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Well Howdy Doody!

How are you my sweets? I am just dandy and have been very busy of late - so much to tell!

I'm not going to lump everything into one post so here's a quick topliner...

My holiday in Italy was just lovely. The pissing rain, thunder and lightning - not so much. I think there were two days that it didn't rain at all but I still had to wear my hat (I bought on the first day) the whole time. Pretty damn chilly. It was still a great holiday. We saw lots, we slept lots and we ate lots. Well, I certainly did. Pizza, ice cream and featured heavily. I think I may have cried with sheer unadulterated pleasure when I devoured Kinder ice cream. It was filled with huge chunks of kinder chocolate. Insane.

It was also really nice to hang out just the two of us, TB and I. Lots of hand holding and kissing in public (apparently that's the done thing in Italy!) and just getting along brilliantly. 

The Plan, you remember - the one where I was going to go hell for leather with the healthy eating and exercise until the morning I went on holiday - well, it wasn't so much of a plan and more like a notion I maybe had for 17 seconds. I'm afraid it did not happen. In fact, if anything, the reverse did. I started eating with gay abandon several days before we went on holiday and that pretty much continued until last night (despite going to the gym yesterday morning). But, today is Wednesday and this morning the scales and I were reunited. It's been 19 days since my last weigh in and I've put on..... 7lbs! Yup - half a stone has lumped on. Oops.

I was in denial a little bit, thinking I had got away with still being in the 12stones but when 13stone 2.5lbs flashed up there was no escape. And then to add insult to injury - I saw this picture of me taken at the weekend. You can practically tell what make of pants I am wearing!

So what am I going to do about it? Well, how about this crazy idea; I'm going to STOP FAFFING ABOUT. It's time get get serious. I know what to do. Not only is that eating the right foods and working out but it also involves cutting out sneaky mouthfuls and tastes of things that have no place in my gob. It's back to tracking and logging. Dull - but necessary.

I'm heavier than I was at my first 2012 weigh in - not cool. I want to get the hell outta the 13s asap and down down down into the 12s. There are so many things coming up (no holidays!) so it's time to bust some moves.

Weigh in

What the frick? That's three weeks in a row. THREE WEEKS, people, that I have put on weight.

You might expect me to be tearing my hair out or at least chopping off a limb (a sure fire way to lose a pound or two) but I'm actually quite calm. I did only put on a quarter or a pound but that's not the point - the numbers are going the wrong way. I don't know if I'm calm because this whole situation is so ridiculous that I have gone to another place in my mind (I think that's called crazy town) or if it's simply because nothing surprises me when it comes to this losing weight malarkey.

I know I went a bit mental with the cakes at the weekend but I know how much I ate - and considering how much exercise I've done, I know that's not enough to justify what is going on. If I ever am in a place where I need to maintain (at this rate - NEVER going to happen) I would like to think I wouldn't have to knock my pan in five times a week at the gym. That's what I just did  - and I gained!

The only hope I have is that the numbers were skewed by my period which is on the cusp of arrival (welcome home TB who has gets home tomorrow after a week away) and I am feeling especially bloated and big boobed.

Bloating or no bloating, what am I going to do. Well, um - at the risk of repeating myself, I'm going to carry on trying. After weigh in this morning I went to the gym and then had fruit for breakfast. It's business as usual. I'm going to have a great week (NO CAKES even if they are instead of lunch or dinner) and carry on.

Starting Weight: 183 pounds
Current Weight: 179.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: plus 0.25lbs
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 3.75lbs


I've decided I'm not going to bang on about exercise and all that malarkey too much and make sure I'm blogging about the fun things in life too. It's a huge part of my life but I'm not about to let it take over. I've been inspired by the gorgeous Linzerello who has started a new blog about her outfits and rockin style (you can check it out here.) to make more of an effort. And without further ado - here we go.

 

I've been wearing this dress for a couple of years now. It's a Primark number and has a lovely scoop neck at the back too. It's a bit big now as it always falls off my shoulder but a cardi, or jacket fixes that. I just bought the jacket the other day. It's a touch too short for jeans without a longer layer underneath but perfect to smarten up a dress. I was just off to a meeting so popped it onto sharpen the whole thing up.

Dress: Primark (£16.99 I think)

Belt: Can't remember

Jacket: H&M (14.99)

Leggings: H&M (£3.99)

Wave Hello & Say Goodbye

Whaddya know, it's Twenty Twelve!

The tail end of last year was a whirlwind as TB and I has just moved in together and then it was time for a whole bunch of festive shenanigans.

Moving into our flat (which is semi-furnished) has been a proper project for us as we had to spring into action and buy some essential items, namely a couch. As much as I'd love something which is a bit more unique we ended up with a DFS number, which should be with us in about a week.

However, the mainstream seating has been balanced out with the quirky dining. We got some money from TB's folks for Christmas which we decided to spend on a table and chairs. I had a quick peek on gumtree and saw the perfect set... three days later it was ours!

Here are just few pics which sum up what's been going on with me.

• The view from my new flat on a snowy day
• Our Christmas Tree which was a little chubbier that we realised in the shop
• The new dining table and chairs in situ
• My food diary and exercise log - hello again!
• Sushi making on New Year's Eve
• The presents under our tree
• My fluffy boy en route to his new home - highly unimpressed
• One of my top crimbo presents. Hello marmalade season!

