I've seen this happen on numerous occasions to not only me, but to my female friends as well. No matter how I play it there is no escape from... the power shift.
A new love interest comes along and whaddya know, they're all keen and can't get enough of me. I can do no wrong and my confidence goes through the roof. I don't question myself or feel insecure. In fact, I'm invincible. I'm really enjoying the relationship but I'm not (key phrase coming up here) over thinking it. I'm quite relaxed about the whole thing.
The days and weeks pass and I begin to realise that actually I do really quite like this person. I'm falling for them. This means I'm not in control as much as I thought I was. It means there is a chance I could get hurt. I really don't want to get hurt. I can remember too easily how it feels. There's been a bit too much of it for my liking.
I'm now not so relaxed and am... (all together now) over thinking everything. He's not quite as full on as he was in the beginning - we're together now and so he doesn't have to try and win me over. This does not help me relax and before I know it - he's in control. He's the one with the power. Just like that....
Last night and today we seem to have rubbed each other up the wrong way a bit. It's nothing serious - just stupid stuff. For example, we're not seeing each other this weekend. It was my idea. I'm aware that going out with someone who lives 100 miles away eats into your life. I need and want to see my friends and just want to potter around my flat this weekend (not to mention try and do some work, she says cracking off a blog). But then last night I was missing him and wanted to see him. It's not going to happen and I was a bit grumpy about it. Not really rational I know, when it was my idea. He reminded me that it was me that decided we weren't going to see each other and said he wanted to see me this weekend but it seems that I had just made the decision.
Yeah, I did make the decision but part of me was doing that so that I got in there first. If he said he didn't want to see me I wouldn't have liked that and so I made the decision before he could. I am really worried about getting hurt and so I suppose there is some sort of self protection behaviour going on here.
Then this morning I texted him a silly suggestion. He replied back, totally shooting me down in flames. I was so annoyed, and felt like an idiot. I ignored him. He must have realised he had been a bit harsh and sent a text backtracking. I held my ground and told him to forget it as he was just humouring me. He's tried to cajole me round. I don't want to be the huffy bird and so I've said it's okay and made a joke about it. This isn't anything at all - it's just a sillynesss but now I am letting it get to me. I bet he's not - because he's got the power!
I'm on a lifelong mission to ditch the lard. Stones away from my heaviest, I'm closing in on my pre-pregnancy weight. Next up, my wedding weight! Onwards!
Breathe!!!
ReplyDeleteSo what if he has the power for a little bit? Every relationship goes through the power battle before the couple realise one thing, you will naturally find your groove. Some days he will be more in control and other days he will pass it to you, and before you know it you will be playing pass the parcel for 20 years neither of you really caring who's turn it is, because you know it won't be long before it switches hands again. Don't assume just because he has it, that he will abuse it. He isn't going to dump you just because you have feelings for him. He may dump you for freaking out and causing problems where there are none. So I say BREATHE!! Enjoy what you have and tell your brain to stop over thinking. Take this weekend to sort yourself and for goodness sake woman, tell him how you feel. You are probably confusing the hell out of him with the hot/cold emotional roller-coaster. Good Luck!!!
Oh man,.. this feeling is "the story of my life". And probably why I'm still single.
ReplyDeleteBut it sounds like you've sorted it, so you have definitely got the advantage on me! :)