Festive living

I totally forgot to weigh myself today but I do have quite positive news on that front - the weight gain seems to have slowed a little! Horay! The past month went a little something like this....

• 13 stone 6.5
• 13 stone 8.25
• 13 stone 11.25
• 13 stone 8.5

So really, I stayed the same for about three weeks! That's a  result in my book! I've been seeing my PT once a week and he's also given me some exercises to do at home to help try and strengthen my back/bottom so that when I do (eventually) begin to get a bump and the natural way to stand is to stick your bottom out, I've got some support there. It's only 10 mins of exercises a night  - I just need to get my backside in gear and actually do them! Ha, see I made a wee joke there? Overall I've gained just under a stone - and we're a week away from halfway people! That really isn't as bad as it could be. And let's not forget my boobs were a B cup, I am now sporting a rock hard D. TB is delighted.

I went to spinning on Friday. Felt totally fine at the time and then about 4pm I totally nose dived. Felt pretty sick and was just so flippin tired. My PT says I just need to take it down a notch on the high intensity stuff. Hard to take it down a notch in a spin class when the instructor is shouting at you to go faster and harder! In stark contrast to last year when I ran 5miles on Christmas Eve, Tuesday's PT session is my last workout pre Christmas.

Man, I am really missing the intense exercise. I forced myself to get ito the right head space for it and lived it properly for 9 months. I love a challenge and although I struggle with the weight loss side of things I was so proud of how I kicked the arse out of running, and general exercise last year and I felt SO good about myself. I just need to relax my mindset and know that I will have a mega challenge, that I can totally handle, (positive thinking!) ahead of me once the baby is born - and I can muster up the energy to leave the house!  

Hair. I am really loving having shorter hair. I just took this snap this second to try and show it off. Excuse the odd lip purse that I'm rocking. I'm finding that I do prefer it when it's curled a little but as a result I am fast losing feeling in my finger tips as I keep burning myself with the ruddy wand. Have just ordered a heat resistant glove.

All three of my pussycats are just being so fricking lovely just now. So cuddly and just unbelievably cute. Papa Lazarou really does think he is a baby. Every night he insists on cuddling right into my neck and going to sleep there. Yeah, just look at my face - I love it!

Kitchen. We are getting there! The plastering is all done and we have almost finished the base painting of it all (not the dining room part - that decoration will come after we get the units in, I think. This weekend we'll hopefully finish painting (colour on the walls and the final ceiling coat) and then we can start getting the units in! That makes me so happy! The flooring guy was here this morning measuring up so although that is the last piece of the puzzle, it's in the pipeline!

Baby talk

Now that I am ‘with child’, I've noticed there is a phrase people use time and time again. No –one asks me how I am, they all ask – how are you keeping.  

I think it’s a special phrase just for pregnant women. There also seems to be a list of vocabulary that is used by people who have babies, which I find… well, it’s just wording that makes my skin crawl. Let me elaborate.

·         Filled her/his nappy. Holy crap, pardon the pun. Could this be any more descriptive? Why can’t people just say “I think he has done the toilet”. Or if they must communicate that it’s more than just a wee wee, use the words “number” and “two”.

·         On the boob. Again, is there really any need? What’s wrong with just saying feeding/breast feeding.

·         Change your bum. This makes no sense. Nappy. You change a nappy.

·         Put him/her down. It’s a baby going for a sleep, not an animal you are taking to the vet.

To be honest, there are many MANY phrases and words that really get under my skin – not just ones that are pregnancy related but these really do take the biscuit, or rusk, if you will. 

Chop

I totally forgot to mention I got the chop!

My hair has been long for years. About five years and for several of those it has been really long. But no more. About a week ago I got it whacked off and am now sporting shoulder length  tresses. Most enjoyable. I am loving the shorter do and for once haven’t had a total freak out. I am however, now having to deal with many burns on my hands as I do prefer it with a curl and so the red hot wand is a regular occurrence of a morning.  When I get it (and my face) looking good I shall post a pic.

I knocked out another 5k yesterday! Well, knocked out is a bit of an exaggeration.  I completed a 5k without stopping – with a very slow time of 35 mins. It was a gorgeous sunny and frosty day – those are my favourite running days and make me think of this time last year when a 4 mile run was the norm. Yesterday though, I felt really sluggish. My feet feel like they are just lifting of the ground and no more, like I’m dragging myself along. Whereas once, I was throwing myself round the streets like a whippet. A whippet I tell you! Well, carrying an extra stone and a baby (which is the size of a 5 inch turnip now!) will do that to ya. I did it though and felt really good for it; maybe not in my body but in the old noggin. There is life is the heifer yet!

I was planning to hit up spinning tomorrow but I've woken up today with a really sore throat and feel totally knackered. So we shall see. I don’t want to overdo it as I have two nights out this weekend. Oh yeah, two big ones baby. Sure, I’ll be on the soda water and lime and will be driving home to my folks’ place afterwards but regardless, I am gonna squeeze into a dress which hopefully doesn't make me look like a sausage escaping its skin, slather on the slap and hit the town!

Rumbling on

I'm pretty crap and this blogging malarkey these days.

When your blog is predominantly about diet and fitness, of which there is currently very little, what is there to say? I also don't want to bang on about pregnancy the whole time as quite frankly; dull.

It's not that I don't  have anything to say (far from it!), it's just that I'm not used to taking those more general thoughts and making them blog worthy. I'm gonna though. Life is hurtling on and I do want to chat about what is going on.

Although, it really is all about the kitchen renovation still. I am now totally kitchen-less as the sink came out last week and the cooker on Sunday night. Ugh. We are making progress though! The plasterer is in this week and as soon as he is finished we will begin painting! Horay!

I'm also trying to get on top of other general tidying. There has been a massive pile of filing that I've done my best to ignore for months and yesterday I spent 3 hours tackling it. It kinda looks worse now that I've made 5 mini piles but I'm telling ya, progress!

Last week I ran a 5k, no stopping,  in 35 mins. I was pretty bloody chuffed with myself to be honest. Just shows, although it's a lot slower than I was, there is still fitness there! This week I'm doubtful I'll manage to see my PT but a run or spinning on Friday could be the thing.

I've got my Christmas work do on Friday and with the right tights I am hoping I can get away with wearing a red dress I've got. I'm still, to the normal person's eye, bumpless.

