I am an idiot. What a complete tube.
So the thing I was expecting to arrive still hasn't arrived - and then it dawned on me. Last year I got the coil fitted. The kind I got makes your periods lighter. In fact it makes them so light that they often fade away to nothing.
Yup, the answer was that simple. And the reason I was so tired was because that was the time I would have had my period. Thank goodness I didn't get all worried and convince myself there was a bun in the oven.
I'm on a lifelong mission to ditch the lard. Stones away from my heaviest, I'm closing in on my pre-pregnancy weight. Next up, my wedding weight! Onwards!
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Mother knows best
My mum has got a dream to run her own B&B. She loves to cook and look after people and boy, does she do it well. I think she should take tweak her dream slightly, inject it with a helping of her bossiness- and run a boot camp!
After my weigh in on Wednesday I went a bit off the rails. I had a good result and was feeling really positive and was giving it all 'yeah - game on!' to myself. But then, my enthusiasm petered out. Why? Well, I don't know - do I?! I seem to be veering wildly from being totally resolute to planning a trip to the shops to buy some chocolate, which is exactly what I did on Thursday. I had been working all day at an event and had not managed to resist the free cupcakes, canapes and chocs on offer. When I got home the idea of buying some chocolate popped into my head. Once the idea is there - that's it, the seed has been planted and before I know it, it's a fricking oak tree.
Friday was a lot better. Not amazing, but quite good. Saturday I went to my folk's for the night -where Wondermum set me straight. We had a bit of chat about all things dieting and while that didn't necessarily fire me up, it did get me thinking. On top of that, I was fed. Fed only what she chose to let me have. I arrived mid avo, only having eaten a chicken salad. Dinner was Tuscan bean soup (homemade) and then I had some melon later in the night. That was it. That was all I was allowed. Sounds harsh, eh? I know. I know!
However, it was exactly what I needed. A day of frugal eating to remind me that I don't need to panic about food. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to be hungry, and use that as an excuse to overeat, not to the gym - and just generally give up. So Saturday was a corker and today has been the same. I also went to my first ever body attack class.
I'm not a fan of trying new exercise. It takes me a while to get my head round it and then an even longer while to actually try it. I was meeting my friend at her gym and the only class that suited the time we were there was attack. I did not want to go. I moaned my face off about it, even as we were entering the gym. However, onwards I plodded and was soon starjumping, lunging and superman jumping. Yes, that's right superman bloody jumping. I ask you...
So I'm feeling a lot more focused. It also helps that I've got a short-ish term deadline. I'm only going on holiday in 8 weeks to the south of France. Yeah Baby!
After my weigh in on Wednesday I went a bit off the rails. I had a good result and was feeling really positive and was giving it all 'yeah - game on!' to myself. But then, my enthusiasm petered out. Why? Well, I don't know - do I?! I seem to be veering wildly from being totally resolute to planning a trip to the shops to buy some chocolate, which is exactly what I did on Thursday. I had been working all day at an event and had not managed to resist the free cupcakes, canapes and chocs on offer. When I got home the idea of buying some chocolate popped into my head. Once the idea is there - that's it, the seed has been planted and before I know it, it's a fricking oak tree.
Friday was a lot better. Not amazing, but quite good. Saturday I went to my folk's for the night -where Wondermum set me straight. We had a bit of chat about all things dieting and while that didn't necessarily fire me up, it did get me thinking. On top of that, I was fed. Fed only what she chose to let me have. I arrived mid avo, only having eaten a chicken salad. Dinner was Tuscan bean soup (homemade) and then I had some melon later in the night. That was it. That was all I was allowed. Sounds harsh, eh? I know. I know!
However, it was exactly what I needed. A day of frugal eating to remind me that I don't need to panic about food. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to be hungry, and use that as an excuse to overeat, not to the gym - and just generally give up. So Saturday was a corker and today has been the same. I also went to my first ever body attack class.
I'm not a fan of trying new exercise. It takes me a while to get my head round it and then an even longer while to actually try it. I was meeting my friend at her gym and the only class that suited the time we were there was attack. I did not want to go. I moaned my face off about it, even as we were entering the gym. However, onwards I plodded and was soon starjumping, lunging and superman jumping. Yes, that's right superman bloody jumping. I ask you...
