Weigh in

I am well overdue with a report on the numbers and actually have two weeks worth.

There is good news and there is bad news.

The good is that a week ago I lost 2lbs taking me to 13stone 3.5lbs. Horay! The bad is that today I gained 0.75lbs. Booo.

The scales were actually being very temperamental this morning and 13stone 4.25lbs seemed to be a good assessment of where I am at. I'm not actually surprised I saw a gain. I was away for a girl's weekend and despite the avoidance of a cooked breakfast and other bread related products, there were far too many treats (including the most incredible macarons I have ever tasted and a seven layer dip) and enough booze to sink a ship. I have also done jack all when it comes to exercise.

So where does this leave me? Still in a pretty good position. If I can get my head in the game and get on a pound a week loss trajectory I'd be just 4lbs away from FF. That's not gonna just happen as if by magic though. I need some structure. I need to know what I am doing/eating and when I'm doing it. I need a schedule, damn it!

Here is the plan for the next week.

Thursday: Gym after work (possibly spinning if I can get into the class)
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: Run (around 6km)
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: Nothing

Hmmm, now that I type that out I realise there is a whole lotta nothing going on there. We're spending the weekend with TB's parents which kinda takes up most of it and sneaking out for a run is the most I can do. I've now got something on every Monday night so there's no way around that and I'm away with work on Tuesday night. I could possibly talk TB into badminton on Sunday afternoon though.

In terms of food, the weekend at TB's parents will be tricky. Especially as they love to ply us with booze. I think I might just tell TB's mum I'm on a diet. That's one way around bacon rolls for brekkie and stodgy puddings.

Tonight it's butternut squash risotto, healthy style for tea.

Weight Loss Last Week: 2lbs
Weight Loss This Week: + 0.5 pounds
Current Weight: 186.25 pounds

 

• Gratuitous cute cat shot
• The seven layer dip.

Weirdo stalker ex

You are not going to believe this.  My ex, the one who read my old blog when I specifically asked him not to do it, the one that I ended up shutting down the old blog over – has found this one. He’s actively gone looking for it. He’s sought it out and read, I can only assume, every single post.

 I am incredulous and for a few days I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I  locked the blog down while I mulled it over. I was just going to ignore it. To waste any effort at all on someone who clearly has serious issues and is being a total weirdo seems pointless but I am angry, actually I’m furious and I need express my feelings and how completely out of order and just… mental I think he is being. As the blog was a big issue between us and still seems to be an issue despite the fact we split up over two years ago – blogging about it seems a fitting retort.

I don’t actually know why I am writing ‘he’. I really should just direct this post at him and write ‘you’ because of course, he will be (you are) reading it.

This is old news to those of you that manage to follow me from my old blog, but here is the background…. Before the wonderful TB came into my life I was going out with said online Stalker, only at the time I had no idea he would turn out to be so fucking weird. One day he saw my blog on my laptop and I felt that I couldn’t leave it up as I suspected he would read it and because a lot of it was about dating and quite frankly, there was quite a lot of detail, that he didn’t need to know about.

 I promptly started a new blog and as he was uneasy about me saying anything about him in the blog I promised him I wouldn't talk about him. It’s hard to censor that much though and so I did end up mentioning him. No real details - just about how I felt about him and how great he was (Pah!).  

 It turns out Stalker is Mr Insecure/Nosy and he couldn't help himself. He had to go looking and he found the blog. He told me because he was so pissed off I had written about him and we ended up having a blazing row - which was the beginning of the end. I was so angry with him. The one thing I asked him not to do was to go looking for it - and he did just that.

 Let's fast forward,  we break up and soon after I start going out with TB and life is hunky dory.  TB knows about the whole blogging thing (and indeed this whole sad situation ) and he encouraged me to start it back up again. I do. Lovely, I blog away and all is tickety boo. Then last week yesterday I emailed stalker something I thought he might be interested in as we’ve kept in touch and very occasionally tweet or email. A few hours later he replies with just one line - not a hello, just one line which is a quote - from a post on this blog a few months ago.

 This one line is me talking about a time period when Stalker and I were together and I mention I had slept with someone else. So he knows I cheated on him. Oh. Cheating is most certainly not okay. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. The end was plainly in sight for our relationship. Stalker was barely speaking to me and I knew we were ending. I was going away for two weeks and upon arriving at my destination I was greeted by a friend. They showed me attention, they care about me,  they wanted to sleep with me! I was in the middle of getting my heart broken for the second time in six months – I was falling apart and someone was there to make me feel loved, wanted and appreciated.  Stalker then dumped me a week later while I was still away from home.  None of that makes what I did okay – but those are the facts.