Groundhog fat day

There is so much going on at the moment - but at the same time a whole lot of nothing.

Because we're dedicating so much time to the kitchen renovation (which seems to be moving at a glacial pace) that means pretty much no social life, and I am off the booze (again no social life). So the weekends (and our evenings) just seem to be merging into a blur of wallpaper stripping, wiring lights and living in total chaos.

It doesn't help that I don't have the same energy to help. Yeah, I've stripped wallpaper like a demon but only about a metre and a half up the wall as I can't go up a ladder! And as much as I would like to wire up the lights, I don't have a scooby where to start!

There is progress though and this weekend the bare brick wall and manky ceiling will get covered up by plasterboard so that will look LOADS better and will make me feel like we are actually likely to complete this behemoth of a project.

In diet and exercise news, things are pretty much just rumbling on the same but with a slight increase in both activity levels and healthy eats. I saw my PT on Wednesday last week and then I actually went to the gym by my own volition on Monday! Shock horror. I actually felt really good for it and now that my crazy work life has settled down a bit - I'm really keen to gym it, spin it and PT it every week.

I'm definitely eating healthier meals - but all the extras too. I made a delicious thai chicken and butternut squash soup which I had today, with a roll and real butter (be still my beating heart). And a twirl. Oh, and a packet of special k crisps. Hey, at least they were special k and not McCoys.

I'm trying not to beat myself up about the food side of things too much - otherwise it's going to be a long and depressing six months ahead of me. I'm going to have to deal with this extra weight at some point (and the rest) but right now ain't the time.

It's probably not helping that I've got feck all to wear. There is no bump really to speak of - just some cake tummy - and the general overall weight that has gone on, which means everything is too tight. I've got about three things I'm wearing to work on rotation and that's about it. My skinny jeans have been well and truly relegated to the too small pile. Sad times.  I don't want to go shopping for maternity stuff just yet  though. It feels too soon! I hate not feeling good, or at least comfortable in my clothes. I'm going to have to give in soon. Gonna let it all hang out.

Oh baby

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life.

We got to see our baby. 

It was one of the weirdest but most amazing things I have ever seen. There it was, wriggling around like crazy, right before our eyes.

There was little ceremony once we were called into the room for the scan. The woman doing it was extremely officious and rattled through the scanning and screening info the moment the door shut behind us. I was instructed up on the bed immediately and before I knew it, she has squeezed some gel on my tummy, pushed the scanner type knob thing on me and straight away – there it was on the screen. Our baby. We’re having a baby.

It felt like the day I found out I was pregnant all over again.

When I took that positive test two months ago, the second line told me I was pregnant. My boobs told me I was pregnant. The queasiness told me I was pregnant. The lack of a period told me I was pregnant. But, to actually have it confirmed by a health care profession… well, it might sound silly but it’s a relief to know there is actually a baby there. And what a perfect little peach it is.

I am so lucky. 

Seeing button

It's scan day!

I am excited. Very excited but I'm actually much more nervous than I thought I would be. As the day has drawn closer the nerves have really kicked in. I'll just be delighted when we get the thumbs up that everything is as it should be - and then I can start telling the world! Whooo hoooo! And that we can actually see button and know there is something there! Yeah, I've been calling it button.

A friend I grew up with who lived next door to me revealed she was pregnant just a week ago - we are just seven days apart! Unreal. I cannot wait to tell her!

My healthy eating has been.... well, it's been healthier. I am definitely eating five portions of fruit and veg a day but I am still managing to fit in lots of other things! Ooops! My PT session last week was really good. Not too hard at all and it gave me confidence to get back in the gym and get working out. So yeah, I need to actually do that!

Okay, I must dash - it's almost time to head to the hospital!

Eat, blog, repeat

The title says it all. I am just going round and round in circles.

But, occasionally there is a glimmer of hope. A moment when I think, enough. Enough of this attitude. And when those moments strike, I need to grab hold of that hope and make some positive plans. This morning, with a crisp chill in the air and the sun shining, sees one of those moments.

• Special K Red Berries for breakfast
• A Warbutons wholemeal thin with philly light and cold meat for lunch
• Chicken, edamame and avocado salad for dinner

In between, fruit. And lots of it.

It's not actually the meals which are the problem though. It's all the crap either side. If I want something, I have it. There is a constant voice in the back of my head saying, "you're pregnant, just have it. Deal with it later." I need to shut that voice up!

Tomorrow I will be 12 weeks (and have my scan on Tuesday!). I'm feeling much better and now I owe it to myself and my baby (feels so weird writing that) to be healthy and look after myself. So as of today, it's time to play the chuffing game.

Heffalumping along

I've done it - I'm back in the 13s. 13stone 2.75lbs to be exact. Sad face. And oh boy, can I feel it.

I wore a dress this week that I bought last winter. I felt SO good in that dress before. This week, every time I stood up I had to hold my tummy in in case someone asked me if I was pregnant. Not because I am pregnant, because I am piggy with a sticky out tummy that has been stuffing her piggy face.

Even though I can now actually see where I have gained weight (face, thighs and body), I'm trying my best keeping an eye on the positives.

• I don't feel sick any more! 
• I went to spinning last Friday, and today. It was hard but hey, I did it. An hour class too.
• I'm actually enjoying fruit. How good are conference pears at the moment?
• Got some balsamic beef creation in the slow cooker - v healthy and hopefully delicious.
• I'm seeing my PT next week for the first time in ages.
• I got a shit load  of dentistry for free this week. 

That all makes me sound saintly. Far from it. Today has been really healthy apart from two of those sloop waffle biscuits and about five custard creams. But that is healthy - in comparison to the last 10 days! Haha. Gotta laugh or I might cry. The weeping heffer.

Sisters are doing it for themselves

Oh my, it's been a busy busy past 10 days since my last post.

• Life at the moment (and for the foreseeable) is all about DIY. We're hauling out our 1970's pine kitchen, ripping up the terracotta tiles and knocking a bloody great hole in the wall through to the dining room. All the cupboards are now empty and I have a little makeshift kitchen in the guest bedroom - another room we have yet to decorate - hence the interesting pink and curtains! 

