I am incredulous and for a few days I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I locked the blog down while I mulled it over. I was just going to ignore it. To waste any effort at all on someone who clearly has serious issues and is being a total weirdo seems pointless but I am angry, actually I’m furious and I need express my feelings and how completely out of order and just… mental I think he is being. As the blog was a big issue between us and still seems to be an issue despite the fact we split up over two years ago – blogging about it seems a fitting retort.
I don’t actually know why I am writing ‘he’. I really should just direct this post at him and write ‘you’ because of course, he will be (you are) reading it.
This is old news to those of you that manage to follow me from my old blog, but here is the background…. Before the wonderful TB came into my life I was going out with said online Stalker, only at the time I had no idea he would turn out to be so fucking weird. One day he saw my blog on my laptop and I felt that I couldn’t leave it up as I suspected he would read it and because a lot of it was about dating and quite frankly, there was quite a lot of detail, that he didn’t need to know about.
I promptly started a new blog and as he was uneasy about me saying anything about him in the blog I promised him I wouldn't talk about him. It’s hard to censor that much though and so I did end up mentioning him. No real details - just about how I felt about him and how great he was (Pah!).
It turns out Stalker is Mr Insecure/Nosy and he couldn't help himself. He had to go looking and he found the blog. He told me because he was so pissed off I had written about him and we ended up having a blazing row - which was the beginning of the end. I was so angry with him. The one thing I asked him not to do was to go looking for it - and he did just that.
Let's fast forward, we break up and soon after I start going out with TB and life is hunky dory. TB knows about the whole blogging thing (and indeed this whole sad situation ) and he encouraged me to start it back up again. I do. Lovely, I blog away and all is tickety boo. Then last week yesterday I emailed stalker something I thought he might be interested in as we’ve kept in touch and very occasionally tweet or email. A few hours later he replies with just one line - not a hello, just one line which is a quote - from a post on this blog a few months ago.
This one line is me talking about a time period when Stalker and I were together and I mention I had slept with someone else. So he knows I cheated on him. Oh. Cheating is most certainly not okay. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. The end was plainly in sight for our relationship. Stalker was barely speaking to me and I knew we were ending. I was going away for two weeks and upon arriving at my destination I was greeted by a friend. They showed me attention, they care about me, they wanted to sleep with me! I was in the middle of getting my heart broken for the second time in six months – I was falling apart and someone was there to make me feel loved, wanted and appreciated. Stalker then dumped me a week later while I was still away from home. None of that makes what I did okay – but those are the facts.
So, Stalker who has a fiancé and a baby with her, has gone searching for the blog of a girl that he went out with for four months. WHAT THE FUCK?! How disrespectful to his fiancé! If I knew that TB was online stalking his ex bird I would be so upset.
What is he hoping for/playing at? Why did he bother looking for it?! What does he care about my life anymore? Why is he not busy getting on with his own? Most of this blog is just me bleating on about gaining and losing the same half stone over and over again but because I have written about other personal things, some of which I wouldn’t discuss with anyone in real life - he’s had an insight into my thoughts, that he has no place knowing. I made the blog private immediately. This will be the third blog I have had to shut down because of him. This is my hobby, something I love doing –and he’s pissing all over it – AGAIN!
As soon as I saw his email I phoned him but it just rang out to answerphone. I didn’t leave a message and he’s never called me back. Mature, really mature. Send a one line email but refuse to speak to me. And when was he going to let on that he’d found it? How long has he been stewing over that one tit-bit? If I hadn’t emailed him I still wouldn’t know and he'd still be reading away, lurking. It’s just weird. I think it’s safe to say he has A LOT of issues. He even admitted to me once that he let insecurities from previous relationships ruin ours. But we’re over two years later – move on!
The upshot is that I’m not going to shut the blog down. This is my blog and it’s business as usual.