How to ruin your holiday

Allo my luvverzzzz.

How are we all? Embracing Autumn with zest and vigour? Pulling out the cosy knits and puddle proof boots? While everyone else thinks about their 2012 winter coat I've been doing the exact opposite and looking out the shorts and flip flops because on Sunday I jet off to Cyprus for 7 days! Booya! 30 degrees baby - here I come.

It's going to be scorchio! I cannot wait. But first, we have a wedding in London to get our nuptial groove onto. Well, that's if we actually get there. You see I'm not sure I can fit my backside into a plane seat. I cannot stop eating!

Oh lordy, it has all gone spectacularly done the pan. Last week I ran 5k (and the hip felt fine!) and I played badminton singles for an hour  but I am eating like it is going out of fashion. This week I have done NO exercise and am packing on the beef like a crazy woman. I'm not going to into details of how flabby I feel and how all my clothes feel tight - but suffice to say I am worried about looking 4 months preggers in my new dress I bought for this wedding. My thighs and boobs - oh god. Oh GOD!

TB seems to be delighted that my boobs feel and look massive but he is blinded by the boob - it also means everything else is bigger. Everything comes at a cost, young man! But here's the deal... I'm going on holiday and I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm not going to worry about a half stone (or probably more, ugh). I'm going to eat, drink and be merry. When I come home, it will be time for action. Serious action.

For now, I wish drastically change topic - to weddings and marriage. I think it's safe to say that I cannot wait to be married to TB. He is the love of my life and everything I could ever want. At the age of 32  I am never going to be a young bride or a young mum and but my desire to be his wife and mother to his children is overpowering. All around me friends are getting married and having babies which only serves to remind me how much I want it.

Almost two months ago we were at a wedding and yours truly caught the bouquet (for the second time!). A funny moment and while TB and I were laughing and joking about it - I wanted him to know what I was thinking. My courage boosted by booze, I put it out there.

"It's not just because we're at a wedding and it's not just because I caught the bouquet - but I want us to be married and I want us to have a family together.
"I really want it."
"I know", he said.
And we hugged for a long time.

That was all we said and that was all I wanted to say. That was two months ago. And while I wouldn't expect him to do to it the following day, I wonder  - is he going to do it soon? Does he realised I want him to do it soon? He must!

We're already making plans for holidays for next year and it seems that there is no thought that a wedding might be slotted in there. I want to get married next year. I want to be have a baby before I am 35. Two and a half years to do all that - 9 months of which you are preggers, is not a long time.

So why am I blogging about this now. Why roll it into one post? Well - we go on holiday on Saturday morning. Holiday, people! What do a lot of people do on hols? Thaaaaaat's right - they get engaged!

Now, I know for sure he's not going to propose on holiday but even while I type that there is a teeny tiny part of me that thinks, maybe - just maybe. I need to rein myself in. I'm letting myself get out of control. Do you know what I did the other day? I have always avoided looking or thinking about anything wedding related as I don't want to jinx it - and I'm just not one of these people who has been 'planning their wedding since they were a little girl' (who are these people) but not only did I look in a jeweller's window but I have actually created a possible guest list spread sheet! What the actual chuff?!

I know! I need to catch myself on - big time. So no more. I need to breathe deep and relax. When it happens it will happen and it will be right for me. It will be especially right for me though if it's before the year is out!

Rollercoaster of Lard

I am more than bored of banging the same lardy drum and so here is a very condensed version of life in the fat lane, over the past week.

• Didn't make the gym on Monday - worked late instead
• Kept picking at the cake I made even though it was in the office kitchen
• Ate 4 chocolate bars on Tuesday night while driving to my folk's
• Got up on Wednesday and weighed myself on my mum's scales. Dear Lord
• Mum challenged me to lose 4lb by holiday time (2 weeks on Saturday) 
• Post weigh in I went out for run and did some squats and lunges too
• Had a full day on plan - apart from some white bread
• Thursday was also a full day on plan - apart from some white bread and pesto
• I played badminton on Thursday night

The upshot is I lost it again at the beginning of the week. I got it together on Wednesday and the biggest thing for me - I've been moving my backside again. I only did a very short run - 3km in 20 mins (9km per hour) but I did it - and my hip feels okay. That's about the distance I could go before it started hurting again so I took it easy and didn't do any more than that.