• I have a laundry room! The precursor to doing the kitchen is making the basement into a nice place for our new washing machine and tumble dryer. Last night the floor was laid and the washing machine is plumbed in! This excites me FAR too much. This is a quick before and almost after.

 

• Thank you cards. I still haven't finished my wedding thank you cards and this is giving me some serious anxiety. Well, maybe not serious but I am not happy with myself. Tomorrow we will have been married five months! Terrible behavior. I only need to do about another 15 and we are done. Must get the finger out. 

• I got about 5 inches whacked off my hair and not one sodding person has noticed. It's still pretty long though so really not that different. But come one - 5 inches people!  However, I am booked in for Lob (Long bob, dontcha know) in about six weeks. Oh my. 

• I have not done a jot of exercise since I blogged about that 5k which was almost two weeks ago now. The reason for this is that I have been feeling pretty sicky still - and tired! BUT  - I am booked into spinning tomorrow with my one friend I have made in the town. I am most definitely not gonna go hell for leather but I gotta do something as I am soon going to turn into a piggy.

• I'm 10 weeks pregnant today. Whooppeee! I've got this (American) app which tells you what size the baby is each week. Today, we're on prune - a 1.5 inch long prune! Little Prunella! I cannot wait until we have our 12 weeks scan and I can tell people. We were at a wedding at the weekend and once again I had to pretend to be drinking. Not easy! And I feel like I am lying to people. I met a good friend for lunch who is pregnant and I can't talk about what is really going on with me! Just last night two friends invited us out for dinner and drinks next weekend. Noooo - I can't go through another night having to pretend I'm drinking when I'm not. TB's parents suggested saying I am on antibiotics. HA! Do they not realise I might as well take out a full page ad in the local paper.

Five and three

So the healthy eating isn't going too well.

Same old, really. I start the day with good intentions but by dinner time those intentions are long gone.

I'm feeling so much better than I was but still quite sicky and so I'm still looking for more comforting foods. Fruit and veg are not those foods. And then there is habit. It's so easy to get out of the habit of eating healthily. Scarily easy. A 'normal' breakfast for me is two eggs scrambled, maybe with some ham or spinach. Now, I'm automatically having a slice of toast too. Four months ago, that would have been unheard of.

We've also had a few weekends at home (bliss) for the first time in months and that has resulted in cosy nights watching a film, with some treats. Slippery slope. Very.

Exercise wise - things are a little better. I went for a 5k run on Thursday which I did in just over 33 mins. That is slooo-oow for me. I found it tough though and had to walk a few times for 30 seconds. I was pleased I did it though. TB has been fancying going out for a run and so on Saturday I took him on my usual 5k route.

I had to admit, I was really annoyed he found it quite easy. We went at my pace which he was holding back on as he wanted to take a longer stride. We did it in just over 32 mins (better!) but I reckon he could do it faster than that. Which is bloody annoying. He's never run before and now he's talking about going out on his own - and he's better than me! Running was my thing and I was the best at it (cause he didn't actually do it!) and now he's taken over! Why did he not come out with me when I wasn't pregnant and fitter? Grrrrrr.

I do have to remember though, I am pregnant and it is affecting me, whether I like it or not. I really pushed at the end of our run together and it was tough. Like going back to the start again! What is giving me some smug satisfaction though, is the fact TB's legs are killing him yesterday and today! Haha! Watching him getting up and down from sitting on the couch is highly amusing - especially when I feel fine!

On Thursday I weighed in at 12stone 13.5lbs. I'm teetering dangerously close to those bloody 13's but on the positive side, since I've been up the proverbial I have actually only put on about 3lbs. Considering how much I've been eating, it's not that bad!

To try and keep me on the straight and narrow for as long as possible. here is my plan... Five portions of fruit and veg and day, three workouts a week. Any idiot can do that!

This week I've done two 5ks and tomorrow I'm going to do a weights session - my first in three weeks. Ugh. I'm still feeling super hungry but that might be because I am used to eating more over these past few weeks, rather than anything else. Today I've really made an effort though.

B: porridge & half a banana
L: Homemade tha red curry and lentil soup. Half a ham & avo sarnie. 
S: Smoothie with coconut milk, mango, nectarine, banana & maca powder. Two clementines
D: (Will be) Morrocan turkey meatballs & cous cous, broccoli

There's about seven portions in there.

It's not a water tight plan but if it means I'm more likey to reach for a piece of fruit than a slice of toast - wonderful.

Some night last night

So there you have it - I've got one in the oven. Wheeeee!

We have been really lucky that things have happened so quickly for us and I'm still in a state of shock. Well, I was in a state of shock as apart from the two lines on the test telling me it was so, I've been feeling great.

What is all this tiredness and morning sickness people have been banging on about, I thought to myself. Until about a week ago. And then I ate my words.

For the past seven days I've felt like I've had a stinking hangover. It comes in waves but there is queasiness that is never far away and oh my god, my head. I've never really been one for sore heads but I have had thumping headache several times every single day. On Thursday I met a friend for lunch, got on the train home and when I got in, mid afternoon, I had to have a sleep for an hour. Ha! I have become so pathetic. And as for exercising.... you have got to be joking. I can barely go up the stairs without being out of breath and wanting to puke.

I saw my PT on Friday and I had to tell him, as I had to stop all time to compose myself and 'breathe' away the queasiness.

Safe to say I am not happy about this. I want to be out running. I want to be nipping up the stairs at home without feeling like a geriatric.

And the eating. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I feel hungry ALL THE TIME and when I feel sicky, eating helps. So guess what, I am chowing down BIG STYLE. There is no reason for me to look preggo yet but my chubby tummy certainly doesn't agree.

Last weigh day I was 12stone 11.75lbs. I am quite confident I'm going to be seeing the 13s come this week's weigh day on Thursday. Yes, that's partly my new, massive jugs but the rest of that is chub, not baby.

Now, yes - there will be people who will be thinking "you are pregnant, now is not the time to worry about your weight." WRONG.

This is most definitely the time to worry about my weight. Healthy me = healthy baby. I'm not saying I'm planning to lose weight but I need to get a grip on things. I am eating WAY too much. Fish supper for tea on Saturday, crumpets and jam for an afternoon snack, butter on my toast with scrambled eggs - and black pudding! I need to get back to healthy eating and some sort of control on my portions. I.e. I just met a friend for lunch at Pizza Express. I got a small pizza and a portion of dough balls. Eh? Dough balls? Since when?!

