Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Wedding planning perils

I always knew that TB and I would have a short engagement. We want to be married so why wait. 'Let's get this show on the road', has been my engagement catchphrase. And indeed the show is well and truly roadworthy.

I have to confess though, it's not all been hearts and flowers. I honestly envisaged me making decisions and everyone else agreeing with me. I had a fair idea of what I wanted for us and really did think that with every thing I decided upon, people (TB and my family and friends) would be nodding enthusiastically in agreement. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

So TB popped the question and I was cock-a-hoop. Still am! I then proceeded to immediately get myself into a bit of a tizz about choosing the ring but once that was done it was onto thinking about a venue. As I mentioned here  that was not as straight forward as I thought. The venue I had in my head just didn't exist and I also had to contend with TB and my parents' thoughts which really began to annoy. Well, actually it was pissing me off, to be frank. In fact - this is the same thing about lots of different wedding things. I have been pissed off.

I spend hours looking into something - whether it be venue/luxury portaloos/marquees/caterers.  Let's use the venue as the prime example here. I come up with what I think is a great option and I am quite excited about it. I then tell TB about it and thinks the garden is too small/he doesn't really like the location/thinks the house it's too small etc. etc.  I get annoyed and tell him that he needs to make a few suggestions. He looks for ten minutes and finds one place  he likes the look of. I say okay, let's go and see it. In the meantime I tell my mum where we're thinking of and she says: "What? You're thinking of xxxx? Oh no. That's not a great place at all. And it's so far away. Oh no." Aaaaaaaargh! Cannot win. And then it's back to square one and me spending even more time coming up with options. I felt like a go between trying to keep everyone happy but essentially just compromising so that things can move ahead.

Another example... I decided to hire a generator from an independent supplier rather than via the marquee hire company as it's a lot cheaper. I was telling my mum a funny story to do with it and mid sentence she breenges in with: "You're not getting the generator from the same place? Riiiight, well, I'm not sure that's a good idea." Jesus wept! I was just mentioning it in passing - and more criticism.

At the time it felt like I was doing nothing but investigating wedding stuff and no matter what I did I was getting questioned and probed about it all. I would tell TB I had thought of something good and he didn't like it so that was that shot down in flames. I would tell my dad I had found a supplier for something and I was getting grilled on what time they would deliver it, where exactly it would go and how many inches off the ground it would be. GIVE ME STRENGTH!

Where was the support? Where was the "well done for looking into all this stuff by yourself." No-one else was making calls. No-one else was researching. No-one else was coming up with solutions! The only person that was, was getting questioned ALL THE TIME. And I don't like being questioned - on a normal day, never mind about my wedding day.

So then every time I spoke to my parents, TB's parents - who I felt like I was repeating stuff to again and again, I was ready to be questioned and may have been a little sensitive. They knew I was getting annoyed and so there was a whole lot of tension. Oh what a great time full of love and romance.

That is the negative side. That is me feeling a bit ground down by it all and it's not actually a fair representation. It doesn't show that when we presented a run down walled garden to my parents and talked about marquees, making our own canapes, rigging up lighting and making an archway to get married in front of, they nodded and then spent the next two hours talking through with us how they could make our wishes come true.

Our parents will do what they can to make us happy and that's something that makes me want to cry with love when I think about TB, he will do anything to make me happy - I am his priority.

My mum and dad are incredibly practical and the devil is most certainly in the detail. They want to make sure that every eventuality is covered off and that plan A, B and C are in place. They want to make sure on the day, no-one is running around dealing with last minute stresses. They want to enjoy the day. They want everyone else to enjoy the day. They want TB and I to love the day.

At the moment  we're in a little wedding lull. All the key things are booked and I'm just ironing out some details with the caterer and handing out the last few save the dates. We've not yet got into the next level of detail. We're not quite down to millimetre plan of where the chairs will go for the ceremony, or how the glasses are being moved from the marquee to the drinks reception area - at what time and by who - but we soon will be, you can count on that.

You can also count on the fact I'll be questioned within an inch of my life, will also want to throw things and will no doubt have a cream puff or two. But I have to remember that it is all done with love. I cannot wait for the wedding. It's going to be incredible. I cannot wait to be married to TB. Our life together is going to be (already is) incredible. Our families and friends are incredible.


  1. You certainly know how to make life hard for yourself ! But if its the wedding you want then it will all be worth it. I am doing wedding shite at the moment - I call it shite because I hate planning stuff & I'm the only one able to plan it (Mr Beaker is incapable) - I resent that massively and can't wait til its over. The whole thing has been planned to be as low key & cheap as possible (LOL!). Looking forward to the being Mr & Mrs beaker part, but not much else!

  2. Ah, weddings. It is impossible to plan a wedding without at least one stand up row, and some tears being shed - it's an emotionally charged time. And you've got your priorities right - ultimately, yes, you want your wedding to be wonderful but it is the MARRIAGE that is the important (and really good (but also sometimes painful)) bit. I am glad you are sticking to your guns though - we did as well and ended up with the day that we (not our parents, not our friends) wanted which felt important.

    I'd wish you luck but I don't think you need it.


  3. Wow that sounds bonkers stressful... and so impossible to keep everyone happy! But sounds like you are keeping your eyes on the prize :) :) :)


Go on then, spill.