Penelope

She finally graced us with her presence... Penelope.

Born Thursday 28th May at 5.40pm, a chubby little 9.1lbs - why am I not surprised!

Day 13

13 days overdue.

Can you believe this? I'm beginning to question if there actually is a baby in there. I always thought I'd be late, but not this late. And I have to admit, as my 14 days allowed before I'm induced have slowly disappeared, it's been tough.

I've been mentally prepared for a water birth throughout my whole pregnancy, taking place at my local maternity unit - just a mile from home. However, as induction is more medical it means I have to have the baby at the nearest hospital - 45 minutes away.

It's fine, it's not that big a deal, it's just not what I've visualised for the past nine months. On Sunday I went for a second sweep (sorry, I hate that word) with limited success. It was then I realised that I'm more than likely to be induced. That was not a good day and I spent a lot of it in tears; the culmination of almost two weeks of hanging around, carrying this baby, being uncomfortable, hormones, and lack of control.

So unless this baby makes a move in the next 24 hours, induction here I come. One way or another there is going to be a baby in my arms in by Friday. A little Gemini baby.

Grasshopper slices

If this baby doesn't make an appearance soon I'm going to bake myself into a diabetic coma.

Yesterday's endeavour was a minty choc delight described by the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook as a Grasshopper slice.

It all nearly went tits up as I had to make a white choc ganache with 1kg of chocolate. Yes, 1KG! That is a shitload of chocolate. So of course, I managed to split it. And when I say split, it wasn't just  bit grainy looking, it looked like curdled milk. The oil from the cream had separated out so badly it was sitting on top of it. Horrific. And I was raging.

However, a quick google later and I read that a fix is to heat up some semi-skimmed milk and add it a bit at a time to the mix, stirring well. Holy milky bar kid. It worked! I am amazed! I was ready to chuck it in the bin, it was that bad. I mean it looked more lumpy than my thighs in their current state (i.e. VERY). The end result, creamy, smooth silky ganache. Amazing!

Anyway, here is a slice of the finished product (with a bite out it - ummm... baby was hungry!).

Obviously there is still no god damn baby! My friend who is a midwife told me to have more sex. Well, sex. Ha! Look, it's bloody awkward  and heartburn inducing at this stage!

In other news (yes, this is my high octane life just now) I've cooked twice with quinoa this week. We had healthy burritos made with turkey mince and quinoa instead of rice. Very delicious they were too!

TB is on a health kick and so while I might still be chowing down on cakes and sweeties, my meals are all very healthy as I'm cooking for loverboy. It's been really good actually as it's helping me get back in the mindset - ready for the full on health kick which is imminent. Tonight's tea is a crazy tasty fritatta with leftovers including spicy turkey mine, roast sweet potato and leek. Can't wait!

Come on out!

I'm still here and I'm still pregnant! Today I'm 40 weeks and five days so officially overdue.

The past month feels like it's been really busy - what with finishing up at work and generally just getting (parts of) the house organised. Last week I thought I had feck all to do and then my accountant asked for all my tax return info so that was three days of spreadsheets!

And inbetween we've also had my birthday and our wedding anniversary. I'm actually really pleased we've managed to get those dates out the way so that the baby's birthday it a date of it's own - and let's be honest, who wants to be pushing a human out their vagina on their birthday? Not I.

So yeah, that's me 35. It doesn't feel or seem that old (and I know if you're older than that you'll be scoffing right now) but then I realise that's 17 twice over. I moved to Edinburgh for uni when I was 17. I can't believe it's been another 17 years since then. So, so fast. I really feel like I just left uni a few years ago.

Despite moving around like a big lump, I had a lovely birthday. My mum came up to see me and we went out for lunch at my local beachside cafe. Cannot wait to go for walks here with our baby.