But what of the size of my backside? Well... 2011 ended pretty well for me.  The last few weeks were up and down and I lost all interest in exercising but the weigh ins continued non the less and look a little bit like this...

November 30th	12 stone 8.75	1
December 7th	12 stone 7.5	1.25
December 14th	12 stone 9.5	plus 2
December 24th	12 stone 8.75	0.75

So I ended the year at 12 stone 8.75lbs - just half a pound off the two stone mark. I was pretty chuffed with that, especially as the last couple of weeks saw me slacking off with the healthy eating more than I should have.

For the past 11 days I've been having a whale of a time eating and drinking pretty much anything I wanted. Lovely. That's what you do over Christmas isn't it? Well, it's what I do. And I do it pretty well! Heehee.

Today I got back on the scales and I was greeted into the New Year by my cheeky little scales with a 6.25lb gain. I'm not surprised and to be honest it could have been a lot worse. So it's back into the old routine. Hello lots of protein and working out like a mofo.

No exercise today  - this living with someone malarkey seems to eat away at your time like mad. But tomorrow I shall be biting the bullet and getting down the gym which I fully expect will be heaving. Ugh.

It's a new year and so time for some new stats too I reckon.

2005 Starting Weight: 216 pounds
2011 Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
2012 Starting Weight: 183 pounds

Weight Loss This Week: 0 pounds
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 0 pounds

Tired and Emotional

Moving home is emotional.
The past three nights have seen tears. It doesn't help that I'm totally knackered - working all day and then working late as I try to catch up since I've spent my day changing my address, getting insurance quotes, arranging a van hire, sorting leases and so on. I get home, eat something and then it's all systems go as I sand walls, pack boxes and sort all my stuff that has accumulated over the past 9 years.

I moved into my flat in 2002 when I was just 22. It was a bit of a hole and over the years I've spent a lot of time and quite a bit of money making it into the quirky home that it is today. I only expected to be there for a few years but the next thing I knew it was 9 years later and I was totally in love with it. With every cupboard that I unpack I find something that fills me with emotion. First of all there was my handmade 18th birthday card from my best friend, the one that has just had the baby. Then, there was the letter from my Granny M. She died two years ago and I've been thinking about her a lot recently. I even had a dream about her the other week. This wouldn't really be noteworthy but at the weekend my parents gave me some money- from her. My brother got some money when he got married and so this money was saved up for me for when I got married. Well, my wee granny passed away before I could get married and so she never got the chance to give it to me herself.

This is the same woman who bought the cheapest food and would never take a taxi anywhere, yet she saved up to make sure she could give her family whatever she could. That was an emotional moment at the weekend but when I found her letter which also had one of her own recipes... it just about sent me over the edge.

And I'm also arranging for my beloved pussy cat to stay with my brother and his wife for a month until we are ready to take him in our new place. This is upsetting me as I will miss him and I hope he's not too distressed and being carted around the country for hours at a time. Poor boy.

Moving has also taken over everything! Where have been my updates on diet and exercise? And what else is going on? Lots - and I've not had a moment to tell  you about it. It doesn't help that my laptop is away getting fixed and so I'm limited to using my phone in the evenings.  I have been reading your blogs but my commenting has been woeful. Sorry.

Okay - here is a quick weight update. Last time I checked in I had lost 2lbs and was 11.5 stone. That weekend I was helping TB's folks to move house (everyone is doing it, don'tcha know?) and it was takeaway city. Terrible terrible. I couldn't get it together after that and ended up gaining the following week. 1.25lbs on taking me to 12stone 12.75. Ugh.

The past week has actually been great food wise but I've not had time to go to the gym. Just too busy. I got on the scales on Wednesday and somehow it seems I've lost weight... and incredibly 3lbs. 12 stone 9.75 flashed up. Well, actually it was less that that at first but I soon got it to creep up a bit. WTF?

I don't really think I've lost 3lbs - and if I have then some of it must be muscle. I've got another mad mental week and so I'm going to keep eating healthily and we'll see what the scales say next week. Even if they stay the same then I'll be happy.

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 177.75 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 3 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 26.5 pounds

Day before drivel

Sooooo - how has the past week been? Pretty darn amaze-balls. 
There is something about working out really hard that focuses my mind and makes me stick to the eating side of things. Admittedly the last couple of days have been a bit dodgy food wise but in the main - I'm a pretty happy bunny.

I'm weighing in tomorrow and I have no idea what the scales are going to throw at me- especially as I am out for tea tonight. I know I feel better than this time last week. My jeans are definitely slightly looser. Although the ying to that yang is the fact I caught sight of my backside in a changing room mirror and the phrase 'badly set jelly' sprung to mind. Just as well I have a fan-bloody-tastic personality to distract!

It's been a while since I've done one of these, so enjoy!

Tues: Spinning. 10 mins cardio. 2.16 mile cycle.
Wed: Gym workout. 2.16 mile cycle.
Thurs: 11.11 mile cycle.
Fri: Spinning. 4.32 mile cycle.
Sat: Gym workout
Sun: 4km run
Mon & Tues: nothing

Weigh in

Oh dear these posts are getting few and far between.

