I should have weighed myself this morning. This did not happen. What did happen was that last night I made a huge batch of Florentines - and ate the lot.
If you aren't sure what Florentines are (and maybe ignorance is the best!) they are biscuits made out of a load of butter and brown sugar, even more condensed milk, dried fruit and coconut. Although I swapped the dried fruit for some chocolate lumps. Just cause they weren't unhealthy enough as it was.
What was I thinking?! I have no idea. I knew I was on the verge of eating something I shouldn't. But to make a whole batch of biscuits is just insane. I felt horrendous before I'd even finished them - but of course I did. I plodded on stuffing the buttery, sweet biscuits right into my piggy face. Even when I felt sick, bloated and my head was spinning from all the sugar, I kept up that hand to mouth action. Where did this behaviour come from? I would have never done that last year. What has happened?! I've become... A MONSTER! Okay, just a few jokes there to mask the sad reality.
Looking at yesterday, specifically, my negative feelings about weigh in thanks to picking at things I shouldn't have and drinking a whole bottle of rose wine on Sunday evening, got the better of me. My thought process (before I quashed it with baking and eating) was that I was going to see a gain on the scales this morning... so what the hell - let's eat! Idiot. It all started with the frozen banana parfait I made for Saturday night. There was some leftover and I picked and picked at it until it was all gone. Next up - let's fire up the oven! Quite the chubby leap.
So this morning instead of weighing in, I got up and went to the gym. Started again. Again... again... again. So what does this mean for weigh in. I could just leave it until next week but I think that presents far too many opportunities for me to think I can 'get away' with bad behaviour. I'm weighing in tomorrow. I'm not going to like it. I shall probably stamp and cry and huff for fair bit. And then... I'll get over it- and the cycle continues.
I'm on a lifelong mission to ditch the lard. Stones away from my heaviest, I'm closing in on my pre-pregnancy weight. Next up, my wedding weight! Onwards!
I know sometimes you just want to give yourself an uppercut! I think we can all do this sort of crazy thing - its one of the reasons why we've got the excess weight in the first place. But the huge difference for you now is that while you still did it you have nonetheless acknowledged it and put it out there for consideration, ridicule and general castigation. A step at a time little one. You are getting there (and you're looking so good ) xxx
ReplyDeleteHey LC. I know...why do we do it?? I have, thankfully not for a long time now, made a whole batch of toffee (which I whip so that it sets like a crystalline fudge or tablet - divine!) and eaten the lot over a day or 2. Madness. But even now, when I have managed to put it this behind me, I sstill toy with the idea from time to time. I know that I'm still only weak moment away from getting the sugar and butter out of the cupboard.
ReplyDeleteAll you can do is learn from it. Try and fix this feeling in your mind and retrieve it occasionally so that, when you're next tempted by the demon florentines (they are good - my nana used to make them....mmmm dark chocolate bottoms....erm, sorry, probably not a helpful diversion there...) you can tap into what you have learned.
By the way - you are looking foxy in the pics with the matalan jeans!!
Lesley xx