Are you sitting comfortably?

In two hours time I'm meeting TB at the solicitors to sign the paperwork for our house. Oh Lordy. OUR house.

All of a sudden, this got real. One moment you're talking about buying a place together and then you're looking at houses. It feels like we've blinked and here we are... entering into something which is a big, massive deal.

I always knew this was a significant step but now that we're on the edge - about to to actually do it.... Gaaaaah! I feel slightly hysterical. My arms are a wobbly, I feel like I could laugh or cry at the drop of a hat, and I feel a bit breathless.

The documents came through the other day, outlining the joint purchase, that we're signing this morning. This is a big fricking deal. This isn't something that's a whim or a notion. To see it actually written down in black and white really make this all real.

I am excited though. This is a whole new chapter and I cannot wait to get stuck in.

Healthy (eating) competition

I totally owned my chimp last night.

As explained by the lovely Lesley, your chimp is that voice inside you that always tries to derail your efforts to look after yourself. Especially when it comes to putting yourself out of your comfort zone.

Earlier in the day I decided I was going to head out for a run after tea. Once I'd scoffed down some lovely hot smoked salmon, potatoes and asparagus I pottered around for an hour letting it go down. And then I reclined on the bed faffing about on my ipad. Mistake. I almost fell asleep. Not exactly ideal pre-run conditions.

Over the next ten minutes my chimp and I decided I was going for a run/not going for a run about 16 times.  What a wee madame. Eventually we made a deal. The evening was rather cool and running in just a t-shirt wasn't enough. "If I can find my long sleeved running top, then I will definitely go." I approached the chest of drawers. I chose which drawer I was going to look in first. I opened it. Right at the top? My running top of course. So off I went - and it was a really good run.

I just got lost in all manner of thoughts and off I went, knocking over a minute off my time. Pow pow!

I tells ya, regular exercise makes me feel so much better and inclined to eat healthier. Why don't I just make sure I do it all the time? WHY?

In other news, mum is back from her hollibobs and is full steam ahead with the diet. She's already lost a few pounds and is currently 13stone 1lbs. As I've mentioned before I have no idea what the scales are up to at the moment but... if I was to hazard a guess, I'd go for the early 13stone arena. You know what this means, I have a change to get ahead (below) my mum for once. And even if don't get ahead of her, I don't want to be left behind! So... let the healthy eating games, BEGIN.

Weigh Hay!

Howdy doody peeps.

I thought I'd update on how the non scale healthy living is going.  The answer is, I don't really know.

I feel like I'm making a lot of good choices and I've been out running (5.2km on Friday) but I know I need to make the best choices I can, all of the time. And I need to move more. It's proving tricky to fit in more than 1 or two sessions a week.

I bought a size 14 Primark dress about two weeks ago and it was a bit tight around the tummy. I wore it on Saturday and it was definitely a  better fit - so there is some progress but it's a very small amount. Not really helped by Sunday Pimms on the lawn (yes, that really happened) at TB's and attacking the crisps and pretzels on offer.

The house move is just about confirmed for the 27th and so it's just over a week until I get my scales out of hibernation. I toyed with the idea of weighing myself on TB's mum's scales - purely so I could weigh myself again while I was there and know if I'd lost weight. However, I've decided against that. I'm going to get my head down and do my best without them.

I'm not sure when I will actually get ON the scales once they are unpacked... The cooker in the new house has actually been professionally disconnected because of a gas leak! Somehow, I think a take-away will be on the cards the night we move in and so I'll not be gracing them the next morning -that's for sure.

Right, must dash - off for a hair cut. That's gotta be a few ounces at least, right?!

Slap a smile on it

Turn that frown.....

• Tired. Have I mentioned how early I'm getting up?! 
• I miss my mum. I've not seen her for 7 weeks - and she's been on holiday for two of them so I've not even spoken to her for almost a fortnight. This is the longest we've not seen each other for ages and I miss her!
• A friend seven years younger than me just got engaged. I'm on the cusp of having my bimonthly meltdown.
• Looks like the date for moving into our new house might slip by a week.
• Feel just as fat as always.
• A friend is pregnant with her second kid. People are onto their second and third babies! I'm not even close to one...
• I miss my pussycat (who is boarding in the cattery).

Upside down...

• I felt like my legs looked a little more toned when I saw my reflection in a shop window today.
• TB and I will be moving into our very own home in no more than two weeks time.
• I'm seeing my mum on Saturday for some quality time.
• The sun has come out today and I'm going to make sure I get some time outside this evening
• I'll get home and my tea will be ready -thank you Mummy TB

Walk the walk

When the alarm gets you out of bed at 5.30am I am more than ready for a small snoozette come 3.30pm. But NO - there is work to be done and I must battle on rewriting a truly atrocious piece of work from someone who should know better. I digress.

I felt like I wanted to follow on from yesterday's post. I'm not really sure how I am feeling. I won't lie, I do feel a bit at sea (what is it with the nautical references just now?) not knowing what the scales are saying but I need to get through that. Well, I've got no option. I have no access to scales - end of.

So, how has the picture of doom featured in my thoughts since it darkened my screen... I've not really thought about it but the knock on effect is that I'm not feeling particularly fired up or motivated. But I suppose that could be because I just don't feel like I'm losing any weight and in general am feeling a bit uninspired.

Mind you, in saying that, last night after dinner TB's mum and I went out for a walk after I suggested it. We ended up covering 5 miles and set the world to rights along the way.

By the time I put a 10 hour day at work, travelled for two hours and walked for two hours there wasn't much time left for eating - so it ended up being a pretty good day.