I'm out for dinner tonight and at a cocktail session tomorrow night -  from 5pm! So the weekend is going to be boozy. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow, regardless. No idea what I'll see but I really really hope it's less than last week. Let's not even think about what my mother's scales were saying...

Weigh in

The avoidance of 'last night before the diet' mentality didn't really happen. Honestly, it was more of an indulgence with a touch of gluttony.

We ended up having a bit of impromptu night out and ordering a take-away. I did not want to get a take-away but there were a few of us and that seemed to be the majority rule. It's really hard in those instances to pipe up. That's when healthy = boring. So we got a chinese and I ate and I ate. I also knocked back the booze and then when I came home I ate some leftovers. So pretty much, I went for it.

The next morning weighing was weighing on my mind. And for good reason. 13ston 0.25lbs. Crap. That means I've gained half a stone in about a month. Nice one. Really good job. Idiot! I'm hoping a couple of those pounds will vanish pretty quickly as I was laden with salty food but regardless of the number I just have to get the hell on with it. 3 weeks till holiday and counting.

My weekend eating was pretty good but not good enough to be honest. The food at the black tie do was insane - so good and the portions were massive. I turned down bread with the duck starter. I couldn't finish my massive chicken and veg maincourse. I picked at the summer fruits creme brulee but I did eat the two mini white chocolate cookies that came with it.

The only other downfall at the weekend was licking the hell out of the pot I made the butterscotch sauce for Nigella's butterscotch layer cake. This cake is gorgeous. Really moist and the toffee/cream cheese icing works really well with the sweetness of the cake. Yum! I had a tiny slice to test it and the rest is now in the office being eaten by my colleagues. Phew. I love baking though. It's always such a danger as I want to lick and pick and well... just eat it all. I've decided though, I am definitely going to do more. I love it too much to banish it.

It was so good being at home for the  whole weekend rather than diving off to other parts of the country seeing other people. I do love being busy and being away but sometimes you just wanna potter around at home. And I did more than potter. I got washing done, a big food shop, hoovered the stairwell, looked at cookbooks, baked, meal planned, watched a film, had a long lie, changed beds. And I got to bust out my new duvet cover that I got with my Tesco points for practically nothing thank to the double rewards offer.

Tonight I'm going to the gym after work and I'm hoping I'll be able to get into a spinning class. It's doubtful as it's fully booked so I need a drop out so I can steal their slot. Regardless, I will get my sweat on one way or another. 5 day to kick it till weigh in.

Plan of Fakery

The last couple of days have followed the same pattern as the past week. Have a really great day diet wise and the ruin it in the evening by mindlessly eating rubbish.

Not a whole lotta rubbish, but crisps, a few biscuits and half a jam sandwich. You get the gist. I just cannot seem to find the drive. Where is the drive?! I want to be eating better and I really want to be exercising (curse you, sore hip) but I seem to just kinda forget about it when faced with the kitchen cupboard.

So I'm gonna have to do what I always do when I don't feel motivated - fake it till I make it. And here is my plan of fakery.

Tomorrow morning  - weigh in. Gads. Do not want to do it. It has to happen though. The scales and I need to reconnect. We have to reconnect. I have a very quiet weekend planned. The only thing on the cards is a black tie do on Saturday night. I need to watch the wine, but it doesn't pose too much of a problem. I am also planning to meal plan, do a big food shop and bake. Whooooa there... bake? Yes, bake. I really want to. I never do it as I just want to eat it all and so I'm going to make a cake and take the whole thing into the office. That way I can't pick at it once it's finished.

As for the rest of the week, I have simply got to get my sweat on. I know I feel better and want to eat better when I am in the workout zone, so...

Monday: Spinning after work
Tuesday: Nothing (driving to the parent's after work)
Wednesday: Very light run in the morning followed by some squats etc.
Thursday: Spinning or bike ride (weather dependent)
Friday: Possible light run

Now, I know there word 'running' is written above. And, I know I'm still not supposed to run but, I've been doing my strengthening exercises and I will do lots more before Wednesday when I plan to do a light run. I'm only going to do a couple of slow miles to see how things go.