So I'm feeling a lot more focused. It also helps that I've got a short-ish term deadline. I'm only going on holiday in 8 weeks to the south of France. Yeah Baby!
Saturday, 12 March 2011
The Waiting Game
I've been swithering back and forth. Should I blog, or not, about the following topic. Well, the mere fact you're reading this, answers the question.
I'm pretty confident that there is nothing to worry about but something that should have been here three days ago isn't here. And I am knackered. I'm sleeping for hours every night but it's still not enough.
There shouldn't be anything to worry about as I've not taken any risks. I would be the 1% that was unlucky.
Not much more to say really. Will let you know of any developments - as soon as they happen!
I'm pretty confident that there is nothing to worry about but something that should have been here three days ago isn't here. And I am knackered. I'm sleeping for hours every night but it's still not enough.
There shouldn't be anything to worry about as I've not taken any risks. I would be the 1% that was unlucky.
Not much more to say really. Will let you know of any developments - as soon as they happen!
Friday, 11 March 2011
Money money money..... money!
I am self employed. I have my own business. I am freelance. I am an agency. I am all of these things but they all mean the same thing when it comes to the readies. I don't make money, I don't have money.
If the work's not coming in then I don't get paid. This was one of the big factors that held me back from working for myself. I don't rely on anyone else. I'm not in a relationship. I never ask my parent's for money. I am totally independent.
This has meant that when it comes to my business' finances I have been super cautious. Some months I've made more money than ever and I've been pretty bloody chuffed (as you can imagine). However, last year I also had some very very lean times. To this end I've been paying myself as little as possible, while trying to pay off as much of my credit card as possible i.e. I've been living on pennies.
I don't spend a lot on things as a general rule. My money goes on going out (i.e. booze), train travel to see TB and holidays - and the last holiday was a long weekend to Germany in October. Before that it was NYC for a week in June. That's not a lotta hols. That's all I buy. The last time I bought myself something new to wear was Christmas and that was using my Christmas money. It does help that I work from home as most days I just kick about in old jeans and hoodies. However, it's got to the point where I NEED to spend some money. I NEED some new things. I DESERVE some new things. The shops are calling, nay, screaming my name.
Luckily for me, I've been so bloomin conservative that it turns out I've got more money than I thought I did! Throw a brilliant accountant for good measure and whay hay, there is money there to be spent! Boo and indeed Ya!
There are a few things in the pipeline that are going to require some coins which are deathly dull...
Are you noticing a theme here? Yeah, all car related. How boring. But also TB and I are about to book flights for a week in the south of France in May! So excited.
Now, that's all well and good - but I need some new clothes. Something that's going to make me feel good - and look good. Feel like a frumpy bag lady at the mo. I just need a couple of thing to inject a bit of life into my wardrobe. Any suggestions on what I should be looking out for?
If the work's not coming in then I don't get paid. This was one of the big factors that held me back from working for myself. I don't rely on anyone else. I'm not in a relationship. I never ask my parent's for money. I am totally independent.
This has meant that when it comes to my business' finances I have been super cautious. Some months I've made more money than ever and I've been pretty bloody chuffed (as you can imagine). However, last year I also had some very very lean times. To this end I've been paying myself as little as possible, while trying to pay off as much of my credit card as possible i.e. I've been living on pennies.
I don't spend a lot on things as a general rule. My money goes on going out (i.e. booze), train travel to see TB and holidays - and the last holiday was a long weekend to Germany in October. Before that it was NYC for a week in June. That's not a lotta hols. That's all I buy. The last time I bought myself something new to wear was Christmas and that was using my Christmas money. It does help that I work from home as most days I just kick about in old jeans and hoodies. However, it's got to the point where I NEED to spend some money. I NEED some new things. I DESERVE some new things. The shops are calling, nay, screaming my name.
Luckily for me, I've been so bloomin conservative that it turns out I've got more money than I thought I did! Throw a brilliant accountant for good measure and whay hay, there is money there to be spent! Boo and indeed Ya!
There are a few things in the pipeline that are going to require some coins which are deathly dull...
