Twelve in 2012

I'm not one for meme's or set questions and answers but I saw this over on The Fat Girl Fighting and decided to steal it.

1. What was your greatest personal accomplishment in 2012?
Getting down to my lowest weight ever and into Fresh Fat (FF) was brilliant. I also worked on a fantastic campaign for work which I was really proud of.

2. What’s the best thing your did for your health?  Keeping on top of last year's weight loss and getting back into running (until my hip started hurting!)

3. Share one thing that caused a significant change in your life this year. Realising that freelancing is too unstable caused me to take a temporary position with another company - which I've loved.   Being full time back in an office has been much less painful than I expected.

4. List a few things that you experienced for the first time at some point over the last twelve months. An Orcadien wedding, Cyprus holidays, moving my pussycat to my new city, meeting friend's babies. 

5. What was the coolest place you visited? The Isle of Capri. It's rammed full of tourists but it's gorgeous.  

6. If you could change one thing about the last year what would it be? To have lost more weight - and kept it off. 

7. What is the best meal you ate this year? I haven't the foggiest. Actually - I think it might have been steak and chips from a local restaurant. It was pretty damn good.

8. Tell us about a new friend you made. 2013 has been a fantastic year for new friends. I have made loads of them! Living in a new city I was really keen to find my independent groove and I've done that thanks to lots of really lovely girls. I'm a very lucky girl.  I've got lots of male friends but I'd be lost without girls in my life.

9. What did you hope to accomplish this year that you did not? If I'm going to be completely honest (and that's exactly what this blog is all about) I hoped to have got engaged to TB this year. He is the love of my life and I cannot imagine a future without him. I want us to be married more than I can I put into words. Although, I would never admit that to anyone other than a couple of my closest friends.

10. Share something you learned in 2012.  What a venn diagram is.

11. Share an odd and unexpected thing that you experienced this year. Dancing in my neighbours living room (who I barely know), totally shitfaced at 10pm - after their garden Christmas lights switch on but a few hours earlier.

12. How do you think 2013 will differ from 2012? There are lots of changes on the horizon. My contract with my current job only has a few  months to run so who knows what will happen after that. TB and I want to buy a place, I'm expecting more friends to be expecting and of course, I am planning to nail the weight loss. 11 stones - I'm coming to getcha!  

What about you? How has 2012 been for you?

Grey matter

There are some things you get from your parents that really do not make you happy. The size of my arse and my bunions are two such lovely delights. But... there are also some things that make you dance about with glee.

Aside from my obvious intelligence (stop laughing please) I was blessed with being almost 5ft 7 which I LOVE. I find it to be the perfect height for me! And on top of that-  I have amazing hair. I'm not going to pretend to be modest about it; my hair is the envy of many! Thick, dark brown, long, shiny, grows quickly and can be worn curly or straight - what is not to love!

However, we have a problem - which was first discovered in 2007. That was when my first grey (or silver, if you will) hair was discovered. I was 27 and let me tell you, that was a dark day. There and then I vowed I would make it to my next birthday before having to dye it. And so I did. I reached the ripe old age of 28 and still  - with the odd pluck here I there - I didn't have to reach for the bottle for another year. Before I knew it my 32nd birthday was on the horizon and still the silver foxette in me remain subdued. I was delighted!

My fall from grace was just around the corner though. I'm 33 in May (when the chuff did that happen?) and all of a sudden - the white hairs have decided to come out in force. You still can't see them but lurking underneath my mop, just behind my ears they are loads of them! Pinning my hair up - in a half pony tail is the stuff nightmares are made of. I even spotted a couple of the pesky buggers on the top of my head. They are beginning to take over!

Dying my hair to cover the grey isn't really that big a deal. It's more of a mental thing for me. It signifies the point in time when I have to accept that I'm no longer a 'young woman'. I've known that for some time but to see it in such a physical manifestation, well.. it makes me realise time is slipping on past. Life is going more quickly than ever before. I'd just like to hit the pause button for a few years.

Weigh in

Something weird has happened.

I weighed myself this morning and it would appear I have only put on 1.75lbs in the last three weeks. What? Come again?

I am shocked. I cannot believe it. I'm only 13 stone and 3.25lbs. What the chuff? This is amazing news! I can only assume that years of forcing myself to eat healthily has paid off and finally some good habits have actually become normal behaviour and the junk that I have been eating really hasn't been that much.

The minute, nay the second, that I saw the numbers flash up on the scales, I was hit with motivation similar to Wylie Coyote being hit with an anvil from a great height. |It was like one second I was indifferent, the next - ready to rock and roll.

There really isn't long until Christmas but I would be a total moron if I didn't take this good news and run with it.I'm going to weigh in on Tuesday 18th (6 days) and the day I head back to the family fold for Christmas, Sunday 23rd (5 days).  It's not long and I have all manner of festive lunches/dinners/drinks and events between now and then. However, if I don't try then where will I be.

I did have a sneaky peek at my spreadsheet from this time last year and I was quite a bit lighter. 12stone 9lbs to be precise. That's annoying - but it is only half a stone away from where I am at the moment. It's really not that a big deal but I would love to be few pounds closer to that so here I go...

Facing the music

I'm going to do it. Tomorrow, I am going to weigh myself.

To say I'm not looking forward to it, is freaking huge understatement.

Things have not been going well. Yes, there have been some minor successes such as two workouts last week,  healthy breakfasts and lunches, but these have been overshadowed by the sheer volume and quality of rubbish I have inhaled in the evenings and at the weekend.

Today is going to be a 100% day. I am going to the gym tonight. I will take responsibility. The next two weeks will not own me.  Let's go!

New day every day

I'm just not quite getting it.

Day two was going SO well (as per my post). I did as promised and went to the gym. It was pretty tough. Running for 10 mins at 9.6kmph was in no way enjoyable. I think it's safe to say my fitness has gone right down the pan. However, I soldiered on and even got some kettle bell action on the go (and yes - two days later, I can hardly walk).

I got home, did all my jobs and then sat down to watch telly for half an hour. I then had a fleeting thought about a (sizable) chocolate bar that was lurking in the cupboard. The next thing I know said chocolate bar was stuffed in my face. Nice one. Smart move.

Not sure what I'm playing at. Yesterday, I had an excellent day until I got in from work and had several large handfuls of honey roast cashews. For dinner I just had two grilled pork chops and a slice of white bread and butter. Balanced, it was not.

I'm not feeling it but what choice do I have right now? I could give in to the festive feasting and not worry about it until the new year but that, dear readers, would be madness. 5 weeks of turning the other cheek will result in a very large pair of but cheeks. I just need to keep on trying. I'm going to do my best to keep on track as best I can and then I'll weigh on Monday. Ugh.

I'm having a healthy day today (day time doesn't really seem to be my problem time) and then after work I need to pop into M&S which is happens to be just opposite my gym. Spinning is on at 6pm tonight. I shall be going. It's an hour of my time (only actually 45 mins of spinning) and I'm there anyway. It would be utter madness not to go.

Day two diet

Yesterday was about 85% on plan.