Feel better already for having written all that out. Now, I must not go nuts tonight since it's weigh in tomorrow. Must banish any thoughts of 'one last night' eating.

Have a lovely weekend darlings. x

Thighs & resolve - communal wobble

 

I'm in a precarious position just now.

 

Life is good. Really good, and there is so much that I have to be happy about. I'm a very lucky girl. Work is good, friends are brilliant, social life is choc-a-block and I've got the most incredible man in my life (spew!). So you get the gist - I'm a happy bunny.

 

In fact - today is mine and TB's two year anniversary. On this date two years ago I jumped on a train for 3 hours to spend a weekend with someone who I had only really met and flirted with in passing. Without a doubt, the best decision I ever made. I've already been vomit inducing cringe-worthy and so I might at well keep going... Sometimes TB will react to a situation in a certain way, it might just be to get up at 5am to rescue the cat from a fight in the garden with the neighbour's brute or the way he chats with people for the first time, and I think to myself, "that's the kind of person I want to be with." Then I realise I am. He's everything I've ever wanted. I know - pass the bucket.

 

I also feel pretty good about myself. I've lost a good chunk of weight and kept most of it off. I don't feel like a massive overeweight blob (most of the time) and so maybe I should just relax and enjoy where I'm at. There it is... I'm slowly creeping back up the pounds. Do I stop worrying about it and try and level things off, or do I keep striving for a weight loss mindset which invariably results in my being pissed off with myself as I can't seem to get there.

 

Even if I don't actively decide to take my foot off the gas, it's happening. The scales are going up. The wobble is wobblier and so is my resolve and I'm not sure how to incite a wind of change. The 13's are calling my name. That bloody stone range that has become the devil on my shoulder, whispering encouragement to eat and drink without thought.

 

That is exactly what's happening - thoughtlessness. I'm not binging or gorging. I'm not craving or secret eating.  I'm eating too much in the evening, not exercising enough and eating and drinking far too much at the weekend. You know, kinda like someone who's not on a diet. But I AM! I am ALWAYS on a diet. I cannot keep on doing this. Otherwise in three and a half weeks I'm going to head off on hols and will be writing a post about how nothing fits and if I'd just got it together when I wrote this then I would be much happier (little bit too much time travel tense changing there - you get the gist).

 

My mum is coming to stay tonight and so tonight will be a full on counselling sesh - for both of us. I'm going to come back here with a plan of action involving weighing myself (frightened to do that right now) and exercise and general winning.

 

 

Here's a lovely pic from the weekend.

Weigh in

Half a pound off.

Pretty happy with that. At first I was a bit miffed but then I soon realised I was seeing was a loss after six days, three of which were spent eating and drinking good style at a wedding. So just you catch yourself on, love.

I've decided to weigh in on Thursday of next week, giving me six days to crack on with losing the remainder of my target - 4.25lbs. Ha! Sure - that's gonna happen. Oh my, I do love a jape. I'm certainly gonna get the head down though and see what in-roads I can make.

A quick glance at the stats below reveals I have only lost 5.5lbs this year. Oops! Well, actually not oops. Not oops at all! I am still losing. I'm still in a good place. I've kept off almost everything I've ever lost. Bloody well done to me. And... and I'm planning on scooting into the 11s this year.

BOOOOOOM! Oh yeah - there it is... my plan. My Goal. 11's baby - here we come. I'm 12 pounds away from the 11's. Those 11lbs could make a HUGE difference to how I look and more importantly, how I feel.  I owe it to myself to get there. To be in the 11's.

At the moment I keep forgetting that I need to actually think about losing weight. It takes planning and it takes dedication. If I want to get into the 11's I need to start planning exercise and sticking to it. I need to say no thank you to the sneaky things such as the bacon roll I will be offered on Sunday morning at TB's house.  I need to remind myself that it doesn't just happen. To lose 12lbs takes dedication. You can't just muddle along.

