Monday, 16 January 2012

Settle down

Thanks for all the advice yesterday. I've been pretty vocal about not getting enough help and I've also explained that I don't like to nag. I don't want to have to tell him to do things.

I think after our chat when I nearly went stratospheric about the dishwasher loading incident things are going to improve. Last night dinner was a team effort and when I was hanging up some washing he came and helped me. Small things but they make such a difference. It also helped that because TB is on a training course this week there is no ironing to be done and his lunches are provided.

The other thing that has been getting me down is the atmosphere that comes with the hum drum and the nagging. A couple of times when I've been grumpy because I feel like I'm not getting enough help TB has said: "I've been looking forward to coming home to see you. Let's not fall out." I don't want to fall out either but if I'm annoyed, then that's the mood I'm in.

What I'm getting at is that I feel like the shine has come off a bit. Don't get me wrong, things are still amazing but it's just not quite how it was. Of course it's not going to be. We live together now. Before we always knew that in a day or two we would be saying goodbye, heading off to spend 5 days 100 miles apart and so every moment was enjoyed to the fullest. We gave our best, 100% all of the time. It's hard to give your best all of the time when you are getting in a tizz about cleaning the loo.

And as I've pointed out to TB - everything is different for me. I'm in a totally new city where I know hardly a soul. I've lost my routine, my flat -my whole world has changed. I miss my old city. I miss my flat. I hate not having an real friends here (yet). I've got plans to try and change that but it doesn't help how I feel right now. Even things are different with my cat. He has only been here 3 weeks and is still settling down. He's not the same pussycat as before. I miss how we were before.

Saturday night was a real struggle for me. TB mentioned earlier in the week that some of his friends from work (all boys) were going to see a band on Saturday night. I told him he should go. I want him to do his own thing. But that meant I was at home, alone on a Saturday night. I put a brave face on it for TB but I felt pretty low. There is nothing wrong with staying in on a Saturday night. I love it - when it is my choice. The pathetic part of me wanted TB to stay in with me but I would never have told him that. I wanted him to come to that conclusion on his own.

I quite enjoyed my night catching up on some of my programmes and then I went to the gym at 11pm! Ha. Rock and roll, eh? I'm glad I did though as at least I felt productive and was doing something for me.

So, the upshot is that things are good. I'm just adapting and finding my feet. I'm going home (to my mum and dad's house - where there is a new kitten!) today for the dentist and then to my old office on Tuesday in between a couple of meetings. I'm really looking forward to it and it'll probably be quite good for TB to come home from work and not find me doing my best impression of an attention starved puppy. My best mate is also coming up this weekend for Saturday and Sunday night and I can't wait.

In other dieting news. I am exercising like a mo fo. Sugar intake needs to be checked but other than that - bring on the scales!

Oh, finally. Rapunzel asked if TB knew I had a blog. He does. When he asked why Moonraker and I split up I had to explain the whole finding of the blog thing for it all to make sense. I told him that I had stopped because of that and it was TB that suggested I start again with a new blog, new name and no clues as to who I was in real life. I honestly don't think he'd look for the blog but if he did and he found it (doubtful) then he can read away as while this is all very personal and private and is not for his eyes, there is nothing here that he doesn't know or that I couldn't say to him.

1 comment:

  1. The GYM??!! At 11pm??!! Have I sufficiently expressed my amazement?? I think so.

    Well done for doing soemthing positive when youw ere feeling low. it's not alwasy easy to do and it helps. You will find your mojo in your new town soon and TB will help you I'm sure. I've had similar feelings here in my new village, albeit only 4 miles from my last one. 'Cos Rich knows loads of people in the pub and does darts and dominoes so has an automatic social life but I feel like a bit of an add-on. I find either I stay in and enjoy the peace and quiet, arrange stuff for me or, if I really want company, I tell him and come along anyway. There's pride and giving them their space and then there's being lonely/making yourself miserable for no real reason. You have decide where you are at any one time!!

    Good luck hon.

    Lesley xx


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