- Car service
- MOT
- Car Insurance
- Parking Permit
- Massive dent in my bonnet that needs fixed (thanks flying ice off the back of someone's car on the motorway)
Are you noticing a theme here? Yeah, all car related. How boring. But also TB and I are about to book flights for a week in the south of France in May! So excited.
Now, that's all well and good - but I need some new clothes. Something that's going to make me feel good - and look good. Feel like a frumpy bag lady at the mo. I just need a couple of thing to inject a bit of life into my wardrobe. Any suggestions on what I should be looking out for?
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
Weigh in. Faffage.
Another bloody week has passed since I updated. I remember when I used to crack a blog off most days! Admittedly that was when I worked for someone else and I was chained to a desk 8 hours a day and finding a sneaky 20 minutes every day wasn't a problem.
Now that I work for myself that extra 20 minutes is spent in bed, reading a book, on the phone, looking at holidays and reading other blogs. Or my fave - general faffing. I've discovered I'm quite the expert.
So what's been happening avec moi. Well Mad March Mayhem (MMM) is still underway. Admittedly there have been a few slip ups along the way. The first four days were stellar; the weekend, not so much. TB and I went out for dinner and that involved wine. Although no pudding, but a heap of booze. On Sunday we were at his folks' for tea. The meal wasn't so bad but I did eat lots of bread and butter with the soup and pudding was apple pie and custard! I'm not that mad about fruit puddings or custard and so I would normally have just had a tiny bit just to be polite but before I knew what was happening it was served up before me! I suppose I could have left some but I didn't. A few other naughties slipped in too. Some tablet, a choc hob-nob, some baguette and some crisps.
Yesterday and Monday (back home by this point) I really struggled. I've eaten about 5 Vimto ice lollies and most of a big bag of boiled sweets over two days. Not good.
That does sound like quite a few negatives. But let's look at the positives.
Starting Weight: 200.5 pounds
Current Weight: 200.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 3.75 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 0 pounds
I NEED to get into the 13s. STAT. I've not been in them at all this year. Poor show Love Cat. Poor show. They are only 5 pounds away. I got away with a loss this week. I need to screw the nut and have a fan-bloody-tastic seven days. I'm having a really quiet weekend (well, busy seeing lots of folk but I'm not drinking) and so there is no reason why I can't.
Onwards and downwards mes amies. x
Now that I work for myself that extra 20 minutes is spent in bed, reading a book, on the phone, looking at holidays and reading other blogs. Or my fave - general faffing. I've discovered I'm quite the expert.
So what's been happening avec moi. Well Mad March Mayhem (MMM) is still underway. Admittedly there have been a few slip ups along the way. The first four days were stellar; the weekend, not so much. TB and I went out for dinner and that involved wine. Although no pudding, but a heap of booze. On Sunday we were at his folks' for tea. The meal wasn't so bad but I did eat lots of bread and butter with the soup and pudding was apple pie and custard! I'm not that mad about fruit puddings or custard and so I would normally have just had a tiny bit just to be polite but before I knew what was happening it was served up before me! I suppose I could have left some but I didn't. A few other naughties slipped in too. Some tablet, a choc hob-nob, some baguette and some crisps.
Yesterday and Monday (back home by this point) I really struggled. I've eaten about 5 Vimto ice lollies and most of a big bag of boiled sweets over two days. Not good.
That does sound like quite a few negatives. But let's look at the positives.
- The meals I had a choice in were all pretty damn good.
- I pushed for healthier options when eating with TB
- I did a 10 mile bike ride
- I did the 30 day shred video (yes, I know it was just one day)
- I played squash for 1 hour and 20 mins
- I went to the gym yesterday
- I walked lots on Saturday during the day
Starting Weight: 200.5 pounds
Current Weight: 200.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 3.75 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 0 pounds
I NEED to get into the 13s. STAT. I've not been in them at all this year. Poor show Love Cat. Poor show. They are only 5 pounds away. I got away with a loss this week. I need to screw the nut and have a fan-bloody-tastic seven days. I'm having a really quiet weekend (well, busy seeing lots of folk but I'm not drinking) and so there is no reason why I can't.
Onwards and downwards mes amies. x
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
No pain....
