We doooooo!

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Ring my bell

Four days to go and the ring saga feels like it's over shadowing my day.

We decided we didn't want to use the ringmaker at all. He said to TB that we didn't have to take the ring if we didn't want to to. So, we're not. I found a ring online last night that I think I like. It's totally different to the one we got made but I have a good feeling about it. I just hope I like it when I see it and when it's next to my engagement ring. It's being delivered on Thursday to their local branch and I'll ask TB's dad to pick it up.

But, and this is where I am unsure of how to proceed... I phoned the ringmaker to tell him we didn't want to go ahead. I then said "Do we owe you anything for your time?" to which he replied with a figure which was almost two thirds of the original price! I said "That seems an awful lot. Are you saying the materials are just xx amount?" I think he then thought I was suggesting that price was what I was offering to pay-  and that's how it was left. 

I feel he didn't ask us enough questions about what we wanted and as the person making the ring, the onus is on him to make sure he knows what he's making. Looking back, maybe we should have explained more but I didn't realise he didn't understand what we wanted. However, I specifically remember saying when I say the mock up "I want it to be as slim and as thin as possible - like a woman wants her thighs."

 So tomorrow I am now going to have to go in to see him (to get my engagement ring which he was resizing) and tell him I feel it's fair that we only pay half of what he was suggesting. Ugh. I really could be doing without this.

Also, I seem to have given myself a bit of a skin problem. I went to buy a super strong deodorant to use at the wedding but in my haste picked up some roll on thing you use at night and then wash off in the morning - which after about two weeks should stop you sweating. Seems a bit extreme but I had bought it so I thoughts, what the hell, let's give it a bash.

The first night I it was kinda stingy and itchy but no big deal. Last night it was VERY stingy and itchy but I managed to fall asleep. Thing is, I woke up this morning and my pits are agony! They are all red and tender to the touch! Ha! I am laughing as this is like something out a ruddy sit com! Roll on honeymoon. Roll on.

Wedding Countdown!

I am getting married in five days time. FIVE DAYS! Holy Crap - how did it get to be so close all of a sudden.

I was feeling quite relaxed about it all until about an hour ago and now all of a sudden I feel quite jittery and skittish! Whaaa haa haaaaaa.

I managed to come down with cracking cold as of Friday which I was most pissed off about but I am feeling a lot better today and so hopefully that's it out the way and I'll be 100% in no time. Despite the constant sneezing and  streaming nose, the weekend was really productive.

• All the place names are made (with individual stamped letters!) and attached to the favours (hello 120 reef knots).
• The orders of service and menus are printed
• The box for flip flops (for tired feet) has been decorated and stocked
• The reserved signs are made for the ceremony seats
• My shoes have stretched a little bit
• Instruction signs for the guest book and bathroom toiletries have been made (more rubber stamping)

So we're definitely getting there. The only fly in the ruddy ointment is that my wedding ring, made by a ringmaker is not what I wanted or expected. I really don't like it. It's being altered for Saturday but it's still not going to what we wanted and so we will have to start again from scratch. Not happy about this at all and so I am forming another plan. Although if it will work, who knows.

Birthday Weigh In

It's my birthday!

The day started off with a workout with my personal trainer in the pissing rain. Not ideal but I suppose it sets my stall out for my 34th year. Sheesh. 34. I can remember when my mum was 34, clearly. Well, I suppose I was 8!

I've not opened any cards of prezzies yet as I'm waiting for TB to come home around lunchtime. Since it's my birthday I'm going to have a lovely roast butternut squash omelet. I've also just treated myself to a coconut coffee and a banana with some peanut butter. Oh yeah, living the dream.

So where are things at with all things scale and number related. Somehow I've managed totally avoid updating. I won't lie, I'm struggling. I've not gone totally bonkers by any stretch of the imagination but I'm most definitely not in the zone. Three weeks ago I put on a pound. Two weeks ago I stayed the same. Yesterday I put on a pound, which takes me to 12 stone 2lbs. I really do feel like I could 'eat'. I've got a bloody cold which isn't helping matters. I've being good most of the time but then the odd biscuit or extra few bites of bread etc. are slipping in here and there.