My lovely parents in law also took us our for dinner. I've not got much to wear at this stage so I donned my trusty, striped maternity dress which has been a new look god-send. There ain't no hiding in this and I did get a few looks at the restaurant. There's a baby in my tummy - deal with it! You can also see in the background the freshly painted bedroom and new carpet! Loving our new 'coastal' bedroom. You might also spot our crib which is just waiting for a wee person to go in it!

The next big change to the house is cutting one of the bedrooms in half to make two rooms. The velux windows went in when we  were on hols and last week we got the new door in place. Some jobs you just gotta pay a joiner to do. This new half is going to be the baby's room and the other half will still have room for a double bed - it was a huge room. There is no massive rush for this though as the baby will be in with us for the first while.

Sunday was our first anniversary. It's been a fantastic year. A really busy year. I am such a lucky girl to have found TB and I can't wait to have lots and lots more years together. We spent the day, cutting the grass and tidying round. So romantic! Ha! Someone asked me if we were doing paper gifts. I said yes, a birth certificate.

I've been doing quite a lot of baking since I've actually had some time, which has been fab. So nice to enjoy the new kitchen and potter around making cakes. TB's colleagues are pretty happy about it too as they are on the receiving end.

 

We've had a bit of a cat situation on our hands. Papa Lazarou is just as affectionate as ever - as seen here with bump - but Dave is seldom seen at the moment. He appears for some food once ever few days and that's about it. Turns out some dame who lives on the next street has been feeding him! She took him to the vet to see if he belonged to anyone (thank for microchipping) and so they called me to make sure he had a home to go to. Ummm - YES! How about you stop feeding him and don't let him come in your house. I want to get him back home and settled before a wailing sprog sends him running again!


So that's me covered just about everything apart from how I am feeling about waiting for this baby to show up! I am ready to stop being pregnant and I am so ready to meet this wee monkey.  I've got until I'm 42 weeks before I'll be induced - so just over another week left.  I really don't want that though as it means I have to go to the big hospital 45 mins away, rather than my midwife led maternity unit where I've had all my appointments (and the fact I am sick of lugging this sprog around in my uterus) At my last visit there I was examined and they said the baby's head is very low - so that's good news. I'm booked back in for a sweep (ugh) on Thursday so I'm hoping that will chivvy things along if there is nothing by then.

It's weird being in this limbo like state. I'm not physically able to to walk far and I don't really want to be that far from home - so we are just waiting. TB is worse than me; he is desperate for us to have our wee baby and bring it home. In the meantime, what else is there to do apart from make jaffa cake cupcakes.

Doing and Dealing

How are we nearing the end of April. HOW?

I'll tell you how, life has been so crazy busy that the days are passing in a mahoosive blur. The kind of blur that makes me feel entirely exhausted and just a leetle bit over sensitive! Using the wrong jug to froth milk? I will take you down. You know, that kind of over sensitive.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today (so I am allowed to be irrational - OKAY?!)  and boy, am I feeling it. I'm still don't have the biggest of bumps but I am really aware of the extra weight I'm lugging around. When I stand up, I can feel it all going into my pelvis and lower back. Even when I lie down, there is just... this weight. Walking is slow. I am slow! With just three weeks to go until my due date though, this is pretty good going I reckon. I am tired, mind you. I feel wiped. Physically and mentally.

Even though we had a week away on holiday we just haven't stopped. For months. It's just been constant. TB'd dad was giving me a row last week for painting. I didn't want to be painting. Let's make that clear - I am over it! But the carpet was coming, and this baby is coming. Shit's gotta get done.

I did lose the plot a few days later when I was trying to paint the lower wall and it just wasn't happening (bending down is not part of my range any more). The tears came and through my wailing I tried to explain to TB that I'd had enough and maybe it would be easier to just go back to being two. Just us. How's that's possible I don't know but at the time it seemed like a very appealing idea. I'm definitely getting more teary again. Work has been proper mental too, which has been getting me down but I've broken the back of a VERY challenging project and I've just got this week and next - and then I am DONE!

