Thursday, 17 February 2011

Let it all out

This is a pretty big update so grab a cuppa and get comfy - I certainly did in order to write this beast (leopard print slanket, I salute you).

Let's tackle the 'biggest' issue of them all. Oh goodie!

Weigh In.
Disappointing. The whole thing is disappointing and I feel pretty uninterested about it all. Last week I lost a whole 0.75 of a pound. Big Wow. I know it was only six days, not a full week, and one of those was a little dodgy as I had afternoon tea but I worked out on four of the days. 4! And I worked hard. I was really hoping for more but I didn't have time to mope over the numbers as I had to rush off to jump on the train to London. I was away for a long weekend with some girlfriends - again another bloomin hurdle.

I arrived in London town, having eaten just sushi and grapes on the 7 and a half hour train journey (serious delays; thank god for series 3 of mad men was downloaded on my laptop). I eventually got to my friend's place and had a small portion of pasta in a tomato sauce. We went out for a few drinks and then off to bed. Nothing remarkable there but what happened the next day was. We had brekkie at home (grapefruit and toast & banana) and then went off to a wander and then to Borough Market. This place is choc a block with stalls selling all manner of amazing food, cakes, sweets and treats. I had a seafood wrap. The rest of the girls had cake, fudge and baklava. I had a coffee. I know. I  know!

The rest of the weekend followed suit. Biscuits were passed around. I declined. Chocolates were eaten. Not for me. I would have loved to have indulged but for some reason I wasn't actually that bothered. So I chose not too. How odd and most unlike me. We ate out every night and I'm sure that food wasn't so healthy but I chose sensibly and as no-one ever had a pudding, I wasn't put in the position of having to turn one down.

Well done me! On Monday I got home. I felt just as fat as always. What's the point I thought and I picked and ate things I shouldn't have over the next three days. I also sat on my back side and didn't work out once.

I weighed in this morning and I lost half a pound. Hmmm. What is wrong with my brain? I could have kept on track these past three days and probably lost more! What a complete eejit. Overall this year I've lost 3 and a half pound. Jeezo woman, that's pathetic. I should be losing that in a week. I know the overall trend is downwards and yes, that is good, but gaaaaaaaa! I want results! A week of exercising and being on plan and solid loss of a couple of pounds is all I want. Of course, eating a bag of mini eggs and a load of caramel shortbread (as I have just done) isn't going to help, now is it?

Starting Weight: 200.5 pounds
Current Weight: 197 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 3.5 pounds

I'm only going to blether on about one other topic just now as you'll be sending up the zzzz's by the end of this post, if not sooner.

Boys, boys, boys
Well, to be more specific - one boy; TB. We've now been together almost six months. Stop the press! I'm not surprised as it feels really right but part of me is a bit shocked that we've made it this far. And I do think we'll make it even further. We're talking about going on holiday in May and August and even something about December was uttered from his lips the other night!

So while it's all good I've realised that I need a lot more reassurance than I thought I did, as at times I can feel the insecurity monster taking over. It takes me a while to show my softer side but once it's out there is no stopping it. I am forever sending him 'nice' texts, kisses late at night or first thing in the morning just as I know he is waking up. He's not so good at it. When we're face to face he is lovely but I think he's kind of gone into boyfriend cruise control mode when we're apart - which when it's sometimes two weeks at a time, isn't good. Wait, I feel bad saying that. He is great.

We speak on the phone every day and always just before going to sleep. He always remembers things he wants to tell me and tells me all about his job and remembers everything I tell him (well, almost everything). So he's pretty damn good. He's even taking Monday off work so we can spend more time together this weekend. What a boy, but sometimes I feel that I'm sending a lot of niceness and thinking of you-ness and in return, I'm not getting a lot back.

 I pulled him up about is and he replied with a text saying 'I refer you to 2.34am on February 9th.' Yeah, he said something vaguely nice almost 2 weeks ago. I replied with 'exactly'. He responded with something rubbish which I promptly ignored. Half an hour later he called. I knew he would be expecting me to be huffy and so I was anything but. Chatty and chirpy  - just told him I was stating the facts.

I think I need to cut him a break though. He is lovely and considerate. I am need far more reassurance than I ever thought I did, or ever have wanted from anyone else. Interesting...


  1. TB is, after all, a man. Sadly they are not as awesome as us - not as sensitive, not as affectionate. They compartmentalise to an alarming extent. Mind you, I've asked gay women I know whether it's easier and they say not. Not sure I believe them...

    Bummer about the weight - I SO feel your pain. One small note of caution - I always find sushi is alarmingly pointy so, depending on what diet you're following, it may not be the best choice. But! You were due a scaley reward for all your discipline at Borough. Next week maybe?


  2. I must say, .75 of a lb is good. You've lost pretty much four lbs this month - that's 4 stones in a year. I have to always remind myself that it went on slowly and that's how it will come off.

    One thing that may help - more fruit and veg? I don't know what plan you're following but mine (Slimming World) advocates a third of everything you eat and I think that's a good rule for anyone following any diet. The more you can have, the faster the weight will come off (obv potatoes, pulses and avocado don't count as fruit and veg!)

  3. I understand that the slow weight loss can be frustrating, I know cos I'm in the same boat! But a loss is a loss, and when I'm thinking how shit is is that I am losing so little weight, I think of how it would be even worse if I wasn't trying to lose weight cos I would of probably gained even more- not good!

  4. Sometimes I wonder how males and females are meant to be together, we're so damn different!

    Hope you learn to appreciate your fabulousness soon and then I bet TB will even more!

    Rapunzel x
    *Tales from the Tower*

  5. I'm glad things seem to be going well with the man - and i generally find guys are pretty bad at the contact thing unless they're actually with you. The one I'm currently seeing has been fairly good about it (he's on holiday right now but has been emailing most days) but there's been times when he comes across a bit abrupt and i get upset and insecure for no reason.

    As for the weight . . . it's hard to get motivated sometimes when you feel like it's not making a difference but every little bit you lose is contributing to the way you ultimately will feel. Have you thought about maybe switching your diet? It might make you more interested. The one I find works for me is the Harcombe diet - you might want to look into that if you fancied a change. But that's just a thought. Good luck! :)


Go on then, spill.