So it's day two under my belt of Mad March Mayhem. I've been making sure that I've been eating enough of the right stuff to fill me up as when I get hungry that's when I struggle with making the right choices and keeping on the straight and narrow for a long time seems like an insurmountable challenge.
As I mentioned my last post I'm still not quite ready to face the gym and so since it was a beautiful day today I decided to head out on my bike. The city I live in has loads of cycle paths around the city and along old railway lines. I set off into what turned out to be a bloody freezing wind and onto the nearest path. It's pretty much flat; just want I wanted to get me going. I planned to head over to my friend for a cuppa (yes, the joys of being self employed - a cheeky afternoon off if I feel like it) as part of my wee jaunt. I wasn't too sure where the path ended and so I just kept going until it spat me out. I wasn't too far from where I wanted to be but this was the end of the flat stuff and it was onto hills and undulations galore. I finally made it to my destination. A quick cuppa later and I was off home.
The end result tired legs, burny thighs at times and 10 miles under my belt! I'm not sure how much benefit it's really done me but it's better than sitting on the couch, fo shizzle?
I also had a moment of madness and downloaded Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred. For those of those not in the know, it's a 25 minute workout that you do every day for 30 days. There are three levels and you move up a level after 10 days. I'd heard it was like DEATH. Pure agony, I believe. I decided to give it a bash this evening and my thoughts were that I didn't think it was that hard. No worse than a bodypump class and that lasts an hour. I'm not going to be able to do it every day as I'm off to see TB this weekend but that's only 3 days off.
However, forget all this.... on Friday I am playing.... SQUASH. I am not looking forward to this. TB and I have been planning to play badminton but the only court available on Friday is a squash court. Initially I said I didn't want to play. I've never played before. That is putting me off, as is the fact I will lose (not a good loser) and I can also forsee injury. Does any of this sound like fun to you? No, didn't think so.
What I am having to remember and what made me change my mind is that it's exercise. It will be great exercise (despite the losing).
As I mentioned my last post I'm still not quite ready to face the gym and so since it was a beautiful day today I decided to head out on my bike. The city I live in has loads of cycle paths around the city and along old railway lines. I set off into what turned out to be a bloody freezing wind and onto the nearest path. It's pretty much flat; just want I wanted to get me going. I planned to head over to my friend for a cuppa (yes, the joys of being self employed - a cheeky afternoon off if I feel like it) as part of my wee jaunt. I wasn't too sure where the path ended and so I just kept going until it spat me out. I wasn't too far from where I wanted to be but this was the end of the flat stuff and it was onto hills and undulations galore. I finally made it to my destination. A quick cuppa later and I was off home.
The end result tired legs, burny thighs at times and 10 miles under my belt! I'm not sure how much benefit it's really done me but it's better than sitting on the couch, fo shizzle?
I also had a moment of madness and downloaded Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred. For those of those not in the know, it's a 25 minute workout that you do every day for 30 days. There are three levels and you move up a level after 10 days. I'd heard it was like DEATH. Pure agony, I believe. I decided to give it a bash this evening and my thoughts were that I didn't think it was that hard. No worse than a bodypump class and that lasts an hour. I'm not going to be able to do it every day as I'm off to see TB this weekend but that's only 3 days off.
However, forget all this.... on Friday I am playing.... SQUASH. I am not looking forward to this. TB and I have been planning to play badminton but the only court available on Friday is a squash court. Initially I said I didn't want to play. I've never played before. That is putting me off, as is the fact I will lose (not a good loser) and I can also forsee injury. Does any of this sound like fun to you? No, didn't think so.
What I am having to remember and what made me change my mind is that it's exercise. It will be great exercise (despite the losing).
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
And she's off...
I've done my usual; eaten a metric tonne of junk, stuck my head in the sand and all of a sudden I can see and feel extra flab ALL OVER.
All my clothes feel tight - even in the oddest of places such as around my calves, for crying out loud. How is it possible that in the space of three days my body suddenly decides to register the gazillion calories that I've been inhaling? And let it be known the most amazing brownies in the world courtesy of Peridot's recipe certainly formed a large percentage of those calories.
Had today not been the 1st of March and had my darling mater notnagged suggested that we go hell for leather for the month of March and really try to make some serious progress then I'm pretty sure I would be stuffing my face right at this very moment.
