Monday, 8 November 2010

Off Kilter

When I posted the other day about the power shift, I knew thing were a bit... well, they just weren't quite right with Toyboy.

We video skyped last night and it was much better. More relaxed, chatty and with more laughing. We said goodnight and then he popped up on the chat.

Toyboy: hello?
Me: yes?
T: Sorry if i've been a bit off with you the last day or two, dunno whats wrong with me
M: how come you didn't say this when we were chatting?
T: dunno
M: I did notice you've been a bit... well - maybe not quite your usual self. I know I've been a bit funny too - which probably didn' help things.
T: Well I'm looking forward to seeing you on Thursday
M: Good. Me too. x
T: ok, I'll head away just now. night night doll xxx
M: night night mister. x
T: x

I knew there was a something up. I'm still not sure what but he has been a bit off and on whatever level I've picked up on that which has made me feel insecure. I'm trying to not think about it as me chewing over the reasons why he might be a bit off is not going to help. And to be honest I think I don't there there are any real reasons.

This is one of the problems of a long distance relationship. Whenever we want to have contact we have to speak but sometimes we don't want to talk but just be together. We can't just have a cuddle. This is the exact time when we don't really want talk about anything but we want to be with each other. If you live close by you can just pop over to sort things out by making up physically- and I don't mean sex, but just being together, cuddling and that intimacy that only comes with a relationship. I haven't got that option. He is only a few hours away and I will see him on Thursday - he's not halfway round the world so I need to stop moaning.


  1. So clearly remember Bloss and his 'cave'. Am used to it now and don't think he goes in there so often but it used to tear me apart - I'd be wondering what I'd done and become a right royal pain trying to find out what it was which probably prolonged his stay in there. Bottom line he'd just pulled back from the world for a spell for a bit of contemplation which had absolutely nothing to do with me. But geez it's taken me a lot of years to feel OK with it. Zxx

  2. Hm. Poor you. I hope it's all ok.

  3. Yes, I well remember the last moment of power I had with bf - we were in a taxi on a v early date. He gazed into my eyes and said bashfully "I think I love you". I patted his hand and said "You get back to me once you're sure"! That was 15 years ago, sigh.

    Seriously though, unfortunately that vulnerability is part of any relationship. All I'd say is be true to yourself. This from a woman who will bend herself into a pretzel to try and be pleasing. It doesn't help, it really, really doesn't and I've learnt that the hard way.

  4. Thanks for the feedback ladies.

    Things have been a little sticky over the weekend and I'm just looking for some reasurrance. I have to remind myself that men are simple creatures and maybe I just need to tell him that's what I need.


Go on then, spill.