I didn't mean to turn that last post into a cliff hanger but this weekend has just been mental (in an amazing way; been hanging out with all manner of lovely people) and I was away with work until last night. But I am back and with me I bring the continuation of the fall out from TB's flippant anti marriage comments. This is looooong and so I'll post up what I can just now and try and come back to it later this evening.
So, TB had texted me to check if I was still meeting him after work. I knew that he was going to ask me what was wrong and so earlier in the day I had called one of my best mates (Let's call her Mrs Manners because she goes tits if she doesn't get a thank you note, and the like). Mrs Manners is married to a bloke who is 5 years younger than her and she pretty much told him they had to start trying for a baby whether he liked it or not. They now have a gorgeous wee girl - not that I want that just yet but she has had some tough chats with him in the past few years and I knew she would understand how I felt.
I explained the situation and she soon grasped that while I felt like I needed to say something, I didn't want to put the pressure on and make TB freak out. And I didn't want to get into a big assed discussion. They are so draining and such hard work as you agonise over each and every word while you try and make yourself understood without letting all the crazy out. TB has no idea how much crazy there is - and I don't just mean my crazy. I mean lady crazy. I think if men really knew how much we think about things they would have us all locked up if they could. I've done well at coming across as laid back and relaxed about life things but that's is not an accident. That has been on purpose! Anyway, I digress. We came up with this little speech...
"I don't want to have a big discussion about it but you know what's important to me and what I want out of life and, because I'm sensitive about it, your comments last night about marriage got to me." I was ready to say this, I just had to find the right moment. I met TB and we went shopping where he spent a lot of money on me. It's my birthday next week and he was buying my present early. He was so generous - which made me feel a complete biatch for being cool with him throughout the shopping trip - but it was just crap timing. We stopped off at the supermarket on the way home and it was in the fish aisle that he decides to make me tell him what's wrong. Way to pick a time and a place TB! He told me he wouldn't stop tickling me until I told him and so as we made our way to the pet food aisle I trundled out my little speech.
"Well you were going on about it quite a bit. I mean, you were discussing what metal was best!" he replied.
"So I'm not allowed to talk about it? Joke about it?"
"In my defence it felt as if we were there in the jewellers." His tone had changed from chatty to a bit annoyed.
Right then - so from that I took it that he most definitely did not have visions of that happening anytime soon. I didn't know what to say. I didn't say anything. As we stood in the queue to pay he continued to chat away and try and engage with me as normal. I just stood there. My mind was blank. What did this mean? What should I say next? This is not how I thought 'the chat' would go. He tried to get me talk. I just shook my head and breathed out, actually at loss for what to say. All I could say was, "This is.... hard... It's just..." And I tailed off.
We got in the car, heading home. He put his had on my leg. "I don't want you to fall out with me. I'm going away for four days in the morning and I don't want to go away with you not talking to me."
"I've not in a huff with you, I'm in a huff about what you said." I replied.
A few minutes later we pulled up at home and took the shopping in. We had barely set foot in the door when TB pushed me through into the bedroom and made me lie down with him on the bed. "Right - talk. You're not going anywhere until you start talking."