However, I'm pleased to report that I am back on the straight and narrow and I weighed in this morning. Dear god, it was not pretty. It's the worst it's been for quite some time. I'm not ready to reveal the numbers today. I just want to get a few pounds off and then I'll be back to sharing it all. I'm going to give slimming world a bash again. I didn't seem to have a whole lot of success last time round but that was really only a couple of weeks that I gave it.
This evening I made a huge pot of chicken and sweet potato soup and planned my meals for the rest of the week.So that's the food. What about the exercise... I feel so yuck and wobbly that the thought squeezing into my gym kit is not an appealing one. I'm going to force myself to do 30 minutes tomorrow and something else on Thursday - maybe a bike ride if the weather is dry.
On Friday I'm off to see TB until Monday morning (something I need think about dealing with) and I'm going to suggest to him we play badminton on Friday avo.
So that's the plan. Just got to put it into action. Onwards!
All my clothes feel tight - even in the oddest of places such as around my calves, for crying out loud. How is it possible that in the space of three days my body suddenly decides to register the gazillion calories that I've been inhaling? And let it be known the most amazing brownies in the world courtesy of Peridot's recipe certainly formed a large percentage of those calories.
Had today not been the 1st of March and had my darling mater not
However, I'm pleased to report that I am back on the straight and narrow and I weighed in this morning. Dear god, it was not pretty. It's the worst it's been for quite some time. I'm not ready to reveal the numbers today. I just want to get a few pounds off and then I'll be back to sharing it all. I'm going to give slimming world a bash again. I didn't seem to have a whole lot of success last time round but that was really only a couple of weeks that I gave it.
This evening I made a huge pot of chicken and sweet potato soup and planned my meals for the rest of the week.So that's the food. What about the exercise... I feel so yuck and wobbly that the thought squeezing into my gym kit is not an appealing one. I'm going to force myself to do 30 minutes tomorrow and something else on Thursday - maybe a bike ride if the weather is dry.
On Friday I'm off to see TB until Monday morning (something I need think about dealing with) and I'm going to suggest to him we play badminton on Friday avo.
So that's the plan. Just got to put it into action. Onwards!
Monday, 28 February 2011
Mad March Mayhem
That's what happens tomorrow.
It all kicks off. 1 month of digging deep and showing some commitment.
There is still plenty of time to really make a difference in how I look and feel before the Spring truly arrives.
Here we go.
Onwards and downwards.
It all kicks off. 1 month of digging deep and showing some commitment.
There is still plenty of time to really make a difference in how I look and feel before the Spring truly arrives.
Here we go.
Onwards and downwards.
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Bad press
Oi Oi me lovelies. Somehow time has whizzed past and it's a week since I updated. Bloomin' eck.
Thanks so much for your comments on the last post. I appreciated them all; some great advice in there.
Poor TB - he got a bit of a hard time when I was whining on about him not saying enough nice things and he doesn't really deserve it. He's amazing and I love him so much. We had a great weekend together and not only does he tell me how much he loves me and spoils me with affection (in all departments!) but he treats me by paying for things and he also did a load of jobs that needed doing around my flat. The coat hooks are on straight, the clock works again and the heavy stuff has been put in the basement. All without asking! We're planning our holiday in August quite the thing and so it looks like we're going to make it to the year milestone - pop bang wheeeee! Sorry, that was the fireworks going off.
My mum asked the other day if, apart from The Highlander, if there had been anyone around for longer than six months. Umm... well only Kerrang, my boyfriend when I was 16 (who lives in the same city as me and ignores me if we ever pass each other in the street! In fact I saw him the other week when I cycled past him. I said "Hello Kerrang". Before he had a chance to think about what he was doing he replied back "Hello Love Cat" but his face was like thunder! He always blanks me.What a dick. This is the boy who I slept with for the first time and then he cheated on me! Sorry - totally off at a tangent there). So it looks like I'm about to buck the trend (touch wood).
This weekend I'm away with a group of friends, one of whom is Dougie Howser MD. Remember him? The guy in a long term relationship whom I messed about with on several occasions? Yes, I know- not cool. There is no denying the fact that I do fancy him on some level but I now feel some sort of zen about the whole thing. I actually feel sorry for him. He is getting married soon and I truly wonder if he will ever get it together. Is he always going to cheat? I don't ever want to do that to TB. No-one deserves that. I know that some people know about MD and I. I hate that. I hate being (one of) the person that he cheated with. I want people to know I'm serious about TB and I'm not just with him for the fun of it.
