-balls. 
There is something about working out really hard that focuses my mind and makes me stick to the eating side of things. Admittedly the last couple of days have been a bit dodgy food wise but in the main - I'm a pretty happy bunny.

I'm weighing in tomorrow and I have no idea what the scales are going to throw at me- especially as I am out for tea tonight. I know I feel better than this time last week. My jeans are definitely slightly looser. Although the ying to that yang is the fact I caught sight of my backside in a changing room mirror and the phrase 'badly set jelly' sprung to mind. Just as well I have a fan-bloody-tastic personality to distract!

It's been a while since I've done one of these, so enjoy!

Tues: Spinning. 10 mins cardio. 2.16 mile cycle.
Wed: Gym workout. 2.16 mile cycle.
Thurs: 11.11 mile cycle.
Fri: Spinning. 4.32 mile cycle.
Sat: Gym workout
Sun: 4km run
Mon & Tues: nothing

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Very trying

Tonight my sister in law said I was looking trim and if I had been trying.


She has no idea.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Chowing down

Two posts in two days! I know! I think it's safe to say that's a sure sign I am feeling much more focused.

I mean, let's not get carried away I've managed to eat well and exercise for two days. It's not going to melt away half a stone like magic but two days become three and three become four.... and then a few pounds are lost - and then half a stone is melted away.

I'm on super budget lockdown as well and I had a most productive evening last night. A lovely healthy fish pie for tea, a sweaty gym workout, a flat tidy round and then I whipped up some super healthy spicy parsnip and butternut squash soup which I made from from a load of reduced veg I picked up at the supermarket.

The lovely and very witty Peridot asked me for a some examples of the kinds of things I eat on a day to to day basis and so here is today's eats. I've also included the times so you get an idea of what I need to keep me going. It's also an unusual day because I've got meeting at lunchtime which is breaking lunch so it's in two parts.

9am: Hot water and lemon
10am: pineapple, melon, plum and grapes with low fat yogurt
10.30am: coffee
11.30: Satsuma
12. Cycle 4.5 miles to meeting
12.50pm: Slimming world quiche made with cottage cheese and loadsa veg. Small portion.
2pm: Apple
2pm: Cycle 4.5 miles back from meeting
3pm: Homemade spicy parsnip and butternut squash soup
4pm: Coffee
5pm: Raw carrot and a satsuma
7pm: Fish pie (Jamie Oliver recipe made healthier by removing oil) and broccoli
8.30pm: Refresher ice lolly
10pm: Frozen grapes.

I also drink a lot of sugar free diluting juice throughout the day. I might have more coffee than that too.

Right - time to get to my meeting on my wheels of steel. Adios!

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Hello stranger

Well hey there! How the HELL are ya? What the devil has been going down?  Me? Oh, you know - all the usual shenanigans. I was at a wedding at the weekend at which I was a bridesmaid. So much fun. I felt really lovely in my dress and the pics are pretty flattering too - which was a relief considering I've not exactly been sticking to the diet.

Ummm, what else?... Oh yeah, In general I've been eating like a total mentalist that is trying to put on as much weight in as short a time period as possible. Disappointing behaviour that has left me feeling pretty sick fed up with myself - and literally sick, at times.

BUT.... the fog is lifting. I've got a clear run of a whole week with no plans for drinking or crazy nights out - and lots of time for exercise. I've pretty much done what I know always works for me - and that is to make a plan. I know exactly what exercise I am doing every day until Monday. I know exactly what meals I am eating until Saturday lunchtime. I follow the plan; I tick the boxes.

I didn't take part in the weekly weigh in today as I'd put my mortgage on the fact I would have seen 13stone something. No thanks. I do not want to see 13 stone ever again. I'm going to get back into the groove for a week and then I'll see what is going on.

For the moment - it is one day at time.

Monday, 17 October 2011

The good will out

I tried on my bridesmaid dress tonight.

It would seem the extra four pounds or so that I've been carrying around since my holiday (which was two months ago!) have settled around my tummy and hips. It's nothing to worry about and while I can see that my dress isn't sitting as perfectly as it was, isn't anything a pair of pull-you-in tights can't sort out.

However, I want to be able to breath out on the day of the wedding without worrying that I've got a pot belly going on (there ain't nowhere to hide in a size 14 Coast dress) and so until Saturday it's all systems go.