Have a sparkling weekend my darlings.  x


Starting Weight: 185 pounds
Current Weight: 179.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 0.5 pounds
Total 2012 Weight Loss: 5.5 pounds

What I ate

I often read other people’s What I Ate posts but it’s been a very looooong time since I busted one out myself.

Now that I’m back working in an office 5 days a week I find that what I eat day to day doesn’t really change that much. Now that might a horrendous thought for some but as a creature of habit, I love it. Not only do I know the amounts and volumes that will satisfy me but it’s also easy for my little brain to keep up. I can buy the same foods without really thinking about it and having to come up with other diet friendly options.

 

So…. Here we go.

8.30am. Breakfast I have breakfast just before leaving the flat and just about every morning I have porridge made with half semi skimmed milk and half skimmed milk. Today I added some honey and some desiccated coconut. Normally I prefer coconut oil instead. In fact, that reminds me I must try and buy some today on the way to the gym. Yeah, you read that right, the gym. I’m getting myself back down there tonight. I also have a small glass of water.

9.00am. Hydration Stations. I am a thirsty bunny and between 9 and 11 I’ll drink a litre of juice (Robinson’s peach and barley juice is a favourite) and a milky coffee too (followed up by some Extra chewing gum).

11.30am: Nectarine. I LOVE nectarines. I am already depressed about the fact they are going out of season soon.

1.00pm: Lunch. I try and split this into two parts… first up, it’s the meat course. Some cold meat with a few spoonfuls of low fat crème fraiche. Recently I’ve been having this whole packet but today I just had half. I then had another coffee and a butterscotch sweet.

1-3pm: More juice. Another 1 litre.

3.00pm: Lunch no 2. Fruit course. Lots of lovely fruit topped with a Muller Light Greek Style Morello Cherry Yogurt. This SHOULD have been a coconut one but the stupid shop didn’t have any! What the chuff is that all about? Coconut for the win. I had tucked in before I remembered to take a snap.

4.00pm: Half a litre of juice.

The rest of this is a prediction as it is in the future…

7.00pm: A late tea tonight as I went to the gym. Prawn stir fry with one of those stir in sachet sauces and a packet of stir fry pre prepped veg. Nothing very exciting but it’s quick and healthy. We threw in some extra veg and had it with some noodles.

8.00pm:  Cup of tea and an ice lolly. I do love a wee ice lolly of an evening. Sometimes it’s a choc ice, just one of the really cheap ones but I know an ice lolly really is a better dieting shout.

8.30pm: A couple of boiled sweets.

So there you have it. I’m weighing in the morning and I really need to see a dip from 12stone 12. Hopefully this lot will help me on my way.



Reality bites

I’ve been having a wee think about yesterday’s bold statement. You know, the one where I claimed I was going to lose 4.75lbs in two weigh in’s time. Yeah, that one. Quite the claim.

I mean, IT IS possible. But so is walking on the moon. It doesn’t mean I’m going to make it a reality by a week today.

My hip is still being a total git and although I am seeing a physio running is off the cards for now. So I’m still quite restricted when it comes to exercise. I’m going to the gym (ugh) tomorrow or Friday after work to do hit up the cross trainer and so some balancing/strengthening exercises prescribed to me and hopefully I’ll get out on the bike before the weekend too.

The only other real hurdle is that TB and I are going out with his parents for dinner on Saturday night – queue lots of wine as his dad continually tops up my glass. I’ll just have to be strong and limit myself.

I’ll strive to hit my goal. I really am going to do my damndest to get there and if I get within a pound I’d be over the moon. First of all though, I need to get to Friday’s weigh. It’s been a boozy weekend with lots of food and I’ve given myself 3 clear days to try and see a loss. Oh my.

Yesterday was a very good day and today has been more of the same. Even better, in fact. Tea tonight is chorizo, chickpea and lentil soup which I cannot wait shovel down.

Gauntlet - thrown down

I weighed in on Saturday morning at 6.15am. Yes, in the morning! We had to get up at the crack of dawn to catch a flight to take us to a weekend of wedding festivities and so bleary eyed I hopped on the scales. 12 stone 12lbs - dead on.