Thing is, I feel great. At the weekend I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen for months and I got lots of lovely comments about slim and good I was looking. The wedding is a week and a day (holy crap!) away and how I look now is how I am going to look then  - which I am pretty flipping chuffed about. I'm really proud of myself and I feel so good.

I had set myself the challenge of getting into the 11's by the wedding. The chances of doing that now, are slim (ha!) to none. And I'm okay with that. I know I've worked hard. I know I've built muscle, I know my body fat % has dropped. Don't get me wrong I would still love to get there, but for now - it's not to be.

Someone left a comment recently saying they were saddened that I was placing so much importance on a number and I was more than that. I don't think statement could be more wrong. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I want the number to come down but what that number actually is means nothing to me.

That being said, the 11 stones and I have a date. We ARE going to meet and it is going to be this year. For now, I am going to do my best to eat well and exercise as much as is possible between now and the wedding - which at the moment it's looking like 1 PT session and one run. And when I say one run, I mean one 10k. I said I wanted to do a sub hour 10k before the wedding. Since I made that statement I've not run at all! Ha! So my next (and last) is going to be the 10k. A sub hour is a challenge and one I don't know I'll manage but hell, you gotta try.

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 2lbs
Weight Loss This Week: +1lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 7.25lbs 

Hot tin roof

What a week that was and boy did it turn out to be a good week – Dave came home!

When I got home last Wednesday after work, I spend an hour in the pissing rain walking the streets, shouting him at the top of my voice and putting flyers through doors.  We had been concentrating on a different area to where I thought it was likely he would be (thanks to a possible sighting) and so just before going home, we swung past those houses that seemed like more likely he would be and I put flyers through 75% of the doors.

I had started to give up hope by this point and couldn’t hold back the tears. We got home and about 40 minutes later I heard the cat flap… BANG BANG! And then a very annoyed load of miaowing, as Dave came tearing into the living room. My baby! He was home! There then followed a lot of eating and a lot of shouting as he told us what happened! And then more eating. My wee sausage! He was barely wet but was really hungry so he must have been trapped in someone’s garage of shed. Thank god! There is not a scratch on him. SO so lucky. It felt like the best day ever. A weight had been lifted and I could start to look forward to my weekend away and well, the rest of my life – wedding included.

So yeah, wedding. We’re ten days away TEN DAYS! How the hell did that happen? Because I was away from Thursday - Monday I couldn’t actually do any wedding stuff, which was actually really nice. But now, it’s heads down all the way. Wheeeeee! I am excited and when I think about walking down the aisle and seeing TB waiting for me I can feel my hands starting to sweat. They are doing it right now. I am nervous but excited. The day that I’ve longed for is almost here. Holy Crap.

It’s my birthday on Friday and so my folks are coming to visit and we’re going out for tea. It’s also going to be a bit of a planning meeting to go over all things wedding. Great – a planning meeting on my birthday. Just what I always wanted.  Hmmmm. I’m sure it will be fine but I’ll need to give TB a bit of prod beforehand. I’ve mentioned the wedding meltdown I had a few weeks ago. Well, it partly came about as I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed by everything we have to do (and we are doing just about everything) and while both TB and my parents are good organisers and are do-ers, they have different methodologies.

TB is a shoot from the hip, don’t worry it’ll all come together kind of guy. And it usually does. My parents are; let’s make a list, a solid plan and let’s have everything agreed in advance. And that works for them. So on one hand I’ve got my parents questioning me (and at that point I didn’t have all the answers – I still don’t!) and on the other I’ve got TB who has an idea of things in his head but he’s not sharing them with me or my parents – which is making me feel really tense and like I’m caught in the middle. 

I know my parents are feeling anxious and don’t like TB’s way of working and are concerned he’s not going to be able to do what he says he will – which then make me feel even more anxious and really defensive too. I also cannot stand being questioned about something which I have already explained (which TB’s folk’s love to do). 