While I've been munching on too many of the wrong things I am doing a lot of the right things. I had a great gym workout on Saturday and tonight. I've a 6 mile cycle under my belt and I'm spinning tomorrow as well. That's four solid workouts this week.

I've had a really sterling day food wise and I intend for tomorrow to be the same. I am out for a sushi lunch and so I just need to avoid the soy sauce to there is no salty water retention issues during Wednesday's weigh in.

Regardless of what the scales say on Wednesday morning. I need to keep on going. Get back into the groove of planing my food and building my plans around my workouts. I'm off to TB's on Wednesday lunchtime and so I'd love to get up early and get a quick run under my belt. In fact - I just have to decide that's what I'm doing. That's the plan. End of discussion.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Ying & Yang

Last night, on a Saturday night, I went to the gym and a great workout.

I've just eaten four crumpets with chorizo and melted cheese. 

This is the ying and yang of my life right now.

Today I was sitting next to a girl I know who used to be around a size 24. I've not seen her for a couple of years. She must be about a size 10 now.  I almost asked her how she did it. "What is your secret" almost passed my lips. I know the secret - there is no secret, just dedication, organisation and hard work. I just can't seem to keep it together for more than a few days and I am getting annoyed with myself now.

Friday, 14 October 2011

Ohhhhhhh L'amour!

Erasure were bloomin amazing last night. Andy Bell was having a few voice troubles yet he still belted out every number. Loved it.

Me and my bezzie guzzled wine and cider and some vegetable tempura (on the way home on the train) and then I got home and had some supernoodles and a packet of white chocolate buttons. Again with the supernoodles! What is wrong with me? I felt proper hungry, really starving and my drunken strategy was to avoid buying a loaf of bread as I felt as though I could have eaten about 20 slices of toast.

I'm planning a lovely Moroccan lamb tagine for dinner which is nice and healthy and I'm avoiding pudding by opting for crackers, cheese and my homemade chutney. I'm not that keen on crackers and cheese but TB loves them so he can guzzle them all.

I've got a really lazy weekend ahead so I'm going to sneak in a gym workout on Saturday. The only other thing on the cards is a birthday lunch on Sunday- and that's it! Bliss.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Weigh in

Oh dear these posts are getting few and far between.

I have had a mental time with work and the mother of all proposals. Luckily it is out the way now and I am hoping some sort of normality will resume.  Oh wait, what's that... I'm going to see Erasure tonight, I have mountains of other work to catch up on, I'm off to TB's on Wednesday of next week and then we're going to London for the wedding at which I am a bridesmaid. And then I'm staying in London for a pitch.

So, umm.... no normality. In between generally being very very busy I am trying to keep to the dieting straight and narrow but sometimes my backside is just to wide for a skinny crevice and I can't make it through. Yesterday was weigh in and.... I lost 1/4 of a pound. Ha! I could sneeze more than that. However, it's not a gain.

I'm not too worried about it all because the reality of the situation is this... I am still trying. I'm only 3lbs heavier than my lightest ever and I am still keeping on. Since last weigh in I went to one spinning class and one evening I cycled to a meeting I had to go to. That was probably a 7 mile round trip. Not too sure as I broke my speedo!  Sob.  So two workouts. That was it. Oh and a few miles here on there on the bike. Big wow.

By the time next weigh in rolls around I'll have  managed to squeeze in a 6 mile cycle, two gym workouts and a spinning class. That's a bit better. And it's all I can do. That's the long and the short of what I am getting at. I'm by no means doing as much as I could but I'm still doing something. If I can stop eating crap in between meals then I should be able to work with that. I should be able to lose weight.  I'd love to lose a solid pound or more next week - in time for the wedding. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.25 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 25.75 pounds

Thursday, 6 October 2011

More stripping

When I blogged yesterday about the whole stripper thing I was feeling alright about it. Annoyed and I had a bad taste in my mouth but not much more. And then I spoke to TB.

I told him pretty much what I said I would: that I didn't like it, it didn't make me feel good and I thought it was tacky. He said, "I know". But I don't think he did know and I put down the phone after the call feeling really wound up about it all. I'm pretty stressed about work right now too and the two things combined just sent me into a downward spiral.

It's not often I get into a funk but last night I was on a proper downer and teetering on being really upset. I meant to go the gym but I couldn't face it. I just wanted to crawl under the covers and forget about everything.

TB called me around 11pm as we always speak before going to sleep. That was why he called me at 2.30am the other night. We always call at bedtime - no matter what that bedtime is. After chatting about various other things he eventually asked me if I was alright and we began to chat about why I wasn't happy.