Thanks so much for your comments on the last post. I appreciated them all; some great advice in there.
Poor TB - he got a bit of a hard time when I was whining on about him not saying enough nice things and he doesn't really deserve it. He's amazing and I love him so much. We had a great weekend together and not only does he tell me how much he loves me and spoils me with affection (in all departments!) but he treats me by paying for things and he also did a load of jobs that needed doing around my flat. The coat hooks are on straight, the clock works again and the heavy stuff has been put in the basement. All without asking! We're planning our holiday in August quite the thing and so it looks like we're going to make it to the year milestone - pop bang wheeeee! Sorry, that was the fireworks going off.
My mum asked the other day if, apart from The Highlander, if there had been anyone around for longer than six months. Umm... well only Kerrang, my boyfriend when I was 16 (who lives in the same city as me and ignores me if we ever pass each other in the street! In fact I saw him the other week when I cycled past him. I said "Hello Kerrang". Before he had a chance to think about what he was doing he replied back "Hello Love Cat" but his face was like thunder! He always blanks me.What a dick. This is the boy who I slept with for the first time and then he cheated on me! Sorry - totally off at a tangent there). So it looks like I'm about to buck the trend (touch wood).
This weekend I'm away with a group of friends, one of whom is Dougie Howser MD. Remember him? The guy in a long term relationship whom I messed about with on several occasions? Yes, I know- not cool. There is no denying the fact that I do fancy him on some level but I now feel some sort of zen about the whole thing. I actually feel sorry for him. He is getting married soon and I truly wonder if he will ever get it together. Is he always going to cheat? I don't ever want to do that to TB. No-one deserves that. I know that some people know about MD and I. I hate that. I hate being (one of) the person that he cheated with. I want people to know I'm serious about TB and I'm not just with him for the fun of it.
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Let it all out
This is a pretty big update so grab a cuppa and get comfy - I certainly did in order to write this beast (leopard print slanket, I salute you).
Let's tackle the 'biggest' issue of them all. Oh goodie!
Weigh In.
Disappointing. The whole thing is disappointing and I feel pretty uninterested about it all. Last week I lost a whole 0.75 of a pound. Big Wow. I know it was only six days, not a full week, and one of those was a little dodgy as I had afternoon tea but I worked out on four of the days. 4! And I worked hard. I was really hoping for more but I didn't have time to mope over the numbers as I had to rush off to jump on the train to London. I was away for a long weekend with some girlfriends - again another bloomin hurdle.
I arrived in London town, having eaten just sushi and grapes on the 7 and a half hour train journey (serious delays; thank god for series 3 of mad men was downloaded on my laptop). I eventually got to my friend's place and had a small portion of pasta in a tomato sauce. We went out for a few drinks and then off to bed. Nothing remarkable there but what happened the next day was. We had brekkie at home (grapefruit and toast & banana) and then went off to a wander and then to Borough Market. This place is choc a block with stalls selling all manner of amazing food, cakes, sweets and treats. I had a seafood wrap. The rest of the girls had cake, fudge and baklava. I had a coffee. I know. I know!
The rest of the weekend followed suit. Biscuits were passed around. I declined. Chocolates were eaten. Not for me. I would have loved to have indulged but for some reason I wasn't actually that bothered. So I chose not too. How odd and most unlike me. We ate out every night and I'm sure that food wasn't so healthy but I chose sensibly and as no-one ever had a pudding, I wasn't put in the position of having to turn one down.
Well done me! On Monday I got home. I felt just as fat as always. What's the point I thought and I picked and ate things I shouldn't have over the next three days. I also sat on my back side and didn't work out once.
I weighed in this morning and I lost half a pound. Hmmm. What is wrong with my brain? I could have kept on track these past three days and probably lost more! What a complete eejit. Overall this year I've lost 3 and a half pound. Jeezo woman, that's pathetic. I should be losing that in a week. I know the overall trend is downwards and yes, that is good, but gaaaaaaaa! I want results! A week of exercising and being on plan and solid loss of a couple of pounds is all I want. Of course, eating a bag of mini eggs and a load of caramel shortbread (as I have just done) isn't going to help, now is it?