After my painting meltdown we did get bedroom finished before the carpet arrived on Monday. So we're back in our bedroom, the baby's chest of drawers is built up and stocked. We are gaining control!  I also got my kitchen shelves up which I am love with. I've been planning these for quite some time! You gotta love those jobs where you can select a few lovely items and place them with care. I've been dreaming about using my new le creuset tea pot for over a year!

The rest of the house is bonkers messy though. I got a huge pile of baby clothes from my sister in law (which I've washed and put away), along with various bouncy chairs, a Moses basket and other stuff I've not had a chance to look at. Lucky me! But where does all this new stuff go?

 It's all been chucked into our front room that has no furniture in it (which we are lucky to have) but it  has sort of been our DIY dumping ground. Currently there are piles of kitchen cabinet off-cuts, our old cooker, paint pots, bits of an old kitchen table, ALL the tools - as well as our new pram and car seat!  Just shutting the door on it just now. Cannot deal. Don't actually need to deal - this is what I must remind myself. We have done a power of work. Not everything needs to be sorted in one go.

I've been really excited to have our baby, but also scared. What have we let ourselves in for? My mindset kind of changed at the weekend. My childhood best friend was due six days before me. She had to get induced early and had her baby on Sunday; a wee girl. She's got her baby. She knows what she looks like. I want to meet mine. I can't wait.

Fatty boom boom BOOM

Holy crap. I stepped on the scales this morning. Oh my god. MY GOD.

I am kind of laughing about it because I am indeed carrying a 5.5lb human being inside me right now, not to mention all the other bobbins that goes with it - and the gigantic boobs - but I'll say it again... Holy Crap.

I'm 16 stone! Ha! SIXTEEN! Jesus wept. In fact, he sobbed his little heart out. This is unchartered territory for me. I used to talk about Fresh Fat (FF) when I was losing weight. Well, this is FF alright, just fresh fat that has gone ON. And I've still got over a month to go. Dear God.

This means I have put on 3stone. That's some amount of weight. I hope you're suitably impressed. That takes skill. No wonder my feet are sore!

My heaviest ever was 15 and a half stone. Those were not fun days. Thing is, I don't think I look like I did then. My face certainly ain't quite as chubby. That's something I have to thank the ageing process for, I suppose.

Oh well, here I am and there's not much I can do about it now. A few months time though.... oh it is all kicking off! Frumpy mamma, I am not going to be.

Shaping up - and out

Hols were fab.

Lazy and fab. There was a lot of lounging around, reading, napping and eating. Perfect. I'm really feeling the extra weight so it was just what I wanted. Getting myself up off a low seat or couch and tying my shoe laces are no longer easy tasks so throwing on a sun dress and  pair of flip flops was just about my limit.

We got home really late on Sunday night, got up at lunchtime on Monday and came back to work on Tuesday. However, things at home have progressed a good deal as we came home to two new velux windows in the room we're cutting in half to make two smaller rooms, and our bedroom is totally plastered ready for painting. On top of that the kitchen floor is finished and our dining table and sideboard arrived on Monday.

So finally, we have a (just about) completed kitchen. Sitting at the table to eat our tea on Monday night felt amazing! Last night we unpacked our remaining wedding gifts (which was most of them!) and got them put away/in use/on the wall. Only taken us the best part of a year! It's been worth the wait though. Hello le creuset tea pot and Orla Kiely cake tins! I must get some pics.

That's the house - all coming along nicely. A bit like the pregnancy! I've got 5 weeks until my due date. Holy crap. So that means it could be three weeks or seven weeks. My palms just got a bit sweaty. I am not even joking.

The baby is wriggling ALL. THE. TIME. It's wee bottom often pushes out just above my belly button and there is a foot on the left hand side that loves to poke out. It's the weirdest thing. I love it but I am feeling so crushed in there - especially when I am sitting at my desk all day long. The baby weighs about five and a half pounds so that means there are still a good two or more to go. How it's all going to fit in there I do not know. It really tight as it with gasp inducing punches getting lower all the time. Ouch!