I explained that I felt really horrible about the whole thing and couldn't understand why he had done it. I am not happy at all about the fact he was alone with a naked woman who was dancing for him. He said he knew it wasn't good and that's why he called me the next morning before work. I forgot to mention he rang me at 7.50am the next morning too. He said he woke up and remembered all about it and felt bad and that's why he called me.

I wish he'd told me that at the time, which I also told him. We chatted on a bit more about it all and I wrapped it all up with, "I would never tell you what you could and couldn't do but I think paying for a dance is not cool and it made me feel weird. If you're ever in that situation again then I hope you would think more carefully about what you do."

So it's over and done with and I feel a lot better. It's really not that big a deal now that I've had a chance to let the dust settle. I'm glad I said what I did and that is that. TB did make a very valid point after we had dissected the whole thing. We're going on a boozy night out tomorrow. He said; "Please don't get drunk and fall out with me about it."

Good point, TB. It's done and I must remember that.

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Weigh in

Okay - we have a number. And that number is 0.5. I'm half a pound down from where I was two weeks ago.

I have no idea what weight I was last week - it might well have been up on the week before - so I am happy to take the half pound off. This means that today I'm sitting at 12stone 10.75lbs. That's just 3.25lbs off my lightest ever and 2.5 off the two stone mark.  That is nothing! I could lose that in a few weeks if I keep the focus.

Not only am I back to working out 5 days a week (well, until next week went work life and social life go totally mental - have I told you I am going to see Erasure?!) but I'm back to the simple meals of fish and pile of veggies for dinner, fruit for snacking and lots of coffee. I know the coffee thing isn't really that good for you but I love it and it helps distract me from other food.

I felt pretty wobbly last week (physically wobbly, not mentally) especially around the tummy area, which is not usually my problem area but I'm glad to say I'm feeling better this week and I feel confident about pushing on and waving goodbye to those pesky 3lbs that just won't take the hint!

Now, I want to chat about something completely unrelated. Strippers. I know, where did that come from? I'll give you one guess. TB.

Last night (a Tuesday night, no less) TB called me at 2.30am. Totally shitfaced. A few after work drinks escalated into a very boozy night and he was hammered. He then reveals he had been to a strip bar. Not a big group of boys, just two of them. And he paid one of them £10 for a dance. I know his mate and I know it would have been his idea but still, I'm not happy about this.

Normally, I don't give a shit if my boyfriend goes to the strippers - if it's part of a big group and a lairy boys night out. When there are just two of them on a Tuesday night - and he pays for a dance... Well, I just think it's a bit seedy. Not to mention the fact I am watching the money like a hawk at the moment and he is giving £10 to a stripper. That is pretty unrelated as it's his money and he can do what he likes with it - it just infuriates me.

I have no doubt in my mind that he would cheat on me. Ever. In fact, while there is no way I would do it to him either I do think I'm the higher risk of the two of us. There is no risk - at all, but if I HAD to name one of us, it would be me.

I just don't like it though. I think it's seedy and sad and it doesn't make me feel that great about myself. He knows I'm not happy about it - I made this clear when we were speaking last night. I'm not going to bang on about it today when we speak when he is sober as I don't want him to not tell me if he goes, but I do need to tell him how it makes me feel.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 25.5 pounds
PS) Think these stats were all wrong last weigh in - sorted now.

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

It was the night before weigh in

Back to the old routine.

Tomorrow is weigh in - the first in two weeks. I have no idea what number I'll see on the scale in the morning.  14 days ago I was 12 stone 11.25lbs. If I'm the same again I'll be quite happy. I got back on track last week and I'd say I'm operating at about 85% of the intensity I was - before my wobble.

The weekend was not the healthiest. I was on a hen weekend and there was a lot of wine and there were a lot of cupcakes. And a few other naughties. I hadn't eaten a whole lot during the day on Sunday and so when I got home I got stuck into some filthy supernoodles. Oh, they were so good and cheap and nasty.

On a complete aside let me say, I am so glad the hen weekend is over. I'm a bridesmaid (not the chief bridesmaid I might add) and pretty much organised the whole thing from beginning to end. What a fricking nightmare. Why can't people just do what they are told, send me what they are supposed to send me and generally stop questioning me! Never again. I am never organising a hen do.

So here is the exercise run down for the last week...