A large spoonful of ice cream and three very small chocs was where the damage lay. Had I not had them - it would have been perfection. The main victory is that before and after my tea and before bed, I didn't start picking at crisps or crackers. Also, the chocs were Thorntons so it's not as if it was scotbloc (been there!).

Today, things are also looking pretty good.

B: Porridge (with spoonful of banana jam)
S: Clementine, skinny praline mocha (no cream)
L: Moroccan chicken with chickpeas and small portion of couscous (leftovers)
D: Scrambled Eggs (no toast)
S: Melon

I also had the best sleep last night. I popped off pretty quickly and slept solidly through until the alarm went off at 6.50 this morning. And so I have no excuses not to go the the gym tonight straight after work.

TB is always out on a Tuesday so once I get home it's shower time and dinner time. Then I'm gonna sort some washing, empty and re-load the dishwasher, wrap two presents, practise my new hobby (more on that soon) and watch some telly. Here's to day 2!

Strangulation of the chubby

Today. Today is the day I am getting a grip. Even as I type this, my grasp around the chubby neck of my diet is tightening. That's right I'm metaphorically strangling the fat me.

The past, oh I don't know... week or so has been bad. The weekend?  Let's just not go there. Horrific. I feel awful just now. Those pounds that I ever so slowly chipped off over the past few months are more than likely right back on again. I'm bloated, wobbly and worried about what I'm going to wear over the next few weeks and throughout the festive season. I have far too many parties, nights out and social affairs to be recycling the same two items of clothing!

I've not weighed myself but it doesn't matter. As of today - I cannot let any state of affairs exist other than being on plan. I have no option. I don't really care too much what the scales say come Christmas Time but I know I have to feel better than I do now. Three weeks on plan could make me feel a lot better.

Porridge for breakfast, soups and lean meat for lunches, meat, fish and veg for dinners. Lots of water. Lots of fruit. Move more. That's is what is happening for 21 days.

I'm going to the gym tomorrow and am spinning on Thursday. This shit is happening.

Off kilter

I think the best way to describe me at the moment is... out of sorts.

I'm really quite fine but just... just not quite feeling myself. Let me break it down.

My boobs are agony. So sore! Do not even look at them! Not great when your boyfriend is a boob man and he just loves to paw them all. the. time. They are also massive just now. I am busting (ha!) out even my most roomiest of bras.

I cannot seem to get my backside in gear to do any exercise. I was all set for spinning last night and 30 mins before I was about to leave work I decided to sack it off, ate a slice of cake (I made for an office birthday) and went Christmas shopping.

I woke up this morning with cystitis. I hadn't even opened my eyes and... boom! I knew it. Luckily I managed to get Dr's appointment and I am on the antibiotics already.

I've not had a 100% dieting day for about a week. Meals are good in the main but a handful of crisps here, a packet of chocolate buttons there, licking the butter icing bowl is happening every day. Not good.Things are not going well and if I don't get a grip when I weigh in on Wednesday I will have packed on quite a few pounds. I am annoying myself for being such a dickhead, but I'm not annoyed enough to actually do anything about it. 

I was off work on Tuesday. There is bug going round and while I wasn't sick, I needed to be in very close proximity to my own bathroom if you know what I mean. I took full opportunity that day to eat what I wanted to 'make myself feel better' and duly put away half a tub of full fat philadelpha on a variety of crisps - straight out the tub.

I feel really bloated. Despite the fact my belts are still on the same hole, my tummy is a right wee pot belly sticking out. The boobs and the bloating all point towards PMT but it's still 10 days away! Body of mine, what the chuff are you playing at?

That's one mighty moan. On the positive:

• I've started my Christmas shopping
• While it's leaving me a bit confused as to my career path, there are plenty of offers of work
• Feeling very smug and loved. TB and the furry feline are the best. What's better than waking up to the love of your life cuddling you (you may now be sick).
• A weekend of parties and friends lies ahead
• Baked a banoffee cake and cupcakes for an office birthday this week and got lots of lovely feedback.
• Serious discussions this week about buying a house together. There are lots of details to pin down but hopefully in the next 6-10 months. Wheeeeee!

Booze hound

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Two nights hard boozing, not enough sleep and 9 hours of driving makes for a knackering weekend and I for one, am suffering today.

So tired. All I want do so is go home and lie down. It's not gonna happen though. I'm on the go today till after 10pm tonight so it's time to buck up and shut up.

It was worth it though. We had a really great weekend with lots of lovely friends. While we didn't go anywhere apart from the big converted house we were all staying in, it was pretty busy. 27 adults and 9 children was pretty full on! Three of the children were actually babies that were just a few months old and so if you sat still for too long you ended up getting one on plopped on you. It was the 6 year old that I seemed to be with most of the time. In between nail varnish painting sessions, story reading and dancing it was just a constant talkathon. Just as well she is as cute as button.

When it came to negotiating all the cakes and treats from the weekend, I did.... okay. Don't get me wrong I indulged in a scone and clotted cream. a slice of jaffa loaf, a slice of white chocolate cheesecake and a fairy cake. Not great but considering how much there was on the go, there is a victory of some sort in there somewhere. Yesterday, however - it was not good. Roll and square sausage for breakfast, mac and cheese for lunch, half a chinese for dinner. Oh dear. And let's not forget the booze. So much drinking. I really need to cut down. It cannot be good for me how much I am putting away.

So where does this leave me when it comes to the scales. I don't really know to be honest. What I do know is that I'm right back on it today. I feel pretty crappy and food is not high on the agenda. I actually made my usual porridge for breakfast, took one whiff of it and threw it in the bin. I did end up having some eggs but  I think it's safe to say I'm feeling rather fragile.

Taste the rainbow

Working in an office of about 20 people means there is quite a lot of birthday cake on the go. I've worked in offices where you have to bring in the cakes if it's your birthday (a rule I personally quite liked) but in this office thanks to just one person having a but haha! I actually wrote but there when I meant to write NUT allergy, the cakes that get bought in are... well, they are rank. Last week there was Madeira cake that smelled like fish.

 

I could stand it no more and so when I realised the next birthday was one of the girls I'm friends with, I needed no excuse to crank the oven up. After having perved over a few pics of rainbow cakes on Pinterest I decided to bust out the food colouring and get involved.

 

It's a simple recipe but it is a little footery.  It is totally worth it though as it's a really pretty cake which got a lot of oohs and aahs once it was cut into. And, if you are anything like me, someone who revels in the cake adoration - this is the cake for you.

 

This is a devil's sponge cake:

 

• 6 oz SR flour
• 6 oz Castor Sugar
• 6 oz margarine
• 3 eggs
• pinch baking powder

 

Where are the grams, you might be wondering. I know oz is pretty old fashioned but this is a typical old school sponge recipe and is the one my mum passed on to me - and she's an oz ginda gal.

 

I doubled the amount so I had enough for two cakes (or one double layer cake). I often do that though with a sponge cake as it's really handy to have one in the freezer which you can ice whatever way you like depending on the occasion.

