How to ruin your holiday

Allo my luvverzzzz.

How are we all? Embracing Autumn with zest and vigour? Pulling out the cosy knits and puddle proof boots? While everyone else thinks about their 2012 winter coat I've been doing the exact opposite and looking out the shorts and flip flops because on Sunday I jet off to Cyprus for 7 days! Booya! 30 degrees baby - here I come.

It's going to be scorchio! I cannot wait. But first, we have a wedding in London to get our nuptial groove onto. Well, that's if we actually get there. You see I'm not sure I can fit my backside into a plane seat. I cannot stop eating!

Oh lordy, it has all gone spectacularly done the pan. Last week I ran 5k (and the hip felt fine!) and I played badminton singles for an hour  but I am eating like it is going out of fashion. This week I have done NO exercise and am packing on the beef like a crazy woman. I'm not going to into details of how flabby I feel and how all my clothes feel tight - but suffice to say I am worried about looking 4 months preggers in my new dress I bought for this wedding. My thighs and boobs - oh god. Oh GOD!

TB seems to be delighted that my boobs feel and look massive but he is blinded by the boob - it also means everything else is bigger. Everything comes at a cost, young man! But here's the deal... I'm going on holiday and I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm not going to worry about a half stone (or probably more, ugh). I'm going to eat, drink and be merry. When I come home, it will be time for action. Serious action.

For now, I wish drastically change topic - to weddings and marriage. I think it's safe to say that I cannot wait to be married to TB. He is the love of my life and everything I could ever want. At the age of 32  I am never going to be a young bride or a young mum and but my desire to be his wife and mother to his children is overpowering. All around me friends are getting married and having babies which only serves to remind me how much I want it.

Almost two months ago we were at a wedding and yours truly caught the bouquet (for the second time!). A funny moment and while TB and I were laughing and joking about it - I wanted him to know what I was thinking. My courage boosted by booze, I put it out there.

"It's not just because we're at a wedding and it's not just because I caught the bouquet - but I want us to be married and I want us to have a family together.
"I really want it."
"I know", he said.
And we hugged for a long time.

That was all we said and that was all I wanted to say. That was two months ago. And while I wouldn't expect him to do to it the following day, I wonder  - is he going to do it soon? Does he realised I want him to do it soon? He must!

We're already making plans for holidays for next year and it seems that there is no thought that a wedding might be slotted in there. I want to get married next year. I want to be have a baby before I am 35. Two and a half years to do all that - 9 months of which you are preggers, is not a long time.

So why am I blogging about this now. Why roll it into one post? Well - we go on holiday on Saturday morning. Holiday, people! What do a lot of people do on hols? Thaaaaaat's right - they get engaged!

Now, I know for sure he's not going to propose on holiday but even while I type that there is a teeny tiny part of me that thinks, maybe - just maybe. I need to rein myself in. I'm letting myself get out of control. Do you know what I did the other day? I have always avoided looking or thinking about anything wedding related as I don't want to jinx it - and I'm just not one of these people who has been 'planning their wedding since they were a little girl' (who are these people) but not only did I look in a jeweller's window but I have actually created a possible guest list spread sheet! What the actual chuff?!

I know! I need to catch myself on - big time. So no more. I need to breathe deep and relax. When it happens it will happen and it will be right for me. It will be especially right for me though if it's before the year is out!