Saturday night started off so well. Sushi and drinks with friends. However, with not that much sushi and a lot of drink, it all kinda went downhill very quickly.
I met TB and a couple of his friends when I arrived home on the train, when I was pretty tipsy. I don't really remember much of the night after that. I do know I drank even more. I remember arguing with TB, I know I left the club on my own and then I know I had an argument with a guy outside and I remember crying. Not cool.
Most of it is a blur and I have no idea who the person I was arguing with or what about. I feel sick when I think about it. What the hell was going on. I am so embarrassed. I've not been that drunk for a long time and I know I was not being a nice drunk.
Suffice to say Sunday was pretty much a total write off and even today I don't feel quite myself. I think it's more the dread or 'the paras' as my friends and I used to call it. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach - the one where it feels like you're about to get found out for doing something really bad.
This Friday is my work Christmas night out and I am determined not to drink too much. I'm too horrified by my behaviour on Saturday. Shudder. I am too old for this crap.
TB and I also have a last minute night out coming up. This Saturday is a big night out for a huge group of our friends that takes place annually. We weren't going to go but TB decided he fancied it so we're going. I'm looking forward to it but I don't see these friends for months at a time, and I wanted to be thinner! Why is that always the first and overriding thought that goes with every occasion? 'How fat was I last time I saw these friends?' 'What will I wear?' 'Will anyone think I look thinner?'
There is also going to be someone from my past there, the married one. I've seen him plenty of times over the past year so it's no big deal. What I'm not sure about is he and TB are going to be spending more time together in the run up to a big event we're all going to next summer. In fact a few of them are all going out for dinner before the night out on Saturday. I'm not sure how I feel about this and I'm pretty sure the married one know that I'm probably not totally okay with it. I don't really know what else to say about it apart from I'll be doing two things on Saturday. 1. Not drinking too much and 2. Looking smokin hot.