I've signed up for another 10 sessions with my PT so that will help to keep me moving and hopefully this yucky feeling will go soon and I can get back to making better choices.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Positive

We did it four times.

The first was just before we went to a barbecue. The second was about a week later and we were going to a wedding. The third another week later and was before we went to my nephew’s first birthday party, then straight onto a ceilidh. All very much with the “you never know” mindset. The fourth and final time was two days later after I had dug the third attempt out the bin, held it up to the light and peered intently at the window.

Was there something there, if I really screwed up my eyes, that I hadn’t seen before?

TB came home for lunch a few hours later by which time I was bursting for the toilet.  He barely made it in the front door before I launched myself at him.

“We’re trying another one”, I told him.

“Okay, but just don’t get your hopes up.”

Minutes later we were standing in the kitchen as the line got darker and darker, him grinning, me jumping up and down, dancing around.

“I can’t believe it”, I kept saying over and over again.

“We’re going to have a baby”.

Yes, the words I have longed and imagined typing and have worried about ever getting the chance to do so are about to leave my fingers. I’m pregnant! I am still in major disbelief. If my boobs hadn’t doubled in size and were causing me some amount of grief, I would think it was all a dream.  

It is still very early days. As of today I am only seven weeks. Really I shouldn’t be sharing this at this stage but I feel like by not telling, I am lying! This blog is all about my feelings and body image – two things that I really REALLY want and need to talk about so I can’t not reveal that this LoveCat is having a Lovekitten.

Weigh in

I was just about to launch into a ‘normal’ post when I realised I haven’t filled you in on last week’s weigh in. There is a reason for that though.

Two and a half pounds on. That’s the reason right there. Oh dear. So that means I weighed in at 12stone 13.75lbs. I have no excuse, I ate far too much of the wrong things.  So that was Thursday morning. Since then I have been to London and addressed it by eating more cake than is humanly possible. Oh, and there were churros and other delightful eats such as real butter on my toast which I had with scrambled egg. In addition to that there were some dirty eats – two mini pork pies if you please!

Can I even begin to pretend that any of this was countered by the massive amounts of walking I did or the 5k I ran on Monday. Things are not good people and they seemed to get 100 times worse when last night I put on a pair of my comfy jeans that were in the ‘too big’ pile. They were seriously snug around the thighs  and are now in the ‘fits again’ pile.  Woe WOE WOE. I am not very happy about this at all.

I’ve not been feeling too great over the past few days so I feel like I’ve been eating my way out of that and the swim I planned last night was swapped for a night on the couch and early to bed.  It’ really worrying me though. Where will it all end? When will it all end? I’m giving a lot of thought to this and while I don’t have anything resembling a plan, I do have thoughts I’m gonna share very soon.

First of all I need to get a grip on reality. Since I got home on Sunday night I feel like I have continued to eat WAY too much but it actually isn’t that bad. Yesterday was:

B: Fruit & Fibre

S: 2x Clementine, nakd bar

L: 365 risotto pot and cold meat

S: Banana and peanut butter

D: Healthy leek carbonara made with Philly Light

Yeah, my breakfast and dinner portions were bigger than they should be but overall, really not that bad. Today has been:

B: Special K Red Berries

S: Oreo cookie, 2 x Clementine

L: Carbonara left overs, Raspberries

S: Banana and peanut butter

D: At TB’S folks

If I can just rein in the portions and the peanut butter – they would be two pretty amazing days. I’ve been really sporadic when it comes to exercise as I’ve been away and generally my usual weekly routine has been out of whack. I’m weighing tomorrow and I fully expect to be in the 13 stone bracket. Ugh. I’ve then got a full week to try and bring it back down. I’m only able to fit in three workouts (PT,  run and swim) but three is better than none, right.

Weigh in

Weigh day was Friday and I put half a pound on so I'm back to 12stone 10.25lbs. What’s half a pound and to be honest, I’m not that worried about it. I've been feeling quite bloated so it that could account for it, or it could be the weights sessions.

Since last weigh in, I've seen my PT and been to the gym twice. Both times at the gym I upped my weights so I’m mostly using 20kg for split squats, bench presses and dumbbell step ups. So while I’m feeling a bit frumpy round the body, I am feeling good limb wise – if you know what I mean.

The weekend though, was not good food wise. It's all gone a bit downhill, including my frame of mind. I was at a hen do and while I kept the boozing under control, I went to town on the eating. One of the bridesmaids had made the most delicious caramel shortbread and… well, you can guess the rest. I ate far too much of that, and everything else. And this has kinda continued since I got home.

TB is away on a training course and so I've got carte blanche to eat what I like for tea. I took a healthy left over curry out the freezer for tea last night and ended up ignoring it and making crepes. One savoury with cheese and pesto, two sweet with LOADS of syrup. Oh dear. And THEN I made up some coconut butter icing. Double oh dear. Oh dear.

Today I’ve had:

Fruit and Fibre for brekkie

A French fancy

Homemade soup, ricecakes with lf homous and chicken for lunch

Some maltesers

I’m planning to have the curry for dinner but I have to nip into the supermarket to get more cat litter (broken back leg cat still has three weeks of incarceration in his box to go. We’re all most definitely over it) and that is where impulse purchases could get the better of me. The fact I am already thinking it could get the better of me is not good. 

Times they are a changing

Another super busy weekend but one that was good fun and dieting wise, could have been a lot worse.

Friday night was a healthy night at my folk's and in bed for 11pm. Lovely. Saturday morning Mum and I baked side by side as we prepared for my nephew's first birthday party. I made cheese straws and caramel pie. The pie might look the biz but it was the cheese straws that got the rave reviews.

At the party I ate quite well from the buffet (i.e. healthily) but then I did have a small slice of the pie and a small meringue with cream. Not great at all. However, I ate was nothing else after that until 9pm when I had some stovies at the ceilidh we were at (could I be any more Scottish?).

Sunday was a pretty lazy day as we were both pretty hungover but we did manage to clear a load of boxes from our front room and took them to the tip, and we finally hung a gorgeous piece of artwork we got as a wedding present.