Wednesday: 10 mile cycle
Thursday: Spinning
Friday: 35 mins weights workout
Saturday/Sunday: Nothing
Monday: Gym workout - resistance, 2.2 mile cycle
Tuesday: Spinning, 2.2 mile cycle

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Choo choo

I think I'm back on track.

My eating is pretty damn shit hot (apart from a bit too much sugar - as per usual) and I've had three really good workouts three days running. Some of the bloat from the weekend's face filling episode has gone down and I feel more in control. Oh control how I love thee.

I'm planning meals and trying to be as organised as possible. So far, so good. I've got 5 hours on a train tomorrow as I head off for a hen weekend but I know what's for brekkie and lunch. Dinner will be eaten out but it's about making the sensible choice. One choice at a time.

I'm a bridesmaid in three weeks time. I don't want to let myself down on the day by wishing I could have done more.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

E = Mc Fatty

The title of this post should be 'Weigh in'. Should. It's not. It's not because I couldn't face the scales this morning. For the first time since March, I've dodged a weigh in. 

After my mini meltdown on Friday I proceeded to stuff my face for most of the weekend, culminating in a toffee frenzy on Sunday night. Hmmmm. Not good. Monday morning rolled around and I started the day well. Fruit for breakfast, scrambled eggs (no toast) for lunch and cold meat for dinner. Yeah, that's not much for dinner but I was driving and that was the easiest thing to eat  - alongside the best part of a massive back of mint humbugs. Whoops. I was buzzing on sugar, let me tell you. Distracted, edgy, tired but not relaxed.

I was visiting my friend 50 miles away who has just had a baby. I was heading home and I saw the turnoff on the motorway for my parent's house. I took it. I needed some mummy loving and so I headed to the family nest.

After blethering with my mum and dad for a while, mum and I soon got down to the serious nitty gritty. I didn't quite give her the full version of what I posted her on Friday but I did allude to the fact that I was worried about being left behind. She didn't give me much of chance to dwell on that and cut me off with a "Don't worry about that" - and moved onto what positive action I was going to take. Okay then - no time for self doubt or pity then.

But it's the positive action that I'm struggling with. I've definitely put on quite a few pounds. I can feel it when I'm running; I can feel it in my clothes. I'm not sure of the extent of the damage but it has been done, I can promise you that.

The problem has been having a firm plan of action, for food and exercise,  and actually sticking to it. Real life has gotten in the way, work is really busy and my social life too. I've got things happening in the evenings, more time is spent in front of my computer and I've just not had the time to dedicate to the weight loss journey. Dedication is what is takes for me to lose weight and it's that all or nothing attitude that has worked for me. A formula works because of the exact ingredients. If one ingredient changes then it's game over. That's what it's felt like for me. My magical blend has been tampered with.

Well, get yer lab coat and pop on those safety specs on because I'm cooking up a new formula.

So I'm struggling to exercise five times a week at pull pelt? I now do 4 and really really push myself for every minute of those. Plan, plan, plan. Get cooking, prepare meals, take a bag of carrots and some cold meat to the office to snack on during the day. Limit the treats - especially during the week. I know what to eat, I know what not to eat. I just need to think and act accordingly.

The next weigh in will be on Wednesday 5th October. I've got a hen weekend to negotiate between then and now but I can do it. I will do it. 


Friday, 23 September 2011

Different paths

Is it the be all and end all? No, of course it’s not. Losing weight is not ‘it’. But for so long – all my life, it’s been the holy grail. Even when I was a child, and I didn’t need to lose weight it was what I thought I wanted. What I thought I needed. 

Eventually it was what I needed. 15 and a half stone and miserable the decision to actually do it, to commit myself to losing weight had to be made or things could have gone in a very different direction. 

Now, years later, I’ve done it again – lost some of the weight that has made me feel like an outsider so many times in my life. My weight has been, and is, such a big issue for me. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and every decision I make throughout the day is connected to it. What will I wear, how do I look, what will people think, am I fit enough, will people be laughing at me. All the time. It’s constant. Never-ending, and exhausting. 

Yes, three stone lighter than my heaviest weight, those feelings of insecurity are not as strong as they used to be. I feel so much better than I used to. I feel something quite close to normal. I know I’m not done though, I’m not normal. I’m still bigger than almost all my friends. But... I’ve lost my drive. I’ve lost my total, laser like, dedication. I don’t know if this journey is going to continue anymore and that’s the hardest part to swallow for one main reason... my mum.

