Things have slipped. The yo yo that I so smugly thought I had kicked into touch seems to have spun back into view.
Since I got back from holiday (and indeed before I went) I just couldn't seem to dredge up any motivation. This year has been a washout in terms of weight loss. I've stopped and started and fannied about time after time. My mum have had the same conversation so many times that I could actually just tape it and replay it. "Right, this is it. I'm going to get my head down. A few good weeks could make such a difference. I know I can do this."
But instead of getting my head down, I found myself slipping into a mental rut which had me thinking thoughts such as: "One more day. I could just have one more day of eating. I might as well." Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
Last week I muddled through. I had a good day here and there. Note that I said good, not great. The fact of the matter is that I need to have great days to lose weight. 85% effort is not good enough. The weekend before had been horrendous. Rolls and sausage for breakfast, chocolate, chinese takeaway - enough booze to sink a ship and so weighing myself on Wednesday (my birthday) was not an option. However, I did get up and go to the gym. Sadly, it was all downhill from there and over the weekend I indulged in everything I wanted to - and more. And then even more. The reason for this is that I decided to weigh myself on Sunday morning. And as so many dieters will know, if you are about to get back on the straight and narrow - you stuff yourself silly. Stupidity. Total and utter mental behaviour. The kind of behaviour I thought I had left far behind. Apparently not.
I woke up on Sunday morning and amid the empty chips and cheese cartons I saw my starting weight for this next wave. It's not good. In fact, it's pretty bloody horrendous. So horrendous that I'm not ready to reveal all. I can feel where the weight has gone back on. I can see where the weight has gone back on. All my clothes are tight. I feel uncomfortable - and I hate it. So - here is the plan....
I weighed myself on Sunday morning. I'm going to weigh myself again on Wednesday morning (tomorrow). That's only three days but the truth of the matter is that I don't think I have it within me to keep on the straight and narrow for seven whole days. I'm hoping I can have dropped a good few pounds by tomorrow morning to give me the boost that will drive the motivation that has been so seriously lacking.
By the last few weeks' standards the past few days have been excellent in terms of my diet. Yesterday could have been slightly tighter but overall I am pretty pleased with myself. I've been battling a cold and have been feeling pretty wiped out and so while I managed the gym yesterday - that's been about it on the exercise front. I'm going out for a small cycle this afternoon which is better than nowt. So we will see what this shows up on the scales in the morning. Ugh.