 

Once I had thoroughly combined the ingredients I decanted about a 1/4 of it into another bowl and added in some red food colouring to give me this gorgeous pink colour. It's up to you how deep you go with your colours but I wanted to a real pastel, delicate colour and so I wasn't too heavy handed with the food dye.

 

I then divided the coloured mixture between two 21 inch tins, which has been generously slathered with marg. It really was a very thin layer and you need to make sure you can get it out the tin. I then popped them in the oven (160 degrees) for about 15 minutes.

 

                    

 

My oven is fan assisted (and the door is filthy! Shameful) and is pretty damn hot and fast. I am still getting used to it (a year later) and there have been a couple of dry bakes along the way. With this in mind I whipped each cake out after no more than15 minutes. They are so thin that they really don't take long at all. I removed the baked cake and repeated this exact same process 4 times, 3 times with coloured sponge and once without any colouring.

 

The only difference was that with the coloured ones I added just a touch more flour as by this time it had been quite a while since the batter had been made and I felt it needed just a little more structure.

 

                    

 



Once you have 4 layers of different colours and they are completely cool it's time to get the icing on the go. I actually made these cakes about 5 days before I needed them (it was my last opportunity thanks to a bonkers week) froze them and iced them straight from the freezer. It's really preferable to ice them defrosted so the cake is in it's finished shape  - you can see the ridges in mine.

 

There is only one thing better than icing and this is cream cheese icing. In fact, I may be drooling while simply typing the words. It's case of beating together very soft butter, full fat cream cheese and icing sugar. This is a lovely recipe from The Pink Whisk. Then simply build up your layer of cake and icing.

 

 

                    

 

Please excuse my Celebrations tub lid. I really need a proper cake carrier but until such a thing falls into my lap (from Santa maybe!) I have to make it on the lid of my tub so I can then easily carry it to work while sealed in the upside down box. You can see my cake is still frozen as it's sitting at rather a jaunty angle. It soon calmed down a a bit and I iced the edges too. I finished it off with some old style silver balls to make it look just that wee bit special.



PS) The only pic I have of inside was hurriedly taken at the birthday girl's desk so it's not really the best.



Weigh In

It's almost so slow that I'm at a standstill - but never the less it's still coming off. I waved goodbye to 3/4 of a pound this morning.

I know, 3/4 of a pound! It's practically nothing. I should be losing double that every week but as I've said before I'm not feeling the laser like focus that will deliver those results. My social life is bonkers (good) at the moment and to be honest I'm having lots of fun, while ever so slowly chipping away at the weight which is a pretty good place to be.

I'm down to 13stone 1.5lbs and so am within spitting distance of the 12s. I don't like being in the 13 stones. I like being in the 12s and next year, I am going to be in the 11s. It's going to happen. If I keep on losing a pound a week for the next 4 weeks I'll be back to my 'usual' weigh - which is just 3 to 4lbs off my lightest. If I can pull this off though... remains to be seen. 

I seem to be on a weekly cycle. I weigh in and lose a pound or so. I feel really pleased to see the numbers coming down and I'm feeling a difference in my clothes too. Lovely. I'm motivated and I have grand plans to have an amazing week and lose even more the following week. It gets to the weekend and nights out with friends involve rum, possibly wine and even some shots. Saturday morning arrives. I am hungover and hungry. I lose all focus and willpower and agree to things like pizza for tea. Monday, I get back on it and have two strict and sterling days before Wednesday weigh in - and repeat.

I want to break this cycle but it's not going to be easy. This weekend there are around 30 of us going away to a big converted mill house for the weekend. There will be A LOT of drinking. There is a hot tub. There is a sauna. There is going to insane amounts of food and cakes and puddings including caramel tart, banoffee pie, white choc cheesecake, mars bar cake, cake for afternoon tea... This all equates to A LOT of fun. A lot of dangerous dieting fun. It's all self catering and so staying out of the kitchen and away from the food is going to be hard. Very, very hard.

I'm going to try my absolute best but this is a major challenge.

Weight Loss This Week: 0.75 pound
Current Weight: 183.5 pounds

Too boozy

It's been a fun and typically busy week.

Alongside working full time I've been mentally wresting with thoughts of possible new routes my career path could take. It's looking likely things will change come the new year and a job has come up that requires a decision to be made sooner rather than later. Well, actually - soon. I have no idea what I want to do and I just dooooon't know what way I'll go. I also don't want to lead people on but if I rush the decision it might not be the right one. Lordy.

On top of all this I got my bake on. I couldn't make it along baking club this month but that's no reason to put the flour down. I was making banana jam and at the request of TB I made banana bread too which he took into work. I also made coloured sponges which I am using to make a rainbow cake for a birthday in the office tomorrow. I'll try and get pics of the inside but it's quite hard when they person is cutting at their desk. I'll just elbow them out the way.

I'm pleased I fitted in two workouts but only one of them was after my Wednesday weigh in and will count towards this week's result. I was really feeling in the zone at the end of last week and it was going so well... until the booze started flowing. Two friends were visiting me on Friday and although I stuck to spirits and diet mixers, we drank a lot. I managed to have a modest portion of sushi for dinner but still... there was a lot of booze.

On Saturday, I was back on it. TB and I were away for the night with friends. So more booze. This time there was also half a bottle of wine involved and half a portion of sticky toffee pudding. Oops!

Yesterday, once again the hangover won. I coped until after lunch and then it began to spiral downwards. Two massive cookies, pizza for tea (albeit a thin base and eaten with salad) and a few toffees. It's not exactly the end of the world but it's not really diet worthy.

So once again two sterling days and crossed fingers in the lead up to weigh in.

Waisting away

I bought this dress from Asda just before I went on holiday (I love George - they have some great stuff, the prices are reasonable, and it's never that busy). It's lightweight, comfy and flattering and it was the perfect plane outfit with a pair of black leggings and vest top underneath - and with the buttons undone at the neck. It was also a lifesaver as my luggage was lost and it was all I had to wear in 30 degree heat! I papped on a pair of TB's boxers which sort of worked as hotpants and bob's yer aunty's husband!

Since I got home I've never had it off. Okay, slight exaggeration - I have worn a couple of others things but at least once a week this bad boy has been my go-to work to night staple. The only thing is, it's been too tight. When I first got back from sunning myself there was no way I was getting it on the last hole of my belt and I felt like I had to suck in my tummy the whole time. Not sure if you've ever tried that but it's exhausting and makes it quite hard to speak! In fact, if I'm being honest then it was actually too tight even before I went on hols.

I put it on this morning and... I am doing the belt up on the last hole, with ease! I might be ever so slowly chipping away but the trend is downwards and just over the last few days I have felt a difference.

I made it to spinning last night and it was definitely easier than two weeks ago. I didn't feel sick once!

Weigh in

That's right, weigh in time. Again.

Slow and steady wins the race. Right? Well this tortoise will hopefully end out in front as I lost another pound this week which means I am now 13stone 2.25lbs.

I'm not exactly setting the weight loss work on fire with these losses but they are all adding up and if I keep this trend up then I'll be 12stone 11lbs for Christmas which would be just peachy.