I have had a mental time with work and the mother of all proposals. Luckily it is out the way now and I am hoping some sort of normality will resume.  Oh wait, what's that... I'm going to see Erasure tonight, I have mountains of other work to catch up on, I'm off to TB's on Wednesday of next week and then we're going to London for the wedding at which I am a bridesmaid. And then I'm staying in London for a pitch.

So, umm.... no normality. In between generally being very very busy I am trying to keep to the dieting straight and narrow but sometimes my backside is just to wide for a skinny crevice and I can't make it through. Yesterday was weigh in and.... I lost 1/4 of a pound. Ha! I could sneeze more than that. However, it's not a gain.

I'm not too worried about it all because the reality of the situation is this... I am still trying. I'm only 3lbs heavier than my lightest ever and I am still keeping on. Since last weigh in I went to one spinning class and one evening I cycled to a meeting I had to go to. That was probably a 7 mile round trip. Not too sure as I broke my speedo!  Sob.  So two workouts. That was it. Oh and a few miles here on there on the bike. Big wow.

By the time next weigh in rolls around I'll have  managed to squeeze in a 6 mile cycle, two gym workouts and a spinning class. That's a bit better. And it's all I can do. That's the long and the short of what I am getting at. I'm by no means doing as much as I could but I'm still doing something. If I can stop eating crap in between meals then I should be able to work with that. I should be able to lose weight.  I'd love to lose a solid pound or more next week - in time for the wedding. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to.


Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 178.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.25 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 25.75 pounds

So, how about it?

So it's official, TB and I are going to be living in sin. And I cannot wait.

I've mentioned before that I envisaged us living together in the not too distant future and I'm so excited it's really happening. I'm actually pretty nervous about it too but that's only to be expected. Excited and nervous. I can think of worse combinations. So how did it come about?

Well, TB lives where he does because that's where his job is. In fact that's the where his entire industry is and so there is no moving for him. I am self employed (and freelance). As long as I can meet my clients once a month or so, then I can operate from anywhere.

Over the past few months I'd done a bit of projecting in my head. You know, a bit like you do with dieting. If I lose a pound a week then I could be x weight by x time. Except in this case I was thinking, if we decide we want to go for it then by the time I rent out my current flat then it'll be x time ( and x = ages away!). I don't mind travelling to see TB (and because of the work thing I do more of the travelling) but it's 2 and a half hours on a train and it's not cheap. A year of doing it is okay. 2 years is too much. I realised that I was going to have to make the suggestion. TB is very laid back and it wouldn't occur to him that we have to start planning. 

Bringing up the whole topic wasn't something I was looking forward to. In fact it's fair to say I was shitting myself. What if I threw the idea out there and he wasn't keen. It was totally plausible that he would want to keep things the way they were. Things are good, why change them? I had to say something though. It was on my mind and if I didn't do it in a measured way I'd end up getting smashed and blurting it out.

My plan was this: we'd go on holiday and have a lovely lovely time and spend lots of quality time together. At the end of the holiday when the time to head home to our respective cities was looming, I'd gently bring the topic up. I had this plan in mind even before we went. As the last night drew closer I was getting more nervous. I almost brought it up on the second last night as we were relaxing after our meal looking out over the sea from our restaurant at the harbour's edge. I had the words ready, but I just couldn't bring myself to utter them. At this rate I would end up mumbling something as we picked up our luggage carousel.

The last day of the holiday arrived. I waited until our last meal. I waited until we'd finished eating, I waited until the last possible moment. I was shaking. The line I'd rehearsed in my head was now making it's way out of my mouth. "So I think this holiday is possible the longest amount of time we've spent together". "Yeah, you could be right. It may well be. Or maybe Christmas time," he replied.

Okay, that was my opener. I had my follow up line ready. "So how do you feel about spending more time together?" My heart was pounding at this point. TB met my gaze. "What do you mean?" he asked.

I didn't have another line prepared. I wasn't sure what to say next and so I just began talking about how living so far apart wasn't that easy and although we saw each other quite a lot, the travelling and constant planning was tiring. TB agreed and acknowledged that I do a lot of the running around on trains and making plans so we can see each other. But did he want to live with me?!

"Would you want to live in my city?" he said. "Well, it's not my first choice but the fact of the matter is that right now your job means that it's the only option," I replied.  And so the conversation went from there, talking about logistics and options. My breathing slowed from a rapid pant to something not quite resembling hyperventilating as I realised TB was actually up for us living together. What's that? He thought us living together was a good idea? He was up for it?! Whoooo hoooo! This was the best holiday ever!

I'm not about to pack my bags and head to his tomorrow morning. Far from it. We've put a date of around March next year to make things happen. I love my flat where I live right now and I'm not quite ready to leave (I am also freaking about not having my own space 5 days a week - and a massive pile of other things which I shall no doubt be spraffing on about the months to come). As well as that I need to make arrangements to rent it out and we need to find somewhere at his end that suits us both.  So it's all systems go.

I've purposely not mentioned where I live now and where TB lives, all in the interests of keeping the blog anonymous. My old blog gave away far too much info, hence the move here and so I'd rather not say if that's okay. If you are really dying to know then drop me an email. I'm pretty sure you don't care that much though!

Right, it's late and I have to weigh myself tomorrow morning so I need to scoot off to bed. Once again I am not looking forward to it. Too many slip ups over the weekend and the ankle... oh, the ankle.