This all came tumbling out the morning after a night of heavy boozing and I was still pretty drunk (staying classy). I explained that I need him to share more information and give my parents information and updates. Even if that’s not the way he likes to do it, just now - for me he has to. Mum and dad just want things to go smoothly on the day so of course they want details, but they also need to remember this is not a military operation and my dad is not the foreman of the job. TB and I are running the show.    

Since then I've felt a lot better and more relaxed about everything, and that weekend we got loads done, thank goodness. I think I was letting my parents concerns rub off on me too much. 

So Friday will be fine. I've no doubt there will be a moment when get annoyed (that's par for the course with me!) but with a week to go there won't be much we've not got figured out and I can tell the folks ALL about it.

Come home Dave

I actually cannot think straight. 18 days to the wedding and...

• I am on the verge of totally losing the plot food-wise. I want to eat. Lots. And have done on several occasions.
• Dave the Cat went missing at 8pm last night and hasn't been seen since. I'm beside myself.
• The best man has shingles.
• I bought and can fit into a size 14 pair of jeans.
• I've had two dreams about the wedding and me not being dressed in time/missing the whole thing.
• I have a mega proposal to write and then 100 miles to travel to present it; before going away Thurs - Monday.
• My wedding shoes are too tight. I  seem to be unable to order shoe stretch spray and have it delivered to my house. This is stressing me out.
• The house is a tip
• I wanted to try and run a sub-hour 10k before the wedding - THERE IS NO TIME.
• I am stuck for ideas what to get for my bridesmaids that isn't jewellery.
• I don't know if I'm sure about our first dance song.
• If it rains the wedding will not be as good as it could be if it was sunny - compulsive long range weather forecast checking is not helping.

Several thousand words

This is it. This is the run up - the real period of excitement before the wedding. 

Holy crap. How did this happen so quickly! TB and I are now, pretty much doing little else except wedding planning. Well, not so much planning - we are doing. The time for long winded discussions is past - it is time to buy that card, order those tables, stock pile that booze, make those place-names and pay that money. Oooohhhhohhhhhh- the money. Let's just not even. 

Since the wedding meltdown (which I have yet to tell you about) I am feeling a lot calmer and a lot more excited! It does help that the list is being ticked off at a rate of knots. In between that I am feeling mostly normal with a side portion of intense emotion. Almost just had a wee cry at my desk when my colleague said: "What's lovely is that everyone there on your wedding day is so happy for you.". I cannot take this! Too much, too much.

I can't even remember what actually happened over the long weekend (there is no room in my brain) so instead here is a selection of pics from my phone.

 

 

*Dave in the back garden eying up a birdie
*Poached eggs for brunch
*Sorting material for bales to sit on at the wedding
* Tomato, lettuce and coriander from the neighbour
*Wedding signs and barrels prepped for holding booze
*Our local junk yard. Acres of total rubbish
*More wedding signs
*Total change of heart about the jar decoration to this version
*Photo frames for our table plan
*Freshly cut grass and the first barbecue of the year

Weigh in and MIA

Hallloooooo Blogland!

I've not posted for two weeks. Two whole weeks! Apart from the fact I am mega busy, the reason is... I just couldn't be bothered. Lame, right? I just kinda lost my mojo. I've hardly been tweeting either. Nothing is wrong and there hasn't been one incident that stopped me, it just seemed like a hassle.

And the more time that passes, there is so much that I'd love to share but then it's like when you've not spoken to a friend in ages and you think, "Where do I start?". In particular, I'd like to talk about my wedding meltdown (boy, that was fun), my hen do (that WAS fun), green smoothies, running personal bests and of course - weigh ins. Today was indeed a weigh in day and that's what's given me the impotus to get my finger out and get back in the groove (which I have missed).