Of course, I'd bloody love if it was more but at the moment it's not to be. I'm not quite feeling the laser like focus and life is just too busy to cram in as much exercise as I would like. I have at least one big night out every weekend until Christmas which is not ideal but I'd rather have a packed social life, be out having fun and lose a pound a week than be a bore, sitting at home and losing 2lbs a week.

I went to the gym last night after work (massive pat on the back please) and before next week's weigh in I can only fit in one spinning class. I'm too busy jam making, birthday cake baking and other essential life tasks which I won't bore you with. There are also a couple of hurdles facing me over the next seven days.

Friends are visiting on Friday night. This equates to boozing and sushi which is isn't too problematic but how do you cope with a restaurant BYOB when you just want to stick to spirits and mixers?

On Saturday we're away to a hotel the night for a catch up with friends. Again, this will be very boozy. I'll also need to navigate the evening meal and breakfast. As long as I can make the right choices then another pound off is totally do-able.

Christmas is just around the corner and I want to feel and look good whether at the work night out or TB's family party on Boxing Day.  Onwards and downwards...


Weight Loss This Week: 1 pound
Current Weight: 184.25 pounds

Weigh in

How has it been a week since my last post?! Life is just going past so quickly. This year has been mental.

That's a year since TB and I moved in together and I upped sticks and moved over 100 miles so we could be together. Best decision ever. There have been a few moments along the way which took more effort than others as I found my feet in a new city and my place in it but in the past 12 months I've met some brilliant people and made some fantastic new friends, friends which I think I'll have for life.

I often use the word lucky to describe myself, but that's exactly what I am. Things have a way of working out and I don't take it for granted. Especially when it comes to TB. He is my world and meeting him has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Not a day goes by where I know that he's made me happier than I've ever been.

Oh my, I didn't meat to get all sentimental there. I think it might have come from the fact that a friend of mine lost his girlfriend at the weekend. Both just in their 30's it was totally out the blue. I can't stop thinking about them and it makes you realised that there is no time to concern yourself with the minutia and the past. It's the here and now that matters - and the people you love.

I'm gonna move on as this post was meant to be a quick update and weigh in update, and I need to think about something else. So - 1lb off last week. I was quite happy with that and it keeps me on target to get me back into the 'comfort zone' by Christmas if I lose a pound a week. So what else has been going down?

• Snippy snipperson - serious hair cut. About 5 inches off (it's still half way down my back) bangs and back to brown. Total change and while I'm getting used to it I've had a lot of very nice compliments which has been lovely.
• Playing catchup - I spent most of Thursday last week jumping from lunch to coffee to dinner with various different friends as I played catch up. So good to see everyone
• Very boozy Friday night at home with my girls and then a weekend with TB as I'd not seen him since Tuesday. Lots of sofa surfing, out for lunch, a walk, cinema. Perfect.

What wasn't perfect was my eating. Wednesday to Friday evening was insane, it was so good. 100% sheer perfection. Then, I had far too much to drink and a rather large pudding at my friend's house. The rest of the weekend was spent trying to eat my way out the hangover. Not great. Exercise has also been seriously lacking as a result of diving around the country like a total maddie most of last week. I'm going to the gym tomorrow night  - but one workout does not a loss make.

Weight Loss This Week: 1 pound
Current Weight: 185.25 pounds

Ticking off

I am a ticker. I love to tick things off my list and that is exactly what I've been doing since Thursday.

I said I was going to spinning on Thursday, tick.
I said I was going out for a run on Saturday, tick
I said I would avoid bacon rolls at TB's folk's, tick

A trifecta of ticks! Everything is going according to plan (it sounds like I am just typing out lines from a musical). Yes, there were a few glasses of wine at the weekend but that was just about the only badness and I've still not told you the best bit...

I worked out  a rough route for my run on Saturday thanks to gmap pedometer and once TB's mum pointed me in the direction of the old railway track off I trotted. It was beautiful. The autumn leaves were the most lovely colours, the sun was peeping through the sky and the countryside air was crisp and clear.

I couldn't help but think of Lesley as I trotted along, admiring the view. At one point a massive bird (no idea what kind) swooped from the fence beside me and off across a field. I wish I had taken my camera. It was just as well I had all this going on to distract me as I was running out of steam.

I managed about 75% of the run without too much trouble but I could feel myself tiring and I began to intersperse the running with walking. Not that I was choosing to do that - I was spent! I got home and checked the stats. I had been out for 55 mins - and covered 7.85km! Boo Ya! That is my longest run since July! And my hip felt fine. I am so chuffed with myself.

I know I can do it. Of course I can. But sometimes I forget and the only way to convince myself is to do it again. I have to just get on with it. And when I say it - I mean anything and everything. Work, friendships, diet, self confidence - just everything that can be affected by a little bit of self doubt.

• Weekend sundown
• Fishing town sights
• Bonfire in at TB's folks

Never again November

According to my mother, November 2011 was 'Never to be repeated November'. Yesterday morning I got a text...

Prepare for NEVER BETTER NOVEMBER - it's going to be a corker! Plan ahead 'cos we are going to blast it! RSVP xx

Yes, she used an apostrophe to shorten because and she also used RSVP. Anyway, the point is that it's been decided that this month is going to be a killer - whether I like it or not!

Yesterday, the first of November (Captain's Log) I took a huge step. Not only did I go back to the gym, I went to spinning! I've not been to a spinning class for maybe about 9 months and the last time I went to a 45 minute spinning class was about a year ago! I'm a member of Pure Gym and it's a nightmare to get booked into classes. Spin is always flippin rammed but I decided to rock up after work last night just in case and if it was full then I'd just do general gym stuff. As turned out there were TWO spare bikes (do not get me started on people who book and then never turn up) and boy, did I spin.

It started off all hunky dory and about 15 minutes in, the endorphins were flowing. I though to myself, "Why did I ever stop coming? This is great. I LOVE this." 30 seconds later I thought, "I think I'm going to be sick". Jesus wept, it was hard. Really hard. And sitting down today... well, let's just say the adverb, gingerly, is apt.

My eating was spot on yesterday with the only possible room for improvement being the Thai salmon curry we had for tea  - less sauce and rice, more veg would have been perfect.

Today has again, been fricking amazing and I also stomped about at lunchtime for 40 mins as I had to walk to the gym and back again (to pick up my boots I left there last night. Smart). I also bought some very lovely new running tops to trick myself into going out running tomorrow as I will think I look cool and will want to show off as I huff and puff my way around the countryside as we are TB's folks.

It's also been a whirlwind week job wise - but more on that later as it's 40 mins till hometime and I have work to finish. Have a bon weekend mes amies. Beaucoup amour! x

Weigh in

I am well overdue with a report on the numbers and actually have two weeks worth.

There is good news and there is bad news.

The good is that a week ago I lost 2lbs taking me to 13stone 3.5lbs. Horay! The bad is that today I gained 0.75lbs. Booo.