Plan of action

What up peeps! Can't believe it's been almost a week since my last post.

Thursday was a crazy busy day with work and I was diving about all over the place (so much so I didn't make it to the gym - shock horror) On Saturday I went away camping with my voluntary thing and only got back last night.

I always find it really hard to eat healthily when I'm away camping as it's all catered for and there are packets of biscuits always on the go. We're outside all day long too which always makes me feel hungrier than normal. I did pretty well on Saturday and the only misdemeanor was the nan bread I munched on with dinner. I had a burger which had been fried, and a sausage at lunchtime on Sunday which was bad too. This wasn't too bad really but then I started munching on biscuits and I had a few coffees with cream! What was I thinking?! Silly, silly, silly.

Monday's meals were pretty good but again - biscuits! I must have eaten about six chocolatey caramel digestivey things - at least. They were SO goood, but I dread to think how much fat there is and the number of calories in them cannot be good. On the positive side, I made everyone a cooked breakfast (including Stornoway black pudding - drool) and didn't eat any of it! I also was on the go lots. Not much sitting about and a lot of walking about, lifting things and generally being active. I just hope it was enough to balance it all out.

However, I'll not be finding out tomorrow. That's right, weigh in will not be taking place tomorrow. I'm off to London town on Friday night as I've got a wedding reception down there on Saturday. I'm then staying with friends from Sunday until Wednesday night when I will be staying at the Travel Lodge at Gatwick as the next morning (Thursday) I fly out to Croatia for 11 days!

This mean the plan for weigh in is all over the place. I'm going to weigh in at home on Friday morning and that will be my last 'true' reading before Croatia. When I'm in London I'm going to stick to my diet and I will also have my trainers with me so  no excuses for not exercising. The problem is finding a scale that I can use to show any loss as I'm staying at all three different places. There might be a chance I can use a set on Friday night and Wednesday night - which would be the perfect scenario but I'm not sure it'll come off. I'm just planning to hop on and off just about every set I come across and hopefully I'll have two readings taken at the same time of day on the same scales and at least a few days apart.

Strop over

Sorry about my little strop the other day. Okay, sorry about my massive strop. I well and truly threw my toys out my pram! Zanna, your comment fairly made me laugh though.

I do know that my hard work will pay off and the scales will catch up at some point. My frustration stemmed from the fact there had been a lot of obstacles and challenges in my way leading up to this week's weigh in which I navigated with carefully planning and shit load of hard work.With the amount of mental and physical energy I devoted over the past eight days, I wanted a return. Simple as that.

Since then, I've calmed down and have refocused on the six days until the next weigh in... or have I.  Ummm... kind of. The thing is, I have caught an almighty head cold and I feel like utter poop (hence why I stayed in last night and tonight - that's a Friday and a Saturday night). I'm trying to keep the faith but the last thing I feel like doing is eating healthily and working out. In saying that, I have read that if you feel okay from the neck down then really you have no excuse to exercise and so while I rested up yesterday, I dragged my sorry backside to the gym on Thursday and today. I've eaten pretty much on plan and so fingers crossed that I feel better tomorrow and I can kick it up a gear before Thursday's weigh in. Yes, that's right, Thursday. Mark your calendars people, weigh ins are moving to Thursdays. More on that soon.

For now, I must thank Ruby over at Strictly Blooming for my stylish blogger award. Ruby and I are quite similar; we're both roughly the same age and weight and have lost the same amount of weight so I really enjoy getting a peek into her life.

And the rules of acceptance are:
Thank- the person who nominated your blog.
Share 7 things about yourself
Pass on to 15 friends (I'm not going to pass this onto anyone in particular but if you fancy doing it, horse on)



 So here are 7 things about myself.

1. This is not my first blog. I started blogging in 2005 and I was very open on the blog about who I was, including pictures etc. When The Highlander (my ex) and I split up I decided to make things bit more anon as I was talking about all sorts of topics and people and I wasn't too keen on revealing lots of juicy details when it was obvious who I was. I eventually shut down that blog when Moonraker (my ex- we split up almost exactly a year ago) discovered it.
2. I am loud. I love to be the centre of attention and I like to be the one making people laugh, telling stories and generally being know for being fun.
3. The thought of women earning less than men, or any general gender inequality makes my blood boil but I'm all for blue and pink jobs (you boy, take that bin out). I do tend to mother my boyfriends though and love to cook for them and generally take care of them.
4. I am an outrageous flirt. I wouldn't describe myself as classically pretty but I do think I'm quite attractive and I certainly play it up with members of the opposite sex whenever I can, wherever I can.
5. I am highly intolerant. Someone in front of me in the street walks too slowly? Hurry the fuck up. Someone gets my order wrong in a restaurant? Listen properly you idiot! Someone can't make a decision? Make up your bloody mind! This is getting worse as I get older.
6. I am very determined and once I put my mind to something I just about always accomplish it. The only area of my life that I have struggled with this is my weight.
7. I'd like to think I'm a good listener, marry that with a pragmatic nature and I used to (not so much now we're all older) often get friends coming to me for advice on anything from money and boys to relationships and work.

A sweaty list

I can only stay away from blogging about all things diet and exercise for so long... Here I am, back with my exercise run down ahead of tomorrow's weigh in which, quite frankly, I am dreading and do not hold out much hope for.