I had an appointment on Monday with the midwife who gave me the usual once over - blood pressure, bump measurements etc. and as has been the way with the whole pregnancy - textbook. The baby is in the right position and I am feeling fine so all good. I've been really lucky. We talked through my birth plan which I am pretty relaxed about. Actually, I'm pretty relaxed about the whole labour part. Sure, when I think about it, my heart goes a little faster and the thought of squeezing a human out my vagina makes me wince but I'm not worried about it. This baby is going to come out one way or the other so there is no point in getting worked up about it or having a fixed way in mind that I want to do things. Although fast and pain free would be lovely!

Time to unwind

The weeks are just flying past - somone hit the pause button!

It's been a busy old time with me - as per. House stuff is really moving on and I feel like we can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, for this phase anyway! And that is bloody good feeling.

The kitchen/dining room floor has been getting laid this week. In the meantime we have stripped our bedroom wallpaper and totally cleared the room out so that it can get a skim coat of plaster next week. Also next week in the biggest of all the bedrooms we are getting two velux windows put in as we're going to spilt the room in two and so need more light. It's all go! But next week while this is happening, we're on holiday! Whoooo fricking hoooo!

Man, do we need this holiday. It's been six months of hard graft. Poor TB just goes to work and then comes home to work on the house. It's been non stop with all our energy and money being put into the house. To have a week sitting around in the sun, relaxing, not having jobs hanging over us will be so good. The last holiday we went on was our honeymoon, in June last year. God, we need this.

When we get back, the kitchen will be pretty much done apart from a few fiddly bits and we'll be bashing on with decorating our bedroom. Easy when you've got freshly plastered walls to work with though, compared to our usual three weeks of sanding and pollyfilly prep.

Work has also been bonkers busy - cannot wait to leave that behind too.

And alongside all this - I'm getting more and more preggo. I've had the easiest time of it but now my feet are starting to get sore. Carting all this extra weight around with me is not easy and I'm beginning to feel it.

I forgot what it was like to get sore feet. To walk for more than a few miles with two stone plus on your frame - it's tough. Since I've been fitter, rushing around the place without stopping is no big deal.  Running up the stairs - easy. I totally took that for granted. At the moment I feel like don't walk,  I kind of lumber around. I'm doing my best to hold myself normally and not be OTT with it but man, I gotta sit down a lot! And it's only going to get worse. The baby is currently around 4 and a half pounds. It could double!

I've only got seven weeks left until my due date. Seven weeks! Gah! We built the crib/co sleeper up the other day and it's now next to our bed. It's been really nice to see it in place. Every time I look at it, I think to myself, soon there's going to be a wee baby in there.

If I think about it too much, I can't get my head around it. There is a fully formed baby inside me right now. It's just a matter of weeks until it's out and we have to do everything for it. Two will suddenly be three. No matter what I think I can expect, I know I've got no idea.

Fruition

Well hey guys. Hope everyone is tickety boo, fine AND dandy.

I have a very VERY sore throat but I'm feeling pretty positive so let's not mention that again. Keeping the vibe on the up, people.

On Saturday I had a glimpse of life without DIY. Sure it'll always be there when you live in an old house but there once was a time when it didn't consume our every waking moment - and we had one of those moments on Saturday. We had our first antenatal class and then decided to go for a drive and out for lunch, just the two of us. It was SO nice. And we talked about how we're looking forward to spending time as a family this summer. Actually enjoying spending time together and going to visit people, and having people visit us - and not constantly feeling like we should be painting or fixing stuff. Cannot wait.

Kitchen floor fitters, plasterer for bedroom skim coat and roofer for velux windows have all been booked. Three weeks from now that will all be done! They are all big jobs that will make a huge diff.