The scales were actually being very temperamental this morning and 13stone 4.25lbs seemed to be a good assessment of where I am at. I'm not actually surprised I saw a gain. I was away for a girl's weekend and despite the avoidance of a cooked breakfast and other bread related products, there were far too many treats (including the most incredible macarons I have ever tasted and a seven layer dip) and enough booze to sink a ship. I have also done jack all when it comes to exercise.

So where does this leave me? Still in a pretty good position. If I can get my head in the game and get on a pound a week loss trajectory I'd be just 4lbs away from FF. That's not gonna just happen as if by magic though. I need some structure. I need to know what I am doing/eating and when I'm doing it. I need a schedule, damn it!

Here is the plan for the next week.

Thursday: Gym after work (possibly spinning if I can get into the class)
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: Run (around 6km)
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: Nothing

Hmmm, now that I type that out I realise there is a whole lotta nothing going on there. We're spending the weekend with TB's parents which kinda takes up most of it and sneaking out for a run is the most I can do. I've now got something on every Monday night so there's no way around that and I'm away with work on Tuesday night. I could possibly talk TB into badminton on Sunday afternoon though.

In terms of food, the weekend at TB's parents will be tricky. Especially as they love to ply us with booze. I think I might just tell TB's mum I'm on a diet. That's one way around bacon rolls for brekkie and stodgy puddings.

Tonight it's butternut squash risotto, healthy style for tea.

Weight Loss Last Week: 2lbs
Weight Loss This Week: + 0.5 pounds
Current Weight: 186.25 pounds

 

• Gratuitous cute cat shot
• The seven layer dip.

Weirdo stalker ex

You are not going to believe this.  My ex, the one who read my old blog when I specifically asked him not to do it, the one that I ended up shutting down the old blog over – has found this one. He’s actively gone looking for it. He’s sought it out and read, I can only assume, every single post.

 I am incredulous and for a few days I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I  locked the blog down while I mulled it over. I was just going to ignore it. To waste any effort at all on someone who clearly has serious issues and is being a total weirdo seems pointless but I am angry, actually I’m furious and I need express my feelings and how completely out of order and just… mental I think he is being. As the blog was a big issue between us and still seems to be an issue despite the fact we split up over two years ago – blogging about it seems a fitting retort.

I don’t actually know why I am writing ‘he’. I really should just direct this post at him and write ‘you’ because of course, he will be (you are) reading it.

This is old news to those of you that manage to follow me from my old blog, but here is the background…. Before the wonderful TB came into my life I was going out with said online Stalker, only at the time I had no idea he would turn out to be so fucking weird. One day he saw my blog on my laptop and I felt that I couldn’t leave it up as I suspected he would read it and because a lot of it was about dating and quite frankly, there was quite a lot of detail, that he didn’t need to know about.

 I promptly started a new blog and as he was uneasy about me saying anything about him in the blog I promised him I wouldn't talk about him. It’s hard to censor that much though and so I did end up mentioning him. No real details - just about how I felt about him and how great he was (Pah!).  

 It turns out Stalker is Mr Insecure/Nosy and he couldn't help himself. He had to go looking and he found the blog. He told me because he was so pissed off I had written about him and we ended up having a blazing row - which was the beginning of the end. I was so angry with him. The one thing I asked him not to do was to go looking for it - and he did just that.

 Let's fast forward,  we break up and soon after I start going out with TB and life is hunky dory.  TB knows about the whole blogging thing (and indeed this whole sad situation ) and he encouraged me to start it back up again. I do. Lovely, I blog away and all is tickety boo. Then last week yesterday I emailed stalker something I thought he might be interested in as we’ve kept in touch and very occasionally tweet or email. A few hours later he replies with just one line - not a hello, just one line which is a quote - from a post on this blog a few months ago.

 This one line is me talking about a time period when Stalker and I were together and I mention I had slept with someone else. So he knows I cheated on him. Oh. Cheating is most certainly not okay. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. The end was plainly in sight for our relationship. Stalker was barely speaking to me and I knew we were ending. I was going away for two weeks and upon arriving at my destination I was greeted by a friend. They showed me attention, they care about me,  they wanted to sleep with me! I was in the middle of getting my heart broken for the second time in six months – I was falling apart and someone was there to make me feel loved, wanted and appreciated.  Stalker then dumped me a week later while I was still away from home.  None of that makes what I did okay – but those are the facts.

So, Stalker who has a fiancé and a baby with her, has gone searching for the blog of a girl that he went out with for four months.  WHAT THE FUCK?! How disrespectful to his fiancé! If I knew that TB was online stalking his ex bird I would be so upset.

What is he hoping for/playing at? Why did he bother looking for it?! What does he care about my life anymore? Why is he not busy getting on with his own? Most of this blog is just me bleating on about gaining and losing the same half stone over and over again but because I have written about other personal things, some of which I wouldn’t discuss with anyone in real life  - he’s had an insight into my thoughts, that he has no place knowing. I made the blog private immediately. This will be the third blog I have had to shut down because of him. This is my hobby, something I love doing –and he’s pissing all over it – AGAIN!

As soon as I saw his email I phoned him but it just rang out to answerphone. I didn’t leave a message  and he’s never called me back. Mature, really mature. Send a one line email but refuse to speak to me. And when was he going to let on that he’d found it? How long has he been stewing over that one tit-bit? If I hadn’t emailed him I still wouldn’t know and he'd still be reading away, lurking. It’s just weird.  I think it’s safe to say he has A LOT of issues. He even admitted to me once that he let insecurities from previous relationships ruin ours. But we’re over two years later – move on!

The upshot is that I’m not going to shut the blog down. This is my blog and it’s business as usual.

How to weekend with the folks

 

It's been a bloody lovely weekend. My mum and dad came to visit and not only did we have a delicious, healthy (so says me!) meal at my place on Friday night of Spicy Beef Stew but on Saturday we visited a Castle and had a walk around the grounds (and up the turret) and then went to a Transport Museum. We had a meal out a lovely hotel on Saturday night with them and then on Sunday morning I got my car boot on - coming away with 7 gorgeous purple glasses for 50p, a Charles and Di biscuit tin, a necklace for £2 and the most hideous/delicious bag for £1. Bargain!

I then stole a lift back to the hometown with my parents as I had the dentist yesterday morning. Goodbye, last of my wisdom teeth (face is rather tender today). I also managed to pop round to my Granny's for a quick hello. It was nice to be trotting about the streets of my childhood. The picture above is the road leading to the street I grew up on. I walked this road, up and down, every day I went to school - both primary and secondary. Ah, the memories.

 

 

 

Over the weekend I have to say the diet was pretty damn good. Friday night I had a glass of wine and a couple of slimline G&Ts  - and a handful of crisps, after the healthy meal above. Saturday, I stuck to soup and then chicken with veg when out for my meal. I only had a few rums and diet coke and no pudding. Sunday was another great day. Perhaps I shouldn't have had the peanut butter on my toast and banana - but all in, an excellent day.

 

I veered off track a little last night.  I picked at mini chocolate pumpkins and a few minstrels and looking back they probably added up to a packet's worth. I also had a right good few bites of a donner kebab (don't ask).