I will say that the black dress on Friday night went down a storm. I got a small fright when I was dressed and saw myself in a full length mirror. My legs are the best they have ever looked and I was genuinely surprised. Coming from someone who has always hated her legs and has suffered from the worst cankles known to man you have no idea how good it feels to see some definition. My jeans, you know - the jeans, the go to pair (we all have em), are feeling pretty saggy and so you never know what the scales will say tomorrow. After all, it is my 'good week'.  Okay, enough blethering.

Wednesday: circuits
Thursday: Gym workout (35min cardio mixed with lunges, weights, squats etc.)
Friday: Gym workout (similar to Thursday but mixed it up with different cardio and resistance work)
Saturday/Sunday/Monday: Nada
Tuesday: 2.2mile bike ride, spinning, 10 mins cardio after


I'd just like to point out the spin class routine has changed. I thought I was going to DIE.

Double Whammy

Check it out- a double post today!

Following my bike loving post this just a bit of a recap. As tomorrow is weigh day it's time for the usual exercise run down.

First up - I must confess I didn't do my usual workout. I was really struggling for time and my legs were aching from Wednesday's and Thursday's efforts. I could have squeezed something more than the 20 min power walk that I managed but I decided not to as I knew the weekend would be quite active. I was away doing my voluntary stuff and while there wasn't any intensive exercise there was a lot of general standing about and being on the go.

I also had some excellent victories as I rebuked the cooked breakfast for cereal and my own tupperware box of fruit - on Saturday and Sunday. I mostly avoided the biscuits and snacked on fruit that I brought with me. I also didn't drink very much. Where I did fail was I ate some white bread and quite a few handfuls of Doritos made their way into my mouth, as did some carrot cake and some cheese. However, I would say compared to the last couple of weekend it's an improvement and so with that in mind and the exercise below I am hoping for a pound off tomorrow.

Wednesday: 1 hour badminton, 1 hour circuits, 10 mile bike ride
Thursday: Gym workout (weights and speed upped on everything), 2 mile bike ride
Friday: 20 minute power walk
Saturday & Sunday: nothing
Monday: Gym workout, 2 mile bike ride, 2 mile walk
Tuesday: Gym workout, 3 mile walk

PS) I am now running at 9.9km per hour!

Mixing it up and messing it up

Leaving five days between posts really isn't good enough. I need to get my (chubby) finger out and get blogging more often. Not that I think you are champing at the bit to hear what's been going on! It's more that I forget loads of stuff that I wanted to say. All of it probably utter guff so consider yourselves off the hook.

So what has been happening? Well, this week has been a real mix up diet and exercise wise. Let's have a quick exercise review (as per).

Wednesday: Circuits class and 6 mile cycle

Thursday: Shovelling and wheelbarrowing sand and gravel

Friday: 3km run (8.75mph) and back garden work out

Saturday and Sunday: Nothing

Monday: Gym workout & 7 mile bike ride

Tuesday: Spinning and 2 mile bike ride

That's 5 workouts in 7 days which I'm pretty happy with. The two new things that I did were my outdoors circuits class and the shovelling. The circuits class was really good. It was great being outside and by the time you warmed up, then did sprints/skipping/side steps between two points with either jumping jacks/lunges/squats at either end, and then circuits followed by more sprints - the hour had flown past. I need to do a separate blog about it as while I liked it and I'll be going back for more (as I they came in a block of 10) but I do have some reservations about how hard you are worked and technique.

As for the shovelling. - not my idea. I was staying at my folk's on Thursday night and because I was there I was going to go to zumba with my mother. However, this got bumped in favour of shovelling four cubic meters of sand and gravel. They are doing some garden work and they bags (which came up to my waist) needed transported to the other side of the garden which meant shovelling the sand and gravel into a wheelbarrow and tipping it out about 30 meters away. It was pretty hard work - as you can tell from my sweaty knees. Please tell me other people get sweaty knees! I also did some lunges and squats to finish off. That's my dad in the other pic. He's 6ft 4 (and bending over in the pic) but you get some sort of sense of scale.

 While I've been pleased with the exercise front I've not been so great on the food front. I made soup this week which I've not had for ages so that mixed things up a bit but the weekend was problematic. I was at a barbeque on Friday and Saturday. I got totally smashed at both of them. I actually only had one very small burger on Friday and a bit of chicken so that was probably less calories than I would have but the booze... ooft.

Saturday was pretty much exactly the same but I did nibble on a few crisps too. Sunday was where I made my poorest choices of the week. It was getting late on into the evening and TB and I were driving back to his from where the barbecue had been (quite a few hours away). We decided to stop off  for dinner but it was getting late and we were in the middle of nowhere with limited choice. I was hungover and very hungry so when TB suggested going to a Chinese restaurant that we knew was open, I just went with it. Hmmmm - I should have pushed for something healthier but, well - I didn't. There's more... I had a big custardy pastry thing too. That kind of cake doesn't even feature in my top ten of cakes, or even top twenty and so why did I eat it?  I have no idea. It was there for the shoving in my face. I decided I wanted it. I ate it.

I'm annoyed with myself but yesterday was a really good day as is today so there is no point in dwelling on it as I got right back on track. I've just got spinning tonight and then once again it's weigh in tomorrow morning. I had a great loss last week and so who knows if after my dodgy weekend the scales will be kind to me. Digits crossed.

