I was going to say something to Toyboy when I saw him, about things being a bit 'sticky' between us this past week. However, before I got the chance to do this face to face, we ended up talking about things on a skype video call. I really didn't want to do it that way. I'm not great at talking about my feelings when I actually have to discuss them with the person involved. Add a video call to that and I feel even more awkward.
It sorta came up though and it wasn't fair to leave him hanging 24hours until I saw him and so I explained that I felt like things had been a bit odd and the reason it made me feel uneasy is that the last time I was in a relationship and there was moment where things changed a bit, the next thing I knew it was all over and I was left feeling really hurt. We smoothed things over a bit and both agreed it that it would just be really good to see each other.
And indeed we did see each other last night, and it was great. I feel much better and TB understands that sometimes I just need a bit of reassurance.
Although we have seen quite a bit of each other, considering we live 2 and a half hours away from each other, things are moving quite slowly. This is a good thing. I mean, let's look at Moonraker. He was declaring his love for me after a few weeks and look how that turned out. Yeah, part of me wants him to be a wee bit more verbal about things but that's just my ego talking. I think TB is great. Brilliant, in fact but we're still getting to know each other and my feelings are no more advanced than his are so I need to not get ahead of myself.
On a slightly different note, aren't men funny creatures? So simple at times. I've been playing about a bit more with clothes this week. As soon as I start to lose a bit of weight I feel more confident and adventurous (I'm pretty much always in jeans). I'm a classic pear shape (although there is an hourglass lurking under the lard) and my hips, bum and legs are a real problem area for me. To this end, I don't really do skirts and dresses. They are a rare occurrence as I need a size 12/14 on top and an 18 on bottom. However, I do own a few that seem to work. I was coming to see TB last night and I decided to wear an above the knee dress (in black with a dotty pattern with a scoop neck and a big red belt pulling it in at the middle. Underneath I wore black leggings and studded grey boots.
And my, didn't TB just love it! He commented on it several times. Isn't it incredible what it does when you up the femininity - and get out of jeans.
So I'm already feeling pretty good and then this morning in bed we were having a cuddle. He's got his arms around me and he turns to me and says the words every woman loves to hear.... 'Have you lost weight?'
'Why, yes. Yes I have', I replied.