I've not posted for two weeks. Two whole weeks! Apart from the fact I am mega busy, the reason is... I just couldn't be bothered. Lame, right? I just kinda lost my mojo. I've hardly been tweeting either. Nothing is wrong and there hasn't been one incident that stopped me, it just seemed like a hassle.
And the more time that passes, there is so much that I'd love to share but then it's like when you've not spoken to a friend in ages and you think, "Where do I start?". In particular, I'd like to talk about my wedding meltdown (boy, that was fun), my hen do (that WAS fun), green smoothies, running personal bests and of course - weigh ins. Today was indeed a weigh in day and that's what's given me the impotus to get my finger out and get back in the groove (which I have missed).
Last week was my post hen weigh in. As you can imagine I drank a LOT over the weekend. A lot of prosseco and other fizzyness - which isn't normally my bag. I ate more than normal but I didn't really have that much. Until... I came home on the Sunday armed with leftover cake, much of which was cake I had made and it was seriously heavy on the buttercream (I love you buttercream - run away with me!). I got home and that's when the eating of cake really began in earnest. Oh dear. So come weigh day it wasn't that much of a shock to see a gain of 2.25lbs. In fact, it could have been a lot worse. That took me back up to 12 stone 2.5lbs.
Although I was fully informed about the gain i.e. it was for a good, cake eating reason, I think it affected me more than I realised. There were lots of pics taken over the hen weekend and of course, as soon as I got home on the Sunday I got right in about some self-scrutinising. A bit of self stalking, if you will. What do I look like from that angle. My legs look thin there. I look small compared to x person. I look big compared to x person. Those jeans aren't as flattering as I thought. Where have my boobs gone. And so on....
And as the week went on and more pics appeared on Facebook, it continued. As I looked at the pics I mostly thought to myself, wow - you look so thin! Amazing! I was bloody chuffed. But it was as if I was looking back at an old me. I can see the pictures and I know it's me but when I am present in the moment, like right now, I look down at myself and I don't see that person. My internal self, the right now me doesn't realised what I look like unless I am looking in on myself outwith the moment. Does that make sense?
Sort of validating that feeling was the voice in my head saying "of course you don't look like that. You were over 2 pounds lighter in those pics. You'll never look like that again now that you've put on weight this week."
WTF? How messed up is that, but it's true. I am finding it hard to live in the moment, appreciate where I am and enjoy it. As of right now I am going to make the effort to do just that. Let's stop and smell the roses, people!
So that was last week's weigh in. This week, I was mostly very good but Sunday was not good at all (chocolate and biscuits, ooh err) and thanks to running around to the dentist, wedding dress fittings, nephew cuddles and granny chats, I also missed two workouts - spinning and a gym workout followed by intervals.
Based on this I was not confident this morning. However, the scales were very kind to me...2.5lbs off! That means I am 12stone BANG ON. I actually saw 11stone 13.75 flash up but it was fleeting and 12stone quickly took its place. I'm bloody happy with 2.5 off though so I will take 12stone and I will do a small dance of joy about it. Yippeeee!
2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 0lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 2.5lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 9.25lbs