Weigh in

Hello everyone- and hello June!

It's Wednesday today and of course that means weigh day. Before I got on the scales I felt confident that I'd lost at least a pound. Even before the weekend I felt a bit more svelte and over the past few days I've noticed one of my pairs of workout breeks are a bit looser around the thighs, as are my jeans.

And...  I right to be confident - goodbye 2.75lbs! The scales did show up 3lbs off at times but I've gone with 2.75 just to be on the safe side. I am over the moon. I was 13 stone 8.25lbs and I really wanted to totally bypass the 7 pound mark and get straight into the 6's but I smashed that- I'm 13 stone 5.75lbs! Whoopa!

Now, let's not forget I worked out six days out of seven, didn't have any food slip ups (just a several gin and slims, ahem) and I also stayed the same last week so I do feel this loss was earned. A quick exercise recap:

Wednesday: Gym workout
Thursday: Gym workout (more resistance than cardio)
Friday: 6 mile bike ride
Saturday: 3km run and back garden workout
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: 1.25 hour badminton (singles)
Tuesday: Spinning

Overall May has been a pretty good month for me - it usually is since it's my birthday month.

Things I've learned in May:

• I feel better when busy. Work has been a bit quieter this month and while it's been nice to have time to potter about I feel guilty and miss the feeling of being productive.
• I dodged a bullet when Moonraker and I split up. Nice guy - but dear god, the issues!
• The highlander and I won't ever really be friends ever again.
• I can go on holiday without the fat mist (kinda like the red mist but with food) taking over. It's the first time it ever happened and I'm going to make sure it's not the last.
• TB is more emotionally mature than I realised.
• I need an exercise routine and just to accept that I am sticking to it - that's how it is.
• I urgently need a new sports bra.
• I love coffee more than I thought.
• Spokey Dokeys rock
• There are some shapely legs hiding under the lard and the calves are making a bid for freedom.
• Uphill sprints in spinning kill me
• Waking up with TB is one of my favourite things (boake!)
• I feel really content- the most I have for a long time and I think that is playing a big part in my weight loss.

And now, the stats!

Starting Weight: 204.25 pounds
Current Weight: 187.72 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 2.75 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 16.5 pounds

ETA: Someone asked what the colour of nail varnish was that I was wearing in the pic the other day. It's Este Lauder's surreal violet. 

The final furlong

What a week! It's been filled with Island hopping, camping, drinking, laughing, lunch with mum and granny, bus journeys, working, working out, trainer buying, eating and more drinking.

So it's been a good week for fun life stuff. Not such a good week for dieting stuff.

Thursday was pretty good. Friday, in the face of some mahooosive challenges was amazing. A whole load of people (some I know and some I don't) were getting the Ferry over to one of the UKs' lovely islands. What do you always get at a harbour? A chippie! Everyone was digging into fish suppers and chips, left right and centre. Me? I had brought a chicken salad with me and ate that (inbetween polishing my halo). Very pleased with myself.

I wish I could say the rest of the weekend followed suit. There were some victories in amongst the mistakes. I did as promised and avoided the cooked breakfast and stuck to cereal and fruit. The rest of the meals weren't too bad but I drank far too much, ate quite a bit of chocolate and also cheese on one occasion. It was definitely the healthiest I've eaten at one of these events for a long time - but it is going to be good enough to see a loss on Saturday, my final weigh in before holiday?

I got back home on Tuesday morning and all I can think about is exercising as much as possible before Saturday's weigh in so I can hopefully lose 1.5lbs and hit the stone lost mark.

Tuesday might I did 45 mins of cardio interspersed with lunges with weights, squats, chest weights, tricep dips. Last night I donned my new trainers (more on that soon) and went out for a 5k. Almost 7km and 45mins later I got back home. Two amazing things about that run. 1. It's the longest run I've done in probably about 2 years. 2. I did not stop once! I just kept going! I was so pleased with myself.

Tonight it's a 45 minute bodypump class so I'll try and tag some cardio onto the back of that too.

Right- have screeds of work to do before I piss off on my hollybags so best fark off and get on with it.

What's been occuring

Where have the last five days gone? I'd love to hit the pause button for couple of days so I can just get on top of everything.

It's my own fault though- trying to cram too much in. And just when I think work is easing off a tad and I'll be able to faff about a bit, another new business enquiry comes in! I shouldn't be complaining about that though. This time last year I had a jack all work on the go and was about to start waitressing to make some pennies.

I had a great weekend with TB and while there wasn't much exercise to speak of we did eat quite healthily with a low fat fish pie for tea on Friday and homemade pizza on Saturday night. I did let the side down a bit with an enchilada but that was my only real 'off plan' meal for the whole weekend.

I'm back into the swing of it for what is becoming my 'kick the backside out of it Monday and Tuesday' ahead of my Wednesday morning weigh in. I was totally on plan yesterday (apart from a tiny nibble of fudge- I'm talking a thumbnail size piece) and did a very intensive 45mins in the gym. I then cycled over to my friend's for tea which was 5.5 mile round trip.

Today I'm venturing back to bodypump for the first time in months. I'm also doing the very same cycle  as last night as I need to drop a key off at my friend's. Oh, and meeting a friend for coffee later on today so that will be another few miles on the bike.

So the week's exercise looks like this...