TB loves a subway when he's feeling worse for wear but while he got in about a foot long number I had some soup with some brown bread and cold meat. I also made a delicious, healthy, thai noodle bowl for dinner. In your face takeway. Yeah, sure there was a little bit of chocolate consumption too but I also made banana ice cream  - from nowt but.... bananas!

The upshot of all this is that there is a much more positive frame of mind in action here. This has carried me into the week with a swift kick up the arse. There was a PT session and also the healthiest, most moderate day I can remember in a long LONG time. 

Weigh in

After yesterday's epic post, I'm gonna keep this short and sweet.

• Total After Eight consumption last night was around 8. I ate them and I didn't even really want them. 
• This morning the scales read 12stone 9.75. Interesting! I cannot tell you how pleased I was to see a 9 after the 12 stone. I know it's only a quarter of a pound/three quarters of a pound (who the hell knows) less that last week but there is something about a 9 that, to me, seems WAY less than a 10. I feel like I'm so much closer to getting back to 12 stone. And it's a loss - two weeks in a row.
• I've been to the gym today and generally felt pretty god damn positive. So positive in fact, this happened.

 

• My goal for next week is to lose a pound. I want to see 12 stone 8something. I feel the teeny tiniest glimmer of excitement thinking about that. 
• I think lovely Zanna summed it up perfectly in her comment when she said "keep on trying and eventually the penny will drop, the peg will fit in the hole or whatever and you'll be off screaming like a banshee!".

I decide

I don't need to preface this blog with the information that I'm struggling, do I?

Well, I suppose I just have.

The thing is, I've not exactly lost the plot. It's more that the narrative has become confused.

I'm making healthy meals, I'm exercising regularly. That's good. In fact, that's great. It's more that a lot of people do. But I'm also eating a chocolate bar (or three) every other day. I'm snacking on crackers and cold meat before I eat said healthy meal. I'm eating four mini doughnuts that someone has brought into the office.

I'm weighing myself tomorrow morning and I have to face the reality that I'm probably going to have edged up the way. I'm in serious danger of getting back into the 13s. Actually typing that out loud has make my stomach turn. I've been 'getting away' with burying my head in the sand but sooner or later it's going to catch up with me.

My mum and I talk about our diets ALL THE TIME. It might sound boring/obsessive/sad to everyone else but we are each other's support system and it must be working in some (pear) shape or form as we are both a lot thinner than we used to be. We're both stones lighter. I am fully supporting her as she loses pound after pound for eight weeks solid. She has backed off trying to cajole me at the moment as she knows I do not want to be nagged and that I'm not in the right headspace just now.

Last night I was back at the folk's for the night and I know, boy do I know, that I need to do something about it - and so we started talking. Mum was coming up with all sort of suggestions - things that will kick that kick up the bum to get going again. Signing up for a race, joining a slimming club (purely for weigh in purposes), asking a friend to do a weekly weigh in - were all put forward. I don't want to do any of those things. They do not even give me a glimmer of... I don't know what, excitement, motivation?

When I get going, and I've got going many times over the years, its come from me. It comes from within. I do it because I have decided. Yes, there are things along the way (personal trainers for example) but those things don't just make it happen. A person trainer worked for me because I put the hard work in. They suggested a routine - I did it and more. I said I was going to run a 10k before the wedding. I did that because I said I was going to. I decide.

I need to find it within me to decide again. I know I've got it in me. Of course I bloody do. I am the freaking master of deciding and more importantly getting it done. You want something done - you ask me. I've got pretty high standards and I expect a lot - and that goes for me too. Stop moaning - get your head down and get the fuck on with it. You don't like something? Then change it - it's up to you. If you've not done it by now that's probably because it's hard. Of course it's hard - that's life.

I feel part of my stumbling block this time around is because in spite of feeling a bit out of control, I feel pretty good about myself. If I was to be this size for the rest of my life, I can think of much worse things. I need to focus on the control thing, as that's what really bothering me. I'm constantly on the back foot at the moment. Reacting. Do not like. I am also constantly hungry and who likes that?!

If you've made it this far - congratulations! I didn't mean for this to be such a lengthy post and now I don't really know where I'm going with it. I've talked about what I want to do, what I'm capable of but how does that intertwine with reality? Facts, I suppose....

Yesterday turned out to be a very good dieting day, under the watchful eye of my mother and today has the potential to be even better. I'm on the train on the way home from various meetings. I'm going to stop off at the supermarket on the way home to grab something for dinner. I'll then have half an hour at home before TB gets in. That is a very dangerous 30 minutes; there's an open box of After 8s hidden at the back of one of the cupboards.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Weigh in

I think I might have lost half a pound.

I got up at 6.50am and weighed myself. 12stone 11lbs. No change from last week. A few texts back and forth with my PT and we decided to postpone until today as it was pissing it down. I went back to bed for an hour and a half (why the hell not?) and weighed myself when I got up again. 12 stone 10lbs. A loss of a pound.

Hmmm. Okay, so it's a bit all over the place but this is what I am taking from it. I had a terrible weekend. I didn't binge but I made quite a few bad choices. Other than that, I had a pretty good week (let's not talk about the nutella) and worked out 4 times.

• PT session
• 5k run
• 8k run
• 5k run

The upshot of all this is that I pretty much stayed the same - and I think that's deserved.

So what's the plan for this week... Well, yesterday I didn't do ANY exercise at all. That's the first Thursday in a long time that's happened - I did have a really good food day though. It was chucking it down again this morning and so I put my PT off, again. I'm just over working out in the rain. This all sounds like I've given up BUT... I have just been to the gym had a really good workout.

As soon as I exercise, I feel so much more motivated and good about myself. Why do I never remember this?

I've been looking through our wedding photos as I put them up on FB last night and oh lordy, I look so thin! My sensible head is telling me I really don't look much different to those pics. If I could just get my act together I could be back there. I almost wrote 'easily'. I could easily be back there. That's not going to happen. It's not going to be easy. But if I get in the groove - and oh boy, can I groove - then why can't it happen? 11lbs is not Mount Everest.

Right, where are my crampons.

Every day is a new day.

That's my mantra right now. Every day is a new day.