We’ve both being dieting for all our lives. Most years my mum loses around a stone and a half, and then puts it back on again. This year the penny seems to have dropped for us both. I’ve lost 2 stone, she’s lost 3. She’s the lightest weight she can ever remember being – since she was 11. She is going strong and shows no signs of stopping. Whereas I? Oh, I think it’s safe to stay I’ve stopped – and I keep stalling. 

I’m not happy about my lack of progress and more specifically, my state of mind. I am just not feeling it. I’m going through the motions with 75% of the effort. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’ve lost two stone. I’m sure I can keep it off and this might be it. My mum – she is still gung ho and our difference in attitudes is really upsetting me.

We talk about weight loss and dieting to no-one else except each other. Yes, we talk about it to other people but we don’t really discuss it with anyone else, get into the nitty gritty. No-one (except you lot) really know how much it affects me like she does, and vice versa. We’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders and being able to lose weight at the same time (for once) has been brilliant. But now... it feels like our paths are going in two very different directions. 

We were just chatting on the phone and I mentioned I’d had my hair cut but it was just a trim; I’m getting something more drastic done in November. My mum replied, “Well by the time November comes around you could be looking even thinner.” My heart sank. My mum doesn’t care what size I am, as long as I am healthy and happy. I know she’s just trying to gee me up and that’s her mindset at the moment – future dates are tied to possible weight loss. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear though. I said “Everything isn’t tied to that”. “Yes it is!” she said. 

No, it’s not.

What’s upsetting me is if I don’t lose any more weight how am I going to cheer her on? How am I going to convincingly motivate her and compliment her? She’ll stop talking to me about it and it’ll become the elephant in the room. The sad fact is also that I don’t want her to be smaller than me. How selfish is that? 

I tried to explain that this might be the end of the weight loss road for me and that we might be going in different directions now.

The phone line was terrible and I got cut off. I didn’t call her back.

I feel so upset now. I don’t want to have lost my drive. I don’t want my mum to leave me behind.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Weigh in

I've been scraping losses the past few weeks by the skin of my teeth. No more. Today's weigh in revealed a harsh reality... 2.5lbs on. That's me back to 12stone 11.25 lbs.

Eeek. That is bad. Even including holidays that's the worst gain I've had (pro rata) since getting my act together in March. I've just not been feeling it. Y'know. I'm going through the motions 75% of the time. As for the other 25%, don't ask.

I've been really lucky that I've had the time over the summer to really devote myself to losing weight. I've been able to prioritise it and fit the rest of my life around it. Now that I'm working from an office and there have been quite a few things going on - mainly social - working out and eating nothing but fish and veg, has had to take a back seat. Real like is back and I'm not integrating very well. And of course, being injured hasn't helped.

I need to refocus and get back into the groove. I did not like seeing the double digits of 11 pounds on the scales this morning. Not one bit! If I'm not careful 13 stone will be beckoning me in no time. Come back to the bigger bum club, the scales will whisper to me. Yeah, okay - this bum will always be bigger... You know what I mean though. I don't want to go back there. I want the lower 12s to be my danger zone. The weight range that I know I need to screw the nut and get back to keeping my eye on things. I'm not yet there though! I can be - and I want to be, and so I must make it so.

There's not been enough planning of food going on. Well, just a lack of general planning to be honest. So, umm... no time like the present... I've had porridge and banana for me brekkie today and lunch was my mum's ratatouille- so all good. However, I've got an after work event which means no dinner till.... well, who knows, and I have no idea what I'm having. Okay - plan. Banana and 1 tsp of honey late avo and scrambled eggs, no toast for dinner.

No exercise today  - apart from 10 mins of push ups and leg raises this morning - just too much on but tomorrow lunchtime is spinning and Friday morning will be a killer sesh too. I can do this. Don't let it go now Love Cat - 2011 is the year.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 2.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 27.5 pounds

Friday, 16 September 2011

Good vibrations & positive vibes

So it's Friday and I've almost got three good days under my belt. I was out for dinner last night and while it wasn't the healthiest of meals I made the best choice I could, didn't have any wine and said no to pudding.

I've also had some really good workouts. I was planning to sneak another one in later today but my ankle (zzzzz) is playing up and so I think my 3 mile cycle (to the office and back) and some push ups and leg raises at home will have to suffice.