 

Today has been excellent and I just need to keep that going tonight to give me a fighting chance for a loss tomorrow morning. Exercise has been very poor over the past week. Apart from generally being on my feet and walking a lot over the weekend - I have done sweet FA. Sometimes life gets in the way and there's not a lot you can do about it. I'm going out for a run tonight. Seems a bit last ditch but something is better than nothing.

Pulling it back

Right - I've got 5 days to nail it.  The last two - haven't exactly been on the money.

Baking club... As planned I didn't have dinner. I saved myself for cake - and then I went a bit nuts. I ate a LOT of cake (the mint chocolate meringues were a personal favourite.) By the time I got home I felt so whacked out on sugar I had a cheese sandwich to try and offset saccharine state I was in.

Last night, before the work meal out, I snuck a few mouthfuls of cake when I dived home to change. And they weren't even that good! With the meal I probably had about 3 large glasses of wine. Starter was just prawns (excellent) and for main I had steak. Annoyingly though, it came with chips. Delicious chips- which I ate every single one of. At least they were big chunky ones. Yes, I am clutching at straws.

For dessert, I stuck to the game plan and just had a coffee. At least I could polish my halo for that one good choice. Oh no, wait - there was an extra bit of banoffee pie ordered. What shall we do with it? Yes, dear readers - I ate half of it. Arses. Big fat arses.

So it's not really panning out the way I planned it. Not at all! However, the cavalry is on it's way! My mum and dad are visiting this weekend and under her watchful gaze there will be NO deviation. I am going to have 5 spectacular days and on Wednesday, I will have lost weight. I'm not sure how much, but I will have lost.

Weigh in

Baking and dieting. I just cannot do them both.

Last night it was time to bust out the brownies as I've got baking club tonight. By the time the raw mix was in the oven I had eaten half a crunchie and licked a bowl.

Before they were decorated (for Halloween) I had eaten more than one (or maybe 4 -  or more!) portions - it's hard to quantify when you are just merrily chomping away. A major factor in this incident is that the top shelf of my oven is FAR hotter than the middle shelf and one of my trays of brownie were seriously overcooked and getting them out the tin results in lots of broken and lose bits - that somehow fell into my mouth. And all less than 10 hours before weigh in. Smart. Move.

However, weigh in still took place this morning and I still managed to lose something. 3.5lbs - sliding me down to 13 stone 5.5lbs, which I am pretty chuffed about Well, I would have liked if it had been 4lbs. Oh wait - did I not just say yesterday that if it was a 1/4 of a pound then at least it was going down? Yes. Yes I did so I just to take the 3.5lb loss and shut up.

So what does this mean for my pre-Christmas podge plotting. Good things! A pound a week would take me to 12 stone 10.5 and a pound and a half a week would take me to 12 stone 8.25. I'd be happy with either of those numbers. However, I want to romp on as quickly as possible and I'm aiming for 2lbs next week. Gotta name it to claim it.

The only problem is - I'm pretty damn busy over the next week. I don't want problems though, I want solutions - and here seven days worth:

Wednesday: Half hour walk at lunchtime. Baking Club. No dinner, instead cake is my meal.
Thursday: Half hour walk at lunchtime. Client dinner. Soup for starter, fish for main. No pudding.
Friday: Half hour walk at lunchtime. Parent's for dinner at mine. Healthy meal planned
Saturday: Hanging with the folks (i.e. Boot Camp Mother) so will not be allowed to deviate
Sunday: 6km run
Monday: Day of gadding around the country for meetings. Packed lunch and fruit snacks.
Tuesday: 1 hour of Badminton singles.

Onwards!

Mathematical Fat

Week one - back on the dieting horse and it's been... okay.

Tuesday  to Friday were actually pretty plain sailing. I planned my meals and I stuck to them. I'd say I operated at probably 95% percent perfection. I also went out for the two runs which I mentioned in earlier posts.  Then, the weekend arrived. Damn you, weekend and your lack of structure.

On Friday night there was SO much booze. The only positive from that was that I stuck to diet coke and spirits (even though they were far more pricey). My resolve weakened, I also ate 1/2 a cupcake and a slice of pizza.

This wasn't too disasterous but the hangover and the general laid back vibe of the weekend also saw me induldge in pizza, a choc ice, couple handfuls of chocolate sweeties, bread with dinner, marshmallows, white bread with breakfast and lunch on Sunday and quite a few biscuits I baked from my left over biscuit dough- with icing on top.

 

This is not acceptable. I won't lose weight carrying on like this. On Sunday I threw on an old pair of jeans and not only was the belt on the next notch up but it was cutting me in two! I had convinced myself I wasn't really that far from where I needed to be but the reality is that I've got some hard work to do and I'm not just a couple of pounds away from where I should be (at my highest).

So, I'm annoyed. And this is compounded by the fact that despite going out for three runs this week (I did 5.3km last night), power walking for 20 minutes a day and being on plan the majority of the time I feel just as blobby and wobbly as I did when I got back from hols. Annoyed.

But, I'm an optimistic one and opportunities are there for the taking. Challenges are there to be beaten and lard is there to be busted.

There is no way I can't have lost something. Even if it's a quarter of a pound it's going down. I've also just done something which I've not done in a long time as usually this kind of behaviour sets you up for a fall. I've just counted the weeks to Christmas and worked out how much weight I 'could' lose.

I know this is dangerous ground but I feel motivated by it and I am trying to be realistic and if that's what it takes... I have nine more weigh ins before Christmas. Based on the weight I was a week ago a pound a week would take me to 13stone 3/4 of a pound. If I lose 3/4 of a pound tomorrow then I'll  would be back in the 12s. It's not where I want to be. I want to be 12stone 7lbs but it's in the vicinity. It's getting there.

If I lost 1.25lbs a week then I would be 12stone 11 and 3/4 of a pound. This is just 4lbs off my lighest. Spitting distance!

Okay - that's it. No more dicking around. 1.25 average a week is totally do-able as long as I put in the effort, stay mindful and stay determined. Game ON.

 

A beautiful Scottish blue sky

Pears on our tree

My biscuit tombstones - reading for icing and sticking to the graves

Weekend plotting

Top tip to make sure you do enough exercise when you workout... forget to take your front door key with you when you go out for a run so you have to  run around the block to keep warm until your boyfriend gets home - 25 minutes later.

It's actually just as well as I'd only covered 4.52km when I got home so a few minutes later once I'd done a quick circuit of the park  - I'd definitely covered 5k.  I also threw in some lunges, squats, chest presses and sit ups. I was bloody freezing by the time TB came home though and it was pitch black.

The run itself was quite slow. My legs were really heavy and I walked for a couple of 30 second blasts. Still - my pace isn't too bad and at the moment it's more about getting out there and moving.

It was another successful day all round yesterday. Porridge for breakfast, low fat ready meal for lunch (not my usual at all but it was one of those days) and spicy sausage and bean casserole with cous cous for tea. I gave most of the sausage to TB and so mine was mostly bean and veggie casserole. It was one of my freezer meals made about a month ago - queue smug domestic face.

This weekend we've got quite a quiet one planned- yippee! There are still some dangers lurking though.