So, Stalker who has a fiancé and a baby with her, has gone searching for the blog of a girl that he went out with for four months.  WHAT THE FUCK?! How disrespectful to his fiancé! If I knew that TB was online stalking his ex bird I would be so upset.

What is he hoping for/playing at? Why did he bother looking for it?! What does he care about my life anymore? Why is he not busy getting on with his own? Most of this blog is just me bleating on about gaining and losing the same half stone over and over again but because I have written about other personal things, some of which I wouldn’t discuss with anyone in real life  - he’s had an insight into my thoughts, that he has no place knowing. I made the blog private immediately. This will be the third blog I have had to shut down because of him. This is my hobby, something I love doing –and he’s pissing all over it – AGAIN!

As soon as I saw his email I phoned him but it just rang out to answerphone. I didn’t leave a message  and he’s never called me back. Mature, really mature. Send a one line email but refuse to speak to me. And when was he going to let on that he’d found it? How long has he been stewing over that one tit-bit? If I hadn’t emailed him I still wouldn’t know and he'd still be reading away, lurking. It’s just weird.  I think it’s safe to say he has A LOT of issues. He even admitted to me once that he let insecurities from previous relationships ruin ours. But we’re over two years later – move on!

The upshot is that I’m not going to shut the blog down. This is my blog and it’s business as usual.

How to weekend with the folks

 

It's been a bloody lovely weekend. My mum and dad came to visit and not only did we have a delicious, healthy (so says me!) meal at my place on Friday night of Spicy Beef Stew but on Saturday we visited a Castle and had a walk around the grounds (and up the turret) and then went to a Transport Museum. We had a meal out a lovely hotel on Saturday night with them and then on Sunday morning I got my car boot on - coming away with 7 gorgeous purple glasses for 50p, a Charles and Di biscuit tin, a necklace for £2 and the most hideous/delicious bag for £1. Bargain!

I then stole a lift back to the hometown with my parents as I had the dentist yesterday morning. Goodbye, last of my wisdom teeth (face is rather tender today). I also managed to pop round to my Granny's for a quick hello. It was nice to be trotting about the streets of my childhood. The picture above is the road leading to the street I grew up on. I walked this road, up and down, every day I went to school - both primary and secondary. Ah, the memories.

 

 

 

Over the weekend I have to say the diet was pretty damn good. Friday night I had a glass of wine and a couple of slimline G&Ts  - and a handful of crisps, after the healthy meal above. Saturday, I stuck to soup and then chicken with veg when out for my meal. I only had a few rums and diet coke and no pudding. Sunday was another great day. Perhaps I shouldn't have had the peanut butter on my toast and banana - but all in, an excellent day.

 

I veered off track a little last night.  I picked at mini chocolate pumpkins and a few minstrels and looking back they probably added up to a packet's worth. I also had a right good few bites of a donner kebab (don't ask).

 

Today has been excellent and I just need to keep that going tonight to give me a fighting chance for a loss tomorrow morning. Exercise has been very poor over the past week. Apart from generally being on my feet and walking a lot over the weekend - I have done sweet FA. Sometimes life gets in the way and there's not a lot you can do about it. I'm going out for a run tonight. Seems a bit last ditch but something is better than nothing.

Pulling it back

Right - I've got 5 days to nail it.  The last two - haven't exactly been on the money.

Baking club... As planned I didn't have dinner. I saved myself for cake - and then I went a bit nuts. I ate a LOT of cake (the mint chocolate meringues were a personal favourite.) By the time I got home I felt so whacked out on sugar I had a cheese sandwich to try and offset saccharine state I was in.

Last night, before the work meal out, I snuck a few mouthfuls of cake when I dived home to change. And they weren't even that good! With the meal I probably had about 3 large glasses of wine. Starter was just prawns (excellent) and for main I had steak. Annoyingly though, it came with chips. Delicious chips- which I ate every single one of. At least they were big chunky ones. Yes, I am clutching at straws.

For dessert, I stuck to the game plan and just had a coffee. At least I could polish my halo for that one good choice. Oh no, wait - there was an extra bit of banoffee pie ordered. What shall we do with it? Yes, dear readers - I ate half of it. Arses. Big fat arses.

So it's not really panning out the way I planned it. Not at all! However, the cavalry is on it's way! My mum and dad are visiting this weekend and under her watchful gaze there will be NO deviation. I am going to have 5 spectacular days and on Wednesday, I will have lost weight. I'm not sure how much, but I will have lost.

