This is a pretty big update so grab a cuppa and get comfy - I certainly did in order to write this beast (leopard print slanket, I salute you).
Let's tackle the 'biggest' issue of them all. Oh goodie!
Disappointing. The whole thing is disappointing and I feel pretty uninterested about it all. Last week I lost a whole 0.75 of a pound. Big Wow. I know it was only six days, not a full week, and one of those was a little dodgy as I had afternoon tea but I worked out on four of the days. 4! And I worked hard. I was really hoping for more but I didn't have time to mope over the numbers as I had to rush off to jump on the train to London. I was away for a long weekend with some girlfriends - again another bloomin hurdle.
I arrived in London town, having eaten just sushi and grapes on the 7 and a half hour train journey (serious delays; thank god for series 3 of mad men was downloaded on my laptop). I eventually got to my friend's place and had a small portion of pasta in a tomato sauce. We went out for a few drinks and then off to bed. Nothing remarkable there but what happened the next day was. We had brekkie at home (grapefruit and toast & banana) and then went off to a wander and then to Borough Market. This place is choc a block with stalls selling all manner of amazing food, cakes, sweets and treats. I had a seafood wrap. The rest of the girls had cake, fudge and baklava. I had a coffee. I know. I know!
The rest of the weekend followed suit. Biscuits were passed around. I declined. Chocolates were eaten. Not for me. I would have loved to have indulged but for some reason I wasn't actually that bothered. So I chose not too. How odd and most unlike me. We ate out every night and I'm sure that food wasn't so healthy but I chose sensibly and as no-one ever had a pudding, I wasn't put in the position of having to turn one down.
Well done me! On Monday I got home. I felt just as fat as always. What's the point I thought and I picked and ate things I shouldn't have over the next three days. I also sat on my back side and didn't work out once.
I weighed in this morning and I lost half a pound. Hmmm. What is wrong with my brain? I could have kept on track these past three days and probably lost more! What a complete eejit. Overall this year I've lost 3 and a half pound. Jeezo woman, that's pathetic. I should be losing that in a week. I know the overall trend is downwards and yes, that is good, but gaaaaaaaa! I want results! A week of exercising and being on plan and solid loss of a couple of pounds is all I want. Of course, eating a bag of mini eggs and a load of caramel shortbread (as I have just done) isn't going to help, now is it?
Starting Weight: 200.5 pounds
Current Weight: 197 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 3.5 pounds
I'm only going to blether on about one other topic just now as you'll be sending up the zzzz's by the end of this post, if not sooner.
Boys, boys, boys
Well, to be more specific - one boy; TB. We've now been together almost six months. Stop the press! I'm not surprised as it feels really right but part of me is a bit shocked that we've made it this far. And I do think we'll make it even further. We're talking about going on holiday in May and August and even something about December was uttered from his lips the other night!
So while it's all good I've realised that I need a lot more reassurance than I thought I did, as at times I can feel the insecurity monster taking over. It takes me a while to show my softer side but once it's out there is no stopping it. I am forever sending him 'nice' texts, kisses late at night or first thing in the morning just as I know he is waking up. He's not so good at it. When we're face to face he is lovely but I think he's kind of gone into boyfriend cruise control mode when we're apart - which when it's sometimes two weeks at a time, isn't good. Wait, I feel bad saying that. He is great.
We speak on the phone every day and always just before going to sleep. He always remembers things he wants to tell me and tells me all about his job and remembers everything I tell him (well, almost everything). So he's pretty damn good. He's even taking Monday off work so we can spend more time together this weekend. What a boy, but sometimes I feel that I'm sending a lot of niceness and thinking of you-ness and in return, I'm not getting a lot back.
I pulled him up about is and he replied with a text saying 'I refer you to 2.34am on February 9th.' Yeah, he said something vaguely nice almost 2 weeks ago. I replied with 'exactly'. He responded with something rubbish which I promptly ignored. Half an hour later he called. I knew he would be expecting me to be huffy and so I was anything but. Chatty and chirpy - just told him I was stating the facts.
I think I need to cut him a break though. He is lovely and considerate. I am need far more reassurance than I ever thought I did, or ever have wanted from anyone else. Interesting...