Looking at next week's diary which is choc a bloc I am really struggling to fit in many workouts. From weigh in to weigh in I used to manage 5. At the moment it's down to 4 and one of those is not as strenuous as it should be. This week it's only going to be 3. Not good. I'm going to have to watch the weekend eating like a hawk so that I make some sort of compensation.

TB is coming to mine for the weekend and on the menu tonight is chilli packed with veg. He is having his with nachos and cheese. I am having mine with a sweet potato. I might even go crazy and have a piece of broccoli. I know - INSANE!

If I'm mindful I can keep have a pretty healthy weekend. Barbeque tomorrow - to which I will take chicken to have with salad, and in the evening we've got my cousin's wedding reception (cheers for the all day invitation). My mum will be there which is a bit like having some sort of insurance policy. I'm not planning to go anywhere near the buffet but if she's there I know even thinking about sneaking a sausage roll would be as offensive turning up in a big white puffy dress. We (TB) are also driving to all these things and so while I could drink I'm not going to knock the booze back while he is stone cold sober.

I'm also wearing the pink dress I wore to the wedding I went to in August. I know I look good in it and so I'm quite hoping for a compliment from my bruv and sister in law. You can but hope. I saw another friend last night who I've not seen for months and months and she didn't utter a peep about me looking any slimmer either. I actually don't mind at all. I know I feel pretty good and that's the main thing.

The plan for the rest of the weekend involves walks by the river, coffee shops, charity shops, films, lots of sex and a bank holiday Monday.

Have a wonderful weekend my darlings - and get sloshed for me!  x

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Weigh in

Yet again I was feeling trepidatious (did someone blog about this word once upon a time? I'm looking at you Peridot) about getting on the scales. Yet again I scraped a loss. Half a pound off.

It's a paltry amount but following the Shepard's Pie made with double cream and cheese, Eaton mess (more double cream), a lot of rum and red wine, a whole bag of barley sugars and a delicious five course meal- I'll take it.

While it's a downward trend and I'm creeping back to my lowest weight ever it's not really good enough. Yes, I'm still not quite exercising as much as I was pre ankle crapness but if I stopped eating yummy and fatty things I could easily lose more. I'm currently 12 stone 8.75lbs (gotta love scales that register 1/4 pounds). Half a pound more and I'll have lost 2 stone dead on. 1.25lbs and I'll be at my lowest ever. What am I waiting for?

There are a few things that have thrown me...

1. Being in an office. When I'm at home if I get hungry, I eat a healthy snack from the many options at my fingertips in my own kitchen. Or I have an early tea and keep working. When I'm in the office I've only got the food I brought with me and inevitably by 4pm I am ready to eat my own arm. This translates into picking when I get home.

2. The ankle. I am so bored of this topic. The upshot it this; running is limited to the odd 10 minute burst on the treadmill. So what. I lost almost 3 stone before and didn't even so much as look at the treadmill. I'm doing more spinning and am avoiding circuits for a few more weeks. Deal with it woman.

3. I feel good. I actually feel pretty good about myself right now. I look... normal. Yeah, I've still got a big bum and there is certainly more weight to lose but I'm enjoying how I look right now and I've maybe not felt quite as driven. That's no bad thing but I would like to lose more and while I still seem to be able to lose (even if it is just a half pound here and there) I should make the most of it.

So it's another week and time for me to stop faffing around and make some serious inroads into getting down into the lower half of the 12 stone range. Onwards and downwards!

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 176.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 27.5 pounds

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

So, how about it?

So it's official, TB and I are going to be living in sin. And I cannot wait.

I've mentioned before that I envisaged us living together in the not too distant future and I'm so excited it's really happening. I'm actually pretty nervous about it too but that's only to be expected. Excited and nervous. I can think of worse combinations. So how did it come about?

Well, TB lives where he does because that's where his job is. In fact that's the where his entire industry is and so there is no moving for him. I am self employed (and freelance). As long as I can meet my clients once a month or so, then I can operate from anywhere.

Over the past few months I'd done a bit of projecting in my head. You know, a bit like you do with dieting. If I lose a pound a week then I could be x weight by x time. Except in this case I was thinking, if we decide we want to go for it then by the time I rent out my current flat then it'll be x time ( and x = ages away!). I don't mind travelling to see TB (and because of the work thing I do more of the travelling) but it's 2 and a half hours on a train and it's not cheap. A year of doing it is okay. 2 years is too much. I realised that I was going to have to make the suggestion. TB is very laid back and it wouldn't occur to him that we have to start planning. 

