Inevitable

I was just about to crack off a post about my most recent weigh in, or lack thereof  (I got stuck in a meeting on Tuesday and didn't make it along) but an email from Moonraker has just dropped into my inbox which has.... well, I don't really know what it's done apart from leave me feeling totally weird.

There is a work event thing on tonight which we're both going to be at and we were also meant to be going for coffee tomorrow. He emailed to rearrange tomorrow. That was fine and a few more emails were exchanged. Then he came out with it. He's seeing someone else.

Ugh.

I feel totally all over the place. I had seen someone writing on his Facebook wall, leaving kisses and I did wonder but now I know for sure. I know I've got no right to feel odd about this; I mean, I've been with TB for around three months but I do feel weird. My ego is bruised, I suppose. I want to feel like I'm still in poll position but I've just been bumped. I want to know what she's like - but I don't. I want to know how thin is she?! I bet she's totally slim and gorgeous.

I just called my best pal and she calmed me down somewhat. She told me to reply and be really nice about it. Tell  him I was happy for him. I did not want to do that. But I did. To do anything else wouldn't be fair to TB and the last thing I want is to hurt him.

During me drafting this post more emails have gone back and forth. Moonraker tells me he had an epiphany and decided to move on from the past. Really?! Now? Why not when you were going out with me?! Why couldn't you do that for me? God - I've just burst into tears writing that. I suppose part of me just wonders why did he not think I was worth forgetting the past for.

These feeling will pass and I'll be fine. It's just been a bit of a shock and brought back how I felt when I was trying to hold us together but was totally powerless.