Starting Weight: 200.5 pounds
Current Weight: 197 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 3.5 pounds
I'm only going to blether on about one other topic just now as you'll be sending up the zzzz's by the end of this post, if not sooner.
Boys, boys, boys
Well, to be more specific - one boy; TB. We've now been together almost six months. Stop the press! I'm not surprised as it feels really right but part of me is a bit shocked that we've made it this far. And I do think we'll make it even further. We're talking about going on holiday in May and August and even something about December was uttered from his lips the other night!
So while it's all good I've realised that I need a lot more reassurance than I thought I did, as at times I can feel the insecurity monster taking over. It takes me a while to show my softer side but once it's out there is no stopping it. I am forever sending him 'nice' texts, kisses late at night or first thing in the morning just as I know he is waking up. He's not so good at it. When we're face to face he is lovely but I think he's kind of gone into boyfriend cruise control mode when we're apart - which when it's sometimes two weeks at a time, isn't good. Wait, I feel bad saying that. He is great.
We speak on the phone every day and always just before going to sleep. He always remembers things he wants to tell me and tells me all about his job and remembers everything I tell him (well, almost everything). So he's pretty damn good. He's even taking Monday off work so we can spend more time together this weekend. What a boy, but sometimes I feel that I'm sending a lot of niceness and thinking of you-ness and in return, I'm not getting a lot back.
I pulled him up about is and he replied with a text saying 'I refer you to 2.34am on February 9th.' Yeah, he said something vaguely nice almost 2 weeks ago. I replied with 'exactly'. He responded with something rubbish which I promptly ignored. Half an hour later he called. I knew he would be expecting me to be huffy and so I was anything but. Chatty and chirpy - just told him I was stating the facts.
I think I need to cut him a break though. He is lovely and considerate. I am need far more reassurance than I ever thought I did, or ever have wanted from anyone else. Interesting...
Let's tackle the 'biggest' issue of them all. Oh goodie!
Weigh In.
Disappointing. The whole thing is disappointing and I feel pretty uninterested about it all. Last week I lost a whole 0.75 of a pound. Big Wow. I know it was only six days, not a full week, and one of those was a little dodgy as I had afternoon tea but I worked out on four of the days. 4! And I worked hard. I was really hoping for more but I didn't have time to mope over the numbers as I had to rush off to jump on the train to London. I was away for a long weekend with some girlfriends - again another bloomin hurdle.
I arrived in London town, having eaten just sushi and grapes on the 7 and a half hour train journey (serious delays; thank god for series 3 of mad men was downloaded on my laptop). I eventually got to my friend's place and had a small portion of pasta in a tomato sauce. We went out for a few drinks and then off to bed. Nothing remarkable there but what happened the next day was. We had brekkie at home (grapefruit and toast & banana) and then went off to a wander and then to Borough Market. This place is choc a block with stalls selling all manner of amazing food, cakes, sweets and treats. I had a seafood wrap. The rest of the girls had cake, fudge and baklava. I had a coffee. I know. I know!
The rest of the weekend followed suit. Biscuits were passed around. I declined. Chocolates were eaten. Not for me. I would have loved to have indulged but for some reason I wasn't actually that bothered. So I chose not too. How odd and most unlike me. We ate out every night and I'm sure that food wasn't so healthy but I chose sensibly and as no-one ever had a pudding, I wasn't put in the position of having to turn one down.
Well done me! On Monday I got home. I felt just as fat as always. What's the point I thought and I picked and ate things I shouldn't have over the next three days. I also sat on my back side and didn't work out once.
I weighed in this morning and I lost half a pound. Hmmm. What is wrong with my brain? I could have kept on track these past three days and probably lost more! What a complete eejit. Overall this year I've lost 3 and a half pound. Jeezo woman, that's pathetic. I should be losing that in a week. I know the overall trend is downwards and yes, that is good, but gaaaaaaaa! I want results! A week of exercising and being on plan and solid loss of a couple of pounds is all I want. Of course, eating a bag of mini eggs and a load of caramel shortbread (as I have just done) isn't going to help, now is it?