The antenatal class was actually quite good. I'm planning to have the baby at my local maternity unit  - just a mile away from home. Very handy! They've got an excellent reputation and the class, run by them was very reassuring about when to come in once you're in labour. The only downside in choosing a maternity unit over a labour ward is the pain relief. By choosing the former I am saying that I don't want an epidural. I don't. Right now, I don't. But when I'm in pigging agony... well - I'll have made my choice and will have to endure a 45 minute ambulance ride if I change my mind. Anyway - that's a whole 9 weeks (or more!) away. A lifetime! Hahhaaahaaa...

I feel like I've been getting on top of a few jobs that have been hanging over me forever, which feels so good. I got TB a lovely Nikkie McWilliams print for Valentine's Day. Not only is that now framed and hanging on the wall but I've got two other frames which this weekend I will be populating. One with the knot we tied during the knot tying ceremony at our wedding and the other, a collage of lots of ticket stubs, maps, postcards, pics and other delights from our honeymoon. That's a job for this weekend.

I'm still eating way too much of the wrong things. No longer is a standard chocolate bar enough, I'm buying a big sharing bag and scoffing the lot in one go. Oh dear. BUT I am feeling more positive. Yes, I'll have put on a shed load of weight but so what, I'll lose it again. It's what I do, right? If anyone can do it, then I think I can. Make a plan, get it done. And I'll have a wee baby who I want to be healthy for and with.

Break out the flags... we have made progress on the name front! Last night TB told me the top two boy names he likes. What a minute... Those are the top two names I have been mentioning since FOREVER! Seed planted, is now blossoming me thinks.

10 week countdown

10 week countdown. Even just typing those works makes me feel a bit... waaaaah haaa haaa, oh my god, we're having a baby. I might have been pregnant for what seems like a pretty long time  (well, to me it does!) but only now does it kinda feel like it's sinking in.

My bump is growing pretty rapidly now (as you can see for yourselves) and for the first time a stranger offered congratulations. I was wearing my clingy gym gear mind you, so there was no escaping it! Everyone keeps telling me how neat I am though and the midwife did comment on my strong stomach muscles. YES, thank you planking and running. 

I am really missing being the person that I was a year ago. The very active, healthy eating person. Sure, I'm pretty active for a third trimester preggo, but you know what I mean. I'm going to have to throw myself back into it (once I get over the shock of giving birth and realising I'm responsible for another life) but I'm going to be starting from a place I never though I would be again. And when I say place, I mean number. At my all time heaviest I was 15 and a half stone. I'm going to be pretty close to that, if not more, by the time I have the baby. That's a long way to go to get back down to be close to where I was. 

In recent times my heavier weight was in the high 13s. In fact, I was there a few months before we got engaged. 11 months later when we got married - after some SERIOUS hard graft (we're taking 5 workouts a week and super strict healthy eating)  - I was almost two stone lighter.  I'm going to have that to lose at least, oh and the small matter of a baby to look after. I'm going to have to do it though. I'm going to have to get my head in the game and just get on with it. I need to start our new life together as a healthy one.

In terms of how I'm feeling, the answer is totally fine. A couple of minor aches and a bit of heartburn has been the sum total of issues. I sleep like a log and generally everything is just peachy. The baby is moving about loads and yesterday I there were a couple of massive thumps that actually made me exclaim out loud. 

I still can't quite believe that right now there is a baby weighing more than 3lbs in my tummy. We've been buying more bits - changing mat, clothes, monitor - but it 's all sitting in a big pile in the spare room under a big plastic sheet so it doesn't get covered in dust. I think once we actually build the crib up (once the plastering of our bedroom and the new velux windows are in) that'll  help me to get my noggin around what the hell is going on. I'll never truly be prepared though. An impossible feat!

We've got our first antenatal class on Saturday. I had to confess one of the things I'm hoping to get out of it is not some sort of chat on which way up the baby goes (although that would be helpful) but some new friends. I'm a lucky girl with lots of friends but none that don't live more than an hour away. Someone in the vicinity would be lovely! 