My last post was pretty negative and while everything in it was true, I didn't like reading it back as I don't like vibe it was giving off. I am an extremely intolerant person, with high standards and sympathy for only those that really deserve it. That makes me sound pretty harsh! That's it in a very black and white way. However, I am also incredibly positive - and there are other nice things about me. Well, one or two. If you look really hard! Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that things diet-wise are not going my way right now, but I need to keep my chin(s) up and keep on keeping on. Every day is a new day.

So last week went down like this. Thursday and Friday were good days. I ate pretty well, worked out with my PT and had my best 5k run in about 6 weeks. Good work. After that though, it kinda went downhill. I was away for the weekend and quite simply, I made bad choices. It also didn't help that I was running a cooking activity, making fried haggis balls (with a mustard cream sauce) all weekend. Many of which made their way into my gob.

Monday, was another new day. And as days went it was pretty bloody good. Healthy food all round and I ran 5 miles without stopping - in 50mins. That's the first time I've done that in months. And I felt great. The only misdemeanour was the three heavily loaded teaspoons of nutella. Whoops.

Yeah, we have a nutella situation. Correction, we had a nutella situation. The jar, which was opened last week, has been consistently calling my name, tempting me with the suggestion of a heaped teaspoon or four, every day. And like a sugar crazed chubster, I have obliged. Well, last night I scraped that bad boy clean - nutella be gone (albeit down my throat) and then went on a 5.5km run. Gotta take the ying with the yang.

Today's plan is fruit and fibre for brekkie, leftover moroccan chicken for lunch, beef thai green noodle bowl for dinner and snacks of fruit, yogurt and half a nakd bar.

I shall be weighing in tomorrow. Who knows how the hell that will go.

Weigh in

Big breath. Or maybe it's more of a sigh. Yeah, I think it's a sigh.

Before you read any further, I should reveal I'm not in a positive frame of mind right now. The slinkiest of our two young boys is currently at the vets with a broken back leg. We came home from work last night to find him like that. We think he's been hit by something, probably a car. The vet's just called to say he needs to be referred to a specialist and the bill is going to be around £2000. It's that or amputation. At just over a year old, amputation doesn't seem fair. Before you ask if we've got insurance, don't.

I don't want to say any more about than that for now.

What I really need to talk about is my weight. I don't want to talk about it, hence the lack of posts,  but I know I need to get my shit together. Here's where things are at. I'm 11lbs heavier than I was on my wedding day. It's gone like this.

Wedding:                        11stone 13.75
Home from honeymoon:  12 stone 10.5
Pre camp:                       12 stone 5.5
Home from camp:           12stone 10.5
A week later:                  12stone 11
A week later:                  12 stone 10.75
Today:                            12 stone 11lbs

You get the gist. I'm pretty much dicking about, good style.

Once we got home from camp I really struggled to get it together for even one day before buckling and eating a whole load of whatever took my fancy. You know that feeling when you think, "Just one day. Please let me get through one day of eating the right things. That's what I need to get me started; 24 sodding hours."

Well, finally last week I managed those 24 hours. Yes! "This is it", I thought. "Here we go. Time to get into the single figures in the 12s. I am on it!" And so for the rest of the week I was feeling positive. I had a double workout on Thursday, I ran on Friday and I feel like I made good choices all week. I got on the scales this morning and there it was - a gain. Sure it was a gain on 0.25lbs, so pretty much a stay the same, but it's not what I was expecting.

I just feel so despondent about the whole thing. The thought of mustering the energy to dig deep to find some motivation is exhausting in itself. There is a whole load of ambivalence I feel about it all - and have done for weeks. And that is manifesting itself in my actions. When I was complaining to TB that I'd put on weight this week which I didn't think was fair, he then very easily listed quite a few things I'd had which weren't 'good'. A whole M&S pizza for tea, half a bag of percy pigs, a couple of creamy cocktails. Hmmm. So I'm kidding myself on. I'm not really 'doing it'.

I can't really articulate why this makes it worse, but my mum is losing weight like a demon and TB is back on his lots of small meals, healthy eating plan and will no doubt start dropping the pounds too. They are both going to slim down and I'm just fannying about here feeling pissed off with myself, but totally unmotivated.

Life moves pretty fast

I feel like I've blinked and a month has gone past.  Where is the pause button?!

I've had such a good time over the past four weeks, two of which were spent in a field with some of the most important people in my life - and it's the field where I met TB four years ago. That was our beginning. We're living our now and it's pretty bloody amazing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weigh in

I woke up on Saturday feeling thin. Well, thinner.

I had a great couple days and then Friday night was a delicious and healthy thai meal followed by rather a lot of gin. And some red wine. So I think it's safe to say I was pretty dehydrated. This meant when it came to weighing I definitely was at peak lightness and I was highly confident of some sort of a loss.

I got on the scales. 12 stone 4.75lbs. Well my goodness - 2.5lbs off! Bloody hell! I have been working hard so I feel a loss is deserved but that is better than I could have hoped for. Numbers aside (as they can't really be trusted) I am definitely feeling thinner in my clothes. I had my usual jeans on on Saturday and I can feel a difference, without a doubt. Yippeee!

So it's onwards for another five days until my final weigh before we go away.

Current Weight: 12 stone 4.75lbs
Loss: 2.5
Total loss: 5.5lbs

Protein Ice Cream Bites

It's been months since I did a double dunt. Two workouts in one day used to be a normal Thursday for me and yesterday,  the power of two was realised once more.

I was down at the football pitch at 7am raring to go with my personal trainer (with a green smoothie I made him - what a kiss-ass) and we had an hour of press ups, jumping squats, split squats, jumping jack, hill climbers and the like interspersed with running. It was a flipping glorious morning and so I was feeling pretty boyant by the time it was 8am and it was home time.

Then at 12.25, after a lunch of one egg and extra egg white omelette with pesto tuna, I biked along the gym and cracked out a spinning class. After that I cycled to the supermarket, bought way more than I could fit in my bag and wobbled home on my two weeks with brown rolls and diluting juice threatening to fall out my bag.

In between this, as well as working (oh lordy I have a lot on just now) I made some delicious protein coconut banana ice-cream bites.

In the food processor I blasted some coconut milk, frozen banana, vanilla protein powder and a little squeeze of nagave nectar. I then just poured the mix into an icecube tray and popped it in the freezer. Now I have delicious ice cream bites ready for muching on. Yum!

What the actual...

Yesterday was a great day food wise.