Weigh in

Baking and dieting. I just cannot do them both.

Last night it was time to bust out the brownies as I've got baking club tonight. By the time the raw mix was in the oven I had eaten half a crunchie and licked a bowl.

Before they were decorated (for Halloween) I had eaten more than one (or maybe 4 -  or more!) portions - it's hard to quantify when you are just merrily chomping away. A major factor in this incident is that the top shelf of my oven is FAR hotter than the middle shelf and one of my trays of brownie were seriously overcooked and getting them out the tin results in lots of broken and lose bits - that somehow fell into my mouth. And all less than 10 hours before weigh in. Smart. Move.

However, weigh in still took place this morning and I still managed to lose something. 3.5lbs - sliding me down to 13 stone 5.5lbs, which I am pretty chuffed about Well, I would have liked if it had been 4lbs. Oh wait - did I not just say yesterday that if it was a 1/4 of a pound then at least it was going down? Yes. Yes I did so I just to take the 3.5lb loss and shut up.

So what does this mean for my pre-Christmas podge plotting. Good things! A pound a week would take me to 12 stone 10.5 and a pound and a half a week would take me to 12 stone 8.25. I'd be happy with either of those numbers. However, I want to romp on as quickly as possible and I'm aiming for 2lbs next week. Gotta name it to claim it.

The only problem is - I'm pretty damn busy over the next week. I don't want problems though, I want solutions - and here seven days worth:

Wednesday: Half hour walk at lunchtime. Baking Club. No dinner, instead cake is my meal.
Thursday: Half hour walk at lunchtime. Client dinner. Soup for starter, fish for main. No pudding.
Friday: Half hour walk at lunchtime. Parent's for dinner at mine. Healthy meal planned
Saturday: Hanging with the folks (i.e. Boot Camp Mother) so will not be allowed to deviate
Sunday: 6km run
Monday: Day of gadding around the country for meetings. Packed lunch and fruit snacks.
Tuesday: 1 hour of Badminton singles.

Onwards!

Mathematical Fat

Week one - back on the dieting horse and it's been... okay.

Tuesday  to Friday were actually pretty plain sailing. I planned my meals and I stuck to them. I'd say I operated at probably 95% percent perfection. I also went out for the two runs which I mentioned in earlier posts.  Then, the weekend arrived. Damn you, weekend and your lack of structure.

On Friday night there was SO much booze. The only positive from that was that I stuck to diet coke and spirits (even though they were far more pricey). My resolve weakened, I also ate 1/2 a cupcake and a slice of pizza.

This wasn't too disasterous but the hangover and the general laid back vibe of the weekend also saw me induldge in pizza, a choc ice, couple handfuls of chocolate sweeties, bread with dinner, marshmallows, white bread with breakfast and lunch on Sunday and quite a few biscuits I baked from my left over biscuit dough- with icing on top.

 

This is not acceptable. I won't lose weight carrying on like this. On Sunday I threw on an old pair of jeans and not only was the belt on the next notch up but it was cutting me in two! I had convinced myself I wasn't really that far from where I needed to be but the reality is that I've got some hard work to do and I'm not just a couple of pounds away from where I should be (at my highest).

So, I'm annoyed. And this is compounded by the fact that despite going out for three runs this week (I did 5.3km last night), power walking for 20 minutes a day and being on plan the majority of the time I feel just as blobby and wobbly as I did when I got back from hols. Annoyed.

But, I'm an optimistic one and opportunities are there for the taking. Challenges are there to be beaten and lard is there to be busted.

There is no way I can't have lost something. Even if it's a quarter of a pound it's going down. I've also just done something which I've not done in a long time as usually this kind of behaviour sets you up for a fall. I've just counted the weeks to Christmas and worked out how much weight I 'could' lose.

I know this is dangerous ground but I feel motivated by it and I am trying to be realistic and if that's what it takes... I have nine more weigh ins before Christmas. Based on the weight I was a week ago a pound a week would take me to 13stone 3/4 of a pound. If I lose 3/4 of a pound tomorrow then I'll  would be back in the 12s. It's not where I want to be. I want to be 12stone 7lbs but it's in the vicinity. It's getting there.

If I lost 1.25lbs a week then I would be 12stone 11 and 3/4 of a pound. This is just 4lbs off my lighest. Spitting distance!

Okay - that's it. No more dicking around. 1.25 average a week is totally do-able as long as I put in the effort, stay mindful and stay determined. Game ON.