Bringing up the whole topic wasn't something I was looking forward to. In fact it's fair to say I was shitting myself. What if I threw the idea out there and he wasn't keen. It was totally plausible that he would want to keep things the way they were. Things are good, why change them? I had to say something though. It was on my mind and if I didn't do it in a measured way I'd end up getting smashed and blurting it out.

My plan was this: we'd go on holiday and have a lovely lovely time and spend lots of quality time together. At the end of the holiday when the time to head home to our respective cities was looming, I'd gently bring the topic up. I had this plan in mind even before we went. As the last night drew closer I was getting more nervous. I almost brought it up on the second last night as we were relaxing after our meal looking out over the sea from our restaurant at the harbour's edge. I had the words ready, but I just couldn't bring myself to utter them. At this rate I would end up mumbling something as we picked up our luggage carousel.

The last day of the holiday arrived. I waited until our last meal. I waited until we'd finished eating, I waited until the last possible moment. I was shaking. The line I'd rehearsed in my head was now making it's way out of my mouth. "So I think this holiday is possible the longest amount of time we've spent together". "Yeah, you could be right. It may well be. Or maybe Christmas time," he replied.

Okay, that was my opener. I had my follow up line ready. "So how do you feel about spending more time together?" My heart was pounding at this point. TB met my gaze. "What do you mean?" he asked.

I didn't have another line prepared. I wasn't sure what to say next and so I just began talking about how living so far apart wasn't that easy and although we saw each other quite a lot, the travelling and constant planning was tiring. TB agreed and acknowledged that I do a lot of the running around on trains and making plans so we can see each other. But did he want to live with me?!

"Would you want to live in my city?" he said. "Well, it's not my first choice but the fact of the matter is that right now your job means that it's the only option," I replied.  And so the conversation went from there, talking about logistics and options. My breathing slowed from a rapid pant to something not quite resembling hyperventilating as I realised TB was actually up for us living together. What's that? He thought us living together was a good idea? He was up for it?! Whoooo hoooo! This was the best holiday ever!

I'm not about to pack my bags and head to his tomorrow morning. Far from it. We've put a date of around March next year to make things happen. I love my flat where I live right now and I'm not quite ready to leave (I am also freaking about not having my own space 5 days a week - and a massive pile of other things which I shall no doubt be spraffing on about the months to come). As well as that I need to make arrangements to rent it out and we need to find somewhere at his end that suits us both.  So it's all systems go.

I've purposely not mentioned where I live now and where TB lives, all in the interests of keeping the blog anonymous. My old blog gave away far too much info, hence the move here and so I'd rather not say if that's okay. If you are really dying to know then drop me an email. I'm pretty sure you don't care that much though!

Right, it's late and I have to weigh myself tomorrow morning so I need to scoot off to bed. Once again I am not looking forward to it. Too many slip ups over the weekend and the ankle... oh, the ankle.

Friday, 9 September 2011


I had a big post all ready to go but blogger is being a total arse.

So instead, here is the news I have been dangling in front of you.

Whenever I think about it I feel a wave of panic come over me... but then excitement.

TB and I are moving in together! Waaaaaaaaaaa! I'm upping sticks and moving 120 miles north!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Weigh in. Wolf!

It was that time again this morning... scale time. It's pretty obvious I wasn't looking forward to it after all my bleating and wailing in yesterday's post.

I did that thing where I was dreaming about weighing myself, a sure sign I am worked up about it. In my dream I had somehow managed to find a setting on the scales that meant I got my reading in stones, pounds and ounces. Anyhoo.... I feel like the chubby girl that cried 'the cake is finished' or some such food and fat related metaphor;  I lost 3/4 of a pound.

Sorry, I feel like a fraud. There I was banging on about how I had lost my way and get I still managed to lose something. I was convinced I was going to gain but what do you know, I'm still edging down. And of course, now I am wondering how much I could have lost if I had stayed on track. But enough of those what if thoughts. I'm just so glad that things are moving in the right direction. Yes, they might be moving very slowly but the fact that they are moving at all is a bloody marvelous thing.

I'm not quite back in the positive mind set 100% but I am definitely getting there. Of course, the loss this morning was a farking huge help but last night's workout really got me going. Off I popped to spinning - which was SO hard. I'm still struggling with my fitness a bit and I also felt a bit emotional in the class during some of the longer stand up sprints (I have since realised that my period is due so that might have something do with the OTT emotionals). After the class I thought, 'I know my ankle is still swollen but it feels pretty much okay most of the time, I'm going to test it out on the treadmill'. And so on I popped.