• Fruit and Fibre for brekkie
• Snacks of fruit (nectarine, two tiny plums, banana with a tablespoon of peanut butter)
• Egg white omelette with aubergine and pesto tuna for lunch
• Snack of 2 breadsticks dunked in some low fat chickpea dip thingy and a slice of ham
• Sweet potato with my own low fat chilli for dinner

How good is that? I shall tell you how good - amazing. Flipping amazing. After dinner, TB had to dive off for the night (cycling 50km in the process!). The minute he left I went to the cupboard, got out a large bar of chocolate and ate the whole lot in one go. About an hour later I ate a slice of bread with butter and jam.

WTF? WHAT?  What is wrong with me? I am wearing my fitbit like my life depends on it - even taking it to the bathroom with me in the morning on my way to have a shower so I don't miss a step (little bit OCD) - and then I mindlessly shove a load of crap in my face. I am so annoyed with myself. Why am I being such an  bloody idiot. 

PS) last entry I talked about holding the plank for 3 seconds. That should have been 30. You must have wondered what the hell I was moaning about. Haha! Oooh, 3 seconds - it just never seems to end!

Weigh in

So Saturday rolled around and after three days of quite frankly, kicking arse, it was scale time.

12 stone 7.25 - a loss of 2.75lbs, athankyouverymuch. I'm really chuffed with that. I suspect my weight three days previous had been badly affected by the junk I ate in the few days before and so it wasn't a 'real' weight, but whatever - I am just happy to be half a stone away from ww, rather than 10lbs. 10lbs seems like a huge jump up.

Saturday was quite a lazy day despite picking 7kg of strawberries which I then turned into 45 jars of jam on Sunday. Four years ago I decided to take on the family jam making as my Granny who used to do it (and marmalade) died about six years ago. It's kind of in her honour and who doesn't love homemade jam.

On Sunday we also decided to for a cycle and some lunch. We live right on the coast and decided to cycle to a beach side diner 10 miles away - up a massive bloody hill. 20 miles, and lunch later we made it to the next town and jumped on the train home. I was actually really pleased we ended up doing a longer route as I felt like I picked at bread, a packet of crisps and chocolate on Saturday night. So at least some extra calories were burned off.

Yesterday I did my new gym programme in the back garden and then nipped out for half an hour of interval training (2 mins slow running/2 mins fast). The gym stuff is all weights. We're talking dumbbell step ups, lunges while holding a weight above your head, single arm rows, and the dreaded plank. My elbows are ruined from mat and grass burns as I try and hold a side plank for 3 seconds, rotate into a normal plank - and then into the other side plank.

When I headed out for my run I was dreading it. Since just before the wedding I feel like I've not really been able to get into a routine - it's just the way life has been. This has meant the time between runs has been all over the shop and so it seems like a massive deal when I am going to go for one and I think it
it's going to be painful as I struggle round my route.

Yesterday I just got on with it. What else are you gonna do? The first few minutes where not enjoyable. But the longer I ran, the stronger I felt. My route took my to the bike shop (did I mention I got a puncture a mile from home on Sunday?) and by the time I had cycled back home, I felt like I could take on the world. I wish I could bottle that feeling.

Then last night I delved into my new baking book; from the Hummingbird Bakery. I can bake a bloody delicious cake but I almost always use the same sponge recipe so I've set myself the challenge of baking every recipe from this book. First up, Banana Boston Cream Cake. I had to make a custard from scratch for the filling, which was a first for me - but it turned out beautifully. I think my edging needs to be tidied up a bit but that's not going to affect the taste!

I can't lie, I did lick at the ganache and there was a tiny bit of cake stuck to the bottom of the tin, that I may have smothered in ganache and scarfed. Oops. I've brought the whole entire cake into the office though - where it shall be devoured by hungry workers.

 

Current Weight: 12 stone 7.25lbs
Loss: 2.75
Total loss: 3.5lbs

Weigh in

WOLF! WOLF!

You've guessed it my three days of being fantastic food wise did not happen. I won't bore you with the details and excuses (much of which involved cream and meringue). I will however, bore you with my new plan. I'm actually laughing when I type 'new plan'. There is sweet fanny adams that is new about it. It's a plan though and without a plan, I am nothing.

I know it seems like I am on repeat here but if I don't keep trying, then I'll never succeed. And I bloody love to succeed.

Here is the skinny (no flipping pun intended). I go away for two weeks, two weeks on Saturday. I weighed myself yesterday morning with intent of having three STONKING days and weighing myself again on Saturday. I know, not like me to have such a small weigh in window but it's happening people. I will then have two full weeks until I go. If I had waited until Saturday I know I would have continued to mess around and kid myself on.

So I weighed and as expected the numbers were far from good. 12 stone 10lbs. A quarter of a pound more and I would be back to my post honeymoon weight. WTF? For god sake. What a waste of a month. I am annoyed at myself. Really annoyed. It's done though and time to look forward.

Yesterday was an excellent food day. Green smoothie for breakfast, tuna salad for lunch, aubergine and chicken one pot meal with bulgar wheat for tea.  Snacks were cold meat, a peanut butter protein ball I made (more on that later) and fruit. I also played racket ball for an hour - which helped me totally smash my step count.

Yeah, that's right - I said step count. Did I not mention I got a fit bit? I'm surprised as I have been boring everyone else with it! Yup, I decided to go ahead and get myself one of these super duper pedometers. I love a stat and pouring over graphs that compare my step count/distance covered and calories burned gives me quite the thrill! I also wanted to get it as it feels like I do a LOT of walking when I go to camp. I'm talking about four miles on a quiet day. So, I thought I'd get it before then so I've got some 'normal' data to compare it to. Let me know if you have one and want to be on each others' friends list!

Right, I better scoot. I'm cycling along to spinning at the gym.

Current Weight: 12 stone 10lbs

Weigh in

Okay. It's time to fess up. I'm not really doing very well with the whole diet and exercise thing. I just can't seem to get a grip, a really firm grip of things. Motivation is not high.

I give myself a talking to and I am resolute that THIS IS IT. No more faffing about. No more half arsed attempts. That lasts as long as it takes for the next tempting thing to come along and glance in my direction.