Tonight I am out with the girls. We're going to an organised girls night out which seems to involve Butlers in the Buff and all manner of other cringeworthy things. I may need serious amounts of booze to get through it. As long as I can stay off the wine and on spirit and diet mixers - that's okay. I'll have tea at home before so at least that's one saving grace.

Did I mention I'd joined a baking club? There is pic below of some of the bakes - and mine in progress. It was a passion cake which was bloody delicious, even if I do say so myself. It's our second meeting on Wednesday and I need to practise part of my Halloween creation; some thin biscuits. The danger of popping the odd corner once they are bakes into my gob is ever present. I need to make specific shapes with them and so there is probably going to be a lot of breakage. Oh my. I need to be mindful and remember two things... 1. I can enjoy baking without eating like a mentalist and 2. The sneaky mouthfuls of biscuits add up. I will enjoy a couple of tastes of various cakes on Wednesday and so I just need to hold off until then. The other part of my bake is Peridot's insane brownie recipe. More on what I'm doing with it next week.

Other than that - my weekend is relatively plain sailing. I HAVE to watch the last two episodes of Great British Bakeoff so I can watch the final on Tuesday. TB and I have also agreed we fancy a really nice steak for dinner at the weekend. Already drooling over the thought. Well, to be honest at the moment I'm drooling over the thought of a lint ridden polo found at the bottom of my handbag. Yup, still hungry!

Here's a couple of pics that I've snapped recently.

 

 

Baking Club
Autumn Sky
London Wedding Reception Shenanigans
TB getting pummelled in the hydro pool on holiday

Hunger strikes

So we're in day three of ZT. And when I say we, I mean me.

And it's going pretty well. Meals are planned, snacks are prepped and I can safely say I am pretty happy with my performance.

There is no denying I am struggling with feeling hungry but if I can just get through this week I know that will subside. I just have to ride it out as best I can. It's 4.30pm, I've just had a yogurt and a nectarine and I am still struggling. Oh well. As my mum said to me in a text "Hungry schmungry. Too Bad!"

On Tuesday I went for a run and knocked out 4.25km in 29 minutes which I pretty pleased with. Especially since I had to walk for 100 metres or so due to a late dinner/not enough digestion time situation.

I was wiped last night and so after the creation of a healthy fish pie, cleaning the cat flap (to try and remove the scent of a bully cat - don't even start me on that topic) and cleaning the kitchen it was time for some serious bum on couch time. However, tonight there is a 5k with my name on it.

I would actually like to be playing badminton but the place I could play is miles away and by the time I got there it wouldn't be worth my while. So running it is - for now.

Zero Tolerance

Holy Crap.

The holiday is well and truly over. Get this... 13 stone 9lbs. Sweet Jesus. Sweet Jesus chowing down on cake. To bring that into perspective - I was a stone lighter than this but two months ago. That's right people - seven pounds a month.

That takes work. Hard work. You really have to eat like a bastard to gain like that. Oh lady....

But - it's done. That is the situation and bemoaning my lack of will power to hold things together in the weeks preceding my hols ain't gonna change anything.

I feel pretty grim, I've not a jot to wear as the flab does not fit into any of my clothes. Christmas is looming and so there is no other option than clamp-down and not just any clamp-down. This, my friends is Zero Tolerance (ZT). 

We're on day two. I'm ready to take this to day three. Bring it!

How to ruin your holiday

Allo my luvverzzzz.

How are we all? Embracing Autumn with zest and vigour? Pulling out the cosy knits and puddle proof boots? While everyone else thinks about their 2012 winter coat I've been doing the exact opposite and looking out the shorts and flip flops because on Sunday I jet off to Cyprus for 7 days! Booya! 30 degrees baby - here I come.

It's going to be scorchio! I cannot wait. But first, we have a wedding in London to get our nuptial groove onto. Well, that's if we actually get there. You see I'm not sure I can fit my backside into a plane seat. I cannot stop eating!

Oh lordy, it has all gone spectacularly done the pan. Last week I ran 5k (and the hip felt fine!) and I played badminton singles for an hour  but I am eating like it is going out of fashion. This week I have done NO exercise and am packing on the beef like a crazy woman. I'm not going to into details of how flabby I feel and how all my clothes feel tight - but suffice to say I am worried about looking 4 months preggers in my new dress I bought for this wedding. My thighs and boobs - oh god. Oh GOD!

TB seems to be delighted that my boobs feel and look massive but he is blinded by the boob - it also means everything else is bigger. Everything comes at a cost, young man! But here's the deal... I'm going on holiday and I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm not going to worry about a half stone (or probably more, ugh). I'm going to eat, drink and be merry. When I come home, it will be time for action. Serious action.

For now, I wish drastically change topic - to weddings and marriage. I think it's safe to say that I cannot wait to be married to TB. He is the love of my life and everything I could ever want. At the age of 32  I am never going to be a young bride or a young mum and but my desire to be his wife and mother to his children is overpowering. All around me friends are getting married and having babies which only serves to remind me how much I want it.

Almost two months ago we were at a wedding and yours truly caught the bouquet (for the second time!). A funny moment and while TB and I were laughing and joking about it - I wanted him to know what I was thinking. My courage boosted by booze, I put it out there.

"It's not just because we're at a wedding and it's not just because I caught the bouquet - but I want us to be married and I want us to have a family together.
"I really want it."
"I know", he said.
And we hugged for a long time.

That was all we said and that was all I wanted to say. That was two months ago. And while I wouldn't expect him to do to it the following day, I wonder  - is he going to do it soon? Does he realised I want him to do it soon? He must!

We're already making plans for holidays for next year and it seems that there is no thought that a wedding might be slotted in there. I want to get married next year. I want to be have a baby before I am 35. Two and a half years to do all that - 9 months of which you are preggers, is not a long time.

So why am I blogging about this now. Why roll it into one post? Well - we go on holiday on Saturday morning. Holiday, people! What do a lot of people do on hols? Thaaaaaat's right - they get engaged!

Now, I know for sure he's not going to propose on holiday but even while I type that there is a teeny tiny part of me that thinks, maybe - just maybe. I need to rein myself in. I'm letting myself get out of control. Do you know what I did the other day? I have always avoided looking or thinking about anything wedding related as I don't want to jinx it - and I'm just not one of these people who has been 'planning their wedding since they were a little girl' (who are these people) but not only did I look in a jeweller's window but I have actually created a possible guest list spread sheet! What the actual chuff?!

I know! I need to catch myself on - big time. So no more. I need to breathe deep and relax. When it happens it will happen and it will be right for me. It will be especially right for me though if it's before the year is out!

Rollercoaster of Lard

I am more than bored of banging the same lardy drum and so here is a very condensed version of life in the fat lane, over the past week.

