Tuesday, 2 April 2013

THE chat

A girl can only take so much pussyfooting around.

Last night, totally unplanned we ended up having THE chat. You know, the one where I spell it out that I want us to be married and have a family, not just anytime, but soon. In fact, now.

TB and I have had a few chats since we've been together. The kind of chat where I gently mention that being married and having a family is really important to me. The kind of chat where I, in a very lighthearted way mention that I'm not getting any younger and that we need to keep in mind what timescales could affect us. We had this chat at New Year and also almost a year ago to the day.

If you read my posts about our conversations I might not sounds that gentle but the reality is that I agonised over every single word I said. I didn't want to say too much, to sound like a crazy lady, to sound like I had planned every moment of our future. Well last night, it all came out. Every last bit.

The pattern is this... I have a couple of months of being cool and totally relaxed about the fact there are no signs of things moving forward - as life is good. We are really happy together, have lots of friends, a busy social life. What is there to be worried about? I then begin to think about marriage and babies and the fact the years are whizzing past and I work myself up into an almighty frenzy - and what better to whip me up into a pink fizz than a wedding, just like the one I was at this past weekend.

So last night, it all came out. I'm done with softly softly... there ain't no monkey being caught here. On the back of a cheeky comment he made, I asked him what he was waiting for. I explained that there was no more waiting around to be done. He had to decide if he could see a future for us. Could he see us growing old together? Did he want us to be together forever. If the answer to that was no, then we needed to have another chat - a very different chat.

In between laughter and jokes (god, I love this man) he said yes, of course he wanted us to be together forever - but he just had visions of it being in a few years time. "This is a few years time. We have had conversations a few months ago and a year ago about this exact situation. This is the time, the time is now", I explained. "I don't have anymore time to give. I cannot wait any longer. I am asking you to do something earlier than you ideally wanted, but I have no choice. This is how it has to be. And while I'm being honest I may as well tell you this... I am going to be 33 in a month. Fertility for most people drops off the cliff when they are 35. I am taking the coil out when I am 34. That's is one year from now."

I know... I really let rip. I just felt like I had to. For someone as observant and intelligent as he is, he was burying his head in the sand and it's getting to me... watching time slip past while he holds all the cards. I could sit in silence and make gentle nudges all the while my changes of having a family are slowly fading away.

"I suppose we better get married then," he said.

STOP THE BUS.... that was not a proposal! But finally... the penny has dropped and I had to bite my lip so hard at that point to stop a massive grin spreading across my face. He joked that he better not get down to pick anything up or I'll be there with an outstretched finger. Haha. Very bloody funny!

I thought that I might has well go the whole hog and also tell him that along with a lot of our friends, we have a  two week holiday in July next year, so really if there was big event to plan - then it would be good to do it before then.

It might not be the most romantic way of doing it but quite frankly I don't care. Yes, it's not how I imagined talks of marriage happening. An out the blue proposal would be lovely but life doesn't always pan out the way you hoped. What I did hope is that I would meet someone just a fraction of the person TB is. Someone who totally gets me. Who is loving caring, funny, gorgeous, intelligent and can keep me on my toes.

So hopefully somewhere in the not too distant future there will be a proposal. And soon after that a wedding.  Jesus.... this actually might be happening!


  1. Good for you!

    Are you sure that he realises he still needs to propose? I would get out there and lead him to the ring you want if I were you...

  2. Some men need a nudge and some a hefty shove (and some - like mine - become an immovable force if nudged) - the trick is knowing what variety you have!

    Very excited about the thought of a LC wedding in the offing!


  3. Good on you! Sometimes you just need to be forceful about these things x

  4. After B (the toyboy) realised he wanted kids and that I wouldn't have them until we got married the proposal came along reasonably quickly. Even if they know you want it, it's a very scary thing to do (according to B) so don't be too hard on him if it doesn't appear quickly. I am about to turn 35 and NOT panicking about my fertility dropping off a cliff (way to scare us oldies!!) Kx

    P.s thankfully by the time the wedding planning started, B was well up for me being his wife.

    1. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you Smidge. The LoveCat ladies tend to hit menopause around 40 so I'm just totally aware that my window of opportunity isn't big.

      I'm so lucky that I've just laid it all out there and we're as strong as ever. You're right though - it might not happen straight away and so I just need to take a step back. x


Go on then, spill.