I managed to scrape a lost of a quarter of a pound on Thursday. That really is pathetic and based on the weekend's takeaway pizza and Chinese on Saturday and Sunday night respectively, I'm not holding out much hope for a loss this week. In my defence the takeaways have occurred through social situations which have been beyond my control. What is in my control though, is not sneakily eating a meringue nest, extra forkfuls of creamy pasta and ditching a run because it looks a bit wet outside.

I've got two and a half weeks before I go away for two weeks. This was the deadline I gave myself to get back to wedding weight. I'm not aiming for ww though. All I am aiming, right now, is three fantastic days of clean eating and exercise so that when I do stand on the scales on Thursday morning it's not with a total sense of dread.

Current Weight: 12 stone 7.25lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.25lbs

Mind over matter

What a whirlwind the past five days have been. Bonk-ERZ.

• My work thing on Thursday was a total hit and I got the best results I have EVER had. That's right - EVER. I was pretty bloody chuffed with myself, I can tell you. The only downfall was the food on offer was pretty much incredibly unhealthy but I was so flippin hungry that I had no choice but eat it. Hmmm. I then got stuck into some chocs on the train home that a friend gave me for helping them out with a project.

• Friday morning I saw my PT and had a really good workout. Sometimes he makes me hold on to TRX straps and do one legged squats. When I first did them I could hardly do them on my right leg. Now - I am the Queen of them. That felt good.

• I bought some maca powder from a lovely health food shop on Friday which I have had in a green smoothie on Friday morning. Tasted fab but I think I need to get into the swing of it more than just once a week.

• I was at camp all weekend and was very very active. SO much walking. But my eating was questionable. I ate too much portion wise and I also made far too many cakes. And here is the rub... cakes that I made. I made some coconut and bramble cupcakes on Friday morning to take with me and I decided to make some coconut icing too. Holy crap, it was amazing. SO GOOD.  I then proceeded to scarf about five of them over the weekend. Silly girl.

• I've been in the company of a sort of ex of mine recently, and it has totally made my dreams go haywire. For some reason I've had lots of dreams about him. Not those kind of dreams. Just bonkers dreams, in which I am mostly annoyed with him. Truth is, things are a bit awkward between us but I can't see a way of resolving that. I thought we once had a lot of respect for each other but now I think that he previously fed me a load of crap and told me what he wanted me to hear. This makes me feel like I was an idiot at the time - an idiot that revealed a lot of herself. I now feel a bit exposed that he's had that insight that he doesn't deserve. I think I just need to forget about it and keep my distance as much as I can. I need my subconscious to get a grip though.

• The oldest of my pussy cats will be 12 in a few weeks and the wee monkey has been fighting. On Friday I wondered why is face was all swollen - his front right canine has broken right off! Poor wee sausage.  

• Getting back into more organised cooking. Chicken, chickpea and aubergine curry last night and a massive pot of chilli for tonight and the freezer.

• Weigh in on Thursday. Really trying to be as good as possible. I can't lie. It's not easy and I finding it hard to resist the call of any sort of food stuff of any description.

Weigh in

It's 3/4 on a pound on this morning. Rats.

I'm kinda feeling a bit zen about the scales. I've done a power of exercise this week and I am feeling good. I've definitely got a bit to go to get back to wedding weight (WW) but I am feeling a lot less bloated and so I'm really not too worried.

Also, I weighed myself at 5.40a, this morning (I'm telling ya, those few hours make a difference), last week was my first week of losing after a long haul flight and kick arse holiday, I'm pre menstrual - oh and I ate and drank too much over the weekend. Ha! There is that. Hmmm, yes... too many little treats here and there.

The challenge still rolls on though and we are now looking at 7.5 in 4. Yikes, just over half a stone in a month. Thing is, if i just make a few key tweaks here and there, it could be done.

I've got a hella busy five days coming up. Away with work tonight and at an event with work the following morning, then meeting a friend and getting home late. Friday, I've got my PT then TB and I are away this weekend at camp - which we need to plan activities for and buy all the stuff. Not sure when I will fit that in. Friday lunchtime? All of this involves a lot of eating out and eating where it's all catered for. I just need to make my mind up though. Am I doing this or am I not? I am, by the way.

I've also been looking into coconut flour, protein powder and maca powder, all things I've been meaning to try for a while but haven't quite got around to. Now is the time and I'll let you know how I get on with them, what I create with them and why I'm doing it.

Right peeps, have a kick arse Wednesday. x

Current Weight: 12 stone 7.5lbs
Weight Loss This Week: +0.75lbs

Free time shmime

I knew there was no way I'd come back from honeymoon and I would have oodles of time on my hands. I'm never going to be the person who has oodles of time my hands, and even if I did I would fill it somehow.

We had a weekend at home this weekend - a whole weekend! And it was bloody lovely - but busy. Saturday (after my first lie in since we got home from hols) we headed off the the nearest big city to check out some kitchen showrooms. That's our next big project, doing the kitchen up. That was draining. We thought we knew what we wanted and now we've gone totally off in a new direction and are possibly back to where we started! 

Then on Sunday we decided to spend half an hour planting the rhubarb we got as a wedding present. 4 hours later we were still hauling weeds out. I suppose, we've not touched the back garden since we moved in almost a year ago and it had gone somewhat wild. We then had a bbq with the in-laws and a couple of pals. All very civilised!

On the healthy living front, I can't lie. It's not been 100% There was cake on Friday  night, boiled sweets on Saturday, too much food at the bbq and then also Eaton mess (which I made!). But, and this is a big but (haha!) the exercise front is very much AWN. Yesterday especially I was kicking arse and it felt amazing and all of a sudden I am feeling much more focused. I also have my lovely new sneaks - which are green and sexy and make me want to go running even more.  On Thursday I ran 8km. On Friday I had a PT session (which was h.a.r.d) then yesterday I did my new gym resistance programme. However, it was too nice to be stuck inside a building and so I did it in the back garden with a garden chair and some paint tins. I then did 30 mins (5k) of interval training. I then ran another 2.5km miles to pick up my bike from the repair shop. I then cycled home. THEN TB and I did a 12km cycle after dinner. Holy macaroni! ON FIRE.

I also treated myself to some new flowery shoes and a dress for work which was £5 in the sale! Only once wearing said dress did I realise why it's £5; it's designed with a massive slit in the top. Eh?