I'm trying to get back into the way of writing down everything I eat. If I'm mindful, run two or three times a week and get in a long walk - SURELY I've got to lose weight. Something has to bloody well give.

Not a sniff of a breeze

The blind, healthy living campaign (i.e. not weighing myself) is going pretty well so far. Yes, I've had a few treats here and there (and a lot of booze) over the weekend but I also went out for two runs - both just over 5km.

I've done sweet FA when it comes to running, this year and so I was really pleased that not only am I getting out there but that I'm managing the distances I am without too much bother. I'm taking a few minutes longer than I'd like but I know I'll improve if I keep it up. Which of course, I will!

So I was feeling pretty good. Was. I made moussaka for dinner last night and the portion was pretty big so I felt kinda bloated, not helped by the fact I polished off a packed of white mice. A short while later while perusing Facebook, I clocked two pictures of me, taken yesterday by two different people. They were horrendous. I looked like a massive blob in both of them. A massive fat blob. Awful. Really awful. I cannot remember seeing such a bad picture of me for a long time.

I saw pictures of me from a few weeks ago and they were no where near as bad. I've not gained any weight since then and I while I wasn't exactly jumping for joy about the size of my arse, I thought I looked okay. These two pics from yesterday have totally knocked the wind out my sails. Imagine a little sail boat just bobbing about on its own in the sea - with not a puff of air to help it. Does that make you sad? It bloody well should cause it's got on the verge of tears.

I'm trying to remain rational and not go totally bat-shit crazy. That's what I do. I react. I blow up - but within moments I've got things in perspective and I am working through the practicalities of it all, my brain pinging with positive thoughts.

Not today, people. Not today. I am struggling with this.

It's not like I've been going bonkers and ingesting anything and everything that's not nailed down. I've been good! I've been out running for crying out loud. I don't really know where I am going with this.... It's pissed me off and I feel particularly shite about it all.

I moaned to TB about it who tried to suggest the jeans I was wearing in the picture are not the most flattering. I knew they weren't a brilliant fit but I am telling you, I am never wearing them again. Although this just means I am going to have to go shopping for more which is just another giant ball ache.

AND the surveyor for my flat is underpricing the rental income (even though I can prove how much I get and it's a good bit more than they think it should get) which means I can't release as much equity as I would like. AND our solicitor thinks we will have to delay our move in date by two weeks. Pissed OFF.

Homeless holiday camp

I started writing this post on Thursday of last week and didn't quite get round top posting it up... so here we go now.

I'm not exactly living in a cardboard box right now but I am sorta homeless.

It's only for a few weeks though and TB's folks are so bloody lovely that it's really nice staying with them. They could not be more welcoming and didn't bat an eyelid last night or the night before when I took over their kitchen to make 5 cakes and some cupcakes (I seem to have made a rod for my own back as office birthday cake baker).

What is a bit of a bitch is the 5.30am alarm call. Yup, I am up and out of bed at 5.30 in the fricking AM. Oh lordy. TB's dad leaves the house at 6.10am to drive the hour to the city where we both work and so off I go at the crack of dawn with him - at my desk for 7.20am. This shit is happening people  - but you know what, I actually quite like being up early. Those first few moments when I emerge from my bed bleary eyed, like a new born mouse, are not so much fun but there is something about being up and about before the rest of the world that I love. Although, I'm working from home tomorrow and ha HA - there ain't no way I'll be up and at em before 8.30.

So let's bring this back, people. Let's bring it back to the size of my arse. It's big - we ALL know that, but how big? I don't really know - for sure. I reckon I'm about half a stone off feeling MUCH better about myself. Now the reason I don't know for sure (apart from avoiding the most judgy of all clothing items, jeans) is that I've packed away my scales.

Yup, I made the conscious decision to pack my scales in a box that I won't see for three weeks  - at best. That's three weeks without knowing what I weigh. This is a big deal for me. Massive. The only time I don't get on those scales with weekly regularity is when I am head first in a packet of biscuits - and at the moment I'm not.

You see, this is all part of a plan. For the time I'm staying at TB's folk's, I'm trying to eat as healthily as possible, be active, make smart choices and at the end of it I'm going to see how I feel, and what I weigh. I know some people will say the number doesn't really matter and for me it's not so much the number but knowing that the number is going downwards.

And so far it's being going really well - especially considering I'm not really in control of the menu at home. There been a lot of barbeques and salads and very little snacking. The only problem has been cake. I've made two big birthday cakes this week for office people (seem to have made a rod for my own back) and I've had a slice of both of them, and picked at the butter icing a bit. In the main - good, very good especially considering we've been out cycling and playing Frisbee in the garden. Just generally being more active. And I like it.

Town Mouse & Country Mouse

I have SO much to tell.

There are 1001 posts in me right now about all manner of things and one really big thing. I've been holding off saying anything until things were a little more secure but what the hell - I cannot wait a moment longer.... TB and I have bought a house! Waaaaaaaaaaa and haaaaaaaa!

There is SO much more to this tale about where it is, how amazing the house is but here are the headlines:

• It's an old house, has four bedrooms, a basement and a pretty big garden
• It's out of the city - we are moving to a town on the coast

Okay, so we've not actually bought the house yet. This has been dragging on since April as the house sale isn't exactly straightforward  because there is a lot of work that needs done to the place but we're just weeks away from getting the keys.

And in the meantime we've had to move out of our flat, so we've shifted all our stuff (including a big couch, dining table and brand new bed) to TB's parents and are staying there for a few weeks until we get our place. So it's been a little but busy - if you know what I mean!

So yeah, I've waved goodbye to city centre living which makes my periodically break out in a cold sweat. Then I realise I'm going to be living here....