Wednesday: Spinning
Thursday: Nothing
Friday: Spinning
Saturday: Nothing
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: 45 mins gym beasting. 5 mile cycle.
Tuesday: 3 mile cycle. Bodypump. 5 mile cycle

Not quite as much as last week and I would say the eating wasn't quite as good as last week  but I'm still pleased with everything overall. I'm not feeling as uptight about weighing in tomorrow and the reason for this is I'm not expecting to lose anything much at all. Last week's loss of 2.25lbs was a lot for me and so if I can lose anything at all I'll be happy.

I realise that my posts are a pretty dull at the mo. It's all gym this, lettuce leaf that. Dullzzzzzz. I suppose there's just not as much drama in my life as there used to be now that I'm not infatuated with someone that liked me enought to sleep with me but not enough to love me. 

Promise I'll crack off some more interesting stuff soon such as... the time I dropped my iphone down the toilet... reverse cowboy (a position that fills most women with dread)... and other such delights!

Weekend Waffling

What a lovely weekend. I'm just falling more and more in love with TB all the time.

Nothing significant happened to make me suddenly think this. I'm just really happy about how everything is going between us. Every time the phone rings and it's him, or he meets me at the train station, or I see him after a few days apart, I'm excited. I'm excited to be with him. In equal measures though, I'm so at ease with him. I feel reassured and relaxed.

I wasn't supposed to see him this weekend as I had a few things on with various friends from Saturday night onwards. That would have meant that we wouldn't see each other for two weeks. Not good enough. I had no meetings on Thursday so I jumped on the train so we could hang out together until early Saturday morning when I boosted back to mine. Goodbye 5 hours, in total, on a train and also £40 for the pleasure. That's the price of love, eh? Hehe.

I made my pasta dish for him on Thursday night and I'm glad to say it went down well. To be honest if I made anything for him, he would eat it. Men are like children. Don't give them too many choices.

Friday afternoon we played squash where I worked up quite a sweat and felt like I got a good hour of working out in. That night we went out for dinner to a Greek restaurant. I chose pretty well with my meal but I did eat too much pitta break and tzatziki. I also drank half a bottle of red wine and about six rum and diet cokes throughout the evening. Ooops.

Saturday I was up and at em (with a banging headache)- straight onto the train with my chopped up melon, yogurt and apples, back to the Love Cat Lair. Got back, pottered around for a bit and then had some lunch before jumping on my bike, onto a cycle path I've never been on before, and heading off to meet some pals in some gorgeous grounds of a sort of stately home. It was a pretty hard cycle for 20 mins at least to get there and the same back again but it was such a glorious day; I was loving it.

Friends came over for dinner on Saturday night and I made them tuna meatballs served with wholewheat spaghetti, salad and garlic and red onion flatbread.  I ended up eating some of the flatbread which I totally didn't need. For pudding I made a low fat Eaton mess with 0% Greek yogurt, raspberries and meringue nests. That would have been fine but after they left I ate another three meringue nests. Silly silly. Annoyed annoyed.


I got up this morning resolved to make the next three days before weigh in total corkers. It was such beautiful morning that off I went for a 5km run outside. I've not run outside since January and I'm very happy that today I knocked three minutes off that time. Whoop! It was so good to be outside again getting some vitamin D.

After making myself look less of  sweaty mess I headed off to meet two of my closest pals for a birthday lunch. I chose really wisely and had a tuna steak with some veg. The other girls were having pudding and I didn't want to miss out or look like a total bore and also I wanted to help make it feel as much of a celebration as possible. Sad but true. Lucky for me there was sorbet on the menu and so I plumped for that. After lunch I had a wee peek around the shops and ended up buying a new pair of jeans (which of course need altered at the waist) and a pair of olive green sort of cropped trousers. Ooooh- they are tight! They look pretty good but sitting down in them isn't really as comfy as it should be and I sure as hell won't be doing any lunging in them. I also splashed out on some new headphones with an adapter for my ipod shuffle as my third belkin adapter broke. Honestly, can someone design some headphones with the controller attached that actually last more than a few months at a time! Sheesh.

This has turned into a rather boring list and so I'll stop waffling on and hit the hay as my peepers are shutting as I type.

Some words

So so busy with work, tidying the flat, diving off to meet old colleagues for a few after work drinks and I need to buy some new pants from M&S as matter of urgency (it's got to a very bad place in my knicker drawer) so this is a mad mental update.

• Work is very busy and it just keeps coming. I actually want it to slow down for summer!
• Still totally on plan with me diet. 
• Belt is comfortably doing up in the next hole along.
• Kicking arse at the gym but not going to be getting a workout for three days on the trot.
• Need to get outside for a long run. Dreading that a bit.
• Cannot wait for a drink tonight.
• TB arrives tonight for the weekend!
• Life is rocking at the mo.

Have a rip snorting weekend my darlings. Out! x

All Hail The Plan

It’s been five days since my last post. Five days since I wittered on about how I was struggling with all things diet related and how I proclaimed I was going to devise a plan.

I did indeed devise a plan. Nothing that’s going to push the boundaries of healthy eating and dieting or recalculate the value of a calorie but just a plan that I can get my head around. 

I started to eat healthily on Thursday of last week. I wasn’t really adhering to diet like proportions but compared to what I had been shoving down my cake hole – it was worlds apart.  I muddled through the next few days, eating relatively well and I even did a 4 mile bike ride, my first of 2011.