Last week was my post hen weigh in. As you can imagine I drank a LOT over the weekend. A lot of prosseco and other fizzyness - which isn't normally my bag. I ate more than normal but I didn't really have that much. Until... I came home on the Sunday armed with leftover cake, much of which was cake I had made and it was seriously heavy on the buttercream (I love you buttercream - run away with me!). I got home and that's when the eating of cake really began in earnest. Oh dear. So come weigh day it wasn't that much of a shock to see a gain of 2.25lbs. In fact, it could have been a lot worse. That took me back up to 12 stone 2.5lbs.

Although I was fully informed about the gain i.e. it was for a good, cake eating reason, I think it affected me more than I realised. There were lots of pics taken over the hen weekend and of course, as soon as I got home on the Sunday I got right in about some self-scrutinising. A bit of self stalking, if you will. What do I look like from that angle. My legs look thin there. I look small compared to x person. I look big compared to x person. Those jeans aren't as flattering as I thought. Where have my boobs gone. And so on....

And as the week went on and more pics appeared on Facebook, it continued. As I looked at the pics I mostly thought to myself, wow - you look so thin! Amazing! I was bloody chuffed. But it was as if I was looking back at an old me. I can see the pictures and I know it's me but when I am present in the moment, like right now, I look down at myself and I don't see that person. My internal self, the right now me doesn't realised what I look like unless I am looking in on myself outwith the moment. Does that make sense?

Sort of validating that feeling was the voice in my head saying "of  course you don't look like that. You were over 2 pounds lighter in those pics. You'll never look like that again now that you've put on weight this week."

WTF? How messed up is that, but it's true. I am finding it hard to live in the moment, appreciate where I am and enjoy it. As of right now I am going to make the effort to do just that. Let's stop and smell the roses, people!

So that was last week's weigh in. This week, I was mostly very good but Sunday was not good at all (chocolate and biscuits, ooh err) and thanks to running around to the dentist, wedding dress fittings, nephew cuddles and granny chats, I also missed two workouts - spinning and a gym workout followed by intervals.

Based on this I was not confident this morning. However, the scales were very kind to me...2.5lbs off! That means I am 12stone BANG ON. I actually saw 11stone 13.75 flash up but it was fleeting and 12stone quickly took its place. I'm bloody happy with 2.5 off though so I will take 12stone and I will do a small dance of joy about it. Yippeeee!

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 0lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 2.5lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 9.25lbs

Weigh in

A quarter of a pound off. It may be the smallest loss possible (on my scales) but it's a loss! So that's me 12stone and a quarter of a pound. Oh man, those 11's are so close I can smell them - and they smell like warm caramel!

I'd LOVE to get there for next week as it would mean I'd hit the 11's for my last wedding dress fitting. I have to confess I'm not hopeful as I plan to drink a shitload of booze this weekend as I get my send off from my hens! Wheeeeee!

Exercise this week comprised:

• Thursday: Spinning. PT workout
• Friday: Gym workout and 20 mins of intervals
• Sunday: 1 hour of racketball
• Monday: 5km run (fast)
• Wednesday 5km run (fast

In general I am feeling goo-oooood! Apart from the fact I bought a 34 B bra and it fits (with even a little room!) my size 16 jeans are all too baggy around the waist and top. I bought a couple of size 12 tops off the peg today and they all fit perfectly. So I'm just gonna keep on keeping on and enjoy life.

Daylight Saving PB

The clocks have gone forward and what better way to make the most of the lighter evenings that being outside. I do enjoy me some outside time.

I'm not able to go swimming tonight as I'm meeting a friend to get a manicure (oh yeah,  living the life of Riley - and some dodgy green nail varnish destroyed my nails some months ago and they are still wrecked) so last night I made the decision to pop out for a quick run.

I got home from work, prepared some aubergine for roasting, popped it in the oven and then headed out for a 'quick' 5k.  When I say quick, I mean fast. Normally a run for me involves getting into a good rhythm and plodding away. Admittedly that plodding is getting slightly faster but last night I decided to really try and go for it. I threw myself around my little 5.17km circuit as quickly as I could go, hoping for not much more than 30mins. I did it in 29mins and 22 seconds! A new all time record - and it was outside with a few hills thrown in for good measure.