I kept the incline at 0% and tried out 8.6kmph for a minute. It felt okay. I kept going. 30 seconds later I upped my speed to 10kmph for a quick blast. My ankle still felt okay. I took the speed down and walked for a minute. Everything was okay. Could it be that I can actually run? To make sure I tried again and this time I kept going until I hit the 10 minute mark! Can you believe it?! I am so so pleased.

I won't lie to you, my ankle does feel a bit twingy today but nothing too bad at all. My normal routine would be circuits tonight and a 7 mile cycle but I've covered almost 10 miles today on my trusty wheels as I nipped about over town on various errands. And so I'm going to call it a day at that. There is still quite a lot of swelling and so I do need to be careful how much I push on.

I've had a really great day foodwise and I feel motivated to stick to it and push on for another week. The mojo (oh yeah, I ate some of them at the weekend too) is coming back. And thanks for your comments. It really does feel great to you've got people rooting for you.

I've got friend coming over for take out sushi tonight which won't break the diet bank and I'll just say no thanks to wine. One choice at a time. I chose to be in control.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 177.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.75 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 27 pounds

Tuesday, 6 September 2011


I knew this day would come. It’s always been in the post, I just didn’t know how swift the postman would be.

I’ve lost my dieting mojo. Big sigh. I actually just did a massive, shoulder dropping sigh.
I’ve not totally lost the plot. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not inhaling everything that’s not nailed down. I’m not making trips to the supermarket to buy a pile of junk to eat. I’m not secret eating.  But things are not what they used to be – or need to be.

I predominantly blame this stupid, swollen ankle of mine. It would seem that I’m going to have to take it easy for more than just a week or so. It’s still as swollen as ever and rotating it round to a certain degree is impossible. This means running and lunging are still out. I do a lot of lunging as part of my general gym workouts and I know they make a difference. It also means no bodypump, no circuits, no general running. That’s a lot of no’s.

There is still a lot I can do, cycling, cross trainer, spinning, squats, ab work, upper body weights, lower leg static weights - all at a slightly less intensive level than I would like to be doing it. But I’ve not really being doing them.

I just feel so.... unmotivated. I picked at food over the weekend and somehow found myself merrily chomping on chocolate biscuits without a second thought. There were lots of other minor misdemeanours (fudge, meringues, fairy cakes) – the worst of which was eating a kebab at 11pm on Sunday night for my dinner – oh and a bit of chicken and veggie pakora.

So really nothing too major. Really not major at all but compared to my positive and focused attitude, I feel a million miles away. If I ever slip up much I feel like I get right back on track with a sterling day of eating really healthily and keeping portions down – and a really hard and sweaty workout.  

So yesterday, I was feeling annoyed about the kebab action and the weekend of slackness. I stuck to fruit for breakfast and a chickpea and tomato veggie thing for lunch. I then went home, had a healthy tea and proceeded to sit on the couch and demolish the best part of a bag of sherbet strawberries for the rest of the night.  No gym action, just a shit load of sugar. Nice one. Nice one you bloody idiot.

I’m letting this ankle situation get to me. It’s thrown me off track, my routine has been knocked off course and I’m losing focus. When I was in London, barely in control of what I was eating and dealing with the unknown did I let that stop me? NO. Completely the opposite. I saw a challenge and I kicked arse.  Why am I letting this time be any different?

So, I’ve had a few days of dodgy eating and I’ve not exercised as much as I would have liked. That is not going to suddenly make me gain half a stone. Keeping in this frame of mind will make that happen though.

I need to get back into the groove, yes – a slightly different groove – and get the chuffing hell on with it.  I still look the same. I’ve maybe put on a few pounds but that is a mere blip – not a tidal wave.

It’s nearly the end of the working day and I’ve had a great day so far. I’m going to have some fish and veggies for dinner and then I am going to spinning. I do not want to weigh in tomorrow but I am going to do it and I am going to deal with it.

It’s not as much as I should have done but here is the exercise run down.

Wednesday: Upper body weights and side leg raises in the flat
Thursday: 4 miles on bike. 40 min spin class.
Friday: 3 miles on bike, 10 mins cross trainer, 25 mins of weight machines and squats
Sat & Sunday: Nothing
Monday: 5.5 miles on bike
Tuesday: Spinning