• Didn't make the gym on Monday - worked late instead
• Kept picking at the cake I made even though it was in the office kitchen
• Ate 4 chocolate bars on Tuesday night while driving to my folk's
• Got up on Wednesday and weighed myself on my mum's scales. Dear Lord
• Mum challenged me to lose 4lb by holiday time (2 weeks on Saturday) 
• Post weigh in I went out for run and did some squats and lunges too
• Had a full day on plan - apart from some white bread
• Thursday was also a full day on plan - apart from some white bread and pesto
• I played badminton on Thursday night

The upshot is I lost it again at the beginning of the week. I got it together on Wednesday and the biggest thing for me - I've been moving my backside again. I only did a very short run - 3km in 20 mins (9km per hour) but I did it - and my hip feels okay. That's about the distance I could go before it started hurting again so I took it easy and didn't do any more than that.

I'm out for dinner tonight and at a cocktail session tomorrow night -  from 5pm! So the weekend is going to be boozy. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow, regardless. No idea what I'll see but I really really hope it's less than last week. Let's not even think about what my mother's scales were saying...

Weigh in

The avoidance of 'last night before the diet' mentality didn't really happen. Honestly, it was more of an indulgence with a touch of gluttony.

We ended up having a bit of impromptu night out and ordering a take-away. I did not want to get a take-away but there were a few of us and that seemed to be the majority rule. It's really hard in those instances to pipe up. That's when healthy = boring. So we got a chinese and I ate and I ate. I also knocked back the booze and then when I came home I ate some leftovers. So pretty much, I went for it.

The next morning weighing was weighing on my mind. And for good reason. 13ston 0.25lbs. Crap. That means I've gained half a stone in about a month. Nice one. Really good job. Idiot! I'm hoping a couple of those pounds will vanish pretty quickly as I was laden with salty food but regardless of the number I just have to get the hell on with it. 3 weeks till holiday and counting.

My weekend eating was pretty good but not good enough to be honest. The food at the black tie do was insane - so good and the portions were massive. I turned down bread with the duck starter. I couldn't finish my massive chicken and veg maincourse. I picked at the summer fruits creme brulee but I did eat the two mini white chocolate cookies that came with it.

The only other downfall at the weekend was licking the hell out of the pot I made the butterscotch sauce for Nigella's butterscotch layer cake. This cake is gorgeous. Really moist and the toffee/cream cheese icing works really well with the sweetness of the cake. Yum! I had a tiny slice to test it and the rest is now in the office being eaten by my colleagues. Phew. I love baking though. It's always such a danger as I want to lick and pick and well... just eat it all. I've decided though, I am definitely going to do more. I love it too much to banish it.

It was so good being at home for the  whole weekend rather than diving off to other parts of the country seeing other people. I do love being busy and being away but sometimes you just wanna potter around at home. And I did more than potter. I got washing done, a big food shop, hoovered the stairwell, looked at cookbooks, baked, meal planned, watched a film, had a long lie, changed beds. And I got to bust out my new duvet cover that I got with my Tesco points for practically nothing thank to the double rewards offer.

Tonight I'm going to the gym after work and I'm hoping I'll be able to get into a spinning class. It's doubtful as it's fully booked so I need a drop out so I can steal their slot. Regardless, I will get my sweat on one way or another. 5 day to kick it till weigh in.

Plan of Fakery

The last couple of days have followed the same pattern as the past week. Have a really great day diet wise and the ruin it in the evening by mindlessly eating rubbish.

Not a whole lotta rubbish, but crisps, a few biscuits and half a jam sandwich. You get the gist. I just cannot seem to find the drive. Where is the drive?! I want to be eating better and I really want to be exercising (curse you, sore hip) but I seem to just kinda forget about it when faced with the kitchen cupboard.

So I'm gonna have to do what I always do when I don't feel motivated - fake it till I make it. And here is my plan of fakery.

Tomorrow morning  - weigh in. Gads. Do not want to do it. It has to happen though. The scales and I need to reconnect. We have to reconnect. I have a very quiet weekend planned. The only thing on the cards is a black tie do on Saturday night. I need to watch the wine, but it doesn't pose too much of a problem. I am also planning to meal plan, do a big food shop and bake. Whooooa there... bake? Yes, bake. I really want to. I never do it as I just want to eat it all and so I'm going to make a cake and take the whole thing into the office. That way I can't pick at it once it's finished.

As for the rest of the week, I have simply got to get my sweat on. I know I feel better and want to eat better when I am in the workout zone, so...

Monday: Spinning after work
Tuesday: Nothing (driving to the parent's after work)
Wednesday: Very light run in the morning followed by some squats etc.
Thursday: Spinning or bike ride (weather dependent)
Friday: Possible light run

Now, I know there word 'running' is written above. And, I know I'm still not supposed to run but, I've been doing my strengthening exercises and I will do lots more before Wednesday when I plan to do a light run. I'm only going to do a couple of slow miles to see how things go.

Feel better already for having written all that out. Now, I must not go nuts tonight since it's weigh in tomorrow. Must banish any thoughts of 'one last night' eating.

Have a lovely weekend darlings. x

Thighs & resolve - communal wobble

 

I'm in a precarious position just now.

 

Life is good. Really good, and there is so much that I have to be happy about. I'm a very lucky girl. Work is good, friends are brilliant, social life is choc-a-block and I've got the most incredible man in my life (spew!). So you get the gist - I'm a happy bunny.

 

In fact - today is mine and TB's two year anniversary. On this date two years ago I jumped on a train for 3 hours to spend a weekend with someone who I had only really met and flirted with in passing. Without a doubt, the best decision I ever made. I've already been vomit inducing cringe-worthy and so I might at well keep going... Sometimes TB will react to a situation in a certain way, it might just be to get up at 5am to rescue the cat from a fight in the garden with the neighbour's brute or the way he chats with people for the first time, and I think to myself, "that's the kind of person I want to be with." Then I realise I am. He's everything I've ever wanted. I know - pass the bucket.

 

I also feel pretty good about myself. I've lost a good chunk of weight and kept most of it off. I don't feel like a massive overeweight blob (most of the time) and so maybe I should just relax and enjoy where I'm at. There it is... I'm slowly creeping back up the pounds. Do I stop worrying about it and try and level things off, or do I keep striving for a weight loss mindset which invariably results in my being pissed off with myself as I can't seem to get there.

 

Even if I don't actively decide to take my foot off the gas, it's happening. The scales are going up. The wobble is wobblier and so is my resolve and I'm not sure how to incite a wind of change. The 13's are calling my name. That bloody stone range that has become the devil on my shoulder, whispering encouragement to eat and drink without thought.

 

That is exactly what's happening - thoughtlessness. I'm not binging or gorging. I'm not craving or secret eating.  I'm eating too much in the evening, not exercising enough and eating and drinking far too much at the weekend. You know, kinda like someone who's not on a diet. But I AM! I am ALWAYS on a diet. I cannot keep on doing this. Otherwise in three and a half weeks I'm going to head off on hols and will be writing a post about how nothing fits and if I'd just got it together when I wrote this then I would be much happier (little bit too much time travel tense changing there - you get the gist).

 

My mum is coming to stay tonight and so tonight will be a full on counselling sesh - for both of us. I'm going to come back here with a plan of action involving weighing myself (frightened to do that right now) and exercise and general winning.

 

 

Here's a lovely pic from the weekend.