It felt good. Really good. What also feels good is this weekend it's.... my hen doo! I cannot actually believe it's actually here! I am actually getting married and I am having my very own hen do. I'm living the moments I day dreamed about for so long.

Unlike TB, who has been quite involved in planning his 4 day and 3 night extravaganza to Berlin (!) I only know that I've got a weekend in Scotland and I've to pack a swimming costume. That's it!  I don't know where it is or how I'm getting there!

*4.30pm sun
*Exhausted Dave
*Wedding sign making

Skinny love

Yesterday I had an interim health screening with my PT.

When I first met him in early Feb my body fat was measured as 40%. You may recall I was shocked and a little sceptical about this number.  Considering I was feeling pretty fit and the slimmest I had ever been, it seemed pretty high.

Well it is no longer 40%. It is now 33% Check that out! I've dropped 7% of body fat in 7 weeks! How good is that! I am so chuffed about it. It really does show that the scales are not to be trusted. I know I'm always going to place stock in what they say but that figure has really helped me to try and have a bit more perspective.  I must remember this next time they don't play ball.

So all in all, I'm feeling flipping fantastic. I was working out with the female personal trainer yesterday and I was talking about my fitness progress. As I said, "I'm really proud of myself", I could feel the words catching in my throat, and tears pricking at my eyes. Those words aren't flippant. They are not throwaway, I am proud of myself. God, emotions are running high!

Speaking of tears... we have our wedding reading! And it's thanks to Seren! Thank you so much, my love. After you suggested Invisible Kisses I read the poem. I loved it but when I watched the youTube clip of Lemin Sissay reciting it, I  couldn't hold back the tears. I knew it was the one. When TB got home I told him that I'd found our reading - our hours of searching were over. He read it, watched it... and agreed. Just like that! Thank you, thank you! I am so delighted with it.

Weigh in

Someone phone Downing Street. Get Obama on the phone. Text Putin, for crying out loud. Something major has happened... I've lost weight two weeks running!

TWO WEEKS! IN A ROW!

The last time this happened was mid January. I am cock-a-bloody-hoop. COCKAHOOP, I tell you.

Joy joy joy. Unadulterated joy. This morning I weighed in at 12stone 0.5lbs. I lost 1.25lbs! I definitely felt like I had lost this week but to have it show  up on the scales, for once, was an incredible feeling. Pow POW.

I've started having all bran for breakfast and I've tried to add more into my diet, more fruit and also some wholegrains here and there.  I might also have had a few squares of the fudge I made for my the office. Okay, I also had two squares of sticky stuff (sort of homemade rice krispy squares - think melted butter, toffee, syrup and marshmallows). But I'm down with that as...

Exercise wise, this week has been the opposite of last week. I think I've done more than ever. This is because I've played badminton twice as TB is getting right into playing as part his weight loss plan. He's lost almost a stone and a half! What is it with men and how easily they lose weight?! Not annoyingly straightforward for them at all! He looks so good though and I'm so proud of him. It even  looks like he's going to have to get his kilt taken in for the wedding. 

Here is the rundown:

• Thursday: PT session and spinning
• Friday: Gym workout with interval training
• Sunday: 1 hour badminton singles
• Monday: Nothing
• Tuesday: Half hour swim
• Wednesday: 5 mile run (new all time fast pace!). 1 hour badminton singles. 

It's pretty obvious what my goal is for next week. 11's. Ha! Feels weird (good weird) to be writing that. I could be in the 11 stones next week. Bonkers. 3/4 of a pound is what I need to lose to get me there. Sounds like nothing. It is most definitely something.

2014 Starting Weight: 12 stone 9.25lbs
Current Weight: 12 stone 0.5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 1.25lbs
Total 2014 Weight Loss: 8.75lbs 

 

My fudge, some wedding dress lace and edging (wheee!), feeling slim in my usual workout attire.