Tuesday, 13 September 2011

So, how about it?

So it's official, TB and I are going to be living in sin. And I cannot wait.

I've mentioned before that I envisaged us living together in the not too distant future and I'm so excited it's really happening. I'm actually pretty nervous about it too but that's only to be expected. Excited and nervous. I can think of worse combinations. So how did it come about?

Well, TB lives where he does because that's where his job is. In fact that's the where his entire industry is and so there is no moving for him. I am self employed (and freelance). As long as I can meet my clients once a month or so, then I can operate from anywhere.

Over the past few months I'd done a bit of projecting in my head. You know, a bit like you do with dieting. If I lose a pound a week then I could be x weight by x time. Except in this case I was thinking, if we decide we want to go for it then by the time I rent out my current flat then it'll be x time ( and x = ages away!). I don't mind travelling to see TB (and because of the work thing I do more of the travelling) but it's 2 and a half hours on a train and it's not cheap. A year of doing it is okay. 2 years is too much. I realised that I was going to have to make the suggestion. TB is very laid back and it wouldn't occur to him that we have to start planning. 

Bringing up the whole topic wasn't something I was looking forward to. In fact it's fair to say I was shitting myself. What if I threw the idea out there and he wasn't keen. It was totally plausible that he would want to keep things the way they were. Things are good, why change them? I had to say something though. It was on my mind and if I didn't do it in a measured way I'd end up getting smashed and blurting it out.

My plan was this: we'd go on holiday and have a lovely lovely time and spend lots of quality time together. At the end of the holiday when the time to head home to our respective cities was looming, I'd gently bring the topic up. I had this plan in mind even before we went. As the last night drew closer I was getting more nervous. I almost brought it up on the second last night as we were relaxing after our meal looking out over the sea from our restaurant at the harbour's edge. I had the words ready, but I just couldn't bring myself to utter them. At this rate I would end up mumbling something as we picked up our luggage carousel.

The last day of the holiday arrived. I waited until our last meal. I waited until we'd finished eating, I waited until the last possible moment. I was shaking. The line I'd rehearsed in my head was now making it's way out of my mouth. "So I think this holiday is possible the longest amount of time we've spent together". "Yeah, you could be right. It may well be. Or maybe Christmas time," he replied.

Okay, that was my opener. I had my follow up line ready. "So how do you feel about spending more time together?" My heart was pounding at this point. TB met my gaze. "What do you mean?" he asked.

I didn't have another line prepared. I wasn't sure what to say next and so I just began talking about how living so far apart wasn't that easy and although we saw each other quite a lot, the travelling and constant planning was tiring. TB agreed and acknowledged that I do a lot of the running around on trains and making plans so we can see each other. But did he want to live with me?!

"Would you want to live in my city?" he said. "Well, it's not my first choice but the fact of the matter is that right now your job means that it's the only option," I replied.  And so the conversation went from there, talking about logistics and options. My breathing slowed from a rapid pant to something not quite resembling hyperventilating as I realised TB was actually up for us living together. What's that? He thought us living together was a good idea? He was up for it?! Whoooo hoooo! This was the best holiday ever!

I'm not about to pack my bags and head to his tomorrow morning. Far from it. We've put a date of around March next year to make things happen. I love my flat where I live right now and I'm not quite ready to leave (I am also freaking about not having my own space 5 days a week - and a massive pile of other things which I shall no doubt be spraffing on about the months to come). As well as that I need to make arrangements to rent it out and we need to find somewhere at his end that suits us both.  So it's all systems go.

I've purposely not mentioned where I live now and where TB lives, all in the interests of keeping the blog anonymous. My old blog gave away far too much info, hence the move here and so I'd rather not say if that's okay. If you are really dying to know then drop me an email. I'm pretty sure you don't care that much though!

Right, it's late and I have to weigh myself tomorrow morning so I need to scoot off to bed. Once again I am not looking forward to it. Too many slip ups over the weekend and the ankle... oh, the ankle.


  1. I can imagine it would have been a tricky conversation to initiate so well done for having the courage. And such a great result too.

    Rich and I sort of ended up living together by default, as in he just didn't go home and it started to seem silly him paying rent for a place to keep his dwindling pile of stuff!! But then we're both local to each other so we didn't have the barrier which you've had to cross.

    I'm sure you'll love it.

    I'm still very jealous about your lovely hot holiday in the sun. But looking forward to Northumberland next week...just keep your fingers crossed for me that it's not grey and raining the WHOLE time!!

    Lesley xx

  2. Well done that woman - v sensible, mature and BRAVE way of addressing it.

    Re ankle: I hurt my knee cycling a couple of months ago. I've got a referral from my GP to a physio who's actually been great and I'm having ultrasound on it. What about getting a bit of professional help?


  3. Himself and I have just moved in together recently after 4 years YUP 4 of separate spaces. We both love our own space and I was a bit worried we'd crack up living together but its been great. We've decorated, cooked, cleaned enjoyed our new found time together. I think its made us closer. So don't stress, it'll be fine.



Go on then, spill.