Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Traingular Walls Are Closing In

Moonraker has made contact. We're meeting tomorrow after work for an indepth chat.

My head is spinning. The advice you all have given me is bang on the money and, if I were single the truth is I would be aiming for a reconciliation and taking all your points on board. I mean, he really needs to prove himself. Prove that he knows how badly he fucked up.

Something is niggling me though - and this is it.... We just spoke on the phone and he said that if he had known I was seeing someone else then he wouldn't have said anything because it's put me in a difficult situation and he feels bad for that. Hmmmm - bit too laid back if you ask me. I told him (in a very period drama kind of dramatic way) that if you think there is even a chance you can get something you want then you have to have the courage of your convictions and to fight for it.

We only scratched the surface (miaow!) as we're going to get into the nitty gritty tomorrow and like some sort of psycho I am writing a list of questions for him. Wanna see?

  • Why do you think you looked for things that were wrong with the relationship
  • What reasons did you give your friends for ending it?
  • What changed your mind – made you want to try again?
  •  It took you ages to split up with your ex even though you knew deep down you wanted to. Why were you able to so easily end it with me – so quickly?
  •  What makes you think you’re not going to do the same thing again? What’s changed?
  •  I’ve got a lot of male friends that I text, joke on with – are you going to be okay with that?
  • If we did give it another go how do you feel about the fact I’ve been seeing someone else? Are you going to have a hard time with that? Are you going to bring it up if you’re annoyed about something?
  •  Do you think you really want to try again? You said if you’d known I was seeing someone else then you wouldn’t have said anything. If you’re not willing to pull out the stops to get me back then do you really want it?
  •  Sex, do you think we can begin to create a situation that wasn’t there in the first place? One where we feel connected and relaxed and confident?
·    What do you think? Anything else I should add?

And then there is ToyBoy. Lovely, lovely ToyBoy. He called just after I spoke to Moonraker. He's such a brilliant person. He even made a joke tonight, about us moving in together! Yeah, do not fancy living in his city one bit. And he's making all these plans for our long weekend away abroad. I'm paying for the flights and he's paying for the hotel. At first I thought, great - cause if we don't go I'll lose money for the flights and the hotel will maybe be a deposit at most. But no - that would be far too simple! He's booking through some agency place with whom he has to pay up front! Gah! And he's all like "You booked the flights yet?' and counting how many weekends it is till we go. Gaaaaaaaah! I'd normally kill for a guy like this but I'm freaking out about it.

AND I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow which I will probably HATE. Oh and did I mention I'm the size of a HOUSE!?


  1. Spot on questions - covering I think all the misgivings I'm having particularly the one about backing off cos you were seeing someone else. And I just have this lurking feeling that if you were to get together again then every time you hit a bumpy patch (as we all do) you'd get something cast up along the lines of how quickly you started seeing someone else and forgot about him (not true I know but I think that will bug him - but I may be wrong) Don't know what to advise about Toy Boy - he sounds so lovely but hopefully after your meeting with Moonraker you'll be able to see the pathway forward. Zxx

  2. Those questions all make good sense in theory. But as someone who has been in this position, I would prepare yourself for not getting a single satisfying answer. Not that he won't say the right things.. but really what else can he say? e.g. is it going to be different... his answer will obviously be yes. And he probably means it. But I would hypothesize that the only thing that will make you feel confident in the relationship again is him SHOWING you change. I guess that's a long winded way of reminding Moonraker that actions speak louder than words :P ...and reminding you that even if he says all the right things they might leave you feeling cold if you don't believe it. Go with your gut!
    Love, Kait

  3. All great questions. Can't wait to see how he tackles them. His comment about you seeing someone & how he wouldn't have suggested a reconciliation bothers me though. Aren't men by nature competitive? Wouldn't that fuel a person to reconnect, not the opposite?
    He says he didn't bring it up because he realized it would make things difficult on you, but just a few short weeks ago HE BROKE YOUR HEART. How noble of him, now to consider your feelings.

    I say meet up, talk it out, and put him on the fresh start list if that's what you're feeling. I definitely wouldn't let this overshadow your new romance with the youngin.' After all, if Moonraker gets a wild hair and does this again, you'll have ended a fun, possibly awesome relationship with someone who already knows how awesome you are & doesn't need to freak out like a little girl, break up with you, then wait until you're with someone else to realize it...

    PS as you know, I'm on steroids and I have rage. ;)

  4. Geez, I jus can't help but wade in here to. I kinda think he should be begging you for forgivness....really grovelling. I think he sounds like a good fella on the whole but those nasty insecurities of his will still be around.
    Anyway - your life rocks, so exciting!! keep us informed on updates.
    Bron xx (formerly Anon in London)

  5. It was the lack of FIGHT that was so infuriating here. You are a prize catch dammit, and he should have been sleeves rolled up wooing you back and pushing those insecurities aside. YEAH!


Go on then, spill.