Oh my. Now normally I get on and off around 10 times as my scales can vary by quite a few pounds from reading to reading so I like to make sure I get the same reading time and time again. This didn't happen on Saturday. I didn't have time and so I've just had to go with that reading. And the reality is that its's probably quite accurate. I'm not going to stress about it though. So I'm 4.75lbs heavier than my lightest? I could lose that by a week on Wednesday (my next weigh in) if I got my finger out. In fact... that's exactly what I'm going to.

The weekend was incredible. So much fun. Filled with love and celebration - and not to mention a power of booze and food.  I didn't go completely nuts with the food but I definitely enjoyed myself.

So what's the plan? Well today is Tuesday - I'm right back on it today. And on it is where I shall stay until Friday morning when I weigh in again.  I had a [physio appointment today for my hip and she's given me some exercises to do at the gym and so I'm gonna a couple of times before my appointment next week. I'm also going to get out on the bike as well.

However, what I really want to do is gut the flat. The place is a mess. We have far far too much stuff and it is everywhere. Cupboards and groaning, the bed needs changed, clothes need washed and the place needs a really good clean. Tonight I'm going for a quick food shop and then it's home to make the place look less like a hovel and more like a home.

I get a good feeling

It's all been a bit text heavy of late and so I was planning to bombard you with a power of pics today. Blogger has decided that's not to be and so here are a just a few, mostly taken during a hen weekend in Glasgow. I love the picture peeking out a Glasgow Cab. Brings back a lot of memories. And all of the other pics - are food! Natch.

 

So - let me bring you up to speed with how life is going. And when I say life, I mean dieting - which kinda is my life.

 

After my post the other day I carried on with being really good during the day but by night... I was opening cupboards and looking for food like a woman possessed. You know that way where you keep going into the kitchen cupboards to see what you can eat. There is nothing and so you go away again - only to come back but 10 minutes later to do the same thing? Yeah - that. Except I did it enough times that eventually I did find something to eat.

 

On the plus side, I went out on Tuesday night and did 10 miles on the bike. Boom. Very pleased. I did eat too many boiled sweets afterwards and also half a slice of toasted cheese... but at least I got out there and moved my backside.

 

I didn't go to bootcamp last night. I ended up getting stuck into some more tidying in the flat, which actually has made me feel better mentally. As for what I ate, could have been worse. 2 bags of crisps, 5 boiled sweets and a handful of cheese should not have featured.

 

I woke up this morning and something has happened. I don't know what but I just feel like something has clicked. I'm having issues exercising at the moment but when I lost over 4lbs in 10 days recently, I had only been out for 3 runs in that time. It's what's going in my face that matters. I can do this. The only person stopping me is me. When I'm in control I feel SO much better. I might not look at all better but I FEEL it. Only I can bring that feeling back - and I could get it in a matter of days. I've eaten the same thing today as I have the past few days yet somehow... I dunno, I realise that I am eating the right things. I just need to aknowlege the positive choices and keep them going.

 

While writing this something else has dawned on me... I think my period is coming early. My boobs have been really sore for 2 days now and I just felt a twinge. That would explain a LOT.

 

I'm dashing about after work today (a few miles of power walking) to get fancy dress costumes organised but TB is going out at 9pm. What's to stop me cracking out a few lunges and squats. It's not exactly a full on sweat fest - but it's something. Right? Then I'm gonna have a bath. That's right. A mother fucking bath. Just some time to make myself feel good   - and away from any food.

 

Get a grip, woman

Where was I… Oh yes, my hip was hurting and I was about to weigh in.

So weigh in was bit of a non starter as I had a small gain of ¼ of a pound. Determined to get it off I headed into the weekend – and didn’t really do so well. I was at a barbeque and ate much more than I should have. I weighed in the following week after a not so great week overall and there before my very eyes was the news that I had gained 3lbs.

Yes, THREE sodding pounds. Now, don’t get me wrong I had not had a good weekend but to gain three pounds? Well, I just don’t see how it was possible. Annoyed. Very annoyed. And since then, it’s just kinda gone downhill.