Starting Weight: 200.5 pounds
Current Weight: 197 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 3.5 pounds
I'm only going to blether on about one other topic just now as you'll be sending up the zzzz's by the end of this post, if not sooner.
Boys, boys, boys
Well, to be more specific - one boy; TB. We've now been together almost six months. Stop the press! I'm not surprised as it feels really right but part of me is a bit shocked that we've made it this far. And I do think we'll make it even further. We're talking about going on holiday in May and August and even something about December was uttered from his lips the other night!
So while it's all good I've realised that I need a lot more reassurance than I thought I did, as at times I can feel the insecurity monster taking over. It takes me a while to show my softer side but once it's out there is no stopping it. I am forever sending him 'nice' texts, kisses late at night or first thing in the morning just as I know he is waking up. He's not so good at it. When we're face to face he is lovely but I think he's kind of gone into boyfriend cruise control mode when we're apart - which when it's sometimes two weeks at a time, isn't good. Wait, I feel bad saying that. He is great.
We speak on the phone every day and always just before going to sleep. He always remembers things he wants to tell me and tells me all about his job and remembers everything I tell him (well, almost everything). So he's pretty damn good. He's even taking Monday off work so we can spend more time together this weekend. What a boy, but sometimes I feel that I'm sending a lot of niceness and thinking of you-ness and in return, I'm not getting a lot back.
I pulled him up about is and he replied with a text saying 'I refer you to 2.34am on February 9th.' Yeah, he said something vaguely nice almost 2 weeks ago. I replied with 'exactly'. He responded with something rubbish which I promptly ignored. Half an hour later he called. I knew he would be expecting me to be huffy and so I was anything but. Chatty and chirpy - just told him I was stating the facts.
I think I need to cut him a break though. He is lovely and considerate. I am need far more reassurance than I ever thought I did, or ever have wanted from anyone else. Interesting...
Missing in Action
I've started a post, a mammoth post, that I just can't quite seem to finish it as other stuff keeps happening!
I've got loads to get off my chest and it's way too much for one post but I need to start somewhere. I will do my darndest to get round to it tonight. In the meantime, couple of pics from my weekend away. They need no explanation.
I've got loads to get off my chest and it's way too much for one post but I need to start somewhere. I will do my darndest to get round to it tonight. In the meantime, couple of pics from my weekend away. They need no explanation.
Monday, 7 February 2011
One year on...
This time last year life was so very different and I was in a completely different place. I was still coming to terms that there was no life left in whatever it was that had been going on for 18 months with Skip and I. ‘Fight Night’, the night when it all came to a head and Skip admitted he was still in love with his ex of ten years ago; an ex that is part of the same group of friends, was still to come.
How everyone’s lives have changed since then. I ricochet into a whirl wind romance with Moonraker and was swept of my feet. While the relationship ended in heartbreak – my heartbreak, the whole thing was perhaps what I needed. Someone to make me realise that I deserved more and that I was worth more than being a just a bit of fun, or a make do option. And look where it led me... to Toy Boy. I’m the one, that after all the heartache and turmoil, the headaches and the time wasting has found someone who I truly feel that I can be myself with.
But it looks like I might not be the only one....
Whaddya know, Skip and his ex are back together. I had inkling at the time, when confessed/hit me with how he felt, that it might be on the cards, one day. One day – not a few months later.
In the main I am fine about it. The group dynamic has changed totally. Kenny has moved to London and most of my free time is spent seeing my other mates and of course, TB. In fact, I’m happy for them and I hope it works out. She has a wee girl and they might end up being their own family. Who knows?
What I am struggling a bit with is the fact that they both know I felt. I confided in her at times and she was only too well aware of how I felt and the quandary I had when it came to saying no to him. He knew how I felt. Of course he did. While I’m sure they’re not going to spend any time at all discussing what went on between him and I, I do feel a bit exposed. They’ve both seen a side of me that is very private; a side that nobody would readily reveal. They kept their relationship under wraps to start with but now it's out in the open – facebook a go go. I’ve not seen them since this happened and I’m not about to schedule a catch up with them anytime soon. I am okay about it but it’s just something I need to get my head around slowly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)