Kitchen update (of course!) the first coat of the new colour is on and it is SO much better. Two more coats and then we're just about ready for the floor! Thank GAWD! Poor TB spend several hours in the pissing rain drilling a 6" hole through a sandstone wall (for the extraction hood thingy pipe) and so that's another great job done!

I want it all and I want it now

The kitchen dining room updates are quite frankly, dull DULL DULL, they have been going on that long but to be honest, that's the main thing in my life these days so an update you shall get!

Fridge/freezer is in and it it huge! We built the units to go around it and it sticks out from said units much more than I expected. I had a bit of a strop last night when I realised how it was going to look. It's frustrating when you've planned your dream kitchen and it's all sleek and lovely and then a honking great appliance fucks up the vibe - and we chose to put it there. So I was pretty miffed, which father in law witnessed as he's been helping decorate loads.  Little did he know that at the same time I've decided I don't think the colour for the walls in the dining room are right - and Father in Law had just put on the first coat that very night.

I'm going to let TB have the pleasure of telling him "we" have changed our minds! God, I am such a madame.

I'm also beginning to panic somewhat about how much time we have left before the baby is here to get all the house stuff done we want to. It''s going to be a really tight squeeze and I really am expecting a lot from TB. He's not had any time to himself for months.

Last night he pointed out that when the baby comes I'll want help in the evenings and weekends but he can't give that to me if he's busy trying to sort the nursery  - which involves putting up a wall to make one room into two, and making a whole new door. And then all the snash that follows, new plugs, insulation, skirting boards... and so on. It's not a weekend job. Nothing in our house ever is.

So I've just done a week by week plan so see what is actually achievable - let's just see if TB agrees!

It's all progress

This weekend was very enjoyable. Friday kicked off with the delivery of a dozen red roses. Aw shucks. He's a naughty monkey though. Spending money on that sort of thing. I've still got last year's (on the mantelpiece) which I dried. They are lovely though. Lucky girl.

Then it was time for some pampering. Hello red, glittery gel nails (which were a Christmas present) and then we headed off to my homeland for a leaving do, via my folks. 

The next day, armed with a few of my childhood soft toys which my mum looked out, including my first teddy (called, Teddy - OBVS), we went pram shopping. Bloody hell, what a minefield. A very expensive minefield. After a lot of consideration, clicking on and off of parts, and wheeling around of potential baby wagons, we decided to bite the bullet and just go for the one we liked - no more faffing. It's all on order apart from the car seat and base which we took away then and there. Teddy helped us work out how the hell you use it.

I have to say, getting the pram has made me more excited. I had a moment when we were back at home, figuring the car seat out. In three months time, there is going to be a baby, for real, in there. Everything feels like it's speeding up, I'm going to blink and we'll be parents. Holy moly.

Which means we really need to crack on with the house stuff. We are so close to being finished with the kitchen/dining room. TB and his dad got on with painting the dining room part yesterday which has made a big difference.

I weighed myself on Friday. Oh my. Oh ho ho hohohaaaaaa. 2 stone. I've put on two stone since the love kitten came into being. Christ. That's quite a lot - especially considering I've still got three months of serious baby growth to go. In fact, it's not quite a lot. It's freaking LOADS. My mum, so helpfully, pointed out that she could see it on my face, when I saw her. That's really pissed me off, actually. Why bother mentioning it? My bump is pretty neat so two stone can't be blamed on that! 

Any pregnancy stuff I read now refers to the fact I am eating lots of healthy foods. Am I? Am I really? Sure, my meals are healthy enough but any notion of snacking on fruit has long gone out the window. Case in point, I just threw a BIG bag of minstrels down my neck like they were nothing. I've not been to the gym for about three weeks thanks to a busy schedule but this really has to change. Thursday I am going. I will empty that fruit bowl (and not by throwing the rotting contents in the bin). 

PS) Pic of my big boy just cause he's the boss