I’m fine during the day. Excellent, in fact and then it comes to the evening and I’ve been eating crisps, large portions, digestives and butter. Well, anything really that I can pick at. I’ve also done absolutely ZERO exercise. My hip is still hurting and in fact it’s worse as before it used to ease off after a few days. Now, there is a constant twinge when I walk or get up from sitting.

So my mental clarity has been lacking. That gain on the scale has knocked me - and I’m finding it very difficult to right myself. And on top of all that – life is very busy just now and I need more hours in the day! I’ve run out of healthy stock piled meals in the freezer and last week when TB suggested crepes for tea, instead of thinking of a healthier solution I was right there shouting “yes please!”. Of course – following up the savory ones I drowned the remainder in syrup and shoved them right down my face.

I was away at a hen weekend just there (which involved lots of boozing and eating out) and I’ve just not had a chance to plan meals and go to the shops.

The flat is so untidy, the washing is piling up and everything needs a good clean, the cat has been unwell and there is hair everywhere…. I just feel like I need a weekend of being at home to plan, organise and tidy. Ha! No chance. We’re away at a wedding this weekend (for which we need a fancy dress outfit – don’t ask) and so I need to sort that out, and then the next weekend we’re away sorting out my flat that I rent out. No time for anything!

So here is the plan. Yes, there is always a plan. TB is out till late tonight. I’m gonna go home from work and got out for a cycle for a good 40 mins. I’ll come home and eat the fish pie which I found a portion of in the freezer. I’m going to spend the rest of the night tidying and cleaning as much as I can. I will, of course be sitting on my backside to watch the Great British Bakeoff. During that time I will meal plan and get my shopping list together.

Wednesday I’m going to go to bootcamp (which was horrific last time - but needs must).

Thursday is late night shopping and Friday I might attempt a small run.

Saturday I shall weigh in before flying off to watch yet another friend tie the knot- and I'm hoping the damage isn't too bad.

Hip Gyp

Yesterday I tweeted myself into a corner… I WILL go out for a run tonight, was the promise I made to myself and a whole loada spam bots. I knew if I didn’t keep my promise they’d be following me with their tiny bikinis and massive jugs.

I got home after work (I must update you an all things office related at some point soon) and the sun was shining. Perfect. I dug out my running kit and off I trotted. Straight away my feet were sore. You know, those we muscles on the soles of your feet that help you balance. My legs felt pretty wobbly and my head was all fuggy (yes, that’s a word!) from this arsing cold that is still lingering.

However, on I pushed and before long, I had some rhythm. My feet were somehow finding themselves and I was making great progress. I sped up a bit. I slowed down a bit. I did the fandango. Okay- maybe I didn’t do the fandango but I did feel like I was in control. My breathing felt okay and I was actually enjoying myself. Whoo hoo. I am a runner, I thought.

I began to visualise myself crossing the 10k line at my race in September. I am so gonna do this, I thought to myself. 3 weeks off, a stinking cold but I’m back! Boo YA. I looped back towards my starting point and just as I passed the 3km mark – my bloody hip started hurting again. And it was really sore. ARSE. Not what I wanted. I kept on going and vowed to run all the way home. I did it, I ran all the way home (4.88km in 32 mins ah thank you very much) but my hip was killing. I stretched it off last night and I’ve taken some ibuprofen but it’s still sore. I am raging.

I feel like I’ve just started to get good at running but I can’t risk long term problems for it. I really REALLY want to do the 10k though. I’m seriously watching the pennies right now and so I can’t afford a physio. And now that I’ve been solely exercising outside and I’m working full time – the gym is the last place I want to be.

I think I’m going to try and get out on my bike at least one night a week and intersperse that with running. I do need to get my hip looked at though because hurting after 3 weeks of rest after just 20 minutes of running is not a good thing.

And then of course, tomorrow is weigh in! I know it’s only been six days since the last one but it honestly feels like it was just yesterday. Because I’ve only had one 5k run and the 6 days I’m not confident for a loss. I’m currently 12stone 7.25lbs. If I could see 12stone 6.75lbs I would be over the flippin moon. Mon the sixes!

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