 

A beautiful Scottish blue sky

Pears on our tree

My biscuit tombstones - reading for icing and sticking to the graves

Weekend plotting

Top tip to make sure you do enough exercise when you workout... forget to take your front door key with you when you go out for a run so you have to  run around the block to keep warm until your boyfriend gets home - 25 minutes later.

It's actually just as well as I'd only covered 4.52km when I got home so a few minutes later once I'd done a quick circuit of the park  - I'd definitely covered 5k.  I also threw in some lunges, squats, chest presses and sit ups. I was bloody freezing by the time TB came home though and it was pitch black.

The run itself was quite slow. My legs were really heavy and I walked for a couple of 30 second blasts. Still - my pace isn't too bad and at the moment it's more about getting out there and moving.

It was another successful day all round yesterday. Porridge for breakfast, low fat ready meal for lunch (not my usual at all but it was one of those days) and spicy sausage and bean casserole with cous cous for tea. I gave most of the sausage to TB and so mine was mostly bean and veggie casserole. It was one of my freezer meals made about a month ago - queue smug domestic face.

This weekend we've got quite a quiet one planned- yippee! There are still some dangers lurking though.

Tonight I am out with the girls. We're going to an organised girls night out which seems to involve Butlers in the Buff and all manner of other cringeworthy things. I may need serious amounts of booze to get through it. As long as I can stay off the wine and on spirit and diet mixers - that's okay. I'll have tea at home before so at least that's one saving grace.

Did I mention I'd joined a baking club? There is pic below of some of the bakes - and mine in progress. It was a passion cake which was bloody delicious, even if I do say so myself. It's our second meeting on Wednesday and I need to practise part of my Halloween creation; some thin biscuits. The danger of popping the odd corner once they are bakes into my gob is ever present. I need to make specific shapes with them and so there is probably going to be a lot of breakage. Oh my. I need to be mindful and remember two things... 1. I can enjoy baking without eating like a mentalist and 2. The sneaky mouthfuls of biscuits add up. I will enjoy a couple of tastes of various cakes on Wednesday and so I just need to hold off until then. The other part of my bake is Peridot's insane brownie recipe. More on what I'm doing with it next week.

Other than that - my weekend is relatively plain sailing. I HAVE to watch the last two episodes of Great British Bakeoff so I can watch the final on Tuesday. TB and I have also agreed we fancy a really nice steak for dinner at the weekend. Already drooling over the thought. Well, to be honest at the moment I'm drooling over the thought of a lint ridden polo found at the bottom of my handbag. Yup, still hungry!

Here's a couple of pics that I've snapped recently.

 

 

Baking Club
Autumn Sky
London Wedding Reception Shenanigans
TB getting pummelled in the hydro pool on holiday

Hunger strikes

So we're in day three of ZT. And when I say we, I mean me.

And it's going pretty well. Meals are planned, snacks are prepped and I can safely say I am pretty happy with my performance.

There is no denying I am struggling with feeling hungry but if I can just get through this week I know that will subside. I just have to ride it out as best I can. It's 4.30pm, I've just had a yogurt and a nectarine and I am still struggling. Oh well. As my mum said to me in a text "Hungry schmungry. Too Bad!"

On Tuesday I went for a run and knocked out 4.25km in 29 minutes which I pretty pleased with. Especially since I had to walk for 100 metres or so due to a late dinner/not enough digestion time situation.

I was wiped last night and so after the creation of a healthy fish pie, cleaning the cat flap (to try and remove the scent of a bully cat - don't even start me on that topic) and cleaning the kitchen it was time for some serious bum on couch time. However, tonight there is a 5k with my name on it.

I would actually like to be playing badminton but the place I could play is miles away and by the time I got there it wouldn't be worth my while. So running it is - for now.

Zero Tolerance

Holy Crap.

The holiday is well and truly over. Get this... 13 stone 9lbs. Sweet Jesus. Sweet Jesus chowing down on cake. To bring that into perspective - I was a stone lighter than this but two months ago. That's right people - seven pounds a month.

That takes work. Hard work. You really have to eat like a bastard to gain like that. Oh lady....

But - it's done. That is the situation and bemoaning my lack of will power to hold things together in the weeks preceding my hols ain't gonna change anything.

I feel pretty grim, I've not a jot to wear as the flab does not fit into any of my clothes. Christmas is looming and so there is no other option than clamp-down and not just any clamp-down. This, my friends is Zero Tolerance (ZT). 

We're on day two. I'm ready to take this to day three. Bring it!