Lucky

What an incredible two weeks. 14 days of fun, laughter, memories, friends and the time of my life. Loved. It.

I remember exactly how I felt this time two years ago - home from the same camp, with the same group of friends. I was distraught to be home. I was facing reality... I'd just been dumped and the thought of picking myself up and starting all over again was exhausting.

This time around, I came home with the man I met there two years ago. I remember hugging him goodbye in 2010. A friendly hug for a guy I had flirted with - and that was all. I couldn't concentrate on anything else other than feeling sorry for myself. However, within the space of a few weeks and only by texting me - he'd made me laugh and smile more than I could imagine. Two years later and he's still making me smile more than anyone I have ever met.

I'm a very lucky girl.

Weigh in

I'm running out the door so just have time to say BOO YA! 4.25lbs OFF!

What the chuff?! I KNEW I had lost weight but to see 12stone 9lbs on the scale this morning has blown my mind. Over the effing moon!

Starting Weight: 185 pounds
Current Weight: 177 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 4.25
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 8 pounds

Get a move on Granny

I've been training for a 10k for the past 4 weeks thanks to the incredible online training programme from the very lovely and clever ladies at Up and Running.

Just as I finally feel like I've found my feet and can run for 45 minutes at faster and slower paces while actually enjoying (I know!) myself the inner geriatric in me has reared it's ugly head and my left hip is giving me a hard time. Most annoying.

I was planning to head out tonight to complete my 3rd and final run for the week but I just don't think it's going to do me any favours. I have to put my sensible head on.

However, a two week break lies ahead as tomorrow I'm off to Scout camp. I'm going to try and do one or two runs when I'm there, just to keep my head and legs in the game but I'm hoping that the rest will sort things out. When will the ageing process stop?!

In addition to my amazing running I've also been a dieting POWERHOUSE for the past 10 days. I'm weighing in tomorrow morning and I am really hoping to see 12stone 11lbs on the scales. That would be a  loss of 2.25lbs in 10 days. Ambitious I know. Very ambitious but for some reason that's the figure I have in my head. I don't normally like to make any predictions but what the hell... I'm feeling it, so I'll do it.

So what does two weeks away mean for the diet? Well, it's a double edged sword. Three meals a day - all cooked and prepared for you means it would be easy to pack on the pounds. But there is also constant activity. I'll be in a field, walking a couple of miles every day just to get around the place. Then again, there is a  fair amount of boozing in the evenings when I am off duty.

If I am sensible, I could stay the same or even lose a pound or two.Wouldn't the latter be amazing? I want to make the right choices and not lose sight of all my hard work in 'the real world'. I'm going to do my damnedest to be the healthy person I want to be.

Verte

Thanks for the feedback and emails following on from the emotional sucker punch that was clocking the baby scan pic of a former... well, not sure how to describe him. You get the gist though.

One of my friends is a demon at pinpointing the reason for emotional turbulence and when found myself nodding heartily in agreement when she wrote: "I guess it puts the final nail in the coffin of that fantasy."

And she's so right! The fantasy really is well and truly over. The thoughts that gave my little ego a boost? Well and truly over. Boom. I know that I couldn't be in a better place with my relationship and I am so lucky. The grass is very green on this side of the fence and I need to remember that.

Emotion overload

The married one, the one that there was 'something' with, the one that has told me he thinks about me all the time... He's going to be a dad.

The news shouldn't shock me. Married for 18 months and in his mid 30s - it was always going to happen at some point. But - when I saw the pic of the scan on Facebook... I felt like I'd been punched. I lost my breath, I went hot all over. The room blurred around me.

So many thoughts and emotions, none of which I can actually identify.

I couldn't bring myself to 'like' it or leave a congratulatory comment. I'll see him in 4 days. I'll have to say something to his face. I'll have to say 'great news- so pleased for you'. I'll be lying. This time 2 years ago I congratulated  him on his engagement - and then we spent the night together. I'll be congratulating him again, 2 years later - and walking away.

I know he's not right for me. I don't want him. I only want TB. My ego wants the married one to want me though - and this news is in direct contradiction to that. I also want to have babies. Someone that there is a remote possibility this could have been a reality with, is getting what I want. Mind fuck. Total mind fuck.

I feel guilty for feeling weird about it too.

King Pin

Despite the fact the scales are non movers and are generally 6lbs away from where I would like them to be, and my lowest ever weight (pah! What's 6lbs?! I do need to get  a grip sometimes), I am feeling quite body confident at the moment.

In just seven days I'm off to a camp for two weeks. There is no getting away from the fact it's going to be wet. It's going to be muddy. To this end, I've decided "Ball to it!. I'm gonna rock the wellies and shorts". With a thick pair of tights then I don't see why not. Yes, I've got a blummin sturdy pair of pins but they are pretty toned right now and I've worked hard to make them into the bad boys they are today. Of course, I'd love them to be slimmer but I always look back at pics and think - "You looked great! Why the chuff didn't you enjoy it and make the most of it?"

Here's an outfit I rocked today to cope with this delightful rain. Complete with my new leopard print wellies. I tried to get some leg specific pics - which involved standing on stool and taking them in the mirror, hence why they look so blummin weird. Apologies for the horrific mess around my mirror.

So day 1 in the new job starts on Monday. Here's the food plan till I suss out the lay of the land i.e. is there a microwave.

B: Porridge at home
Mid Morning: Apple
Lunch: Fruit & Yogurt (loads) and cold meat (not at the same time!)
Mid Avo: More fruit probs
Dinner: Unknown - TB is cooking (healthiness has been briefed!

Weigh in and snash

Life has just taken over. I've been:

• Busy running thanks to the lovely ladies over at Up and Running
• Going slightly off the rails food wise, clawing it back, going off, clawing it back
• Working like a demon preparing for summer camp
• Buying lots of things for summer camp
• Mentally preparing myself for going back to office life as of Monday (gah!)
• Doing a power of social media for the summer camp
• More running
• Reading for my two book clubs
• Dealing with the rogue cat bullying my furry boy

Poor show for not blogging though. I've missed logging a few weigh in's - but I promise, they have still been taking place! 

Here's the deal...  I put on a pound, taking me to 12 stone 13.25lbs. I was pretty pissed off about this and proceeded to pick at biscuits, sweets and other bits and bobs. I also had some exceptional days though. It was basically a week wasted as on Wednesday when I weighed... I stayed the same. 12stone 13.5lbs. Just goes to show if I had plodded on I would probably have had a good loss.

Scout camp is a week tomorrow and I'm not weighing until then. That'll be 10 days. I'd love to lose a couple of pounds by then. And I could. I've been really good the past few days and I actually feel a small difference in my jeans. Horay! I just need to get the head down and get on with it! Same old, same old.

Starting Weight: 185 pounds
Current Weight: 181.25 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 3.75 pounds