Back to life, back to reality

There's been lots of relationship chat from me recently and now I'm about to give you lots of work chat. But what's missing from this picture. That's right - dieting, exercise and general healthy eating chat. It's all gone a bit wrong lately and truth be told I am struggling.

I'm not in the mood to talk about it or try and gee myself up. I'm just taking it a day at a time and as today is my birthday (hello 32!) I shall not allow myself to feel pissed off about it (until tomorrow!).

So what's been happening in the world of work. Well, as some of you who have been reading for a while will know, the freelance lifestyle is one I love but I'm struggling with the lack of stability and the solitude. If I was raking in screeds of money then I could cope with the solitude - I'm sure most people could. Sadly the reality is that I'm just not making the kind of money I should be. And living in a new city is great but if I want to really feel like I am living here and have my own life, and not just one with TB then working full time within a team is the ideal way to do this, to meet new people and to feel like I'm doing something that's just for me. 

Therefore I've been keeping my eye on the jobs market. Just seeing what's out there and if anything piques my interest. Well, a couple of weeks ago something did. It's very similar to what I do currently but it's an in-house position. It sounded fairly interesting and I won't lie - my eyes nearly popped out their sockets when I saw the salary. Holy crap. Holy. Crap. I fired off my CV to the recruitment consultant who send it to his client that afternoon - at 4.45pm. At 8.30am the next morning the wheels were in motion to take things to an interview stage. I was going on holiday and so the only available time before I went was 1pm that day. Have I already said Holy crap? Well, I'll say it again - Holy crap.

When I heard I had around 4 hours to prep for the interview the first thing that sprang into my mind was 'What the chuff am I going to wear?!'. This job is for a big corporate. I am a creative independent! I don't even own a pair of black trousers! One black shirt dress and a pair of lilac suede heels later I was cramming like a mad woman for the role. Off I trotted to the interview. I thought it went well - apart from when they asked me what my biggest weakness was. What? Who asks these horrendous questions anymore?! I ended up wittering on about how I used to be bad at asking for advice and a more experienced opinion but as I've developed over the years I know that can be very useful. So... I didn't even admit to having a weakness. Ha!

Fast forward a few days and I get a call when on holiday to tell me I've made it through to the second round. I'm down to the final two. Jesus. This shit just got real. I could be trading in my free and easy (and skint) lifestyle for the big bad corporate world. This could actually happen. I might actually have to get out of my bed before 8am!

I get told interview two is a CV run through with HR. I can't quite see how that can be the case and so I cram up as much as possible. Thank god I did. The CV run through turns out to be an hour and a half long grilling from my would be boss's boss - and two members of the department. Insane. It was question after question after question. Relentless. I get my cool and got through it. The last question was a bastard though and by that point my brain had melted. I didn't really answer it very well  but I think I did enough.

So that was a couple of weeks ago and I am expecting to hear any day now if I've got it. Ugh. My stomach flips even just thinking about it. The recruitment consultant has told me I'm considered to be the stronger candidate at the moment. Ummm, that means nothing! Have I got the job or not?!

This is just a quick overview of what's been going on, not really how I've been feeling about it all. I've had so many feelings throughout this whole process -it's been an emotional roller coaster. The kind where you can't stop laughing one minute and then think you are going to spew your ringer then next. I want the job but it scares me shitless. Not just the actual job, the day to day tasks but going back to work for someone else - reporting in.... and then there are the hours I'll be working. I've done it before and I know I can do it again but the desire and the need for this job are two very different things.

Chances are I'll hear tomorrow or the next day and then I'll have a whole new set of emotions to get my head around - no matter what the case. Ugh.