After a couple of nights on the sauce and a chocolate whoopie cake- okay two chocolate whoopie cakes, I knew things were sliding and it was time to stop fannying around. I had to stop playing at trying to lose weight. If I’m going to do this, 75% effort just doesn’t cut it. If I really want to do this, to make some headway and see some results then I have to give more. 

And just what is more? Well, more is a spreadsheet! I am on a really tight budget at the moment and am really counting the pennies. I’m actually having to look in my cupboards and freezer and see what I’ve got in that I can make into a meal that requires me to buy the least amount of ingredients. Okay- it’s not always going to be that drastic but payday has been a very long time coming this week and two nights out that weren’t planned have set me back. 

So I’ve taken this opportunity to create a spreadsheet that plans out all my meals, where I can enter syn values and keep track of what the hell is going on. It also means I can plan out what meals I’ve made, what I need to buy and generally just do a bit of planning – which makes it easier to save money.

Sometimes I just love being anal. I said being!

The meal planning and eating on plan really kicked into gear on Sunday and so I’ve also hit the gym. I went on Sunday and despite being close to throwing up a couple of times I still felt really focused and pushed myself to do more than I would normally. I went again tonight and my legs are aching. 

I’ve not weighed myself since January 20^th when I was 14 stone 1.75lbs (hell yeah, I count the ¼ pounds!). I’m next weighing on Friday. I have no idea what weight I will be then. I’m hoping it’s roughly around the same as the last time I ventured onto the electronic device of crazy. No point in worrying about that though, just got to get on with it this week.

Gone pearshaped

It's been a week since my last post. A week is a long time in the life of a dieter and I think we all know that radio silence from me usually means that I am too busy stuffing my face for me to give blogging a second thought.

I don't know what’s wrong with me. Why do I do this to myself time and time again? I weighed myself on Thursday and I'd lost a pound a half. I was pleased with the loss but the truth is I wanted more. I felt like I'd worked hard enough for more. I wasn't satisfied. I kept on the straight and narrow until Thursday night (big wow, a whole 8 hours) when I arrived at TB's house. After that it all just turned to shit and it's been that way since. Truly horrendous. Even as I type this I'm all glassy eyed as I've got so much sugar pumping through my veins. If you cut me open you wouldn't find blood, there would be condensed milk.

If you have ever watched shows like The Biggest Loser, they are always trying to find out why people have gotten so fat; what is the underlying reason? I always say it's simply because I like food. I love eating and happen to be very good at it. In fact, I can remember writing a post about that very subject away back in 2005. Dear god, 2005! Is it really my 6th year of doing this? Anyway, my point is that I never thought I had an underlying reason or other issues but the all of a sudden the reality of my fears and insecurities became apparent. Who knows why but it just seemed to come to me the other night, out of thin air.

I do love food and I have formed an unhealthy relationship with it, which is now habitual.  What I also now realise is that yes, there is a bit more to it. If you know me this sounds completely absurd as I am a confident person and have a really positive attitude but.... what if I was thin and someone decided they didn’t like me. It wouldn’t be because I’m fat. It would be because of me- the person that I am. Fat is easy to hide behind – in more ways than one. It’s my blubbery safety blanket but, in what warped world it is better to be fat just so I can blame things on my size rather than who I am? What a weirdo! 

This is all very self indulgent and while it may or may not be true, it doesn’t detract from the fact. I am struggling. Whatever the reasons are, I feel like I’m losing the plot. Every day I wake up with the best intentions. I want to stick to the plan, any plan, but after only a few hours the ‘just one more day’ thoughts creep into my head. And that’s all it takes. Just one thought like that and the day is a write off. 

There is no doubt that being with TB makes dieting harder. Not impossible, but harder. However, I’m not seeing him again until a week on Saturday. I’ve had the best part of two weeks to eat all the right things, go to the gym and look after myself. I’m throwing that opportunity away. What am I playing at? Why am I behaving like this? I am at the upper end of my weight range and if I’m not careful it’s going to rocket up even higher. I do not want to go back there.

All it would take for me to feel a million times better is half a stone. 7 pounds. I’d still have plenty of work to do but that half stone makes all the difference in terms of clothes fitting and me feeling good about myself.  So if it’s only half a stone, what am I waiting for? The freaking second coming? At this rate it feels more likely that Jesus Christ himself will turn up at my door with a vat of water he’s about to turn into wine for us both to get shitfaced on than I'll lose some serious weight.

You might notice there are a lot of questions being posed in this post. I am asking myself these questions. I know lots of different tips and tricks work for lots of different people but please don’t leave a comment telling me what does and doesn’t work or what I can try. I know it ALL. That’s what makes this even more frustrating and reading comments about it will just result in me lobbing my laptop out the window.

To tell you the truth, I feel better just getting this out of my head. Tomorrow is a new day and do want to make it the day when I turn things around. Yeah, it’s not the best day to be refocusing as I’m out for lunch and going to a bar launch in the evening – but well, that’s life innit.  I’ve got a really quiet week ahead and I could really make big inroads into that 7lbs. The weekend is mine. I could exercise and cook – and plan. Key word there... plan.

Okay, a plan is what I need. I plan is what I shall have.